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  • #1

    in debt

    salaam everyone

    i was hoping someone could give some advice. me and my husband have been married for a year now, we have a great relationship alhamdulillah, no problems whatsoever, we are both still students, living with his parents, both working on and off around our studies...

    My husband recived a letter recently, when i asked he wouldnt tell me what it was about.. i couln't help myself and had a look whilst he was out (really bad, i kno). the letter was from a bank about money he owed them my husband is the type of person who doesnt like to share his problems (until it gets really badly apparrent and he has no choice) so i dont know if he's going to ever address the issue, i dont want to tell him i know, because i dont kno how he'll feel about me reading his mail...

    i feel like banging my head against a wall, we haven't even finished paying his course fees yet and he has massive student loan from before we got married (that he thinks i don't know about). he is such a great guy, he looks after me well and is always concerned about me, but yet i i feel so mad with him...why doesnt he just say if he has a problem, if i can manage with what we make, than why cant he? when i'm trying so hard not to overspend and to save,why borrow from banks? i dont want a dunya issue to affect our relationship but i dnot want to ignore it either.. i want to work with him to resolve the issue but dnt know how to approach the subject...?
    Last edited by Bubbles_1; 19-08-11, 03:03 AM.
    Tags: debt, finance, marriage advice
  • #2
    Re: need advice please!!

    :wswrwb:

    It probably seems he doesn't want to worry you or that it'll make him feel less responsible if he couldn't contain the situation and things were getting worse?

    What I think you should do is tell him when he's relaxed something like "I sense something is wrong...please tell me so we can work this out together ...don't keep me in the dark". Something like that. I hope he opens up to you.

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    • #3
      Re: need advice please!!

      ....
      Last edited by Grotbags; 17-08-15, 01:13 AM.
      The Prophet SAW said, "(There are2words which R dear 2 the most gracious (Allah SWT)&very easy4the tongue2say but very heavy in the balance.They are:Subhan Allahi Wa Bihamdihi - Subhan Allahil-Azim

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      • #4
        Re: need advice please!!

        We men have this thing called pride. 98% of the time we dont share our issues. Women are opposite; they generally share. The only time man will say is when he needs advice. Again, women share most of the time & they dont want advice just for someone to listen. This is what i understand please correct any mistakes. If thats right then obviously you can see a problem.
        Like loonie said, he probably doesnt want to worry you & maybe hes confident he can sort it. dont take it personally he sounds like a good brother mashaaAllaah. We pray your debts get sorted soon. Aameen.
        :lailah:

        This world is all work no real pleasure; the Hereafter is ALL pleasure, no work! ;)

        :ahb:

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        • #5
          Re: need advice please!!

          Ask an Imam about sharing information on money. I think the money a husband and wife make are shared and so they both have rights to each other's money, to the point where they should share an account to make sure neither one lies about anything (though it happens with my parents all the time). This is what I heard.

          Be careful with debt. The only issue here is if it was wrong to look at that letter or not. But if this really is a serious issue and something bad could happen to you, then I don't know about secrecy. It wouldn't help then. Debt allows interest, and interest means paying more than you should and plus it is unislamic. So I think you should think of what the problem is, what the possible solution might be before you talk to your husband and then figure out if secrecy in his case is alright or not. Personally I don't know, but I think you should find out what the correct way is as a Muslimah in this situation.

          So just find out if reading the letter was wrong or not. If it wasn't, then don't hesitate. If it was, then try and work him through questions and often, to have an idea about what the problem is without actually asking about it. If you know him, then approach him how you think is best then.

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          • #6
            Re: need advice please!!

            Originally posted by Haseeb123 View Post
            Ask an Imam about sharing information on money. I think the money a husband and wife make are shared and so they both have rights to each other's money, to the point where they should share an account to make sure neither one lies about anything (though it happens with my parents all the time). This is what I heard.
            Brother, in my limited knowledge, wife has right on husband's money in the sense, husband should use his money to fulfill wife's needs etc. But husband does not have any right on wife's money. So, if both husband and wife are doing job, then its husband's duty to bring his money home and spend it on his wife and children. But wife is allowed to keep her money separate if she wishes.

            May Allah guide us all.

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            • #7
              How do you know he doesn't already have a plan to take care of it...?
              respect refugees

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              • #8
                Re: in debt

                Wa Alaikum Salaam,

                I feel you should sit down with him. Apologise and then tell him you've opened his letters. Then explain why you did it, how you was concerned for him etc. Many couples have that something special they do, like holding hands, or running their fingers through each others hair, a sensitive touch might calm him down, and ensure a body language that is not in itself a barrier or miss-constructed as confrontation or in some way judgemental. It's best to just be honest from the outset. The last thing you want is to start keeping secrets from each other. He might well be angry for a little bit, Allaahu alim, he might not be angry at all. If anything, in the long run, it might well make your relationship stronger.

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                • #9
                  Re: in debt

                  i respect ur husband! he did the right thing. he doesnt want u to worry about this issue.
                  like the example of a rain whose [resulting] plant growth pleases the tillers; then it dries and you see it turned yellow; then it becomes [scattered] debris. And in the Hereafter is severe punishment and forgiveness from Allah and approval. And what is the worldly life except the enjoyment of delusion.
                  [Al-Hadid, 20]

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                  • #10
                    Re: in debt

                    Originally posted by baba View Post
                    How do you know he doesn't already have a plan to take care of it...?
                    ermm cause he's hiding the letter from her which is a sign that things are gloomy?



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                    • #11
                      Re: in debt

                      Thanks everyone for your helpful advice, alhamdulillah we managed to sit down and talk about the whole thing without any upsets and dedcided what to to do bout the whole issue.. really appreciate evryones comments, helped me alot........keep us in ur duas.....stay blessed ;)

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                      • #12
                        Re: in debt

                        Originally posted by Bubbles_1 View Post
                        Thanks everyone for your helpful advice, alhamdulillah we managed to sit down and talk about the whole thing without any upsets and dedcided what to to do bout the whole issue.. really appreciate evryones comments, helped me alot........keep us in ur duas.....stay blessed ;)
                        Glad to hear all is sorted!:up:
                        :alhumdull

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