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Secret 2nd wives and double lives

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  • #61
    Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

    Originally posted by Simply_Logical View Post
    so your saying it dont make a difference whether its halal or haram?
    so in reality if 'he' messed around with a women the haraam way ie adultery, it would be the same result, as in divorce?

    so in reality it would be better for the guy to do it the halal way so he doesnt get the punishment/sin of adultery,
    because either way you would divorce him, right?



    i too agree,
    im just asking the questions cause it technically halal!
    look! if he wants to commit adultery is his will and the punishment is between him and Allah. I would not made feel guilty for his mistakes. but i wouldn't sit back and be with a man that lied to me behind my back.
    “This day I have perfected your religion for you,completed My Favour upon you, and have chosen for you Islam as your religion.” [5:3]"I have created the jinns and the humans solely to worship Me."[51:56]"a woman's heart should be lost in God, that a man needs to see him in order to find her"

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    • #62
      Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

      A man has to be just and equal with his wives Allah ta ala has ordered him to do this in the Quran, having a wife in another country is not reccomended by the scolars, as they rightly point out that this compromises the wives rights, means they are left alone without a mahram, without a protector, they are denied their marital rights, denied the possiblity to have children due to those physical rights being denied. Marriage is a protection in so many ways, and a man cannot fulfil that role if he has wives in different countries, marriage is based on trust, how can you trust a man who is lying about where he is half the time, and what kind of woman would marry a man, knowing he has another wife, and only taking his word for it, that its better she doesnt know. Love for your sister what u love for yourself, its all very well while u are young, and he can go here and there, how does he propose to take care of them both when he is frail, and cannot walk far let alone travel easily. Marriages like this always cause someone to loose out, and its usually the poorest wife.
      "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

      The Prophet :saw: said:

      "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

      muslim

      Narrated 'Abdullah:

      The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


      "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

      By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

      [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

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      • #63
        Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

        Originally posted by *~ Shrinking Violet ~* View Post
        Not really sis. Despite working long hours, ur husb must get some sleep each night, yeah? Well he'd have to make up some sort of lie/excuse if he didn't return home n was spending the night with the other wife.
        Surely, on such cases, you'd ask ur husb y he hadn't come home at night (out of concern)?? You'd therefore require an answer - which would inevitably be a lie if he was keeping the second marriage a secret.
        As-Salamu Alaikum Sis,

        I hope you are doing good :). As I said, my husband worked odd hours, varying, days and nights. If my husband was gone at night, I assumed he was working; during the day, working, work related, friends, or whatever. A lot of men work odd shifts, like doctors, for instance. I was married for years and living this way, so it is very possible for a man to have a second wife and not lie about his whereabouts. I think it depends on his first wife and whether she feels the need to ask about it every day. I didn't have that need.

        As an aside, a brother of a friend of mine died recently. It was only when he died that people found out he had a second wife in another country because she was posting all over the internet about her husband dying. He would tell his wife/family that he was going on business to this other country. Well, the second wife was his business partner (that's how they met) and they were doing business transactions during their visits as well, so he wasn't lying... he was on a business trip. I'm not saying that I agree or disagree with this type of situation, I am only pointing out that these situations do exist.

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        • #64
          Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

          Secret 2nd wives and double lives

          It was the story of my life. :hidban:

          The guys always favour the second wife.

          My advice guys avoid it, so your wife doesn't end up divorcing you.

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          • #65
            Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

            Treat others as you want them to treat you, because simply what goes around comes around.
            One day he will soon get fed up with the second wife.
            His excuse: "She doesn't fulfil my needs" , before you know it he will be onto wife number 10+.


            Guys who marry for the second time in secret are insecure with their lives.
            They are guilty, as they don't want to leave kids and wife, double lives in secret- without the wife/ family knowing are cowards way out.
            Last edited by Bina20; 20-11-11, 10:49 AM. Reason: Spelling error

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            • #66
              Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

              Did anyone even mention here that a nikah kept secret is a sin and a crime according to Islamic law? You cannot keep nikah a secret, if you do, then it means that your intentions aren't pure, even for your second wife.

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              • #67
                Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

                Originally posted by Bint-Al-Islam View Post
                yep! 100% because what im doing is not haraam either. I can ask for a divorce anytime i think he wasn't being honest with me, and the fact that he has another wife and lied to me would tell me he's not being honest.
                And sueing in the western courts for materialistic gain without looking at the needs of your children/ using them as leverage, is the right thing to do?

                You know, I've been away from the forums for a while... I like the kind of threads going on nowadays. They give an idea of what sisters are really like...
                "Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes"

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                • #68
                  Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

                  Originally posted by rashidd View Post
                  and sueing in the western courts for materialistic gain without looking at the needs of your children/ using them as leverage, is the right thing to do?

                  You know, i've been away from the forums for a while... I like the kind of threads going on nowadays. they give an idea of what sisters are really like...
                  a blanket statement..... :(



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                  • #69
                    Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

                    Originally posted by noobz View Post
                    a blanket statement..... :(
                    I meant specific to the sister who posts... It gives an insight into themselves. Not sisters as a whole.

                    I thought that was understood.
                    "Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes"

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                    • #70
                      Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

                      Let me write in bold, do not feel that I am rude.

                      Zina is done hiding but lawful marriage is done by letting everyone know and only by this it is not zina but lawful marriage.
                      صلى الله على حبيبه محمد و على آله و أصحابه و سلم
                      Al-Muslimeen

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                      • #71
                        Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

                        Originally posted by RashidD View Post
                        And sueing in the western courts for materialistic gain without looking at the needs of your children/ using them as leverage, is the right thing to do?

                        You know, I've been away from the forums for a while... I like the kind of threads going on nowadays. They give an idea of what sisters are really like...
                        ^ absolutely :up:

                        in first note: i have no idea about Western materialism as is not something i adhere to. Alhamdullilah.
                        “This day I have perfected your religion for you,completed My Favour upon you, and have chosen for you Islam as your religion.” [5:3]"I have created the jinns and the humans solely to worship Me."[51:56]"a woman's heart should be lost in God, that a man needs to see him in order to find her"

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                        • #72
                          Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

                          Why would you keep a second marriage secret?

                          If you can't even inform the first wife of your intention to take a second wife then are you actually fit to handle two marriages?

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                          • #73
                            Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

                            Originally posted by Bint-Al-Islam View Post
                            if that was my husband i would simply ask for a divorce the minute i found out about the second wife.
                            i would also take the house, the cars and the kids :up:
                            Second time I heard something like this from a sister on this forum. Looks like when there is the prospect of financial gain, Islam goes out of the window.

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                            • #74
                              Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

                              Originally posted by Khalid b. Walid View Post
                              Second time I heard something like this from a sister on this forum. Looks like when there is the prospect of financial gain, Islam goes out of the window.
                              Not every sister is like that.. I can tell you on good authority many of us walked away with nothing and have struggled ever since.. with Allah SWT alone our provider.
                              .The Prophet sal Allahu alaiyhi wa sallam said, “I guarantee a house in Jannah for one who gives up arguing, even if he is in the right; and I guarantee a home in the middle of Jannah for one who abandons lying even for the sake of fun; and I guarantee a house in the highest part of Jannah for one who has good manners.”
                              http://jameelah61.wordpress.com/

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                              • #75
                                Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

                                Thanks everyone, I appreciate your comments, the brother has read thru them and they second what I told him, just tell the first one, otherwise he'll have to go Bourne everytime he's seein his second mrs.

                                Anyway, he didny tell his first wife cause he loves and doesnt want to lose her, but he'll do the right thing now, he's jus waiting for the right moment.


                                Jazakumullahu khair and may Allah have mercy on you all.
                                There is rest only in the aakhira.
                                Man will rest in the aakhira according to how hard he strives in dunya.

                                - Khaalid Ibn Al Waleed (ra) -

                                If you find yourself in a time where speech is regarded as knowledge,
                                and knowledge is regarded as deeds,
                                then you are in the worst of times, with the worst of people.

                                - Abu Hazim Al Ashja'i (ra) -

                                I saw a dog without any clothes on .
                                That's right, a nude dog.
                                The Deepweb is disgusting.
                                - Unknown -


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