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  • PLEASE Help me out

    i got engaged a year back,, before engagement i was interested in some one and told my family about my interest. Unfortunately my choice was rejected and got engaged with one of my parent's close family friends. My fiance is undoubtedly pious and stick to som-o-salah i respect her bt i couldnt build a level of understanding with her, due to some reasons i feel that we cant live a happy living,,it would be a compromising life, n m against of spending a whole life on compromises. I am intended towards the girl i was interested in, as i have better level of understanding and luv. Let me inform one more thing that the istakhara for both girls is +ive ..Please guide me in this regard what should i do.

  • #2
    Re: PLEASE Help me out

    :salams

    You didn't mention if the other girl is pious or not...
    Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

    "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
    - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

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    • #3
      Re: PLEASE Help me out

      Ya she's too,,she offers her prayers regularly.

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      • #4
        Re: PLEASE Help me out

        Marry both! :)

        Kidding. I think if you have positive for both girls after istikhara, you should go for the girl that you are engaged to, because if you step back from the engagement, you will hurt the girl, her family and your family. Don't worry about love, it will happen. Allah puts love in hearts and you will not be able to escape it. My advise is to forget the girl you were interested in because your family members did not approve of it, and things did not work out. If she was good for you, Allah would not have got you engaged with another girl. It seems Allah wishes you well, and you should try to appreciate His will too.

        I think you could not have good understanding with your fiancee for two reasons, one, your heart was somewhat occupied with another girl, thus you were judging her with the benchmark of the girl you knew previously, and second, your fiancee has limited interaction with you so you do not get enough opportunity to develop understanding. Trust, me many times people are shocked after marriage even when they get married to their beloved and ask themselves, Is it the same person I was in love with. It is because now they are sharing their daily lives, while they were free before. But, those who are patient persist in faith and they overcome the differences and find common purpose and shared love. Children are definitely the most common purpose.

        In my view, when you say that the istikhara for both girls is positive, I suspect the positive feeling for the girls you were intested in are not guidance from Allah, but it is your own heart which is refusing to let go. Many times these are promptings of satan also, because they intend to confuse us so that we wrong ourselves and wrong others.

        And, dont let your fiancee suspect that you are confused. Good luck.
        [103:003] Except those who believe and do righteous good deeds, and recommend one another to the truth, and recommend one another to patience

        My blog link: [url]http://beliefinunseen.blogspot.com/[/url]

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        • #5
          Re: PLEASE Help me out

          But what about the girl i am interested in?,,she's still waiting and hoping that mite some extraordinary thing happen by Allah and we mite live together..If i left this girl it would be a burden on me for whole of my life.

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          • #6
            Re: PLEASE Help me out

            Originally posted by ss2011 View Post
            But what about the girl i am interested in?,,she's still waiting and hoping that mite some extraordinary thing happen by Allah and we mite live together..If i left this girl it would be a burden on me for whole of my life.
            You should have thought about that before you allowed feelings to develop. Now you know why Islam prohibits non-mahrams of the opposite gender speaking, the chaos it can cause and the unneccessary confusion it brings.

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            • #7
              Re: PLEASE Help me out

              salaams to all
              bro, what kind of pious girl is she if she allows strange males to "befriend" her and get to 'know her better"?
              you cant be pious without salaah but performing salaah and mixing with strange males also does not make a girl pious.

              seems to me that your current wife is better- of course, i dont know anything bout her past- just what you've told us.

              also- think of what kind of children you want- who would be a better role model to them?

              insha allah everything will work out fine.
              wish u all the best despite sounding critical in my post.

              and Allah ta'ala knows best
              jazakallah
              Sufyaan Thawri "Whoever is very popular with his relations and neighbours, we suspect him to be compromising in preaching the true teachings of religion."
              very good site for English bayaans in MP3 format-check it out- u wont be disappointed: http://www.musjidnoor.za.net/index.html & http://alhaadi.org.za/majlis-program...downloads.html

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              • #8
                Re: PLEASE Help me out

                Is there any concept of Engagement in islam? wat if i go for istakhara dat wich one would be better for me?

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                • #9
                  Re: PLEASE Help me out

                  Well a long term engagement isnt always the answer in Islam...

                  If theres two sisters who you say are practising :masha:

                  do istikhara, and which ever one Allaah has destined for you then marry her :insha: you shouldnt compromise with your fam on marriage its a life time commitment and you need to be happy :)
                  ♥ ♥ Be mindful of Allaah, and Allaah will protect you. Be mindful of Allaah and you will find Him in front of you. If you ask, ask of Allaah; if you seek help. Seek help of Allaah. Know that if the nation were to gather together to benefit you with anything, it would benefit you only with something that Allaah had already prescribed for you, and that if they gather together to harm you with anything, they would harm you only with something Allaah had already prescribed for you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried. ♥ ♥



                  http://www.theislamicemailcircle.com...anner-new5.jpg



                  * ~ “Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in full, without reckoning.” (39:10) ~ *

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                  • #10
                    Re: PLEASE Help me out

                    Originally posted by msmoorad View Post
                    salaams to all
                    bro, what kind of pious girl is she if she allows strange males to "befriend" her and get to 'know her better"?
                    you cant be pious without salaah but performing salaah and mixing with strange males also does not make a girl pious.

                    seems to me that your current wife is better- of course, i dont know anything bout her past- just what you've told us.

                    also- think of what kind of children you want- who would be a better role model to them?

                    insha allah everything will work out fine.
                    wish u all the best despite sounding critical in my post.

                    and Allah ta'ala knows best
                    jazakallah

                    :up: thats well said :masha:

                    something to think about :)
                    ♥ ♥ Be mindful of Allaah, and Allaah will protect you. Be mindful of Allaah and you will find Him in front of you. If you ask, ask of Allaah; if you seek help. Seek help of Allaah. Know that if the nation were to gather together to benefit you with anything, it would benefit you only with something that Allaah had already prescribed for you, and that if they gather together to harm you with anything, they would harm you only with something Allaah had already prescribed for you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried. ♥ ♥



                    http://www.theislamicemailcircle.com...anner-new5.jpg



                    * ~ “Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in full, without reckoning.” (39:10) ~ *

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                    • #11
                      Re: PLEASE Help me out

                      There's no concept of engagement in Islam. However, it's not totally against Islam. Scholars have allowed it as a promise from both side for the marriage. It doesn't mean that they can freely talk and interact. All the rules of hijab still applies.

                      Also, like the sister said above, time from engagement to nikah should be kept reasonably short.

                      I think you should seriously consider the one who you think you'll live more happily with, since they are both pious. Try to convince your parents :insha:
                      Last edited by .mirror.; 20-07-11, 08:05 PM.
                      Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                      "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                      - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: PLEASE Help me out

                        jus read the bit about both girls having positive results from istikhara... i hae no idea what to say now
                        ♥ ♥ Be mindful of Allaah, and Allaah will protect you. Be mindful of Allaah and you will find Him in front of you. If you ask, ask of Allaah; if you seek help. Seek help of Allaah. Know that if the nation were to gather together to benefit you with anything, it would benefit you only with something that Allaah had already prescribed for you, and that if they gather together to harm you with anything, they would harm you only with something Allaah had already prescribed for you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried. ♥ ♥



                        http://www.theislamicemailcircle.com...anner-new5.jpg



                        * ~ “Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in full, without reckoning.” (39:10) ~ *

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                        • #13
                          Re: PLEASE Help me out

                          what if u dnt feel cmfrtble wid one u engaged,,as a matter of fact is its a tym to take decision after marriage it would be more dangerous as its nt encouraged in islam

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                          • #14
                            Re: PLEASE Help me out

                            Originally posted by ss2011 View Post
                            what if u dnt feel cmfrtble wid one u engaged,,as a matter of fact is its a tym to take decision after marriage it would be more dangerous as its nt encouraged in islam
                            Just remember the person you will be marrying is going to be with you for life :insha:
                            So you have to be happy with them... Dont marry someone for the sake of your parents... Have some meetings with her wali present too, and just get to know eachother a little... and you may see her in a different way :insha:

                            Dont just rule someone out because you could end up disliking someone who Allaah has placed much good within :masha:
                            ♥ ♥ Be mindful of Allaah, and Allaah will protect you. Be mindful of Allaah and you will find Him in front of you. If you ask, ask of Allaah; if you seek help. Seek help of Allaah. Know that if the nation were to gather together to benefit you with anything, it would benefit you only with something that Allaah had already prescribed for you, and that if they gather together to harm you with anything, they would harm you only with something Allaah had already prescribed for you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried. ♥ ♥



                            http://www.theislamicemailcircle.com...anner-new5.jpg



                            * ~ “Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in full, without reckoning.” (39:10) ~ *

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: PLEASE Help me out

                              :salams

                              keep doing istikhara and nicely explain to your parents who you want to marry.
                              Plus its not very nice to get married to someone when your heart is inclined towards another?
                              check out this blog>>>http://myworldmuslimah.wordpress.com/

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