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Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

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    #31
    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    Originally posted by kiduka View Post
    Me personally I wouldn't want to marry someone like you mainly because of STD's & children.

    If your clean and prove yourself to be a pious Muslimah then I could live with it but I wouldn't know what to tell the children if they found out, I would be absolutely lost and heart broken if it deeply affected them.
    sister, these are the kinds of people you want to avoid in life

    he is not wrong, but he is going to do you any good

    yes, you having children and them finding out is a possibility, but i know women who came up similarly as you and their children have never found out, so again, trust in Allah (and NEVER tell your children)
    .لا نريد زعيما يخاف البيت الإبيض
    نريد زعيما يخاف الواحد الأحد
    دولة الإسلامية باقية





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      #32
      Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

      Originally posted by Soliloquy View Post
      :wswrwb:

      Welcome to Islam, Sis. :)

      Islamically, you're not required to tell someone about your past (Muslim or not), however, I do think it would make sense to let the person you're considering know that you weren't a Muslim; so obviously you might have done a lot of things that are not Islamically acceptable. I'd leave it there.

      If the person is willing to accept that, great; if not, oh well, you can try finding someone else, Insha-Allah.
      that is a dangerous rule to follow

      because virtue is a virtue, and non-virtue is the opposite

      if you are talking about minor sins, of course

      but major stuff should be known, for many reasons
      .لا نريد زعيما يخاف البيت الإبيض
      نريد زعيما يخاف الواحد الأحد
      دولة الإسلامية باقية





      Comment


        #33
        Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

        Originally posted by SophieLove View Post
        Ah thanks! :) But what if he used to see porn? I mean, surely all men of today's age have watched porn some time in their lives; it scares me that he or someone he knows recognises me :(. And I also posed in a few photos on the Marks and Spencer's women's section and they still use those old photos on their website evn today and it scares me so much! I'm such a stupid woman. :( How do i avoid situations like these?
        If I had my family it would help, but my parents and all three of my sister have abandoned me :(
        And I've seen muslim men get suspicious of a white woman's past :(

        How do i get around all of these?
        if you start worrying about "getting around all of these", you will drive yourself crazy

        relax, take a deep breath

        there was a man who killed 99 people and Allah forgave him, i dont think your sins amount to killing 99 people
        .لا نريد زعيما يخاف البيت الإبيض
        نريد زعيما يخاف الواحد الأحد
        دولة الإسلامية باقية





        Comment


          #34
          Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

          :wswrwb:

          Welcome to Islam, :masha:

          Sister, like everyone said, :insha: worry about the future.

          Allah has told us to hide our sins, and if we hide our sins He will hide it for us in the Hereafter and forgive us.

          Anas ibn Malik (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “All the children of Adam are wrongdoers, and the best of the wrongdoers are those who repent.” (Sunan Tirmidhi)

          It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “All of my ummah may be forgiven except those who commit sin openly. It is a kind of committing sin openly if a man does something at night, then morning comes and Allaah has concealed his sin, but he says, ‘O So and so, I did such and such last night,’ when his Lord has concealed him (his action) all night but in the morning he reveals that which Allaah had concealed for him.”
          Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5721; Muslim, 2990


          Abdullah Ibn Masoud (رضي الله عنه) related, ‘A man came to the Prophet and said: ‘O Messenger of Allah! I have mingled with a woman in the far side of al-Medina, and I fulfilled my desire short of actually having sexual intercourse with her. So, here am I, judge me according to what you decide.’ Umar Ibn al-Khattab (رضي الله عنه) then said: ‘Allah had kept your secret, why did not you keep your secret?’ [Sahih Muslim]

          Messenger of Allaah (sallallahu `alayhi wa salam) said: “Refrain from these filthy matters (i.e. sins) that Allaah has forbidden, and if one of you is tried by committing any of them, then let him conceal them as Allaah has concealed them for him.” [Al-Haakim]


          May Allah make it easy for you and bless you with a pious, loving husband who'll treasure you for what you are now.
          Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

          "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
          - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

          Comment


            #35
            Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

            I agree with Safiya and seven. Even if she just makes it known that she has done some major things in the past, without going into details, that should be enough. As long as it's not risking the potential husband's health, she shouldn't have to give details of everything.

            Also, my advice would be to her to start wearing a niqab if she feels people will recognize her. Though, you'd do it for the sake of Allah.
            Last edited by .mirror.; 22-07-11, 02:48 PM.
            Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

            "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
            - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

            Comment


              #36
              Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

              Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
              I agree with Safiya and seven. Even if she just makes it known that she has done some major things in the past, without going into details, that should be enough. As long as it's not risking the potential husband's health, she shouldn't have to give details of everything.

              Also, my advice would be to her to start wearing a niqab if she feels people will recognize her.
              hiding your sins from people is commanded

              hiding an extremely sordid past from your husband could be disastrous

              you tell a man you did "some sins", at no point in his mind will he think you were a porn star, so that would be very deceptive, and i cant think of any man who would not want to know something like that

              ask seven if he found out his wife was a porn star after he has two or three children by her would he accept that?

              i forgot that you are a brother, would YOU accept that?
              .لا نريد زعيما يخاف البيت الإبيض
              نريد زعيما يخاف الواحد الأحد
              دولة الإسلامية باقية





              Comment


                #37
                Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

                Originally posted by AbuMubarak View Post
                hiding your sins from people is commanded

                hiding an extremely sordid past from your husband could be disastrous

                you tell a man you did "some sins", at no point in his mind will he think you were a porn star, so that would be very deceptive, and i cant think of any man who would not want to know something like that

                i forgot that you are a brother, would YOU accept that?
                Brother, :insha: if she hides her sins, Allah will hide it for her from others. The chances of being seen on the videos are slim and if it does happen, then she can make an excuse. It's far-fetched, though.

                I also liked what sister mentioned about moving to a diff. country. Preferably a small region somewhere far off. :insha:

                Depending on how she is now, I'd overlook that.

                And Allah knows best.

                Edit: Bro, I think you should edit that comment regarding brother seven. It's seems distasteful. Doesn't sound right.
                Last edited by .mirror.; 22-07-11, 02:57 PM.
                Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

                Comment


                  #38
                  Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

                  Originally posted by kiduka View Post
                  Me personally I wouldn't want to marry someone like you mainly because of STD's & children.

                  If your clean and prove yourself to be a pious Muslimah then I could live with it but I wouldn't know what to tell the children if they found out, I would be absolutely lost and heart broken if it deeply affected them.
                  Man, your advise just rubbed me the wrong way. Here's a person who came here looking for positive advise and here you are putting her down like that. Be Merciful to Allah's (SWT) creatures and iA He will be Merciful to you.
                  Salam! :)

                  Comment


                    #39
                    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

                    Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
                    Brother, :insha: if she hides her sins, Allah will hide it for her from others. The chances of being seen on the videos are slim and if it does happen, then she can make an excuse. It's far-fetched, though.

                    I also liked what sister mentioned about moving to a diff. country. Preferably a small region somewhere far off. :insha:

                    Depending on how she is now, I'd overlook that.

                    And Allah knows best.

                    Edit: Bro, I think you should edit that comment regarding brother seven. It's seems distasteful. Doesn't sound right.
                    i am not talking about his present wife........whats wrong with people these days?

                    you said seven said it was ok to hide it, i am asking you to ask him if he were single and after getting married he found out his wife was a porn star would he accept that?

                    you think i am insulting his wife
                    one sister thinks i am making takfir on the prophets family

                    whats going on around here?
                    .لا نريد زعيما يخاف البيت الإبيض
                    نريد زعيما يخاف الواحد الأحد
                    دولة الإسلامية باقية





                    Comment


                      #40
                      Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

                      Originally posted by haque View Post
                      Man, your advise just rubbed me the wrong way. Here's a person who came here looking for positive advise and here you are putting her down like that. Be Merciful to Allah's (SWT) creatures and iA He will be Merciful to you.
                      haque

                      it was rough and raw, but it was real, and we cant fault him for that
                      .لا نريد زعيما يخاف البيت الإبيض
                      نريد زعيما يخاف الواحد الأحد
                      دولة الإسلامية باقية





                      Comment


                        #41
                        Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

                        Originally posted by AbuMubarak View Post
                        hiding your sins from people is commanded

                        hiding an extremely sordid past from your husband could be disastrous

                        you tell a man you did "some sins", at no point in his mind will he think you were a porn star, so that would be very deceptive, and i cant think of any man who would not want to know something like that

                        ask seven if he found out his wife was a porn star after he has two or three children by her would he accept that?

                        i forgot that you are a brother, would YOU accept that?
                        I don't see your point. Unless you're saying that every sin can be measured on it's severity based on how exposure you gave towards yourself.

                        A shed load of Muslims today play about, fornicate outside of their cities or states; then go back home and get married without exposing their sins to their potential husband or wives.My friend is a pharmacist near the main campus at Bolton University and he says he gets Muslim girls coming in for the morning after pill.

                        Yet these same people (both Muslimahs and Muslims) don't go to extreme to televising their activities and publishing it (pornography). So are they equal in sin? Or were they just freeking smart enough to realize that they don't want any come backs later in life?

                        Comment


                          #42
                          Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

                          Originally posted by AbuMubarak View Post
                          i am not talking about his present wife........whats wrong with people these days?

                          you said seven said it was ok to hide it, i am asking you to ask him if he were single and after getting married he found out his wife was a porn star would he accept that?

                          you think i am insulting his wife
                          one sister thinks i am making takfir on the prophets family

                          whats going on around here?
                          I didn't say you were.

                          Its just that since he's married, and I'm not, it's less hypothetical with him.
                          Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                          "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                          - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

                          Comment


                            #43
                            Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

                            i dunno, i would advise hide it, islam erased ur sins, and Allah has forgiven everything u did, just get tested for HIV and STDS clamydia etc. and make sure u wont infect ur husband should u marry, and how would he ever find out audu billah, if u marry a good man then hes never going to know from watching any films surely.

                            Allahu alam i wouldnt know who one of those film star people were if they walked up and slapped me in the face.

                            if i was you sister, i would move to another city where no one knew me, and start afresh with life. take time to learn your religion, dont rush into marriage at all, make sure you know what it means to be a muslim so u can make sure u marry a real one insha Allah.

                            May Allah conceal your past from your future and keep u on the straight path, amin.
                            "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

                            The Prophet :saw: said:

                            "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

                            muslim

                            Narrated 'Abdullah:

                            The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


                            "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

                            By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

                            [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

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                              #44
                              Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

                              Originally posted by johnfisher View Post
                              I think divorcees and widowers can't really be discussesd in the same way, cause their past was halal and doesn't count in the same way. Plus you tend to know before hand with divorcees and widows so you can say yes and no accordingly. Is the non divorcees and widows that I was referring to.
                              Your contradicting yourself. How does someone, who reverted to Islam where all their past sins are wiped clean suddenly have to be held accountable for something they did BEFORE they came to Islam?

                              What about the Sahaba's who fornicated before they came to Islam, are your going to also hold them accountable for something they did BEFORE comming to Islam? Please, use some common sense and accept when you know your wrong.
                              A Fast Growing Islamic Search Website -

                              www.Searching-Islam.com

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                                #45
                                Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

                                Originally posted by AbuMubarak View Post
                                sister, these are the kinds of people you want to avoid in life

                                he is not wrong, but he is going to do you any good

                                yes, you having children and them finding out is a possibility, but i know women who came up similarly as you and their children have never found out, so again, trust in Allah (and NEVER tell your children)
                                Firstly, you know nothing about me to say I'm the type to be avoided, so don't go off implying I'm the type that would harm the sister.

                                You can agree or disagree but I state legitimate concerns, as a parent, as a father it would be my obligation to protect my children and fulfill their rights. I'm not willing to risk emotionally wounding my children especially when I wouldn't know what to do when they find out. This isn't an issue of zina in the past, were talking 7 years of pornography out there available recorded for people to look at.

                                I actually know of an African Muslim women who was in the porn industry, but rather than hide her sins people destroyed her completely, tapes were even sent to her mother. And that's the world we live in, you can't trust things will be hunky dory when so much could go wrong.

                                I'm simple stating this would be too much of a risk for me, no disrespect to the sister may Allah increase her imaan and deen but for the sake of my children I would rather marry someone without a haunting past.

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