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My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

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    #31
    Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

    So answer this, why do you want to stay with her?
    "Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes"

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      #32
      Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

      Originally posted by hamza05 View Post
      to be honest there a bit of fault on your side, when she was changing you didnt stop it however its done i dont know the reosen why your wife did this or whats the full story behind it but all i can say is if you want to be with her and you readdy to accept her after what she has done then i tell you to man up a bit, dont be too soft put your foot down when you have to.but for now go and speak to the ulema and maybe the elders and find the solution and ways on what you going to do. we can be here all day saying how bad your wife is etc or what you could have done as a husband etc etc but its done you got look for solution to your marrige.

      You're right i should have acted more swiftly... So in that sense part of it is my fault. What can i do now brother. But at the same time, both her parents have diabetes and her 59 year old father has sever heart problems. I can't tell them anything because it might hurt and shock them too much. At the same time, if i tell my parents, they will force me to split up with her, which i can't even imagine doing. I'm stuck.

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        #33
        Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

        Originally posted by Perseveranze View Post
        Asalaamu Alaikum,

        Out of curiousity, did you know anything about her before you got married to her? Like, do you know whether she used to live this lifestyle before she got married to you?
        She was an amazing woman and we were both virgins before we married. She has 3 sisters and a brother, all of them very deeni. Her father is a hafiz. She used to live with her parents.

        Comment


          #34
          Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

          Originally posted by QMU View Post
          you told her to consider it... you put it on the table lol.... subhanAllah...If i rememeber correctly, it was her asking to spend time with her husband and him having some problems with smoking.....

          as bad as that sounds and as much as we may not agree with it, it wasnt haram lol and on top of that though it sounds very harsh... there was fitnah as she was living with non mahrams, so it was preventing anything bad from happen.....and did you actually read the OP's .... the wife slept with dozens of men, she drank alcohol... she commited zina for flipping sake... subhanAllah... listen to yourself...

          how can you defend such a thing... mind boggling...
          She said she wasn't happy her current living situation (and who would be?), and she said that she'd spoken to her husband, and he refused to change it. In real life, those are the choices: if your spouse refuses to change something, regardless of who's right, your choices are to either live with it, or divorce. I also said that only she could decide if staying in the marriage was worth the sacrifice. In her original post, she made the statement that she wasn't allowed to use the bathroom when he wasn't home, and that he was rarely home. That sort of lunacy may not be haram if she agrees to it, but that doesn't change the fact that it's crazy. Other posters made the (truthful) observation that he literally treated her like a pet dog, so I'm not sure what's behind your obsession with my comment.

          In this post, I'm not defending the wife at all. I was genuinely surprised that he wanted to stay with her, because I wouldn't have, and I don't think most people would. However, he's obviously considered divorce, and doesn't want to do that yet. I wouldn't blame him at all if he did, but as with the other poster you mentioned, it's his prerogative if he wants to remain married. Maybe I misunderstood his intention, but I read the OP as him asking for help in forgiving his wife. I freely admit that he's a better person than I am, because if I were him, I wouldn't bother.

          Comment


            #35
            Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

            Originally posted by Saquib View Post
            Salaam brother, i meant she turned different in a week or two. She did not commit zina so may times in that short time. I dress like a nice man, and don't even look at other women in the wrong way. Now after this I wish i could go out and start flirting and kissing other women to make her angry and hurt her and for me to get some revenge but i know i simply can't do that....... because i love her
            May i ask you, as i can see you have a islamic name... how practicing are you... you state she prays and fasts and so on... on what level are you....

            i ask you, because of what you wrote... maybe it me over analysing things, but you dont want to look at other women or do anything wrong with them, not for the sake of your wife, but because of the sake of Allah.... Allah has forbiden things for us, and we must try our upmost best to do that, for Allah...

            you just make sure your prayers are in order... that you are doing your voluntary prayers and you are giving your children your time... make sure they are getting the right upbringing in all of this... make sure they are as least affected as possible... i cant see them NOT being affected by all this.. but its your job to keep it minimal..... is your wife still living with you?.... if yes then make sures shes doing all prayers and fasting and keeping away from haram.... slow steps....

            yh, people can change that quickly, its the company they are in.... just make sure she breaks contact with those others and you just gotta step up now inshAllah.

            Comment


              #36
              Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

              Originally posted by RashidD View Post
              So answer this, why do you want to stay with her?
              i have kids with her. She's my first EVERYTHING; first love, first affection, first wife, first sex, first kid with her. Do you think it's easy for me to leave her? It isn't what'll happen to the kids? Can you imagine the upbringing they will be deprived of? I don't know why, but i just love her; i can't explain it in words brother, so forgive me for being such a waste.....

              Comment


                #37
                Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

                la howla wala qawata illah billah,brother u have to ask yourself sincerely what to do, people can advise you but you are the only one who can make the decision, and its a simple one, either stay with her forget all about it and erase it from your mind and never ever speak about it again. or let her go.

                Allah give u strength amin.
                "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

                The Prophet :saw: said:

                "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

                muslim

                Narrated 'Abdullah:

                The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


                "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

                By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

                [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

                Comment


                  #38
                  Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

                  Originally posted by Saquib View Post
                  i have kids with her. She's my first EVERYTHING; first love, first affection, first wife, first sex, first kid with her. Do you think it's easy for me to leave her? It isn't what'll happen to the kids? Can you imagine the upbringing they will be deprived of? I don't know why, but i just love her; i can't explain it in words brother, so forgive me for being such a waste.....
                  No no, that's why i asked you the question brother... For you to realise why you don't want to leave her. So seek closure from the past. Put it aside for all the things you have mentioned above and work through it.
                  "Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes"

                  Comment


                    #39
                    Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

                    I'm sorry but I don't buy this

                    It's like AbuMubarak said,
                    Originally posted by AbuMubarak View Post
                    a man who stays with a woman who sleeps with other men is not a man. and if you are choosing to stay with her, then dont complain.
                    Sorry to sound harsh but to me your story is rubbish, no man is this weak and pathetic.

                    BTW, Green means good, Yellow means caution, Orange means WTF and Red means "BS"

                    Right, let's go over the story

                    1 - Very religious and good hearted

                    2 - Graduated from Cambridge

                    3 - Married a fairy tale women from respected family - I assume it's Snow White

                    4 - Everything good for 5 years
                    -----------------------------------------------
                    5 - Suddenly she stops wearing headscarf - Hmmm...

                    6 - Started hanging out with English friends - Why now?

                    7 - Started wearing inappropriate clothing - Went from being a fairy tale Muslim wife from respected family to being street trash

                    8 - Started drinking and sleeping with several men, at least 3 dozen - There are 12 in 1 dozen, so 3 x 12 would equal 36 men ...wow

                    9 - She mocked you for being soft - how mean

                    9 - She slepted with 4 men simultaneously when you was at work - Really? ...I don't know if your aware but a women only has 3 penetration areas, one of which is forbidden

                    10 - After yelling "TALAAQ" she crumbled and begged for mercy

                    11 - You felt sorry for her and held on to the marriage - You basically threw your manhood out the window

                    12 - You could no longer get intimate without feeling disgusted

                    13 - The food she cooks make you feel like your being forced to swallow rubbish

                    And now you don't know what to do, you need help.


                    Let me tell you where you fail for me,

                    WHAT KIND OF A "VERY RELIGIOUS" BROTHER GIVES GRAPHIC DETAIL ABOUT HIS WIFE'S SINS ON A PUBLIC ONLINE FORUM??????

                    A religious brother would immediately get a Sheik involved due to the seriousness of the situation, sorry but you coming on here just makes you look like a clueless clown.

                    Comment


                      #40
                      Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

                      ^extremely inappropriate post above which should be ignored.

                      He came online asking for advice just like the 1000s before him do. The internet is not your neighbourhood.

                      Brother Saquib,

                      Things were going downhill and it doesn't sound like you reacted when you should have to stop your wife from going down a sinful path.

                      The best summation to your problem is given in this post:
                      Originally posted by *asiya* View Post
                      la howla wala qawata illah billah,brother u have to ask yourself sincerely what to do, people can advise you but you are the only one who can make the decision, and its a simple one, either stay with her forget all about it and erase it from your mind and never ever speak about it again. or let her go.

                      Allah give u strength amin.

                      Comment


                        #41
                        Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

                        Originally posted by PurpleMuslimah View Post
                        Also, a 180-degree personality change like you've described could indicate a medical problem, so you should probably arrange for her to be seen by a psychiatrist and neurologist. The possibility of sihr (black magic) should be investigated by someone knowledgeable on the subject. You should also insist that she be tested for STDs before sleeping with her again, so that you're not exposed to anything she may have picked up.
                        I agree with the above. It sounds like it may be a manic episode (where people behave in a really out of control, impulsive and out of character way due to mental illness) - if it is that then she needs treatment inshaAllah. I agree with the other advice above, especially being tested for STDs. If it's not a manic episode and she really did do all those things when in her own, normal, healthy state of mind, then :S but she's stopped now, and as the advise above suggested, you have to decide if you want to stay with her or not and if you stay with her you have to let the past stay in the past and let her continue with sincere repentance. If it was a manic episode, she needs to be seen by a specialist doctor, and may need to be on medication to keep her on an even keel, or she may need some other treatment. In bipolar disorder people have manic phases and depressed phases, if she's had depression too at other times, it's a possibility she has bipolar disorder. It's something you need to get checked out though inshaAllah.




                        Comment


                          #42
                          Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

                          It sounds like jinn posession or some mental illness. No-one can change that quick surely?


                          May Allah protect us from situations like this, and also make it easier for the brother.

                          Very difficult situation. Don't know what I would do, but it would be something drastic.

                          Read the following du'a.

                          Rabbana hablana min azwajina wa dhurriyyatina qurrata a'yunin waja'alna lilmuttaqeena imama

                          "Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous"
                          SPREAD OF EVIL
                          ZIONISM
                          BOLLYWOOD

                          Comment


                            #43
                            Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

                            Originally posted by kiduka View Post
                            I'm sorry but I don't buy this

                            It's like AbuMubarak said,


                            Sorry to sound harsh but to me your story is rubbish, no man is this weak and pathetic.

                            BTW, Green means good, Yellow means caution, Orange means WTF and Red means "BS"

                            Right, let's go over the story

                            1 - Very religious and good hearted

                            2 - Graduated from Cambridge

                            3 - Married a fairy tale women from respected family - I assume it's Snow White

                            4 - Everything good for 5 years
                            -----------------------------------------------
                            5 - Suddenly she stops wearing headscarf - Hmmm...

                            6 - Started hanging out with English friends - Why now?

                            7 - Started wearing inappropriate clothing - Went from being a fairy tale Muslim wife from respected family to being street trash

                            8 - Started drinking and sleeping with several men, at least 3 dozen - There are 12 in 1 dozen, so 3 x 12 would equal 36 men ...wow

                            9 - She mocked you for being soft - how mean

                            9 - She slepted with 4 men simultaneously when you was at work - Really? ...I don't know if your aware but a women only has 3 penetration areas, one of which is forbidden

                            10 - After yelling "TALAAQ" she crumbled and begged for mercy

                            11 - You felt sorry for her and held on to the marriage - You basically threw your manhood out the window

                            12 - You could no longer get intimate without feeling disgusted

                            13 - The food she cooks make you feel like your being forced to swallow rubbish

                            And now you don't know what to do, you need help.


                            Let me tell you where you fail for me,

                            WHAT KIND OF A "VERY RELIGIOUS" BROTHER GIVES GRAPHIC DETAIL ABOUT HIS WIFE'S SINS ON A PUBLIC ONLINE FORUM??????

                            A religious brother would immediately get a Sheik involved due to the seriousness of the situation, sorry but you coming on here just makes you look like a clueless clown.
                            Have you heard the story of the Sahabi who used to memorise the Qur'an and went out for Jihad where he fell in love with a (i think) roman woman? Yeah, people can change. That is why this thread should be a point of reflection for all of us.
                            "Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes"

                            Comment


                              #44
                              Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

                              Assalamualaikum brother, in which area you are staying? i may give you contact of pious alim, who may help you further inshallah.
                              Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) is also reported to have said: “He who is very hasty and so bold as to pass verdicts is also bold in taking the path towards hell

                              Comment


                                #45
                                Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

                                Originally posted by kiduka View Post

                                WHAT KIND OF A "VERY RELIGIOUS" BROTHER GIVES GRAPHIC DETAIL ABOUT HIS WIFE'S SINS ON A PUBLIC ONLINE FORUM??????

                                A religious brother would immediately get a Sheik involved due to the seriousness of the situation, sorry but you coming on here just makes you look like a clueless clown.
                                I don't personally know any sheikh. And i apologosed for the details, i said that already. So please, i'll say it again, i'm sorry, but what can i do; if i hadn't written those, do you think people would have understood the situation? NO

                                Salaam

                                Comment

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