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  • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

    Originally posted by Sarah5 View Post
    Obviously our cultures will not be the same; cultures differ from city to city let alone country to country but there are main rooted beliefs that don't change. The history, the food (variations of the same arabic food) and the biggest one is language; if my husband only spoke english, I can easily adapt since I speak it, but he will feel left out in family meetings, especially since not all my family are english speakers. He will, in a sense, be alienated and not on purpose, but because of the differences. It would be next to impossible for him to be fully integrated into the family (and this is not a trait of Arabs, most foreign families are like this) because he will be an outcast. Again, my family alhamdulilah are friendly and will try to make him feel welcome but it's not the same.

    If I am narrow-minded in your eyes, so be it, I can't live my life in accordance to what someone else deems as a "better" view. I want my children to grow up in a particular atmosphere (yes, I know culture is not static but it's the general idea I'm talking about) and that's what I think is most homely to me. I don't want to feel as if my family are strangers to me.
    The biggest issue for you seems to be language and I already said it's something that can be learnt. People are capable of embracing other cultures and be fully accepting of it's traditions, foods, way of life etc etc. You know when you were a baby you had no idea of culture but you grew up in it and learnt it, it's possible to do this in adulthood too. You live that life and you grow into it. :up:

    Anyway, my comments were not meant to get you to live a different life, it was merely to put across a different viewpoint. That comes from being open minded

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    • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

      Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
      The biggest issue for you seems to be language and I already said it's something that can be learnt. People are capable of embracing other cultures and be fully accepting of it's traditions, foods, way of life etc etc. You know when you were a baby you had no idea of culture but you grew up in it and learnt it, it's possible to do this in adulthood too. You live that life and you grow into it. :up:

      Anyway, my comments were not meant to get you to live a different life, it was merely to put across a different viewpoint. That comes from being open minded
      I respect you view and I absolutely commend it. I think it's amazing that people are willing to marry outside their culture however, this is not something I am comfortable with. I've lived in a foreign country, I've became adapted to their humor and their thinking, but it always felt I have been living a "double" life, that there is my "outside" self and then there is my true self when I am at home.

      No it's not just about language, what good is someone who knows Arabic but has lived in America his entire life (I've made this point before)? His humor is not the same, his environment and beliefs are drastically different, I would not feel like my true self around him or his family.

      The problem is that I can't explain it well enough, you feel like a completely different person. It's not as easy as "learning the culture and going along with it", there is an innate discomfort that cannot be altered. This is human nature subhana Allah. It's easier to integrate into other cultures if you have been raised in a western society because western society is a melting pot.

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      • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

        Originally posted by Sarah5 View Post
        I respect you view and I absolutely commend it. I think it's amazing that people are willing to marry outside their culture however, this is not something I am comfortable with. I've lived in a foreign country, I've became adapted to their humor and their thinking, but it always felt I have been living a "double" life, that there is my "outside" self and then there is my true self when I am at home.

        No it's not just about language, what good is someone who knows Arabic but has lived in America his entire life (I've made this point before)? His humor is not the same, his environment and beliefs are drastically different, I would not feel like my true self around him or his family.

        The problem is that I can't explain it well enough, you feel like a completely different person. It's not as easy as "learning the culture and going along with it", there is an innate discomfort that cannot be altered. This is human nature subhana Allah. It's easier to integrate into other cultures if you have been raised in a western society because western society is a melting pot.
        For me I don't really like family gatherings and such so if I married someone from a different country/culture it wouldn't be that big of a deal. I personally want to marry an Arabic woman because they will give a good upbringing for the kids, teaching Arab way of life. Or marry a revert because I just like the idea of it.

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        • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

          Originally posted by neon View Post
          For me I don't really like family gatherings and such so if I married someone from a different country/culture it wouldn't be that big of a deal. I personally want to marry an Arabic woman because they will give a good upbringing for the kids, teaching Arab way of life. Or marry a revert because I just like the idea of it.
          I'll give you a tip about Arab women, their families will be distant towards you and may be hard to please at first but in sha' Allah, when they realize you're a good man (assuming you are), they will open up. You will also, most likely, get treated different (not in a bad way just different, like they will still offer you fruit and coffee when you visit their home but they will probably opt out of speaking with you about politics). As for family, there's no getting away from it with Arabs unless you take her out of the country haha. Even then, she will be on the phone with her mother/sister everyday!

          In sha' Allah, may Allah swt grant you a pious wife

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          • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

            Can't edit my OP so here's my opinion. Personally, I don't mind marrying a man from a different country or culture. The most important aspects are deen, akhlaq, and personality. If I feel like we are compatible in all 3, then his nationality or ethnicity is not an issue for me. The only thing that I'm worried about is moving to another country, especially if it's very far from my home country. I kept thinking what if something bad happen? I would have nowhere to go.

            [MENTION=140263]Sarah5[/MENTION] I completely understand your POV, and I don't think it's narrow-minded. It's just about feeling comfortable and being "yourself". But I'm the opposite, I always felt like an outsider even within my own culture, so I would prefer someone who's not so into culture and traditions. Just lead an Islamic way of life, that's all I want.

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            • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

              Originally posted by lonelyniqabi View Post
              Can't edit my OP so here's my opinion. Personally, I don't mind marrying a man from a different country or culture. The most important aspects are deen, akhlaq, and personality. If I feel like we are compatible in all 3, then his nationality or ethnicity is not an issue for me. The only thing that I'm worried about is moving to another country, especially if it's very far from my home country. I kept thinking what if something bad happen? I would have nowhere to go.

              [MENTION=140263]Sarah5[/MENTION] I completely understand your POV, and I don't think it's narrow-minded. It's just about feeling comfortable and being "yourself". But I'm the opposite, I always felt like an outsider even within my own culture, so I would prefer someone who's not so into culture and traditions. Just lead an Islamic way of life, that's all I want.
              Thank you :) and may Allah swt grant you a pious husband...the struggle is real sis..the struggle is real! And same! Religion is ALWAYS the priority that's why I never say "never" but it's just a preference

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              • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

                Yes , I would , but I can find no one :(

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                • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

                  Originally posted by neon View Post
                  ... I personally want to marry an Arabic woman because they will give a good upbringing for the kids, teaching Arab way of life....
                  What is this "Arab way of life" of which you speak apart and separate from a "Muslim way of life?"

                  And what is its merit/virtue?

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                  • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

                    I would but my parents won't approve.
                    I am not into love marriage (expressing love to someone before marriage ) as I don't like that idea.
                    I am a true believer that pure love comes after marriage, so I can't really go ahead and just pick someone from different country when I know my parents won't be happy.
                    I want my parents' blessing in my marriage,

                    HOwever, if I ever do see a man who is religious, well behaved, has similar views as me, and I get that "sign" from Allah, lol esp after doing Istikhara that he may be the one or would be a good husband for me, than I would tell my parents about him and pray for the best.
                    If he would truly be the one for me, then Allah would soften my parents' heart and marry that man even if he is from different country/ race.

                    Comment


                    • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

                      Originally posted by TCKMuslima View Post
                      But don't they ever ask though? About their grandparents or cousins, aunts, uncles etc. How do you deal with that?
                      Originally posted by nonameakhi View Post
                      Of course they have asked, albeit not necessarily each one

                      However my point is its not specific to ''white non muslims''. They ask the same about my my Asian so called born muslims too and that is harder to explain away

                      TBH its in all life. a non muslim teacher not covering is easier to explain than one who claims islam

                      in both cases its the same response, ie some people disobey and we need to tell them about Islam

                      My father married a woman from another country and ethnicity. My father is from the East and my mother, a revert woman from the West. Both of them grew up in their own countries and only after marriage my mother moved to the country of my father. As a daughter born from this marriage, I feel very lucky. I feel I belong to the East and to the West at the same time. My mindset, my preferences, myself is a mix of the two cultures. This union has never affected my deen, of course the more I get older the more I practice the religion, but in general, even when I was a teen, I've never had those cultural filters my peers had towards Islam. My mum's parents are christian from the West and I was just told that they have a different religion and that not all people in this world are muslim. That was enough for me. I've never seen alcohol or non halal food at my grandparents' and they have never said anything against Islam. Sometimes we even have religious conversations and that's very fine. I don't see them very often because of the distance.

                      I was taught to respect everyone, no matter the religion. Only Allah swt knows what's our destiny and only Him can judge.

                      Generalizations are bad, always. Each case, story is different. People are different. Situations are different. We can't generalize.

                      Comment


                      • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

                        I have been married to a Saudi brother who did not even speak the same language as me. He was 10 years older than me and we had came from completely different backgrounds, It was difficult having to learn Arabic. Of course I barely knew how to cook Middle eastern food, but it was the strongest marriage I ever had. From personal experience, Interracial marriages are the best.

                        Comment


                        • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

                          Originally posted by Umm Katana View Post
                          I have been married to a Saudi brother who did not even speak the same language as me. He was 10 years older than me and we had came from completely different backgrounds, It was difficult having to learn Arabic. Of course I barely knew how to cook Middle eastern food, but it was the strongest marriage I ever had. From personal experience, Interracial marriages are the best.
                          Thanks for sharing your experience! Would you mind telling which are the positive and negative sides of having an interracial marriage? Also taking into consideration the two families...

                          Comment


                          • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

                            Originally posted by Umm Katana View Post
                            I have been married to a Saudi brother who did not even speak the same language as me. He was 10 years older than me and we had came from completely different backgrounds, It was difficult having to learn Arabic. Of course I barely knew how to cook Middle eastern food, but it was the strongest marriage I ever had. From personal experience, Interracial marriages are the best.
                            MashaAllah. That's lovely to hear :)

                            Comment


                            • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

                              I want my children to be full Somali...

                              So no
                              "O you who are patient! Bear a little, just a little more remains

                              Enter your emotion and it gives you a dua!

                              Comment


                              • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

                                been there, done that

                                and it's not for everybody, you gotta pre-plan everything especially the legal aspects..
                                sigpic

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