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If you can't Love

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  • umma
    replied
    Re: If you can't Love

    The best way to treat a wife is to SIMPLY IGNORE HER. After a period of time, she will eventually concede DEFEAT and will stop demanding those stupid emotional needs of her.
    -----------------------------

    You give an inch to these wives and they will take a mile.

    I am sorry mate your absolutely wrong here, its the MEN who take a mile when you give them an inch, if the women were to SIMPLY IGNORE THE MEN the men population would be lost.

    Leave a comment:


  • faithheals
    replied
    Re: If you can't Love

    "O you who believe! You are Forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should you treat them with harshness that you may take away part of the dower you have given them -except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If you take a dislike to them it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good." (4:19)

    "Women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity "(Quran 24:26)

    "A woman may married for four reasons: for her property, for her rank, for her beauty, and for her religion (and character). So marry the one who is best in the religion and character and prosper". (Bukhari and Muslim)

    "Three groups of people Allah obliged Himself to help them: Mujahid in the cause of Allah, a worker to pay his debt, and the one who wants to marry to live a chaste life". (Tirmidhi)

    Bro zdc, I believe you are married to a pious and very good wife so I advice you to be thankful to Allah swt for what he has given you. I'm sure deep down you do love her but you just don't know it. I advice you to at least love her for the sake of Allah. Ameen to all the duas for your marriage. Remember Allah and make good intentions for your marriage everyday and InshaAllah you will have a successful and happy marriage. Remember Allah swt has paired you with your wife for good reasons so see the blessings and always have trust in Allah.

    I'm sure your relationship with your wife is like this quote: "Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or concieted. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take pleasure in other peoples sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to eudure whatever comes." May Allah swt increase the affection and love between you and your wife, Ameen.
    Last edited by faithheals; 21-07-11, 11:13 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • kiduka
    replied
    Re: If you can't Love

    Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
    ↑Bro, I really don't think he's trolling. He came here for advice.
    True, he said a lot about his personal life (which I didn't thought was unreasonable), but that doesn't mean he's trolling.
    We're all entitled to different views and opinions,

    Based on my point of view this is nonsense. Me personally I would seek real advice from a real person, I don't see the value of seeking advice from a forum when all you get is random comments and off topic discussions. If I were to come online it would probably be for a fatwa, that's it.

    But that's just me

    Leave a comment:


  • .mirror.
    replied
    Re: If you can't Love

    ↑Bro, I really don't think he's trolling. He came here for advice.
    True, he said a lot about his personal life (which I didn't thought was unreasonable), but that doesn't mean he's trolling.

    Leave a comment:


  • kiduka
    replied
    Re: If you can't Love

    Originally posted by KeeKee View Post
    here's something else i don't get.
    why do you talk about your married life so publicly? with all due respect, do people not respect their own privacy? surely people have a friend or someone else to talk to? i think ONLY if there isn't some other way to get advice or offload your problems, should people go on forums, when it comes to marriage.
    It's what you call trolling, I'm not really bothered I actually find some of the threads quite hilarious.

    Leave a comment:


  • KeeKee
    replied
    Re: If you can't Love

    here's something else i don't get.
    why do you talk about your married life so publicly? with all due respect, do people not respect their own privacy? surely people have a friend or someone else to talk to? i think ONLY if there isn't some other way to get advice or offload your problems, should people go on forums, when it comes to marriage.

    Originally posted by zdc View Post
    I try my best, but I feel so bad, it's like I am deceiving her or something. No I don't hate her, it's just that she expects me to be all "head over heels" for her and I am just not like that. Often she will say things like I know you don't love me, and I will just try to ignore it or try to convince her that I do. It's just a beeg drama every now and then.

    I appreciate all the responses.

    Leave a comment:


  • Sam_87
    replied
    Re: If you can't Love

    Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
    Bro, you sound very negative. "this is my life every single day"..."something are not meant to be."

    You should be more than happy and grateful to Allah that He has blessed you with a wife that loves you. And, even if you weren't married, at least you have the essentials of life, which many, many people don't have.

    :insha: Be thankful to Allah for whatever He has given you.

    You should try from your side to increase love in your marriage, even if you don't feel like doing certain things with your wife. There's an example in Rasulullah :saw: for all of us. Follow him and practice what he did to his wives :insha: Can't go wrong with that.

    May Allah bless your marriage with love and affection with each other.
    Ameen n MashaAllah.

    Not the end of the world if you dont love your spouse, I cant find the hadith but Umar Ibn Khattab RA said that a marriage isnt built upon love but mutual respect and giving each others rights. I strongly agree with that hadith.

    Alhamdullilah Allah blessed you with a good wife, its only the tricks of the shaytaan that makes you think that youre "missing" out.

    Leave a comment:


  • .mirror.
    replied
    Re: If you can't Love

    Originally posted by zdc View Post
    I am really sorry for making you feel depressed. Unfortunately this is the life I live every single day. I would love to change it and the way I feel, I try very hard to do that, I even made a lot of dua when I was on hajj but perhaps somethings are not meant to be. I don't have anything against what Allah Swt has decreed for me, I just feel sad that I cannot be the husband my wife expects me to be.

    Request for duas.
    Bro, you sound very negative. "this is my life every single day"..."something are not meant to be."

    You should be more than happy and grateful to Allah that He has blessed you with a wife that loves you. And, even if you weren't married, at least you have the essentials of life, which many, many people don't have.

    :insha: Be thankful to Allah for whatever He has given you.

    You should try from your side to increase love in your marriage, even if you don't feel like doing certain things with your wife. There's an example in Rasulullah :saw: for all of us. Follow him and practice what he did to his wives :insha: Can't go wrong with that.

    May Allah bless your marriage with love and affection with each other.

    Leave a comment:


  • Kas1m
    replied
    Re: If you can't Love

    There is nothing wrong with this thread. It was a voice of a mind, a person. So its good.

    Leave a comment:


  • KeeKee
    replied
    Re: If you can't Love

    Originally posted by zdc View Post
    I'm sorry if you didn't like my thread, in fact I don't like it myself, wish I neved had to post it, but I guess I needed some help. I thank all those who have given me sincere advice, some of it was very useful. I pray Allah Swt grant you love in your hearts for your spouses and vice versa.

    I request the moderators to please close this thread as most of the useful post are already in. I fear what will follow will be nothing but small talk and a mockery of my life and feelings.

    Jazakallah.
    nothing personal akhi.

    Leave a comment:


  • Perseveranze
    replied
    Re: If you can't Love

    There's some people who don't really love their parents, probably because of the abuse they went through or some other reason. Yet the Quran/Sunnah tells us we need to be kind and loving towards them, and despite their feelings, for Allah(swt) they will do this without any problems and who knows, they'll mend their problems and love their parents again.

    I think you should just be a bit more patient. It may take years but who knows (but Allah(swt)), love may come.

    Leave a comment:


  • Lightindarkness
    replied
    Re: If you can't Love

    Originally posted by peace keeper View Post
    Sorry, I never had the spark to begin with.

    Though I haven't met or talked with my fiancee but she PROBABLY KNOWS that I am not going to be loving or dutiful husband. So NO WORRIES for me.

    I don't expect anything from her so she shouldn't expect anything from me.

    I think it's a FAIR DEAL.
    I find it hard to believe that you are a robot... but lets just say you don't have the ability to love (perhaps you don't like the female gender? Something to think about) you should inform your potential spouse about this matter before you marry her otherwise you are being grossly unjust. Most people marry for Allah, love and companionship... no one goes into a marriage thinking the couple will lead two different lives.... so no... not a fair deal if she does not know she is marrying a robot.

    Leave a comment:


  • zdc
    replied
    Re: If you can't Love

    Originally posted by KeeKee View Post
    don't you guys get tired of this subject live. get it in Jannah. be clicnical minded, instead of a mush pot. or be mushpots and carry on making 'oh im so confused' threads.
    I'm sorry if you didn't like my thread, in fact I don't like it myself, wish I neved had to post it, but I guess I needed some help. I thank all those who have given me sincere advice, some of it was very useful. I pray Allah Swt grant you love in your hearts for your spouses and vice versa.

    I request the moderators to please close this thread as most of the useful post are already in. I fear what will follow will be nothing but small talk and a mockery of my life and feelings.

    Jazakallah.

    Leave a comment:


  • zdc
    replied
    Re: If you can't Love

    Originally posted by *hijab* View Post
    To be quite honest this thread is kinda depressing. I mean I don't understand how you can't love someone who fears Allah, takes care of you and obeys you?

    Love isn't all about the hunky dory image people portray.

    Maybe you need to do more with your wife to get that spark back?
    I am really sorry for making you feel depressed. Unfortunately this is the life I live every single day. I would love to change it and the way I feel, I try very hard to do that, I even made a lot of dua when I was on hajj but perhaps somethings are not meant to be. I don't have anything against what Allah Swt has decreed for me, I just feel sad that I cannot be the husband my wife expects me to be.

    Request for duas.

    Leave a comment:


  • KeeKee
    replied
    Re: If you can't Love

    edited. too many mistakes in previous post because of typing too fast.

    Originally posted by KeeKee View Post
    You love for the sake of Allah.

    If you don't love, then a person will surely feel something, affection, etc.

    I don't think any one of us know truly what love is, nor have we uderstood what love is, because we have not found true love of Allah and his Messenger in our own selves.

    Love is transitory like everything else, you might find it, most likely you won't. but lets be honest here, you get married to fulfil desires, have a partner you can share everything with, we want love but we don't get married for love, attraction, lust, etc yes but not for love. love may come over time, its not something that just pops up.

    stop thinking with your hearts people, we all scoff at the storybook love people go on about, but i bet we all secretly dream of it and thats what puts these ideas in our heads.

    even if you don't love her/him, your partner gives themselves to you body and heart, so i think its unfair to say i don't love him/her, im just in this marriage for xyz reason. fair enough theres not love, but your in it cause you made your bed and so lie in it, instead of talking in cliches.

    don't you guys get tired of this subject :S . live. get it in Jannah. be clicnical minded, instead of a mush pot. or be mushpots and carry on making 'oh im so confused' threads.

    Leave a comment:

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