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  • Secret 2nd wives and double lives

    I know someone thats got a secret 2nd wife, his first wife doesnt know, but the second sister knows about the first.

    The second sister approached him and basically stated that she wouldnt want much of his time, nor any of his money, since she can provide for herself, all she wants is his company and for him to help her with her deen.

    They used to work together and she heard alot about him and liked the way he carried himself, so wanted to make it halaal instead of being a mistress.

    So my question is this, what do you think?

    I'm not askin whether its halaal or not, since there are many opinions on this issue, what I am asking is, how do you FEEL about it?

    As a sister, would you do this?

    As a sister, how would you feel if this was your husband?
    As a brother, would you do this?
    What if someone did that to your sister?
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  • #2
    Lolz somewhat sneaky if you ask me. Allah hu alam.
    suffer me

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    • #3
      Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

      I don't understand, why would you hide it from your first wife? Unless of course you know she wouldn't like it and she would feel hurt by it. Then the question you have to ask is, why put your wife through that? Why do it?

      I really think more and more woman should put in their contract whether they wouldn't mind their husband getting a second wife.
      http://img453.imageshack.us/img453/7...0779662np7.gif

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      • #4
        Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

        IMO it's a recipe for disaster, because it's not the kind of thing you can keep secret forever. And what about the kids? Suppose they find out about their secret half siblings?

        ALso what's he telling the first wife about where he is every other night? Cause it's haram to tell lies.... and I honestly don't see how you can have a secret second wife without telling lies.
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        • #5
          Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

          Nothing short of zinaa when a man takes the extra and extreme responsibility of a second wife and equates it to a 'secret' marriage. The PROPHET PBUH never had a secret marriage and his wives were all comfortable with him marrying again even if they later weren't comfortable with his wives.

          50 lashes for these zanis.

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          • #6
            Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

            Originally posted by madara View Post
            Nothing short of zinaa when a man takes the extra and extreme responsibility of a second wife and equates it to a 'secret' marriage. The PROPHET PBUH never had a secret marriage and his wives were all comfortable with him marrying again even if they later weren't comfortable with his wives.

            50 lashes for these zanis.
            So are you saying men who secretly have another wife are committing zina?

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            • #7
              Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

              Originally posted by madara View Post
              Nothing short of zinaa when a man takes the extra and extreme responsibility of a second wife and equates it to a 'secret' marriage. The PROPHET PBUH never had a secret marriage and his wives were all comfortable with him marrying again even if they later weren't comfortable with his wives.

              50 lashes for these zanis.
              how is that zina?

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              • #8
                Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

                Originally posted by madara View Post
                Nothing short of zinaa when a man takes the extra and extreme responsibility of a second wife and equates it to a 'secret' marriage. The PROPHET PBUH never had a secret marriage and his wives were all comfortable with him marrying again even if they later weren't comfortable with his wives.

                50 lashes for these zanis.
                That makes no sense, how can it be zina if they are married.
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                • #9
                  Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

                  Originally posted by madara View Post
                  Nothing short of zinaa when a man takes the extra and extreme responsibility of a second wife and equates it to a 'secret' marriage. The PROPHET PBUH never had a secret marriage and his wives were all comfortable with him marrying again even if they later weren't comfortable with his wives.

                  50 lashes for these zanis.
                  and 80 lashes for the one who accuses a chaste woman of zinaa. Even though there are issues with the secret marriage thing, the wife involved is still chaste because she's still married, so please be a bit more careful about who you accuse of zinaa.
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                  • #10
                    Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

                    Originally posted by dhak1yya View Post
                    and 80 lashes for the one who accuses a chaste woman of zinaa. Even though there are issues with the secret marriage thing, the wife involved is still chaste because she's still married, so please be a bit more careful about who you accuse of zinaa.
                    even then, isnt it a personal issue for him not to tell his wife?

                    does islam say whether we have to tell our first wife, that we got married again?

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                    • #11
                      Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

                      Did her wali know about the first though?

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                      • #12
                        Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

                        Originally posted by Simply_Logical View Post
                        even then, isnt it a personal issue for him not to tell his wife?

                        does islam say whether we have to tell our first wife, that we got married again?
                        okay, so he doesn't tell her. How does he spend time with his second wife without lying to his first? She's never ever going to ask him where he is every other night? Well obviously she'll ask so what does he tell her. Bear in mind that it's haram to lie.

                        Also, Muhammad :saw: said "the best of you is the kindest to his wives" and having secret wives isn't being kind to either of them.

                        And thirdly, common sense. It's not possible to keep these kinds of things secret forever, and when the truth comes out, it's all going to come crashing down on his head and he'll be responsible for all the emotional damage that does to his wives and kids.

                        Oh yeah and let's not forget the punishment for a polygamous husband who isn't fair to his wives. How's he going to be able to be fair to them if one of them is a secret? I mean realistically and practically..... and without lying to his first wife about where he is either.
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                        • #13
                          Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

                          Originally posted by madara View Post
                          Nothing short of zinaa when a man takes the extra and extreme responsibility of a second wife and equates it to a 'secret' marriage. The PROPHET PBUH never had a secret marriage and his wives were all comfortable with him marrying again even if they later weren't comfortable with his wives.

                          50 lashes for these zanis.
                          It's not zina, it's just not proper etiquette. I think a good man would always tell his wife if he has another wife. If he dies and the first wife doesn't know about the second and the second shows up asking for their share of the inheritance, there are going to be some problems. I don't know why people keep it secret, but it happens.

                          That being said, I wonder why you don't have Madara as your avatar? It looks like you have Itatchi, which is okay. But when I see your username I always expect to see Madara.
                          مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

                          "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
                          It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
                          Surah al-Baqarah
                          [2:245]

                          .:.
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                          .:.
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                          • #14
                            Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

                            Originally posted by dhak1yya View Post
                            okay, so he doesn't tell her. How does he spend time with his second wife without lying to his first? She's never ever going to ask him where he is every other night? Well obviously she'll ask so what does he tell her. Bear in mind that it's haram to lie.

                            Also, Muhammad :saw: said "the best of you is the kindest to his wives" and having secret wives isn't being kind to either of them.

                            And thirdly, common sense. It's not possible to keep these kinds of things secret forever, and when the truth comes out, it's all going to come crashing down on his head and he'll be responsible for all the emotional damage that does to his wives and kids.

                            Oh yeah and let's not forget the punishment for a polygamous husband who isn't fair to his wives. How's he going to be able to be fair to them if one of them is a secret? I mean realistically and practically..... and without lying to his first wife about where he is either.
                            first of all let me clarify, i dont know how the brother would arrange the time with wifey number 2,
                            without wifey number 1 questioning him, only allah knows, maybe he is doing it in a justified manner.
                            maybe his wife doesnt ask him where hes going, what hes doing.
                            but one thing for sure it would be a mission lol

                            if hes married to both of them, he can be kind to them both regardless to if its a secret marriage or not, imo!

                            imo i dont agree with keeping it a secret cause if your gonna be man enough to marry again,
                            be man enough to tell ya wife in the first place.

                            i understand that some things in life you cant keep quiet forever!
                            you know when it comes to emotional damage yea,
                            what if a brother asks his wife can i marry again for the second time,
                            and she says no, then what about his emotional damage?
                            surely would be better to do halal then haraam right?

                            if your thinking how can it be emotional damage for a guy,
                            then we have to question why polygamy is permissible for a man in islam

                            seriously though, before i got married i didnt think about marrying again,
                            but honestly now that i've been married for about 5 years,
                            i can understand why polygamy is permissible in the deen and why a man might go and get married again,
                            dont get me wrong i dont wanna get married again, im just saying! lol
                            Last edited by Simply_Logical; 19-11-11, 10:15 PM.

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                            • #15
                              Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

                              if that was my husband i would simply ask for a divorce the minute i found out about the second wife.
                              i would also take the house, the cars and the kids :up:
                              “This day I have perfected your religion for you,completed My Favour upon you, and have chosen for you Islam as your religion.” [5:3]"I have created the jinns and the humans solely to worship Me."[51:56]"a woman's heart should be lost in God, that a man needs to see him in order to find her"

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