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Moving in with the In Laws, why do women agree to this?

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    Moving in with the In Laws, why do women agree to this?

    Why? Is this part of Islam? Of course not, it's cultural.

    Many women don't like it, yet they agree with it.

    On top of that, why do guys do this? I would rather be married and live in a hostel than to be married and bring my wife to live in the same house/flat that my parents and sibling live in. Why don't men just rent an apartment.

    The first few years of the marriage must be the most exciting, right? But how can it if you live with the in laws? If the couple want to kiss in the living room or give each other a romantic cuddle, they can't if someone else is in the room. That's just one tiny example. I'm sure I don't need to further and give other obvious examples.

    Does anyone find the whole "living with the in laws" thing just plain weird and bizarre.
    http://img453.imageshack.us/img453/7...0779662np7.gif

    #2
    Re: Moving in with the In Laws, why do women agree to this?

    no its not weird and in fact can be beneficial for both parties to be together for a while to learn and get to know one another better. Living in large family units is not unheard of and the practise goes back in almost every community in every time.
    What does 'freedom' mean?

    Does the eagle want to swim in the sea,
    Restricted by the sky?

    Does the fish want to dance on the wind,
    Not enough river to explore?

    Yet the sky is freedom for the bird
    but death for the fish,

    The sea is wide for the fish
    but will engulf the bird.

    We ask for freedom but freedom to do what?
    We can only express our nature as it was created.

    The prayer mat of the earth is freedom,
    freedom from slavery to other than the One,
    Who offers an shoreless ocean of love to swim in
    and a horizon that extends to the next life,
    Yet we chose the prison and call it freedom.

    “All our handling of the child will bear fruit, not only at the moment, but in the adult they are destined to become.” Donate today! http://campaign.justgiving.com/chari...iyahschool2015

    Comment


      #3
      Re: Moving in with the In Laws, why do women agree to this?

      Cos not everyone can afford their own place or sometimes they have old or sick parents who need their help??

      Comment


        #4
        Re: Moving in with the In Laws, why do women agree to this?

        Originally posted by Bugz View Post
        Cos not everyone can afford their own place or sometimes they have old or sick parents who need their help??
        Then wait, don't get married. If you still need mummy and daddy to cook for you, clean your clothes and put a roof over your head, then you're not ready to support yourself, let alone a spouse and a potential child.

        Otherwise, you might as well get married when you're 14. Because what's the difference?

        Wait, save up and then when you're able to live out and look after yourself, then get married if you're able to look after a spouse and put a roof over your heads.
        http://img453.imageshack.us/img453/7...0779662np7.gif

        Comment


          #5
          Re: Moving in with the In Laws, why do women agree to this?

          Originally posted by Mohammed.F View Post
          Then wait, don't get married. If you still need mummy and daddy to cook for you, clean your clothes and put a roof over your head, then you're not ready to support yourself, let alone a spouse and a potential child.

          Otherwise, you might as well get married when you're 14. Because what's the difference?

          Wait, save up and then when you're able to live out and look after yourself, then get married if you're able to look after a spouse and put a roof over your heads.
          wait until you have a 50k a year salary, a large family home, a nanny, thousands put aside for potential schooling, before having any children :up:
          What does 'freedom' mean?

          Does the eagle want to swim in the sea,
          Restricted by the sky?

          Does the fish want to dance on the wind,
          Not enough river to explore?

          Yet the sky is freedom for the bird
          but death for the fish,

          The sea is wide for the fish
          but will engulf the bird.

          We ask for freedom but freedom to do what?
          We can only express our nature as it was created.

          The prayer mat of the earth is freedom,
          freedom from slavery to other than the One,
          Who offers an shoreless ocean of love to swim in
          and a horizon that extends to the next life,
          Yet we chose the prison and call it freedom.

          “All our handling of the child will bear fruit, not only at the moment, but in the adult they are destined to become.” Donate today! http://campaign.justgiving.com/chari...iyahschool2015

          Comment


            #6
            Re: Moving in with the In Laws, why do women agree to this?

            Look man, different people like different things. Some people like living in extended family atmospheres whilst others need their space and just because some live with parents and can't afford to move out, doesn't necessarily mean they are not mature enough for marriage.

            Living together does have it's problems but if people wish to do that, let them and it's none of our business.

            Comment


              #7
              Re: Moving in with the In Laws, why do women agree to this?

              Originally posted by ze leetle elper View Post
              no its not weird and in fact can be beneficial for both parties to be together for a while to learn and get to know one another better. Living in large family units is not unheard of and the practise goes back in almost every community in every time.
              Marriage is between two people. Not to families. If you marry your spouse, you want to be alone together and have fun and get to know each oher. You don't want your parents around. I don't want my parent around when I'm with my friends, so why would I want them around most of the time when I'm with the person I'm married to?

              The whole thing is just suffocating. There was a BBC Article in which a lot of Asian educated women professionals did not want to live with their in laws, but had to comprise and do so in order to marry the man. To me, it all seems suffocating.
              http://img453.imageshack.us/img453/7...0779662np7.gif

              Comment


                #8
                Re: Moving in with the In Laws, why do women agree to this?

                Originally posted by Mohammed.F View Post
                Then wait, don't get married. If you still need mummy and daddy to cook for you, clean your clothes and put a roof over your head, then you're not ready to support yourself, let alone a spouse and a potential child.

                Otherwise, you might as well get married when you'r 14.

                Wait, save up and then when you're able to live out and look after yourself, then get married if you're able to look after a spouse and put a roof over your heads.
                What if your dad's rich and you don't wanna work or don't need to and he does'nt mind you living with him or not working??

                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: Moving in with the In Laws, why do women agree to this?

                  Originally posted by ze leetle elper View Post
                  wait until you have a 50k a year salary, a large family home, a nanny, thousands put aside for potential schooling, before having any children :up:
                  Never heard of renting? Most people do it and it's popular with Non Muslims because they're usually kicked out by their parents after they've finished university. And the average wage is 24 k. I don't see the non Muslims living at home.

                  Many new young non Muslim nurses and teachers have their own place, by renting and a cheap car and their wage usually starts at 19-20K a year.
                  http://img453.imageshack.us/img453/7...0779662np7.gif

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: Moving in with the In Laws, why do women agree to this?

                    Originally posted by Mohammed.F View Post
                    Marriage is between two people. Not to families. If you marry your spouse, you want to be alone together and have fun and get to know each oher. You don't want your parents around. I don't want my parent around when I'm with my friends, so why would I want them around most of the time when I'm with the person I'm married to?

                    The whole thing is just suffocating. There was a BBC Article in which a lot of Asian educated women professionals did not want to live with their in laws, but had to comprise and do so in order to marry the man. To me, it all seems suffocating.
                    Oi, so now your parents are a suffocation for you??

                    You need to learn to respect and value your parents before you get married, never mind the bank balance. How about living with them, making their khidmah and attaining jannah, ever thought of that? or is it all about having fun with your new wife while your parents die a slow and lonely death??

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: Moving in with the In Laws, why do women agree to this?

                      Originally posted by Mohammed.F View Post
                      Then wait, don't get married. If you still need mummy and daddy to cook for you, clean your clothes and put a roof over your head, then you're not ready to support yourself, let alone a spouse and a potential child.

                      Otherwise, you might as well get married when you're 14. Because what's the difference?

                      Wait, save up and then when you're able to live out and look after yourself, then get married if you're able to look after a spouse and put a roof over your heads.
                      Originally posted by Mohammed.F View Post
                      Marriage is between two people. Not to families. If you marry your spouse, you want to be alone together and have fun and get to know each oher. You don't want your parents around. I don't want my parent around when I'm with my friends, so why would I want them around most of the time when I'm with the person I'm married to?

                      The whole thing is just suffocating. There was a BBC Article in which a lot of Asian educated women professionals did not want to live with their in laws, but had to comprise and do so in order to marry the man. To me, it all seems suffocating.

                      so true. such a lot of emotional blackmail involved in much of these cultural practices, we see it all the time on the forum so many young people being forced into situations for sake of their culture and islam being blamed for such practices. for example parents demand that sons take their permission to marry, demand that they marry a woman of the parents choosing, demand they import a relative from backhome, demand that the child marry only someone of the same race/ social standing etc. and then on top of all that, as if they hadnt compromised themselves enough, demand that they all live under the same roof.
                      Last edited by *asiya*; 29-09-11, 10:06 AM.
                      "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

                      The Prophet :saw: said:

                      "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

                      muslim

                      Narrated 'Abdullah:

                      The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


                      "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

                      By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

                      [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: Moving in with the In Laws, why do women agree to this?

                        Originally posted by Alpha Dude View Post
                        Look man, different people like different things. Some people like living in extended family atmospheres whilst others need their space and just because some live with parents and can't afford to move out, doesn't necessarily mean they are not mature enough for marriage.

                        Living together does have it's problems but if people wish to do that, let them and it's none of our business.
                        I wasn't talking about whether you're mature or not. Maturity doesn't have an age. Some people mature at 18, others at 25 and some at 30.

                        However like I said, if you can't financially support yourself, how can you financially support a a spouse.

                        And where do you stop. What about the bedroom? How embarrassing is it that you and your wife have got to be quiet because you're mum's bedroom is next door and she might hear. If that's not awkward, I don't know what is.

                        But like you said, people like that. I just find it weird and there are Muslims who don't want it but reluctantly agree to it because it's the only way they'll get married.
                        http://img453.imageshack.us/img453/7...0779662np7.gif

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: Moving in with the In Laws, why do women agree to this?

                          Originally posted by Bugz View Post
                          Oi, so now your parents are a suffocation for you??

                          You need to learn to respect and value your parents before you get married, never mind the bank balance. How about living with them, making their khidmah and attaining jannah, ever thought of that? or is it all about having fun with your new wife while your parents die a slow and lonely death??
                          Oh come on, is that the best argument you could muster for living with the in laws.

                          It's suffocating because you can't do things with your wives that most people would do. For example, you and your wive might eb sitting on the sofa watching tv, she turns to you and you turn to her. There's nothing wrong with kissing in Islam, right? But, you and your wife can't kiss or show much affection to one another because you're mum or dad is sitting on the other sofa.

                          Now if you were living in your own place, that restriction wouldn't be there. Get my point?
                          http://img453.imageshack.us/img453/7...0779662np7.gif

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: Moving in with the In Laws, why do women agree to this?

                            Originally posted by Mohammed.F View Post
                            Then wait, don't get married. If you still need mummy and daddy to cook for you, clean your clothes and put a roof over your head, then you're not ready to support yourself, let alone a spouse and a potential child.

                            Otherwise, you might as well get married when you're 14. Because what's the difference?


                            Wait, save up and then when you're able to live out and look after yourself, then get married if you're able to look after a spouse and put a roof over your heads.
                            yeah thats the perfect case scenario if ur going to get married at 55 cause then u'll have the salary to afford an apartment of ur own.



                            Comment


                              #15
                              Re: Moving in with the In Laws, why do women agree to this?

                              Originally posted by Mohammed.F View Post
                              Oh come on, is that the best argument you could muster for living with the in laws.

                              It's suffocating because you can't do things with your wives that most people would do. For example, you and your wive might eb sitting on the sofa watching tv, she turns to you and you turn to her. There's nothing wrong with kissing in Islam, right? But, you and your wife can't kiss or show much affection to one another because you're mum or dad is sitting on the other sofa.

                              Now if you were living in your own place, that restriction wouldn't be there. Get my point?
                              Petty argument, put a tv in the room. Life is not a constant honeymoon, you will find out when you get married.

                              Bottom line, if you don't want to live with your parents just say so. No need to make up silly excuses. A better excuse would be, you don't want to have conflict between your mother and wife and so causing unneccessary tension between the them. The whole affection, sexual thing just don't make sense to me...

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