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  • Slipping..

    Salaam Alaykum

    I have a major issue which is just getting worse and am in need of some guidance.

    To put it candidly, I am a magnet when it comes to women, muslim and non muslim. I am a full fist length bearded bro but this beard is not helping in keeping women (esp. non muslim women) away. Almost everyday I have to deal with incidents of women try to grab my attention. Its worse now in the summer because all the women are walking around with all their legs showing and clevage for all to see and they stand right infront of me and do all sorts of strange poses/show cleavage to try to get my attention. The worst bit is I now have a new work colleague and she is extremely attractive and yep shes trying the same old tactics and I fear for my deen. I've had women hit on me, try to seduce me into zina, get my number/email, flirt and so on and I've held back but with the progression of time its getting harder and harder and Im getting all the more fustrated.

    Anyway, the reason Im posting this is because its killing me and I need advice. I can feel myself slowly slipping into dunya. All of this is screwing with my mind. Im burning on the inside, I cannot escape. There is no where to go, I have to work because if I dont then we're on the streets, but at the same time I cannot bare this fitna. Its bad enough seeing appealing women dressed in seductive attire, its worse when they want you.
    In some instances I can lower my gaze, in others I cant, either because there is no where to look or I am just too weak and I succumb.

    I want to get married but I just cannot find the one for me, Ive benn looking for about 4-5 years to no avail. All the sisters Ive interviewed are not what Im looking for. One problem that recently became apparent is the longer I am exposd to this filth, the higher my visual expectations of a potential.. So now Im at a point where I really want someone exceptionally beautiful as I think it'll help me lower my gaze but then coming across someone who ticks all the boxes is a rarity. Sigh.

    If anyone knows of any good marriage services in london then please post them up, and no online sites please.

  • #2
    Re: Slipping..

    Wa Alaikum Salaam,

    Shave your hair off (not your beard, your head).

    There was a man during the time of Omr (ra). All the girls would go crazy about him because of his good looks. So Omr (ra) ordered him to shave his head, but that only made him even more handsome. So he banished him from the town and told him to move elsewhere. I suggest you start looking at another place to work.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Slipping..

      :wswrwb:

      You must look really good, if that's the case. :D

      But, on a more serious note, I think if you have a beard already, then it might help if you were to wear Sunnah clothes to keep them at bay. Don't wear tight fitting clothes at all.

      The women troubling you on the street shouldn't even matter. Just ignore them and walk away. Actually, just don't look at them at all. If you don't look at them, they will know you don't care.
      Where is this place where they stand right in front of you and pose? Just don't go to that place, bro.

      As for your colleague, tell her in a clear manner that your religion does not allow you to interact with the opposite gender, so she will leave you alone. She'll get the message :insha:

      Lastly, ask Allah for help to keep you strong and make it easier for you to avoid these places/situations.
      Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

      "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
      - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Slipping..

        i think you needs to put on Niqaab bro?

        I think it happens to alot of practising brothers, so your not the only one, its shaytans way of trying to weaken you

        Strongest advice bro- make sure you lower your gaze- never let that weaken
        theres no point looking at these disgusting women exposing themselves, they aint worth it bro, keep your eyes only for you wife inshAllah

        the prophet pbuh said "the thing which has obscenity will be spoilt by it and the thing which has modestly will be beautified by it"
        The accuracy of that hadith is soo true its unbelievable.

        the prophet pbuh said "sight is a poisonous arrow of the devil. Whosoever, whether male or female, protects himself or herself from evil glances, will be granted a sweet iman which will please his/her heart" (tabrani)

        also if you accidently see woman, just lower your gaze, and make dua to Allah for someone better

        Marriage services errrr gud question

        - http://www.afafmatrimonials.com/ - a service regents park masjid (fee involved)
        - http://alihsanmarrige.com/main/index.php - a service in east london masjid (fee involved - think its £70 - to pay for admin running costs)
        - also east london masjid - i think the imams keep a folder of profiles and match them, so you can put yours amongst them (on the house - free)
        - ask any married bros you know to ask their wives
        - ask all the imams you know
        - im sure you already trying through family

        i dont know how practising the brothers/sisters are though
        May Alllah give you a pious wife, and pious offspring inshAllah


        - i think there should be a sticky made , so people can post any marriage services/ or masjids they know, because every so often we get brothers/sisters asking about marriage services- saves them the hassle?

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Slipping..

          Wa'alaykum as-salaam,

          Think of how hot the fire in hell is and how wearing so little won't help? =/

          (No offense, I do pray Allah grants these women hidayah.)
          Ya Muqallib al-Quloob, thabbit qalbi 'alaa Deenik
          O' Converter of Hearts, make my heart steadfast upon Thy Way
          We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Slipping..

            wa calaykum salam,

            The best solution to avoid that fitna is to get married InshAllah. Ask your parents to look for you a sister who has
            good character and deen or if you personnaly know a sister who has these two conditions and feel attracted to than
            send your mahrams to her mahrams to get to know her for marriage.
            Don't let the shaydaan to win over you, he is probably going to give you excuses for not to get married in the right way.
            So make sincere dua to Allah and InshAllah he will grant you a pious spouse.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Slipping..

              Why aren't you married?

              I have 5 brothers, 2 of them are very popular with the ladies, my parents realised this and to avoid them getting into the haraam, they found them girls to marry. This has Alhamdulilah ensured they are less likely to fall into the haraam.

              Get married, you will Insha'allah have a wife who you will feel so close with, that it will anger you when women approach you. When a good man marries, he feel fury and angry when women approach him, because he is now with a woman of his own.

              Get married.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Slipping..

                wear a turban.

                that keeps women awat from me.

                really the whole terrorist sterotype is an awesome way to avoid attention from the ladies.
                And the (faithful) slaves of the Most Gracious (All‚h) are those who walk on the earth in humility and sedateness, and when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with mild words of gentleness. (25:63)

                O You who believe! Shall I guide you to a trade that will save you from a painful torment? (10) That you believe in All‚h and His Messenger (Muhammad SAW),and that you strive hard and fight in the Cause of All‚h with your wealth and your lives, that will be better for you, if you but know! (11) (If you do so) He will forgive you your sins, and admit you into Gardens under which rivers flow, and pleasant dwellings in Adn (Edn) Paradise; that is indeed the great success. (12)

                JazakAllah khair for the duas but i would prefer duas for shahadah instead.

                sponsor an orphan

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Slipping..

                  looking for 4-5 years and not found anyone. two questions

                  1. are you looking for perfection? there's no such thing as a perfect human. Instead, decide which imperfections you can live with. The number 1 priority is to marry a pious, believing practicing person who fears Allah.

                  2. are you looking in the right places? maybe you're going about looking in the wrong way and so you're only finding the wrong kind of women. the bros and sisters here might have better advice about where to look.

                  Getting married is the only solution to this problem, or moving to a country where women dress more modestly AND getting married.

                  In the meantime I like bro uncle umar's suggestion of wearing a turban, or anything else to make you less attractive. Also don't use men's grooming products that contain pheramones, most of them do, e.g. lynx, these are smells that attract women, and it's scientifically proven. Use an unperfumed antipersperant and make sure all your soap and everything else are unperfumed.
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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by dhakiyya View Post
                    looking for 4-5 years and not found anyone. two questions

                    1. are you looking for perfection? there's no such thing as a perfect human. Instead, decide which imperfections you can live with. The number 1 priority is to marry a pious, believing practicing person who fears Allah.

                    2. are you looking in the right places? maybe you're going about looking in the wrong way and so you're only finding the wrong kind of women. the bros and sisters here might have better advice about where to look.

                    Getting married is the only solution to this problem, or moving to a country where women dress more modestly AND getting married.

                    In the meantime I like bro uncle umar's suggestion of wearing a turban, or anything else to make you less attractive. Also don't use men's grooming products that contain pheramones, most of them do, e.g. lynx, these are smells that attract women, and it's scientifically proven. Use an unperfumed antipersperant and make sure all your soap and everything else are unperfumed.
                    The turban is attractive at it is The Prophets attire and is sunnah. Therefore it is WRONG and DEVIANT for you to suggest it is ugly .


                    AsSalaamu 'Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu
                    D
                    suffer me

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Slipping..

                      JazakaAllahu khayran for all the input. I dont think the turban would put women off, maybe in the states but not sure about London.

                      I have looked into the regents park service for my sis and it wasnt good so I dont want to go back there. Has anyone tried the alihsan/ELM marraige service ?

                      Originally posted by dhakiyya
                      looking for 4-5 years and not found anyone. two questions

                      1. are you looking for perfection? there's no such thing as a perfect human. Instead, decide which imperfections you can live with. The number 1 priority is to marry a pious, believing practicing person who fears Allah.

                      2. are you looking in the right places? maybe you're going about looking in the wrong way and so you're only finding the wrong kind of women. the bros and sisters here might have better advice about where to look.
                      Well, I am looking for someone with religiousness, but I naturally have quite high expectations in terms of beauty too and that is the real problem here. I have a very particular taste and finding someone on that level is proving quite hard. I have tried to settle for less but I just cant, I end up comparing and I just hate that. But beauty has its one issues, attractive people are more likely to have engaged in pre-martial relationships and that is another thing I cannot stand as I have kept myself clean up until now and am really hoping it stays like that. In summary, I want someone pious, attractive, chaste, affectionate/loving and with whom I can click.

                      I have tried websites and found them to be deceptive in terms of how people present themselves (visually and personality). I have asked around too but that didnt work out either.. The only option is to try these maritial services offered by mosques and hope for the best.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Slipping..

                        Originally posted by ripe512 View Post
                        JazakaAllahu khayran for all the input. I dont think the turban would put women off, maybe in the states but not sure about London.

                        I have looked into the regents park service for my sis and it wasnt good so I dont want to go back there. Has anyone tried the alihsan/ELM marraige service ?

                        Well, I am looking for someone with religiousness, but I naturally have quite high expectations in terms of beauty too and that is the real problem here. I have a very particular taste and finding someone on that level is proving quite hard. I have tried to settle for less but I just cant, I end up comparing and I just hate that. But beauty has its one issues, attractive people are more likely to have engaged in pre-martial relationships and that is another thing I cannot stand as I have kept myself clean up until now and am really hoping it stays like that. In summary, I want someone pious, attractive, chaste, affectionate/loving and with whom I can click.

                        I have tried websites and found them to be deceptive in terms of how people present themselves (visually and personality). I have asked around too but that didnt work out either.. The only option is to try these maritial services offered by mosques and hope for the best.
                        if its about attractiveness, then get married to a morrocan - you'll be spoilt for choice (apparently)

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Slipping..

                          W Salaam,

                          Bro first of mashaAllah, thank Allah (swt) for the beauty, remember the story of Yusuf (as) when he was the most handsome and all the women were chasing him and cut of their fingers by just staring at him, even the kings wife was giving it to him on the plate, what did he do? He had taqwa, he didnt let these women drag him to hell, he feared Allah (swt) subhanAllah.

                          Its pretty simple to cut away from these women by just telling them straight, man up and tell them you aint into all this crap (say it more politely lol), look for another job, if your fearful of your deen then leave the job, Allah (Swt) will provide you with a better job inshaAllah.

                          Also yes get married but dont let beauty play an important part in marriage, the beauty on her face should shine from the girls deen, you will see the noor on her face like no other if shes pious inshaAllah.

                          Wear a jubbah, wear sunnah clothing, that is dawah itself especially if you remain modest.

                          As-Salaamu Alaikum
                          Allahumma Insur Al-Islam Wal-Muslimeen

                          Ahasiban naasu ay yutrakoo ay yaqooloo aamannaa wa hum laa yuftanoon. (Do men imagine that they will be left (at ease) because they say, We believe, and will not be tested with affliction? Surah 29 (2)

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Slipping..

                            Brother people like you have the potential to change these women, first off try your best to change your work place into a more professional environment, but meanwhile talk to these women and guide them nicely about the pro's of covering up more and the con's of dressing provocatively - who knows some of these women may accept islam.

                            Let me tell you a story, there was this brother from where I live he went for a job interview, at the end of it the lady wanted to shake hands - he refused nicely and explained what the islamic reasons were regarding modesty - he got the job and a few years down the line the woman accepted islam

                            He it is Who sends blessings on you, as do His angels, that He may bring you out from the depths of Darkness into Light: and He is Full of Mercy to the Believers. [Quran {33:43}]
                            www.QuranicAudio.com
                            www.Quran.com

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Slipping..

                              just wear Islamic clothing, like Qamees and the white trousers. hey, even the hat. that should put the girls at bay.
                              and if after that they still getting your attention, then is you that's the problem, not them.
                              i would suggest you read Dua before you leave your house every morning.
                              ďThis day I have perfected your religion for you,completed My Favour upon you, and have chosen for you Islam as your religion.Ē [5:3]"I have created the jinns and the humans solely to worship Me."[51:56]"a woman's heart should be lost in God, that a man needs to see him in order to find her"

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