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  • #46
    Re: Opinions - marry abroad or home?

    Originally posted by On.My.Own View Post
    Salaam members. This is my first post & thread in this forum. Have been lurking around for a while and noticed the amazing help UF community provides by discussing relevant topics. So I thought of throwing in my thoughts too -

    Originally, I come from Bangladesh. Having born there, I moved to Middle East for almost a decade, completed my schooling and university there. Then I moved to Europe and will be completing MSc soon (my defence is this week so make dua please!). By Allah's grace, I had also traveled to almost 20 EU countries, met different people and experienced different cultures. Having lived in these 3 different regions now makes me a bit too confused on the issue of marriage.

    The lifestyle that I have observed abroad is quite stark. Many Bangladeshi women I know are very modest, religious and have a good combination to be a potential spouse. On the other hand, there are many of the exact opposites. Usually in Middle East, courtesy of many family gatherings, I have seen that the conservative environment plays a significant role in the characteristics of a person. Its difficult to explain why but its just what it is. In Europe, for instance, I have met quite smart Bangaldeshi women who are outgoing and ambitious (some also have a religious side to them as well). Talking about Bangladesh, well its extremely tricky. Given our obsession to follow western lifestyle and how culture has evolved in the past years, I simply somehow cannot trust women there. I feel there are a lot of scope and opportunity for them to hide the real themselves in the wake of marriage, only later to discover that all was lie. I personally know of stories of such kind.

    My parents, however, are quite open in this case. They have always asked me if I like someone and if not, they would take the responsibility. My relatives, some suggest to marry NRBs abroad as that would suit my lifestyle and mentality. Other half suggest to marry home as its our culture, roots and women tend to be 'shongshari/sangsari' (basically a good home-maker).

    As for myself, I simply dont know which way should I go. Who do I want as a wife? - someone definitely practicing, pretty and educated - someone who I can love for the rest of my life.

    So brothers and sisters, any suggestions would be welcomed. Apologies if similar threads exist though.

    JazakAllah
    Regardless of East or West, you need to find someone adaptable enough to live away from her home country. Someone who will be ok about feeling like a foreigner in a land where they don't know the language/culture. It can be very isolating and lonely.

    I live in the ME and I know of women from back home who are struggling here cos they can't drive or don't understand the language/culture. And that is causing marriage problems.

    You seem broad mindeded and well travelled. Find someone like yourself and as the others have mentioned,,you can find women like this, in the East and West.
    https://sufisticated101.wordpress.com

    Comment


    • #47
      Re: Opinions - marry abroad or home?

      Originally posted by On.My.Own View Post
      Thing is sis, I keep changing places often. After I am done with MSc, I will most likely not be here and probably move somewhere else. My target is to work and live abroad thought it all depends on what Allah wills. So its quite difficult to say.
      Mary where you can find a Righteous wife of good character, wether that's back home or here,

      Don't have backwards mentality like some people who look down on sisters from back home,

      Remember the 2 most important aspects in choosing a wife, Deen and Akhlaq

      :jkk:
      http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

      "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

      – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

      Comment


      • #48
        Re: Opinions - marry abroad or home?

        Originally posted by On.My.Own View Post
        Walaikum Salam sis.

        Thank you for the input. As for settling down, as I have earlier mentioned, I would prefer being in Europe as its highly likely I wont go back to the Middle East and my parents dont really want me to be coming back to Bangladesh permanently. But where in Europe depends on where I get a job offer. I am looking for one atm.

        Really? I dont know much about girls in UK as I dont live nor have I studied there. All I know is that London is the capital of Sylhet. ;) But then again, dont you think the foreign-born NRBs have a very different mentality from girls back home? The surroundings always have a significant impact on a person. Problem is that I am kinda a hybrid, half of my life I lived home and half abroad. Makes it even more confusing.

        Depends on the girl and what mentality you are talking about because as I have said before there are a mixture of girls with different mind sets everywhere. It's hard to judge so many different Bengali girls because they don't come under one umbrella.

        In the UK and within the rest of Europe I am sure that you can find a muslim Bengali that has the best of both worlds. It's mainly about spreading the word and telling people what you are looking for so that they can keep an eye out for you.

        If you want her to know about Bangladeshi politics and the difference between BNP and the Awami league party, don't be surprised if they know. If you would like someone that is family orientated (which can mean different things to different male potentials and their families) then I'd like to believe many sisters put their family first because family is important. Many of these women are pursuing education and their careers in order to support their family. They know how to cook authentic Bengali dishes (including traditional snacks ) whether it is a chicken coconut dish from Kulna or a potatoe chicken curry from Beani bazaar Sylhet. They know how to multi task, these women are running the household single handed brother, more than a man can offer.

        In that respect the mentality outside of Bangladesh is not as different. She can be a great home maker but it's your expectations of a potential that can make a great difference and can effect the whole marriage search and even the marriage itself.

        I have relatives in Bangladesh that have different personalities. Some are 'western' and 'liberal', others are conservative and less outgoing. Some will be very happy to step out of Bangladesh to be 'free'.

        Although I don't know you personally and what you're like, I think you would be better off with a girl back home. The reason being is that your family members have already warned you about a few things and that has made you confused. Also, the western sisters are always seen very negatively and I think that is very unfair. Best to stick to the girls back home rather than have doubts about westerners and whether they commit sins or not and if they can look after the home or not. If you go to Bangladesh this summer then start meeting families to see what the girls are like and what they expect from marriage.

        Remember you don't want to be the man that gets used as a ticket to the West. Marry a woman who has opinions and understands what Islam says about her role.

        In the UK most girls will reject someone that doesn't have British citizenship.

        You have to be clear to families that you are not interested in anyone that has had relationships before marriage because you won't be compatible with them. That's your right, your preference just make sure you are clear about it.

        Personally I would like to avoid looking for a spouse in London, I have my reasons. Some of them expect a lot. The demands are very high because there are so many Bangladeshis people want to pick the best which is understandable because they are spoilt for choice.

        I can't comment on Bengalis that are in the Middle east but why bother coming to Europe when you are living with muslims? Why raise your children here? There are many challenges muslims are facing here and you have to know your priorities.

        All the best.
        'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

        So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

        Comment


        • #49
          Re: Opinions - marry abroad or home?

          Originally posted by LondonGal View Post
          Regardless of East or West, you need to find someone adaptable enough to live away from her home country. Someone who will be ok about feeling like a foreigner in a land where they don't know the language/culture. It can be very isolating and lonely.

          I live in the ME and I know of women from back home who are struggling here cos they can't drive or don't understand the language/culture. And that is causing marriage problems.

          You seem broad mindeded and well travelled. Find someone like yourself and as the others have mentioned,,you can find women like this, in the East and West.
          No worries about that sis. When she has me, she wont be lonely! :up:

          I think you are referring to Saudi but I was talking about UAE. But I understand your point. In sha Allah, hoping things go well!

          Comment


          • #50
            Re: Opinions - marry abroad or home?

            Originally posted by Saif-Uddin View Post
            Mary where you can find a Righteous wife of good character, wether that's back home or here,

            Don't have backwards mentality like some people who look down on sisters from back home,

            Remember the 2 most important aspects in choosing a wife, Deen and Akhlaq

            :jkk:
            Appreciate your advise bro. I certainly dont look down upon them but its just a thought that has been after me for a while. Its surely Deen that comes first for me too.

            Comment


            • #51
              Re: Opinions - marry abroad or home?

              Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
              Depends on the girl and what mentality you are talking about because as I have said before there are a mixture of girls with different mind sets everywhere. It's hard to judge so many different Bengali girls because they don't come under one umbrella.

              In the UK and within the rest of Europe I am sure that you can find a muslim Bengali that has the best of both worlds. It's mainly about spreading the word and telling people what you are looking for so that they can keep an eye out for you.

              If you want her to know about Bangladeshi politics and the difference between BNP and the Awami league party, don't be surprised if they know. If you would like someone that is family orientated (which can mean different things to different male potentials and their families) then I'd like to believe many sisters put their family first because family is important. Many of these women are pursuing education and their careers in order to support their family. They know how to cook authentic Bengali dishes (including traditional snacks ) whether it is a chicken coconut dish from Kulna or a potatoe chicken curry from Beani bazaar Sylhet. They know how to multi task, these women are running the household single handed brother, more than a man can offer.

              In that respect the mentality outside of Bangladesh is not as different. She can be a great home maker but it's your expectations of a potential that can make a great difference and can effect the whole marriage search and even the marriage itself.

              I have relatives in Bangladesh that have different personalities. Some are 'western' and 'liberal', others are conservative and less outgoing. Some will be very happy to step out of Bangladesh to be 'free'.

              Although I don't know you personally and what you're like, I think you would be better off with a girl back home. The reason being is that your family members have already warned you about a few things and that has made you confused. Also, the western sisters are always seen very negatively and I think that is very unfair. Best to stick to the girls back home rather than have doubts about westerners and whether they commit sins or not and if they can look after the home or not. If you go to Bangladesh this summer then start meeting families to see what the girls are like and what they expect from marriage.

              Remember you don't want to be the man that gets used as a ticket to the West. Marry a woman who has opinions and understands what Islam says about her role.

              In the UK most girls will reject someone that doesn't have British citizenship.

              You have to be clear to families that you are not interested in anyone that has had relationships before marriage because you won't be compatible with them. That's your right, your preference just make sure you are clear about it.

              Personally I would like to avoid looking for a spouse in London, I have my reasons. Some of them expect a lot. The demands are very high because there are so many Bangladeshis people want to pick the best which is understandable because they are spoilt for choice.

              I can't comment on Bengalis that are in the Middle east but why bother coming to Europe when you are living with muslims? Why raise your children here? There are many challenges muslims are facing here and you have to know your priorities.

              All the best.
              Thank you for the detailed reply! About the bolded part, that's also one of the reason for my concern as well. It is a very popular thing if you marry back home. "Bideshi chele to! Maa tui shukh e thakbi". . And guess what? It is challenging to actually see through that intention when you are meeting someone formally. You can probably make an idea if you gel too well with someone, else its difficult.

              Well my Middle East story is quite unfortunate. Long story short, visas are banned for Bangladeshis and so I cannot go back. When I had graduated, I received a very good job offer there, which I could not take up only due to that restriction. That ban still exists today. Shameful when such actions come from a 'muslim' country towards another 'muslim' country but that is life. I have moved on and dont intend to go back.

              There are always challenges but that is the thing about having a righteous wife. I believe she would have more influence on the upbringing of our future kids then me. I certainly would play my role too but a mother is always a mother. So that is why I want to ensure precisely that I am marrying the right women.

              Comment


              • #52
                Re: Opinions - marry abroad or home?

                Originally posted by On.My.Own View Post
                Thank you for the detailed reply! About the bolded part, that's also one of the reason for my concern as well. It is a very popular thing if you marry back home. "Bideshi chele to! Maa tui shukh e thakbi". . And guess what? It is challenging to actually see through that intention when you are meeting someone formally. You can probably make an idea if you gel too well with someone, else its difficult.

                Well my Middle East story is quite unfortunate. Long story short, visas are banned for Bangladeshis and so I cannot go back. When I had graduated, I received a very good job offer there, which I could not take up only due to that restriction. That ban still exists today. Shameful when such actions come from a 'muslim' country towards another 'muslim' country but that is life. I have moved on and dont intend to go back.

                There are always challenges but that is the thing about having a righteous wife. I believe she would have more influence on the upbringing of our future kids then me. I certainly would play my role too but a mother is always a mother. So that is why I want to ensure precisely that I am marrying the right women.
                I know where you're coming from. If I was that desperate for marriage then I would go to BD because I'd be the most wanted woman in the country lol but nah thanks, I think it is so gross for a man to want me for my passport, absolutely disgusting, why would anyone want another human being for their money or to go to another country, it's not marriage, it's like some filthy business.

                Proper mingling it like mate.

                Yeh, that's' what they say and it's hard ot say who is marrying you for your money and who isn't. Where are you from? I used to watch Bengali soaps to learn Bengali and yikes, they are 'modern' alright.

                I know about the visa issue and you can't get citizenship. It's tricky.

                It is difficult to know a person until you live with them. Do the best with finding out about them, their district back home, their relatives and then meet the family. Speak to the wali. I don't like boastful people and you will notice some people boast about their daughter/son which isn't necessary. Speak to the girl and take your time, if you are happy put your trust in Allah Make lots of dua.

                Get a job and start looking. You need to be active with your marriage search, some people are lazy and too busy daydreaming with all their expectations.

                Perfection doesn't exist in this world that's what we have to bear in mind when looking.
                'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                Comment


                • #53
                  Re: Opinions - marry abroad or home?

                  Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                  I know where you're coming from. If I was that desperate for marriage then I would go to BD because I'd be the most wanted woman in the country lol but nah thanks, I think it is so gross for a man to want me for my passport, absolutely disgusting, why would anyone want another human being for their money or to go to another country, it's not marriage, it's like some filthy business.

                  Proper mingling it like mate.

                  Yeh, that's' what they say and it's hard ot say who is marrying you for your money and who isn't. Where are you from? I used to watch Bengali soaps to learn Bengali and yikes, they are 'modern' alright.

                  I know about the visa issue and you can't get citizenship. It's tricky.

                  It is difficult to know a person until you live with them. Do the best with finding out about them, their district back home, their relatives and then meet the family. Speak to the wali. I don't like boastful people and you will notice some people boast about their daughter/son which isn't necessary. Speak to the girl and take your time, if you are happy put your trust in Allah Make lots of dua.

                  Get a job and start looking. You need to be active with your marriage search, some people are lazy and too busy daydreaming with all their expectations.

                  Perfection doesn't exist in this world that's what we have to bear in mind when looking.
                  Haha tell me about it. I dont have a foreign passport but I know tons of people who go bonkers for getting one. Marriage is a very good way to do it. And it goes both ways, for both guys and girls. It is a very popular misconception back home that if you live abroad, you have a great life and everything is golden!

                  You seem to be a full grown Brit, haha! Bengali soaps some of them are nice, not all though. I am from Dhaka. And you?

                  I agree that perfect doesnt existand neither am I looking for one. Else I think there would be no flavor in a marriage!

                  Comment


                  • #54
                    Re: Opinions - marry abroad or home?

                    Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
                    Do you really believe it's as much as in equal? I think you find dodgy everywhere but I'm not so sure those nations have reached the level of the west.
                    Do you mean quantity or quality of sin? If you are asking is there equal number of sisters/brothers committing sinful act in East vs. West, then I agree with you. It is not as common and the number has not reached west level. If you are questioning if the sinful committed in East vs. West are equal (i.e are they drinking, having free sex, cheating & disregarding all of Allah's command..etc) then I would say they are equal.

                    Comment


                    • #55
                      Re: Opinions - marry abroad or home?

                      Originally posted by On.My.Own View Post
                      Haha tell me about it. I dont have a foreign passport but I know tons of people who go bonkers for getting one. Marriage is a very good way to do it. And it goes both ways, for both guys and girls. It is a very popular misconception back home that if you live abroad, you have a great life and everything is golden!

                      You seem to be a full grown Brit, haha! Bengali soaps some of them are nice, not all though. I am from Dhaka. And you?

                      I agree that perfect doesnt existand neither am I looking for one. Else I think there would be no flavor in a marriage!
                      I agree. I like the UK, I don't take it for granted. I wouldn't live in Bangladesh. It was a nightmare when we went there for holiday and the schools are even more of a nightmare. There used to be some men that sold ice lollies (made from dodgy water which I was too young to even realise) near the school, I used to like that and the amra sticks were very nice.

                      I think it's the people that ruined it for me and the lack of safety/protection for women. It's a beautiful country with a lot of potential and the poor could have been assisted if there was some kind of structure. I wouldn't mind getting involved when it comes to drinking clean water and the problem with arsenic. I wanted to study hydrogeology but that was too difficult and I had to do some field work which isn't practical for me. It's a shame because we need good hydrogeologists in Bangladesh.

                      What are you studying? You don't have to answer this but it would be interesting to know why you chose to study abroad and what subject.

                      I was born and raised in the UK. I'm from Syhlet and I like my shutki but we have a few relatives and friends from Dhaka too. Onek baloh lageh amar - I like it a lot but I wouldn't live in Dhaka, too densely populated no trees to see just rickshaws, tempos and lorries. Yes, I suppose I am a fully grown Brit. The olden golden days are loooong gone.

                      Bengali soaps are very cheesy but I think the ones about the war are quite sad and just heart breaking. You shouldn't be watching them anyway.
                      'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                      So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                      Comment


                      • #56
                        Re: Opinions - marry abroad or home?

                        Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                        I agree. I like the UK, I don't take it for granted. I wouldn't live in Bangladesh. It was a nightmare when we went there for holiday and the schools are even more of a nightmare. There used to be some men that sold ice lollies (made from dodgy water which I was too young to even realise) near the school, I used to like that and the amra sticks were very nice.

                        I think it's the people that ruined it for me and the lack of safety/protection for women. It's a beautiful country with a lot of potential and the poor could have been assisted if there was some kind of structure. I wouldn't mind getting involved when it comes to drinking clean water and the problem with arsenic. I wanted to study hydrogeology but that was too difficult and I had to do some field work which isn't practical for me. It's a shame because we need good hydrogeologists in Bangladesh.

                        What are you studying? You don't have to answer this but it would be interesting to know why you chose to study abroad and what subject.

                        I was born and raised in the UK. I'm from Syhlet and I like my shutki but we have a few relatives and friends from Dhaka too. Onek baloh lageh amar - I like it a lot but I wouldn't live in Dhaka, too densely populated no trees to see just rickshaws, tempos and lorries. Yes, I suppose I am a fully grown Brit. The olden golden days are loooong gone.

                        Bengali soaps are very cheesy but I think the ones about the war are quite sad and just heart breaking. You shouldn't be watching them anyway.

                        Haha sweet! Looks like you miss Bangladesh a lot but dont wish to go back due to some obvious reasons. I can relate to you though as I have lived there. Many NRBs give me the same reasons for not going back too. But surely, its a beautiful country. You always feel at home, regardless of where in the world you live.

                        Hydrogeology sounds cool. Do you study that now? I did IT in Bachelors and completing Information Systems at Masters. They have better prospects abroad so that's why moved. Plus, its the same other reasons of security, career potential etc. that you gave.

                        I had been to Sylhet when I was 4 and that too only once. I remember it being greeny with lot of tea gardens. And I agree too about Dhaka. Very crowded but somehow I always feel at home. That is may be because I go for visits and dont stay permanently! As they would say in Bangla - 'Jaadur shohor Dhaka'. :D

                        I dont like soaps frankly but some Eid dramas are good. Plus, I dont receive Bengali channels here so youtube is my only mate! ;)

                        Dont you think these soaps give you sort of a well-rounded picture of how girls/guys are in Dhaka?!

                        Comment


                        • #57
                          Re: Opinions - marry abroad or home?

                          Originally posted by On.My.Own View Post
                          Haha sweet! Looks like you miss Bangladesh a lot but dont wish to go back due to some obvious reasons. I can relate to you though as I have lived there. Many NRBs give me the same reasons for not going back too. But surely, its a beautiful country. You always feel at home, regardless of where in the world you live.

                          Hydrogeology sounds cool. Do you study that now? I did IT in Bachelors and completing Information Systems at Masters. They have better prospects abroad so that's why moved. Plus, its the same other reasons of security, career potential etc. that you gave.

                          I had been to Sylhet when I was 4 and that too only once. I remember it being greeny with lot of tea gardens. And I agree too about Dhaka. Very crowded but somehow I always feel at home. That is may be because I go for visits and dont stay permanently! As they would say in Bangla - 'Jaadur shohor Dhaka'. :D

                          I dont like soaps frankly but some Eid dramas are good. Plus, I dont receive Bengali channels here so youtube is my only mate! ;)

                          Dont you think these soaps give you sort of a well-rounded picture of how girls/guys are in Dhaka?!
                          NO WAY! I don't miss Bangladesh AS IF every time I go there I get ill. It was a NIGHTMARE. IT WAS LIKE I WAS IN PRISON. I couldn't wait to come back home.

                          It didn't feel like home, England is more like home even though I might look like an immigrant lol. My parents tease me sometimes and ask me if I want to go to BD because they know I get quite mad about the mention of going back to BD because of ALL THOSE NIGHTMARES that come back to haunt me. I can't go back *panic attack

                          The black outs, the lizards, no access to food or anything

                          I.T is boring. I shouldn't have done it in College, I didn't learn anything.

                          Hydrogeology is cool indeed, it's worth studying and paying for because you will help people and make a difference to their lives. I'm not studying that. I did a module on it and it was so interesting, my plans were to study it and apply for a job in one of the gulf countries but it's not for me. It's a lot of field work. A male dominated sector.

                          You watch Bengali natoks on you tube? erm :/ I guess it reminds you of home? The natoks are so lame it makes me laugh. I don't remember the last time I watched them, I don't have time or the patience for it, I'd probably watch sidiqa's recipes instead

                          The soaps are a bad representation of girls and boys in Dhaka.
                          'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                          So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                          Comment


                          • #58
                            Re: Opinions - marry abroad or home?

                            Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                            NO WAY! I don't miss Bangladesh AS IF every time I go there I get ill. It was a NIGHTMARE. IT WAS LIKE I WAS IN PRISON. I couldn't wait to come back home.

                            It didn't feel like home, England is more like home even though I might look like an immigrant lol. My parents tease me sometimes and ask me if I want to go to BD because they know I get quite mad about the mention of going back to BD because of ALL THOSE NIGHTMARES that come back to haunt me. I can't go back *panic attack

                            The black outs, the lizards, no access to food or anything

                            I.T is boring. I shouldn't have done it in College, I didn't learn anything.

                            Hydrogeology is cool indeed, it's worth studying and paying for because you will help people and make a difference to their lives. I'm not studying that. I did a module on it and it was so interesting, my plans were to study it and apply for a job in one of the gulf countries but it's not for me. It's a lot of field work. A male dominated sector.

                            You watch Bengali natoks on you tube? erm :/ I guess it reminds you of home? The natoks are so lame it makes me laugh. I don't remember the last time I watched them, I don't have time or the patience for it, I'd probably watch sidiqa's recipes instead

                            The soaps are a bad representation of girls and boys in Dhaka.
                            Haha :there: ... Come on now Ms. Brit, its not THAT bad!

                            You did IT too? Sweet. I can then crack some nerd jokes and you will understand (hopefully!). What do you study anyway?

                            Ya well youtube only for the Eid natoks as they are pretty good usually. Plus, its fun too for a change! You should try them as well during this year's Eid.

                            Yes and I guess to a certain extent, a correct representation as well. No wonder I am so confused at times about it.

                            Comment


                            • #59
                              Re: Opinions - marry abroad or home?

                              Bangladesh isn't for me. I don't fit in, I felt suffocated. Some parts are nice but I wouldn't migrate there.

                              I don't like anything about a man that watches women on TV tbh, it's a major put off. I understand we are told that it is in the nature of some men and women to have desires and in my personal opinion my ideal potential will not be watching dramas or tv because it is a fitnah for him. He will be watching uncovered women on tv and I don't like that at all.

                              It's okay if he watches football, Islamic lectures, nature documents and shows about gadgets now and then etc. Otherwise :/ sorry to be so blunt, some may call it extreme and say it's double standards but I don't see it that way. I would like him to lower his gaze so he appreciates the more simple things in life and what he has already been blessed with.

                              The more a man sees the more he wants brother, this is what our generation is failing to recognise. This can apply to some women too. It only leads to being ungrateful towards your spouse and wanting other things.

                              Allah hu alam

                              I'm not sure about marriage I have a lot of fear about it and I am trying to change that for my own betterment. It's not healthy for me to view marriage so negatively. The potentials have a lot of expectations and I don't want enter marriage where they want me to be their Miss Universe. I am just a human. As you know Bengali parents will flip if they find out their daughter doesn't want to get married. It's understandable to be worried because you want the best for your daughter.

                              I am having a break and it is so wonderful. I'm not in a rush but the clock is ticking away and my parents are my priority.

                              I'm studying something lol I am teaching myself Arabic but that's just impossible, I have to find other ways because it will take a me A CENTURY to learn like this I studied IT in college and I don't get IT jokes. But there is this joke I will never get tired of.

                              *clears throat
                              *ahem

                              What did the carton of milk say to the OTHER carton of milk?

                              > what's up DUDE? :rotfl: I love it, I don't think I'll get tired of it. It's genius.

                              Don't be confused. As I have said before forget all that nonsense about western women not being good homemakers and getting divorced etc..... get a good job, get settled, get your citizenship and get in contact with the men in your locality and start seeking actively and then you will have a rough idea about what's out there for you.

                              You might even find a Bengali girl that has travelled to Europe for studies with similar backgrounds.

                              I will be honest. I will not consider someone in your position because you're not settled. As you can appreciate a father will not give away his daughter to anyone that hasn't established himself, the wali has full responsibility in who gives his daughter away too. He is passing on his responsibilities to you to take care of his daughter.

                              This is what some potentials have to understand before they start crying 'oh no girls are so picky, these cultural families blah blah blah' well, these families have to be very cautious about this whole marriage process, their daughters are leaving them for a complete 'stranger', it's a huge step. It helps to have some family near by.

                              Anyway, I hope it works out for you, if you want to ask me any questions then I am more than happy to answer them for you.

                              All the best!
                              'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                              So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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                              • #60
                                Re: Opinions - marry abroad or home?

                                Marry abroad ....

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                                **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

                                Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antê” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

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