Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

If you can't Love

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #61
    Re: If you can't Love

    ↑Love can happen before marriage, brother. It's only a feeling, though, it shouldn't be acted upon before marriage. It's mentioned in the Sunnah.
    Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

    "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
    - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

    Comment


    • #62
      Re: If you can't Love

      Originally posted by *hijab* View Post
      To be quite honest this thread is kinda depressing. I mean I don't understand how you can't love someone who fears Allah, takes care of you and obeys you?

      Love isn't all about the hunky dory image people portray.

      Maybe you need to do more with your wife to get that spark back?
      Sorry, I never had the spark to begin with.

      Though I haven't met or talked with my fiancee but she PROBABLY KNOWS that I am not going to be loving or dutiful husband. So NO WORRIES for me.

      I don't expect anything from her so she shouldn't expect anything from me.

      I think it's a FAIR DEAL.

      Comment


      • #63
        Re: If you can't Love

        Originally posted by peace keeper View Post
        Sorry, I never had the spark to begin with.

        Though I haven't met or talked with my fiancee but she PROBABLY KNOWS that I am not going to be loving or dutiful husband. So NO WORRIES for me.

        I don't expect anything from her so she shouldn't expect anything from me.

        I think it's a FAIR DEAL.
        I'd say the opposite. Most women, if not all, would expect their husband to be loving and dutiful. Let's keep love aside, but being dutiful regarding her rights as a wife it's not a choice, but your obligation from Allah. So, you must be dutiful, or not marry at all.

        I still don't understand why brothers who have this point of view regarding marriage don't meet their prospective wives before nikah. It just sounds like a very risk situation.

        May Allah make your marriage work out nicely.
        Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

        "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
        - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

        Comment


        • #64
          Re: If you can't Love

          I can understand why brothers don't really care about meeting the sister before marriage. However, I think the sisters are probably more apprehensive about the marriage than the brothers. Therefore, a meeting or two or a few would most likely help to settle their nerves. I'm not saying that brothers won't be nervous, but they'll be nervous for reasons other than the marriage itself (finances and such). So if you don't care to meet the sister prior to the marriage, at least consider the sister's feelings regarding that issue.

          Comment


          • #65
            Re: If you can't Love

            Originally posted by abdulsidd View Post
            I can understand why brothers don't really care about meeting the sister before marriage. However, I think the sisters are probably more apprehensive about the marriage than the brothers. Therefore, a meeting or two or a few would most likely help to settle their nerves. I'm not saying that brothers won't be nervous, but they'll be nervous for reasons other than the marriage itself (finances and such). So if you don't care to meet the sister prior to the marriage, at least consider the sister's feelings regarding that issue.
            Why on earth should I consider her feelings ? What do you imply?

            Are you asking to give in to her non-practical emotional needs EVEN BEFORE MARRIAGE !!!!!!!!

            Comment


            • #66
              Re: If you can't Love

              Originally posted by peace keeper View Post
              Why on earth should I consider her feelings ? What do you imply?

              Are you asking to give in to her non-practical emotional needs EVEN BEFORE MARRIAGE !!!!!!!!
              :lailah:

              Comment


              • #67
                Re: If you can't Love

                Originally posted by peace keeper View Post
                Sorry, I never had the spark to begin with.

                Though I haven't met or talked with my fiancee but she PROBABLY KNOWS that I am not going to be loving or dutiful husband. So NO WORRIES for me.

                I don't expect anything from her so she shouldn't expect anything from me.

                I think it's a FAIR DEAL.
                With an attitude like this I'm surprised she's agreed to marry you in the first place.
                وَالْعَصْرِ

                إِنَّ الْإِنسَانَ لَفِي خُسْرٍ

                إِلَّا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالصَّبْرِ

                "If Allah (swt) only sent this Surah to us, for the guidance of Mankind, this will be enough for us” - Imam Shaafi'ee r.a.

                "Yeh dunya daar e faani hain, Tum apna dil mat lagaon, Ganimat samaj zinadagee ki bahar, aana na hoga, yahaa baar baar......"

                Khanqah Habibiyah

                Comment


                • #68
                  Re: If you can't Love

                  Originally posted by abdulsidd View Post
                  :lailah:
                  Now what's wrong?

                  This is a serious advice to all men: "Never ever have a chink in your armor; otherwise, your wives will gradually tear it apart altogether".

                  Comment


                  • #69
                    Re: If you can't Love

                    Originally posted by abdulsidd View Post
                    :lailah:
                    Originally posted by Jenicca View Post
                    With an attitude like this I'm surprised she's agreed to marry you in the first place.
                    Snap.

                    Then again, if the Sister's okay with not seeing you; not meeting you... whatever, really.

                    Some people just ought not to get married, if they can't even consider another person's feelings; for some people, it would even be makruh.
                    Ya Muqallib al-Quloob, thabbit qalbi 'alaa Deenik
                    O' Converter of Hearts, make my heart steadfast upon Thy Way
                    We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.

                    Comment


                    • #70
                      Re: If you can't Love

                      Originally posted by Soliloquy View Post
                      Snap.

                      Then again, if the Sister's okay with not seeing you; not meeting you... whatever, really.

                      Some people just ought not to get married, if they can't even consider another person's feelings; for some people, it would even be makruh.
                      Some people ought to mind their business and keep their opinions to themselves don't you agree?

                      Whilst I don't agree with him saying he won't be dutiful, he's completely entitled to stay in a marriage and not love his partner. I personally think the idea of love or the definition of the word has changed. IN the past love was probably more like extreme care and affection, whereas now it's more based on lust and desire.

                      Comment


                      • #71
                        Re: If you can't Love

                        Originally posted by Jenicca View Post
                        With an attitude like this I'm surprised she's agreed to marry you in the first place.
                        His is a better than most I would say, he doesn't want to allow the female to dictate terms to him and he doesn't want to have unnecessary social events prior to marriage. What is wrong with that?

                        Comment


                        • #72
                          Re: If you can't Love

                          Originally posted by johnfisher View Post
                          Some people ought to mind their business and keep their opinions to themselves don't you agree?

                          Whilst I don't agree with him saying he won't be dutiful, he's completely entitled to stay in a marriage and not love his partner. I personally think the idea of love or the definition of the word has changed. IN the past love was probably more like extreme care and affection, whereas now it's more based on lust and desire.
                          Well, then use the traditional definition, innit?
                          Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                          "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                          - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

                          Comment


                          • #73
                            Re: If you can't Love

                            Originally posted by johnfisher View Post
                            His is a better than most I would say, he doesn't want to allow the female to dictate terms to him and he doesn't want to have unnecessary social events prior to marriage. What is wrong with that?
                            It's not about having a woman who dictates her husbands entire life. It's about finding a partner in whose company you can find companionship, respect, trust, love and kindness with whom you can grow together in your deen, and follow upon the footsteps of our beloved Nabi :saw: and in turn attract the love and pleasure of Allah swt, and thus prepare for our afterlife.

                            Being a good husband and loving your wife is from the sunnah of our beloved Nabi :saw: and yes its only when we move away from the modern day notion of love, and back our roots of deen, will we succeed. Not only in our marriages but in our lives.

                            Our Nabi :saw: recommended the man to see his potential wife prior to marrying her. No amount of justification or excuses on your part will ever amount to that with Nabi :saw: recommended and to go against it the way you guys are, is only depriving yourselves of the barakah that lies in following the sunnah.
                            وَالْعَصْرِ

                            إِنَّ الْإِنسَانَ لَفِي خُسْرٍ

                            إِلَّا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالصَّبْرِ

                            "If Allah (swt) only sent this Surah to us, for the guidance of Mankind, this will be enough for us” - Imam Shaafi'ee r.a.

                            "Yeh dunya daar e faani hain, Tum apna dil mat lagaon, Ganimat samaj zinadagee ki bahar, aana na hoga, yahaa baar baar......"

                            Khanqah Habibiyah

                            Comment


                            • #74
                              Re: If you can't Love

                              Originally posted by johnfisher View Post
                              Some people ought to mind their business and keep their opinions to themselves don't you agree?

                              Whilst I don't agree with him saying he won't be dutiful, he's completely entitled to stay in a marriage and not love his partner. I personally think the idea of love or the definition of the word has changed. IN the past love was probably more like extreme care and affection, whereas now it's more based on lust and desire.
                              Actually, no, I don't. I care about the Brother just because he is a Muslim, and care about the Sister he may marry for exactly the same reason. He hasn't got married yet, please try to read the comments relating to what I have said before commenting on what I have said.

                              Having said the above, it's entirely up to the Sister whether she wants to meet him beforehand; if she doesn't want to, it's then up to her whether she wants to go ahead with this or not. All I care about is the fact that it is recommended by the Prophet of Allah :saw: for a reason, and that is apparent.

                              It amazes me that people can complain about nagging wives and what-have-you before they even get married, and yet they don't even bother to speak to them beforehand. All I say is, don't complain later then... If Islam has given you the right to see and meet someone for the sake of marriage, then who are you to not act upon this and complain later?
                              Ya Muqallib al-Quloob, thabbit qalbi 'alaa Deenik
                              O' Converter of Hearts, make my heart steadfast upon Thy Way
                              We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.

                              Comment


                              • #75
                                Re: If you can't Love

                                Originally posted by Jenicca View Post
                                It's not about having a woman who dictates her husbands entire life. It's about finding a partner in whose company you can find companionship, respect, trust, love and kindness with whom you can grow together in your deen, and follow upon the footsteps of our beloved Nabi :saw: and in turn attract the love and pleasure of Allah swt, and thus prepare for our afterlife.

                                Being a good husband and loving your wife is from the sunnah of our beloved Nabi :saw: and yes its only when we move away from the modern day notion of love, and back our roots of deen, will we succeed. Not only in our marriages but in our lives.

                                Our Nabi :saw: recommended the man to see his potential wife prior to marrying her. No amount of justification or excuses on your part will ever amount to that with Nabi :saw: recommended and to go against it the way you guys are, is only depriving yourselves of the barakah that lies in following the sunnah.
                                If the Ummah and modern muslim women were not the way they are right now, I would have gone to see her. But the way people lie, the way they manipulate and the way they put on a false act in these meetings, they are pointless. IN the Prophet's time, these kinds of acts and false information/identies were not common.

                                Like I've said many many times before, the only benefit now and even back then was to see each other's physical appearance. IN terms of character you learn close to nothing. Tell me honestly, do you think men provide comedy or speak about their interests (usually sport) in these meetings? Or do they end up talking about the boring stuff which doesn't interest them, things like their education background, what their job is etc etc.

                                I simply do not understand the point in meetings now since Photos and videos are commonly used. The prophet's time was different, you had to be in front of someone to see them, now you don't have to be.

                                I'll give you an example of what kind of act people put on. My cousin, she was silent and well behaved and act all shy in the meeting, in reality she's fesity, confident and quite michievous if that makes sense. If she was her natural self no one would give their son in marriage.

                                As for myself, in the interview with the aunty and uncle, I wanted to speak out that I hated Uni and I found my years at Uni to be an absolute borefest, yet had I said this, how many women would give their daughters over? This is why in my opinion the only gain from these meetings is seeing the person's apperance, which nowadays can be done through photos and videos anyway.

                                Comment

                                Working...
                                X