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  • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

    Originally posted by TCKMuslima View Post
    But don't they ever ask though? About their grandparents or cousins, aunts, uncles etc. How do you deal with that?
    Of course they have asked, albeit not necessarily each one

    However my point is its not specific to ''white non muslims''. They ask the same about my my Asian so called born muslims too and that is harder to explain away

    TBH its in all life. a non muslim teacher not covering is easier to explain than one who claims islam

    in both cases its the same response, ie some people disobey and we need to tell them about Islam

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    • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

      Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
      The thing is most of these women can only cook a handful of dishes with next to zero modification over the years...ie what you get today is the exact same thing you would get 20 years from now...good or bad. It's really nothing to write home about.

      Sometimes it's better to learn to cook when you have not learnt any bad habits.
      Worst thing, in my experience, is they show this attitude whilst always wanting to be white

      Its funny how my english wife is happy to cook yet they want to be western and have sandwiches and fish and chips from the shop

      they also want to dress western and spend more time watching eastenders and such

      Comment


      • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

        Originally posted by lonelyniqabi View Post
        Would you consider a proposal from someone who live in a different country and/or race, culture, etc?

        What are some of the challenges of marrying a person from a completely different background than you?

        If you have any first-hand experiences, or know someone who has been in similar situations, please share.

        As long as they are not Arab, or people from Indo-pak.
        No one who has learned Qurān and then forgotten it except due to a sin he has committed

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        • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

          Originally posted by Sarah5 View Post
          To be honest, no.

          It has nothing to do with race or ethnicity (islam has no such boundaries) it just has to do with culture and language. Mind you, I am willing to marry from another country but I want them to be Arab (for example Egyptian, Kuwaiti, Saudi, Lebanese are all Arabs but different countries). This is because I only feel comfortable around my mother tongue and because of the main reason: I want my children growing up with the same language and beliefs as me and my future husband. I understand cultures and traditions change and that my children in sha' Allah will have their own views (obviously I don't expect to ingrain them with anything except the importance of religion) however the culture where I live differs greatly from let's say the U.S. For example: in the U.S. if someone is in trouble, you call the police and you leave the situation alone and you don't get involved (individualistic society) unlike here, where you call the police, but you absolutely get involved (if you are a man) and try to fix things (like breaking up fights, etc).

          I don't mean Arab as a race, I mean raised in the same beliefs. So if an Arab was born and raised in America, then he is only Arab by ethnicity and he has neither the language nor the culture so of course, I can't marry him (unless Allah swt wills).

          I never say "never" because I don't know what Allah swt has decreed for me, but after travelling previously and being in the west, I realized I can never fully integrate in their culture. I never felt close or real when I was speaking with my friends there because it always felt like a double life (in a weird way I can't explain it). So I can't really imagine marrying someone because I feel like they will always be a stranger.
          Very thoughtful post.

          Comment


          • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

            Originally posted by Ahmad786 View Post
            Very thoughtful post.
            Thank you, it's the truth. I hope no one takes it the wrong way

            Comment


            • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

              No. Because I wouldn't want to move so far away from my mom, or live in a country where I wouldn't know anyone and barely would even know my husband. Too risky.

              I wouldn't mind getting married to a guy in the country I live and then moving someday in the future, but that's it.

              Comment


              • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

                My aunt from South Africa married an American man she met in India and she is loving it... Well settled now in California..

                So it all depends I guess.

                You could get married and move to a diffference area in your country and be unhappy.

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                • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

                  Originally posted by Sarah5 View Post
                  To be honest, no.

                  It has nothing to do with race or ethnicity (islam has no such boundaries) it just has to do with culture and language. Mind you, I am willing to marry from another country but I want them to be Arab (for example Egyptian, Kuwaiti, Saudi, Lebanese are all Arabs but different countries). This is because I only feel comfortable around my mother tongue and because of the main reason: I want my children growing up with the same language and beliefs as me and my future husband. I understand cultures and traditions change and that my children in sha' Allah will have their own views (obviously I don't expect to ingrain them with anything except the importance of religion) however the culture where I live differs greatly from let's say the U.S. For example: in the U.S. if someone is in trouble, you call the police and you leave the situation alone and you don't get involved (individualistic society) unlike here, where you call the police, but you absolutely get involved (if you are a man) and try to fix things (like breaking up fights, etc).

                  I don't mean Arab as a race, I mean raised in the same beliefs. So if an Arab was born and raised in America, then he is only Arab by ethnicity and he has neither the language nor the culture so of course, I can't marry him (unless Allah swt wills).

                  I never say "never" because I don't know what Allah swt has decreed for me, but after travelling previously and being in the west, I realized I can never fully integrate in their culture. I never felt close or real when I was speaking with my friends there because it always felt like a double life (in a weird way I can't explain it). So I can't really imagine marrying someone because I feel like they will always be a stranger.
                  The only positive I take from your post is never say "never". A language can be learnt and in all those nations you mentioned cultures will differ. I hear it a lot about cultures but why be so closed mentally? Many elements of lots of cultures overlap anyway and where they don't you may lose one thing but gain another. Belief should be the same if you are both Muslim which I expect you would be. The only caveat I would add is to ensure the culture does not get in the way of your beliefs.

                  Maybe as a man it's easier for me to step into the unknown but still I'd love to see people with more of an open mind.

                  Comment


                  • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

                    I presume you mean different ethnicity or culture and yes, I am open to the idea as long as she agrees with me on some things that a women from my ethnicity/culture would typically agree with.

                    Comment


                    • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

                      Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
                      The only positive I take from your post is never say "never". A language can be learnt and in all those nations you mentioned cultures will differ. I hear it a lot about cultures but why be so closed mentally? Many elements of lots of cultures overlap anyway and where they don't you may lose one thing but gain another. Belief should be the same if you are both Muslim which I expect you would be. The only caveat I would add is to ensure the culture does not get in the way of your beliefs.

                      Maybe as a man it's easier for me to step into the unknown but still I'd love to see people with more of an open mind.
                      I honestly don't know why you are condemning me for having a preference. This is my personal opinion. I can't be with someone who is foreign I just can't, I can never feel "at home" with this person, they will always be a stranger to me no matter how much I love them. I can't explain it to you if you've never been in a foreign country. If you are raised in London, and you go live in Egypt or India or Japan or whatever for work or something, you will know what I mean. It's not about being "open-minded" as you claim, it's about the difference in sense of humor, difference in how talks to another, difference in what is offensive what is appropriate.

                      A good example is how sarcasm is widely accepted and even praised in western societies (america, Britain,etc) but it is not understood in Japan and it is not deemed humorous.

                      Sure I can adapt, (that's why I never say "never") but do I prefer it? Of course not, in a way it's like "being yourself". It's comforting for me. Excuse me for wanting to be comfortable around my future husband.

                      Sheesh I don't understand why it's so offensive.

                      Comment


                      • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

                        Originally posted by Sarah5 View Post
                        I honestly don't know why you are condemning me for having a preference. This is my personal opinion. I can't be with someone who is foreign I just can't, I can never feel "at home" with this person, they will always be a stranger to me no matter how much I love them. I can't explain it to you if you've never been in a foreign country. If you are raised in London, and you go live in Egypt or India or Japan or whatever for work or something, you will know what I mean. It's not about being "open-minded" as you claim, it's about the difference in sense of humor, difference in how talks to another, difference in what is offensive what is appropriate.

                        A good example is how sarcasm is widely accepted and even praised in western societies (america, Britain,etc) but it is not understood in Japan and it is not deemed humorous.

                        Sure I can adapt, (that's why I never say "never") but do I prefer it? Of course not, in a way it's like "being yourself". It's comforting for me. Excuse me for wanting to be comfortable around my future husband.

                        Sheesh I don't understand why it's so offensive.
                        I see so it's about the chemistry?

                        Comment


                        • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

                          Originally posted by Sarah5 View Post
                          I honestly don't know why you are condemning me for having a preference. This is my personal opinion. I can't be with someone who is foreign I just can't, I can never feel "at home" with this person, they will always be a stranger to me no matter how much I love them. I can't explain it to you if you've never been in a foreign country. If you are raised in London, and you go live in Egypt or India or Japan or whatever for work or something, you will know what I mean. It's not about being "open-minded" as you claim, it's about the difference in sense of humor, difference in how talks to another, difference in what is offensive what is appropriate.

                          A good example is how sarcasm is widely accepted and even praised in western societies (america, Britain,etc) but it is not understood in Japan and it is not deemed humorous.

                          Sure I can adapt, (that's why I never say "never") but do I prefer it? Of course not, in a way it's like "being yourself". It's comforting for me. Excuse me for wanting to be comfortable around my future husband.

                          Sheesh I don't understand why it's so offensive.
                          It's not offensive...I just view it as narrow minded. That's just my personal opinion, I too am allowed to have an opinion. :D

                          I've worked abroad...for very short periods so I know what you mean about it being different, but that's not the same thing. Ok so your husband shares a similar background even though he could be from a number of different nations, I'm not sure how that works but ok that's your opinion. The only commonality I see is he's an Arab and speaks the same language but so what? Like it or not you guys will still have differences. I just don't see what the big deal is. I know cultures are important but there is lots of overlap and plenty to learn and enjoy from other cultures too.

                          Comment


                          • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

                            Originally posted by neon View Post
                            I see so it's about the chemistry?
                            Basically. In Islam, women and men don't date so there is no sure way to know if they are compatible so this is why usually people marry from people they know (so like in the same city for example) because we've been basically raised the same and you will feel comfortable with that person rather than feel he is a stranger to you. For example, where I live we have different accents for different parts of the country. So I will most likely feel more comfortable with the person who has the same dialect as me, although obviously, this is in no way, shape or form a "deal breaker" but just an example to illustrate what I mean by "feeling comfortable" or "at home".

                            Obviously, both parties have to adapt and change (both partners influence one another) but I personally don't think I'd be happy with drastic changes even though I can, in sha' Allah adapt. For example, having a husband that only speaks english. I can easily accommodate (alhamdulillah my english is good) but he will always feel foreign to me and especially towards my family members (especially those who don't know english too well). He will most likely feel left out at family events so on and so forth.

                            Comment


                            • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

                              Originally posted by lonelyniqabi View Post
                              Would you consider a proposal from someone who live in a different country
                              Yes, if it's a Muslim country.

                              Originally posted by lonelyniqabi View Post
                              and/or race, culture, etc?
                              Not as my first choice.

                              Originally posted by lonelyniqabi View Post
                              What are some of the challenges of marrying a person from a completely different background than you?
                              -Culture clash
                              -Not being close to my family
                              -Not speaking my language
                              -Troubles of raising mixed children and the prejudice they will no doubt face

                              Originally posted by lonelyniqabi View Post
                              If you have any first-hand experiences, or know someone who has been in similar situations, please share.
                              Someone close to me is in an interracial marriage with kids. It works and they are very happy mashaAllah but there are many issues like the ones I listed above that can be problematic in the context of family and also in the future. Not the end of the world and it can definitely be worked through but it's not ideal.
                              And when it is said to them, "Do not cause corruption on the earth," they say, "We are but reformers." (11) Unquestionably, it is they who are the corrupters, but they perceive [it] not. (12) - Surat al-Baqarah
                              http://www.ummzakiyyah.com/polygamy_not_my_problem/

                              Comment


                              • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

                                Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
                                It's not offensive...I just view it as narrow minded. That's just my personal opinion, I too am allowed to have an opinion. :D

                                I've worked abroad...for very short periods so I know what you mean about it being different, but that's not the same thing. Ok so your husband shares a similar background even though he could be from a number of different nations, I'm not sure how that works but ok that's your opinion. The only commonality I see is he's an Arab and speaks the same language but so what? Like it or not you guys will still have differences. I just don't see what the big deal is. I know cultures are important but there is lots of overlap and plenty to learn and enjoy from other cultures too.
                                Obviously our cultures will not be the same; cultures differ from city to city let alone country to country but there are main rooted beliefs that don't change. The history, the food (variations of the same arabic food) and the biggest one is language; if my husband only spoke english, I can easily adapt since I speak it, but he will feel left out in family meetings, especially since not all my family are english speakers. He will, in a sense, be alienated and not on purpose, but because of the differences. It would be next to impossible for him to be fully integrated into the family (and this is not a trait of Arabs, most foreign families are like this) because he will be an outcast. Again, my family alhamdulilah are friendly and will try to make him feel welcome but it's not the same.

                                If I am narrow-minded in your eyes, so be it, I can't live my life in accordance to what someone else deems as a "better" view. I want my children to grow up in a particular atmosphere (yes, I know culture is not static but it's the general idea I'm talking about) and that's what I think is most homely to me. I don't want to feel as if my family are strangers to me.

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