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Would you marry some one abroad?

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  • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

    Yh I want to actually.

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    • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

      Originally posted by Sarah5 View Post
      To be honest, no.

      It has nothing to do with race or ethnicity (islam has no such boundaries) it just has to do with culture and language. Mind you, I am willing to marry from another country but I want them to be Arab (for example Egyptian, Kuwaiti, Saudi, Lebanese are all Arabs but different countries). This is because I only feel comfortable around my mother tongue and because of the main reason: I want my children growing up with the same language and beliefs as me and my future husband. I understand cultures and traditions change and that my children in sha' Allah will have their own views (obviously I don't expect to ingrain them with anything except the importance of religion) however the culture where I live differs greatly from let's say the U.S. For example: in the U.S. if someone is in trouble, you call the police and you leave the situation alone and you don't get involved (individualistic society) unlike here, where you call the police, but you absolutely get involved (if you are a man) and try to fix things (like breaking up fights, etc).

      I don't mean Arab as a race, I mean raised in the same beliefs. So if an Arab was born and raised in America, then he is only Arab by ethnicity and he has neither the language nor the culture so of course, I can't marry him (unless Allah swt wills).

      I never say "never" because I don't know what Allah swt has decreed for me, but after travelling previously and being in the west, I realized I can never fully integrate in their culture. I never felt close or real when I was speaking with my friends there because it always felt like a double life (in a weird way I can't explain it). So I can't really imagine marrying someone because I feel like they will always be a stranger.
      I share your sentiments exactly sister. I'm from West Africa & I only want to marry a muslim man from that region if not from my country. Africans from neighboring countries have a similar culture to mine & we are not too different. So I could marry a man from a different country as long as he is from West Africa. People accuse you of being ethnocentric or racist if you display a preference from marrying from a certain group, but that's not the case. I just want my husband & I to have a similar cultural background in addition to religion. If he is from the same ethnic group that's even better because I want to speak my native language at home. I think the marriage will be easier if we have more in common. I couldn't marry a westernized African guy either. I love all cultures but when it comes to marriage I prefer to have that similarity in culture.
      Therefore remember Me, I will remember you, And be thankful to Me, and do not be ungrateful to Me." [Qur'an 2:152]
      Behold in the Remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction."
      [Al Quran 13:28]
      ]

      Comment


      • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

        Originally posted by muslimahc View Post
        I share your sentiments exactly sister. I'm from West Africa & I only want to marry a muslim man from that region if not from my country. Africans from neighboring countries have a similar culture to mine & we are not too different. So I could marry a man from a different country as long as he is from West Africa. People accuse you of being ethnocentric or racist if you display a preference from marrying from a certain group, but that's not the case. I just want my husband & I to have a similar cultural background in addition to religion. If he is from the same ethnic group that's even better because I want to speak my native language at home. I think the marriage will be easier if we have more in common. I couldn't marry a westernized African guy either. I love all cultures but when it comes to marriage I prefer to have that similarity in culture.
        Finally someone who doesn't think I'm Hitler (astaghfiruAllah)! People keep thinking it's being "narrow-minded" but they don't understand how incredibly difficult it is to live with someone whose culture is so drastically different than yours. The humor is different, they food is different, heck even the way you greet guests is different! It's not being "racist" it's wanting to not feel like a stranger all the time. I only say this because I've lived out of my country, and don't get me wrong, it was, alhamdulillah, a great experience, but no matter what home you buy, what car you get, and what school/job you go to, you will never feel settled (at least for me) and you feel it's a temporary home. Some people can do it, and more power to them, but I personally prefer not to. If I had no option, then that is what Allah swt has decreed for me, in which case alhamdulillah, but if I had the option, I would pick a person from my region (like you said) and again, like you said, it makes marriage easier because of the similarities.

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        • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

          Originally posted by Sarah5 View Post
          Finally someone who doesn't think I'm Hitler (astaghfiruAllah)! People keep thinking it's being "narrow-minded" but they don't understand how incredibly difficult it is to live with someone whose culture is so drastically different than yours. The humor is different, they food is different, heck even the way you greet guests is different! It's not being "racist" it's wanting to not feel like a stranger all the time. I only say this because I've lived out of my country, and don't get me wrong, it was, alhamdulillah, a great experience, but no matter what home you buy, what car you get, and what school/job you go to, you will never feel settled (at least for me) and you feel it's a temporary home. Some people can do it, and more power to them, but I personally prefer not to. If I had no option, then that is what Allah swt has decreed for me, in which case alhamdulillah, but if I had the option, I would pick a person from my region (like you said) and again, like you said, it makes marriage easier because of the similarities.
          Yes, it's like feeling like your husband is a stranger. How many intercultural marriages do you now lasted till the partners are in old age? I've met so many children of mixed marriages whose parents are divorced. They will say oh my father was from X country & my mother from Y country. Father is somewhere now married to another woman from his own culture.

          The funny thing is I have a great liking for other cultures especially Arab & desi cultures, but I'm just not interested in changing my whole life to my man's culture & forget mine. I'll never feel at home & I will always be a stranger in his family no matter how much I try to assimilate. however, this depends on the person. Some people don't really care for their culture so some people don't care about maintaining their culture. It's an individual preference so people should take it easy on those who prefer someone closer to home. If you came here & said you preferred to marry from another culture you would get all sorts of praise. Be true to yourself & marry a good Arab muslim man. May Allah bless you with a muslim husband of good character.
          Last edited by muslimahc; 12-09-16, 05:45 PM.
          Therefore remember Me, I will remember you, And be thankful to Me, and do not be ungrateful to Me." [Qur'an 2:152]
          Behold in the Remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction."
          [Al Quran 13:28]
          ]

          Comment


          • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

            Originally posted by muslimahc View Post
            Yes, it's like feeling like your husband is a stranger. How many intercultural marriages do you now lasted till the partners are in old age? I've met so many children of mixed marriages whose parents are divorced. They will say oh my father was from X country & my mother from Y country. Father is somewhere now married to another woman from his own culture.

            The funny thing is I have a great liking for other cultures especially Arab & desi cultures, but I'm just not interested in changing my whole life to my man's culture & forget mine. I'll never feel at home & I will always be a stranger in his family no matter how much I try to assimilate. however, this depends on the person. Some people don't really care for their culture so some people don't care about maintaining their culture. It's an individual preference so people should take it easy on those who prefer someone closer to home. If you came here & said you preferred to marry from another culture you would get all sorts of praise. Be true to yourself & marry a good Arab muslim man. May Allah bless you with a muslim husband of good character.
            May Allah swt bless you with a good husband as well sister. You get my point 100%!!! Especially hitting the note about feeling like a stranger in your own home! And masha'Allah sister, good point about the example of mixed kids; it's prevalent here too! Or the wife lives in her own country and they are still legally married but the husband in his home country (usually this only happens when the wife is not muslim, that's the trend I've seen at least). The man may fall for the looks of a foreign woman but will later realize she can't cook the way he wants, or she doesn't make him feel like his mother (in a weird way, men like women who are like their mothers). Women tend to put up more with foreign husbands because of our patient nature but there are many who easily cannot handle it (my aunt knows of a person who got married to a french man and complained about their hygiene). The saddest part is the kids because they will automatically belong to whatever culture they were initially raised upon and so even your kids don't feel like your kids. Many times kids raised in the west are embarrassed by the traditions of a country (for example the exotic foods) or by how their mothers act (because it's way different than the foreign mothers) and that's honestly an awful feeling. Plus respecting the parents is a part of the culture here, even if one isn't religious, it's looked down upon to be selfish: it's a collective society (I'm assuming your culture is the same?) unlike individualistic societies which bring up our children upon consumerism and materialism all with the facade of "good manners" and "moral standards". Secretly they are feeding our children anti-Islamic mentalities (feminism, atheism, the strife to worldly success).

            Thank you for understanding, honestly, because it's ridiculous how people can attack upon a preference. Imagine raising kids that you have no control of or kids that feel like they are not your own. Even worse, a husband that feels like a "friend" rather than a life partner (I would feel like he's "temporary" for some reason, kind of like how people temporarily move to different countries for work, and later return to their original countries).

            Edit: I would also like to mention that I have an appreciation for all cultures and I think they are all beautiful in their own way, so I would never think my culture is "superior' it's just home.

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            • Re: Would you marry someone from a different country?

              Preferably
              يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

              O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

              Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

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              • Re: Would you marry some one abroad?

                Originally posted by Garyd
                [Removed - AA]
                Pratar du engelska?
                Last edited by Abu 'Abdullaah; 11-05-17, 05:43 PM.
                If following Aḥmad makes me a 'Wahhābī', then I declare that I am one.

                Comment


                • Re: Would you marry some one abroad?

                  Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
                  ↑I don't think that'd happen if they both have an understanding in their marriage.

                  If the guy doesn't have enough money, then obviously there's not much he can do. She should understand that.

                  He'd need 2 return tickets, as well, since she can't go alone. So, it's sort of a big deal for middle-class folks.
                  If the guys know he cant finance it why would he want to marry a sister who wants to visit her parents often....???
                  وَالْعَصْرِ

                  إِنَّ الْإِنسَانَ لَفِي خُسْرٍ

                  إِلَّا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالصَّبْرِ

                  "If Allah (swt) only sent this Surah to us, for the guidance of Mankind, this will be enough for us” - Imam Shaafi'ee r.a.

                  "Yeh dunya daar e faani hain, Tum apna dil mat lagaon, Ganimat samaj zinadagee ki bahar, aana na hoga, yahaa baar baar......"

                  Khanqah Habibiyah

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                  • Re: Would you marry some one abroad?

                    Lots of girls in my family married abroad. They come and go often alhumdollilah

                    My cousin spent 3 months with her mum in the UK when her father passed away.

                    I would probably only consider relocating to Madinah....
                    وَالْعَصْرِ

                    إِنَّ الْإِنسَانَ لَفِي خُسْرٍ

                    إِلَّا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالصَّبْرِ

                    "If Allah (swt) only sent this Surah to us, for the guidance of Mankind, this will be enough for us” - Imam Shaafi'ee r.a.

                    "Yeh dunya daar e faani hain, Tum apna dil mat lagaon, Ganimat samaj zinadagee ki bahar, aana na hoga, yahaa baar baar......"

                    Khanqah Habibiyah

                    Comment


                    • Re: Would you marry some one abroad?

                      Wa Alaykumussalam
                      Yes I would if he had good deen, character, compatibility and attraction
                      As long as he was happy with me visiting family and vice versa
                      Even though local is easy in a lot of regards, you don't know where you're gonna meet the person you're destined to spend your life with.. insha ' allah.
                      And with Him are the keys of the Ghayb (all that is hidden), none knows them but He. And He knows whatever there is in the land and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but He knows it. There is not a grain in the darkness of the earth nor anything fresh or dry, but is written in a Clear Record”
                      [al-An’aam 6:59]

                      Comment


                      • Re: Would you marry some one abroad?

                        Originally posted by Naz_Habib View Post
                        I did and I can proudly say it was the best decision that I have ever made in my life!

                        I guess it all boils down to personal preference and there is absolutely no =thing wrong with marrying "back home" so long as both of you's are happy with it
                        Thats good alhamdulilah! I think I might marry someone from back home in shaa Allah because they guys here in my community are not really practicing. My dad will also prefer for me to marry someone from back home and he tells me not to worry about the money because rizq is from Allah. I think as long as the guy has good deen and character and can atleast speak english I wouldnt mind. It would be kinda hard because we would both have culture shock but every marriage has challenges and requires work. As long as we both understand it will be difficult but try to bear patience in shaa Allah Allah will help us. He feel like the chances of me finding a suitable sudanese guy here are slim since most of the them go back home to get married. He said he would do the same because he doesnt want a women telling him what to do lol. In shaa Allah when the time comes my dad and uncles will look for me. Some Sudanese girl from the community married from back home and she seems content and happy. Another two Sudanese guys from the community married from back home and they also looks happy. May Allah bless their marriage.
                        Last edited by Rea1234; 08-05-17, 04:34 PM.

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                        • Re: Would you marry some one abroad?

                          Guessing this is more of an issue for sisters. Cause the girl would just move to where I'm at.

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                          • Re: Would you marry some one abroad?

                            General qs.. I don't get how bros don't feel awkward living in the same house with their wife and parents, if that makes sense...
                            As in, I feel very awkward at even the thought of my husband living at my house.. as in staying overnight, obviously daytime is fine and normal. I'm not being weird, was just thinking about it generally coz in a lot of situations, wife lives with inlaws and besides this, its good, and don't get me wrong.. I love my family dearly, its nothing to do with that at all, but you know.. some things would just be like ultra awkward, in certain situations. Can't really go into detail here obv, idk maybe its not that awkward for bros, the way us sisters would find it very awkward even the thought of like our husbands staying for a few nights in the same house that my parents are in.. maybe i'm overthinking it, and after marriage its normal and nor awkward, and my concerns don't stand..
                            And with Him are the keys of the Ghayb (all that is hidden), none knows them but He. And He knows whatever there is in the land and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but He knows it. There is not a grain in the darkness of the earth nor anything fresh or dry, but is written in a Clear Record”
                            [al-An’aam 6:59]

                            Comment


                            • Re: Would you marry some one abroad?

                              Originally posted by Creamcake View Post
                              General qs.. I don't get how bros don't feel awkward living in the same house with their wife and parents, if that makes sense...
                              As in, I feel very awkward at even the thought of my husband living at my house.. as in staying overnight, obviously daytime is fine and normal. I'm not being weird, was just thinking about it generally coz in a lot of situations, wife lives with inlaws and besides this, its good, and don't get me wrong.. I love my family dearly, its nothing to do with that at all, but you know.. some things would just be like ultra awkward, in certain situations. Can't really go into detail here obv, idk maybe its not that awkward for bros, the way us sisters would find it very awkward even the thought of like our husbands staying for a few nights in the same house that my parents are in.. maybe i'm overthinking it, and after marriage its normal and nor awkward, and my concerns don't stand..
                              Yea it would be weird which is why i wouldnt live with my in laws in shaa Allah we will live separate lol

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                              • Re: Would you marry some one abroad?

                                Originally posted by Creamcake View Post
                                General qs.. I don't get how bros don't feel awkward living in the same house with their wife and parents, if that makes sense...
                                As in, I feel very awkward at even the thought of my husband living at my house.. as in staying overnight, obviously daytime is fine and normal. I'm not being weird, was just thinking about it generally coz in a lot of situations, wife lives with inlaws and besides this, its good, and don't get me wrong.. I love my family dearly, its nothing to do with that at all, but you know.. some things would just be like ultra awkward, in certain situations. Can't really go into detail here obv, idk maybe its not that awkward for bros, the way us sisters would find it very awkward even the thought of like our husbands staying for a few nights in the same house that my parents are in.. maybe i'm overthinking it, and after marriage its normal and nor awkward, and my concerns don't stand..
                                Everything is awkward for me so I get what you mean haha. And it's not only just your husband and the parents, I mean what if you have heaps of siblings? So awks.

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