Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

domestic violence

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • domestic violence

    assalamu alaykum warahmatullah
    I don't exactly know where to start but like the title indicates my post is about domestic violence.
    I've been married for about a yr; my marriage wasn't anywhere near forced. in fact we had to fight the entire world to be together and eventually our families agreed..so obviously I thought we'd hav a gud marriage... but hw wrong I was.in this past yr I've caught him talkin to numerous girls n the excuse after eventually admitting it was tht he was bored. n to mk matters worse he's an 'aalim' n very well respected. he's also been violent to me several times. today my mother in law wanted me to go sumwhere with her but I didnt want to; simply cos I couldn't b bothered... she kept insisting so I had no choice n eventually gave in but obviously I was complaining a bit to him..he was sympathetic initially but thn got angry n flipped. he went with her instead...they came bk a cpl of hrs lata n to cut the story short we got into an argument n he hit me.. not once but a few times, punched me in my back,etc... maybe I provoked him cos if I had remained quiet nothing would hav happened.
    my body's hurting all over, n I don't kno what to do..my family think I'm happily married n I dnt wish to burden thm with my problems although I know they'll support me.
    should I end my marriage or hope n pray tht he stos hurting me?!?

  • #2
    Re: domestic violence

    All I will say is don't put up a pretence in front of your family that you're happily married when you aren't. Don't try to protect your husband or pretend that none of this is happening in front of them. It will only cause you to feel even more isolated.
    The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: domestic violence

      :wswrwb:

      He was been violent to you several times?

      Does he not regret it afterwards? How does he act? Is there no sense of shame or guilt whatsoever?

      When he calms down, you should make him feel sorry, by bringing this up to him and make him realize what he has done.

      He's an Aalim! SubhanAllah.

      Remind him that you are his gift from Allah, not someone he owns. Remind him that Allah will ask him of how he fulfilled his rights given to him by Allah? Remind him that oppression is haram. Remind him that hitting you in that manner is not his right, and he is crossing the limits of Allah. Remind him of all of those things that you have done for him and all the sacrifices you've made for him. Remind him how Rasulullah :saw: treated his wives. Remind him that the best of the Muslim men are those who are best to their wives. Is this what he wants his children to grow up with?

      Men like these are really sickening. If he doesn't stop, then please don't hide it and live like this. You have to get elders of your family and his family involved and sort this matter out.

      May Allah guide him and forgive him.
      Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

      "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
      - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: domestic violence

        Talk to ur parents sis...don't suffer alone. Anger of this level isn't right...if he's not willing to stop doing the haraam things that he's currently doing after the family confrontation, u can then take the next step n decide what to do
        Allah's Messenger :saw: said: "Allah the Exalted said: I live in the thought of My servant and I am with him as he remembers Me. When he draws near Me by the span of his hand, I draw near him by the length of a cubit, and when he draws near Me by the length of a cubit, I draw near him by the length of a fathom, and when he draws near Me walking I draw close to him running." (Al-Bukhari)

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: domestic violence

          yeh it's happened a few times now n he always says I provoke him so it's my fault :( but he should be able to control
          himself right?
          he normally apologises n feels remorseful afterwards but this time he hasn't even said sorry... what does sorry mean
          neway? it's just an empty word offering false promises

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: domestic violence

            It doesn't matter if you provoke him (that's an excuse, anyway). He knows he is in the wrong, so now he's making you a scapegoat.

            As he's an Aaalim, he knows that hitting his wife life that is haram.

            Talk to your father, please.
            Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

            "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
            - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: domestic violence

              when he's not angry, he's the most gentle person. I fell in love with him cos of hw much he'd care about me.. I guess I'm embarrassed tht it's tht same person who's now causing me all this pain..
              if only I'd listened to my parents...

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: domestic violence

                :insha: That's something he can work on. He seems to have problem controlling his anger and his hands. Try to sit with him and make him realize his faults clearly, and get him to promise that he will never hit you again. So, :insha: next time he thinks of doing it, he will know that he has given you his promise.
                Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: domestic violence

                  aalim and got caught talking to girls?

                  aalim and beating you?

                  please don't insult the title. may be he has studied and completed a course in a madrasa, many have done that but not everyone who has done it is an alim.
                  لا أريد مِنْكُمْ جَزَاء وَلا شُكُورًا

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: domestic violence

                    Tell your father sister. No father could stand the fact that a man he entrusted his daughter to is actually beating her. And a so called A'lim too subhanAllah!
                    الحق لا يعرف بالرجال، اعرف الحق تعرف رجاله

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: domestic violence

                      Originally posted by truepath View Post
                      aalim and got caught talking to girls?

                      aalim and beating you?

                      please don't insult the title. may be he has studied and completed a course in a madrasa, many have done that but not everyone who has done it is an alim.
                      he's a really good one too... well at preaching not practising..he's actually an imam of our local mosque! to think people go to him with their problems is laughableً!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: domestic violence

                        Originally posted by whisperofimaan View Post
                        Tell your father sister. No father could stand the fact that a man he entrusted his daughter to is actually beating her. And a so called A'lim too subhanAllah!
                        it's going to break my parents hearts..they were dead against this marriage in the beginning n only agreed for my sake.. iv even moved town to be with him n my family r nw hundreds if miles away.
                        it will kill my dad

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: domestic violence

                          Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
                          :insha: That's something he can work on. He seems to have problem controlling his anger and his hands. Try to sit with him and make him realize his faults clearly, and get him to promise that he will never hit you again. So, :insha: next time he thinks of doing it, he will know that he has given you his promise.
                          jazakallah khair for ur advice ...plz mk dua Allah changes his ways
                          Last edited by rawdha; 09-11-11, 03:53 AM.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: domestic violence

                            No, it won't. Please, don't think you'll be upsetting your parents and stay like this. How long are you going to stay like this?

                            I'm sure your Dad would rather save you from this, then have you beaten every so often.

                            May Allah make him regret what he has done, guide him and make him follow the Sunnah of Rasulullah :saw:
                            Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                            "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                            - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: domestic violence

                              Asalamu alaikum wa rahamtullah sister,

                              I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. It is so incredibly difficult. I went through a similar situation, after educating myself about abuse and what not I realized that the chances of change are usually slim to none. It usually gets worse. In my case I decided there was no other option than to leave. I did not feel physically safe and that was having a very negative impact on me in all ways. I would not keep this a secret any longer. I know it is hard to face reality and bring this to light, but you need that support and validation. Maybe at first just tell a few people close to you until you feel stronger. You may be surprised at how some people want you to stay even though he is harming you, so be prepared for this. It is a difficult road and if you do decide to leave plan it very well before hand so you will be strong enough not to return. It is so frustrating when this happens when your husband is an alim or imam. I was also in that situation, it just makes everything seem more complicated and impossible. It is so hard for people to believe he is really like that, so you feel like people will assume you are wrong, over reacting, crazy, what have you. That is why it is better not to keep silent and surprise everyone when you decide to leave, because it will take a long time for people to change the image they have of your husband, if they ever do at all. :( So let them know slowly so they are prepared to support you. People think religious leaders should be above this, but the sad reality is that men who love power and control also love to be religious leaders.

                              There is a good book called "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft. The author counseled abusive men and has good insights in to their thinking and also provide a clear outline of what it takes for these men to change. It helps you understand what you are dealing with. People tend to think men become violent because they can't control their anger. In fact most abusive men are very good at controlling their anger and they let themselves become violent on purpose as a means of control. It is usually not just physical violence, that often comes after they have broken you down with emotional abuse. I think their are some stickies about abuse in this forum, I remember coming across. Get as educated as you can. Then you can see the manipulation for what it really is.

                              I hope things start getting better for you at the end. Please feel free to contact me if you want to talk or would like more info about abuse. The best thing you can do is ask for help, there is a lot of help out there!

                              here is a little link that all women should read about emotional manipulation "A Message to Women From a Man: You Are Not "Crazy"" http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mobile..._b_958859.html
                              Blessed is He in Whose Hand is the Dominion, and He is Able to do all things. (67.1)

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X