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Soooo Over My Marriage!!!!

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  • Soooo Over My Marriage!!!!

    Assalam Alaikum

    I am coming up on my 10yr anniversary and I am so tired of our marriage. Total Venting moment here..but, I told my husband that my son wanted to celebrate his birthday at school this year..so we were just gonna take some cupcakes/chips/juice up to his school at the end of the day..around 1:45ish, my husband tells me he isnt going because he is fasting, and i told him..what is the difference because i'm fasting too (which he basically called me a liar) and said that he has work at 3....he basically sleeps allll day long until time for him to go to work. and i am up with our 1 1/2 yr old and getting our oldest ready at 6am. I told him that these are the things that my son loves, having both parents there to show him some love, but he said (yelled) no..and that was final.

    He gives me roughly $40 a week for expenses...which is basically paying for me and the 2 boys to eat for the entire week...and when i ask him for grocery money, he says i can only spend like $50!!! and this is perhaps for once a month!!...he treats me like a slave and only comes to sleep with me when he wants sex. Yes..you heard that right...we dont even share the same bedroom because the youngest still wakes up at night.

    The only reason i have stayed in this marriage was for the sake of my kids and determination...but why stay married when he isnt there anyways? He has time to go play cricket all day on sunday, and spends maybe 3 or 4 hrs with the oldest on saturday...then he goes to the men hangout on saturday night. So..when is my time....zilch! I really dont know what to do....can someone please give some advice!

  • #2
    Re: Soooo Over My Marriage!!!!

    Do you talk much to eachother?

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Soooo Over My Marriage!!!!

      The situation about the money is really quite unfortunate. Either you or a 3rd person should speak to him about giving you access to more spending money for yourself.

      It appears that there is little affection or warmth between you and your husband. Perhaps, the situation has lingered long enough that it will be hard to remedy. Only you know the why and the how long.

      But I think the two most important questions you need to ask yourself are these:
      1. Do you love your husband?
      2. Do you want your children to grow up in a two-parent family?

      If the answer to one or both questions is "yes", then you must stay in this marriage. Also, do you have the emotional and financial ability to raise and nurture your children as a single mother? It is hard to be a single parent.

      Sister, I can see why this situation seems intolerable to you. I do not blame you at all. However, divorce should be the last option. Can't the two of you live in peace, given that the children are still so young?

      Also, I don't think your husband's response to the cupcake thing was unreasonable. Usually its the moms that do this type of thing.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Soooo Over My Marriage!!!!

        what do you mean by that? I express my concerns to him and let him know when i think something isnt "Fair" But he is so hot tempered that it gets no where.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Soooo Over My Marriage!!!!

          do you and the rest of your family follow islam and avoid major sins?
          Reported by Ibn al-Salah:

          ولقد أحسن الحسن بن أبي زياد اللؤلؤي صاحب أبي حنيفة فيما بلغنا عنه أنه استفتي في مسألة فأخطأ فيها ولم يعرف الذي أفتاه فاكترى مناديا فنادى أن الحسن بن أبي زياد استفتي يوم كذا وكذا في مسألة فأخطأ فمن كان أفتاه الحسن بن أبي زياد بشيء فليرجع إليه
          فلبث أياما لا يفتي حتى وجد صاحب الفتوى فأعلمه أنه أخطأ وإن الصواب كذا وكذا والله أعلم

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Soooo Over My Marriage!!!!

            Originally posted by anahajara View Post
            what do you mean by that? I express my concerns to him and let him know when i think something isnt "Fair" But he is so hot tempered that it gets no where.
            Just referring to your general relationship, like casual chit-chat.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Soooo Over My Marriage!!!!

              i'm used to doing things like the school thing alone..it was just what sparked me to post here...i get so upset when i see how other muslim men love spending time with their children...especially sons, and i have to fight just to get him to take our son to the park or go to one of his sporting events

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Soooo Over My Marriage!!!!

                my hubby, myself and our two sons of course follow islam...we live along with my mom and my sister..and they are not muslim. i would think we avoid major sins..i maybe sip champagne on new years...my hubby drinks beer and smokes weed maybe weekly. Our son is in quran class and i teach him things often. hope this answered the question

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Soooo Over My Marriage!!!!

                  we talk, but not as much as i would like....he spends time chatting on the phone with his friends and family more than he ever would with me...when we talk it always ends up with him telling me i need to find a job and me telling him that I am working on it. and he just gets frustrated...I just finished nursing school and he doesnt underrstand or try to understand that getting a professional job is harder than getting a factory job. And to be honest..if i had a job, i would have ended the marriage already

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Soooo Over My Marriage!!!!

                    Originally posted by anahajara View Post
                    we talk, but not as much as i would like....he spends time chatting on the phone with his friends and family more than he ever would with me...when we talk it always ends up with him telling me i need to find a job and me telling him that I am working on it. and he just gets frustrated...I just finished nursing school and he doesnt underrstand or try to understand that getting a professional job is harder than getting a factory job. And to be honest..if i had a job, i would have ended the marriage already
                    When you speak like that its as though the marriage is untenable.

                    Divorce should always be the last option. Could you maybe just talk to him and explain how you feel?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Soooo Over My Marriage!!!!

                      Originally posted by anahajara View Post
                      my hubby, myself and our two sons of course follow islam...we live along with my mom and my sister..and they are not muslim. i would think we avoid major sins..i maybe sip champagne on new years...my hubby drinks beer and smokes weed maybe weekly. Our son is in quran class and i teach him things often. hope this answered the question
                      do you even know how major these sins are sister??

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Soooo Over My Marriage!!!!

                        ur marriage is messed up cause your trying to mix islam with these sins.
                        And the (faithful) slaves of the Most Gracious (All‚h) are those who walk on the earth in humility and sedateness, and when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with mild words of gentleness. (25:63)

                        O You who believe! Shall I guide you to a trade that will save you from a painful torment? (10) That you believe in All‚h and His Messenger (Muhammad SAW),and that you strive hard and fight in the Cause of All‚h with your wealth and your lives, that will be better for you, if you but know! (11) (If you do so) He will forgive you your sins, and admit you into Gardens under which rivers flow, and pleasant dwellings in Adn (Edn) Paradise; that is indeed the great success. (12)

                        JazakAllah khair for the duas but i would prefer duas for shahadah instead.

                        sponsor an orphan

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Soooo Over My Marriage!!!!

                          Originally posted by anahajara View Post
                          we talk, but not as much as i would like....he spends time chatting on the phone with his friends and family more than he ever would with me...when we talk it always ends up with him telling me i need to find a job and me telling him that I am working on it. and he just gets frustrated...I just finished nursing school and he doesnt underrstand or try to understand that getting a professional job is harder than getting a factory job. And to be honest..if i had a job, i would have ended the marriage already
                          salaams to all

                          respected sister.
                          your story about the champagne would have been very funny if it were not so serious.

                          please understand this.
                          Allah ta'ala sends down conditions upon us in accordance with the type & amount of deeds we do.

                          islam is a way of life.
                          we cant just say that we are muslims & we love islam & then live our lives almost the same way that the kuffar do & then not expect to be punished for it by Allah ta'ala.
                          do u perform your 5 salaahs daily?
                          do u dress modestly?
                          if u lead a pure & chaste life, insha allah u will find things working out for u.

                          i would advise you to visit your nearest masjid & speak to the imam-ask about ladies classes/classes for new muslims.
                          it seems that you lack knowledge of the basics/fundamentals of islam.

                          we are all learning- at different levels.
                          i know u have young children but try to learn as much as possible & put it into practice.
                          no sense learning but not practicing- it defeats the purpose.

                          wish u & your family all the best of the dunya & aakhirah.

                          and Allah ta'ala knows best
                          jazakallah
                          Sufyaan Thawri "Whoever is very popular with his relations and neighbours, we suspect him to be compromising in preaching the true teachings of religion."
                          very good site for English bayaans in MP3 format-check it out- u wont be disappointed: http://www.musjidnoor.za.net/index.html & http://alhaadi.org.za/majlis-program...downloads.html

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Soooo Over My Marriage!!!!

                            Originally posted by anahajara View Post
                            my hubby, myself and our two sons of course follow islam...we live along with my mom and my sister..and they are not muslim. i would think we avoid major sins..i maybe sip champagne on new years...my hubby drinks beer and smokes weed maybe weekly. Our son is in quran class and i teach him things often. hope this answered the question
                            these are major sins..and one of the reasons why ur life is messed up..

                            better change than be sorry in the future.
                            Reported by Ibn al-Salah:

                            ولقد أحسن الحسن بن أبي زياد اللؤلؤي صاحب أبي حنيفة فيما بلغنا عنه أنه استفتي في مسألة فأخطأ فيها ولم يعرف الذي أفتاه فاكترى مناديا فنادى أن الحسن بن أبي زياد استفتي يوم كذا وكذا في مسألة فأخطأ فمن كان أفتاه الحسن بن أبي زياد بشيء فليرجع إليه
                            فلبث أياما لا يفتي حتى وجد صاحب الفتوى فأعلمه أنه أخطأ وإن الصواب كذا وكذا والله أعلم

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Soooo Over My Marriage!!!!

                              Along with everything else, you shouldnt be washing "your dirty laundry in public" i understand your frustration & we're not condoning your husbands action but you shouldnt be foul mouthing him. Saying he uses you is extremely derogatory & insulting. Please think before typing sister
                              :lailah:

                              This world is all work no real pleasure; the Hereafter is ALL pleasure, no work! ;)

                              :ahb:

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