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My lovely married sisters ...your advices are needed.

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  • #46
    Re: My lovely married sisters ...your advices are needed.

    Be ready for life sister. If you are grown enough to marry a man and be intimate you are grown enough to leave an abuser of religon and women and rebuild your life if it goes wrong and you can do it, so get out there and think the best of the world and what it has to offer you because you are guided by Islam and will continue to be in the face of everything.


    • #47
      Re: My lovely married sisters ...your advices are needed.

      Originally posted by .: Anna :. View Post
      its not every husband who is going to make a big issue of this, so insha Allah just find someone who is reasonable and it will be fine
      thats the thing sister, the man rarely makes a big issue about this... its normally this sister( i can sense a male vs female from that lol).... but think about society and how we have been brought up..... its logically going to be the women who has more of an issue with this... soley because to us insaan... the "control" is with the husband, and nobody likes to be controlled i guess.... i dont think its really a fussy issue at all... ofc you can ask about it... but i dont think its something that should be asked, or your doomed... you look at the spouse, the values he goes by, his piety and so on.... and then if you are happy, things like this can be discussed whilst your married.

      we talk about there being a lot of barriers before marriage.... but like, what you going to say before the nikah..." Will you allow me to go out?".... or ... " how do you see the issue of me getting an education" or how controlling are you lol....

      Allahu Allam, i think we make bigger issues out of little things....


      • #48
        Re: My lovely married sisters ...your advices are needed.

        BUT the bolded part is just unclear for me !! how is freedom DANGEROUS

        Because You Dont have any Boundaries - No one To Stop you

        no one To Teach You Not To Go That Far
        And He found you lost and guided you,
        ~ Qur'an (Ad Duhaa) 93:7 ~

        Salaah Reminders

        Guide us to the straight pain.
        " Ihdina-s-sirata-l-mustaqim "
        ~ Quran 1:6 ~

        الله أعلم


        • #49
          Re: My lovely married sisters ...your advices are needed.

          As for women who have a problem with their husbands not allowing them from going out unless for a valid reason***, then Allah Himself says in the Quran:

          The almighty, The Most High says, "And abide quietly in your homes, and do not flaunt your charms as they used to flaunt them in the old days of pagan ignorance; and be constant in prayer, and render the purifying dues, and pay heed unto God and His Apostle... (Al-Ahzab, 33:33)

          PS: ***valid reason as defined by shariah not defined by ones nafs.
          Last edited by truepath; 16-06-11, 12:32 PM.
          لا أريد مِنْكُمْ جَزَاء وَلا شُكُورًا


          • #50
            Re: My lovely married sisters ...your advices are needed.

            وَقَرْنَ فِى بُيُوتِكُنَّ
            (And stay in your houses,) means, stay in your houses and do not come out except for a purpose. One of the purposes mentioned in Shari`ah is prayer in the Masjid, so long as the conditions are fulfilled, as the Messenger of Allah said:
            «لَا تَمْنَعُوا إِمَاءَ اللهِ مَسَاجِدَ اللهِ وَلْيَخْرُجْنَ وَهُنَّ تَفِلَات»
            (Do not prevent the female servants of Allah from the Masjids of Allah, but have them go out without wearing fragrance.) According to another report:
            «وَبُيُوتُهُنَّ خَيْرٌ لَهُن»
            (even though their houses are better for them.)
            وَلاَ تَبَرَّجْنَ تَبَرُّجَ الْجَـهِلِيَّةِ الاٍّولَى
            (and do not Tabarruj yourselves like the Tabarruj of the times of ignorance,) Mujahid said: "Women used to go out walking in front of men, and this was the Tabarruj of Jahiliyyah.'' Qatadah said:
            وَلاَ تَبَرَّجْنَ تَبَرُّجَ الْجَـهِلِيَّةِ الاٍّولَى
            (and do not Tabarruj yourselves like the Taburruj of the times of ignorance,) "When they go out of their homes walking in a shameless and flirtatious manner, and Allah, may He be exalted, forbade that.'' Muqatil bin Hayyan said:
            وَلاَ تَبَرَّجْنَ تَبَرُّجَ الْجَـهِلِيَّةِ الاٍّولَى
            (and do not Tabarruj yourselves like the Tabarruj of the times of ignorance,) "Tabarruj is when a woman puts a Khimar on her head but does not tie it properly.'' So her necklaces, earrings and neck, and all of that can be seen. This is Tabarruj, and Allah addresses all the women of the believers with regard to Tabarruj.
            وَأَقِمْنَ الصَّلَوةَ وَءَاتِينَ الزَّكَـوةَ وَأَطِعْنَ اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ
            (and perform the Salah, and give Zakah and obey Allah and His Messenger.) Allah first forbids them from evil, then He enjoins them to do good by establishing regular prayer, which means worshipping Allah alone with no partner or associate, and paying Zakah, which means doing good to other people.
            وَأَطِعْنَ اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ
            (and obey Allah and His Messenger.) This is an instance of something specific being followed by something general.
            Last edited by truepath; 16-06-11, 12:35 PM.
            لا أريد مِنْكُمْ جَزَاء وَلا شُكُورًا


            • #51
              Re: My lovely married sisters ...your advices are needed.

              Originally posted by Leemar Tayem View Post
              Others are welcomed in this thread too.

              I find it hard to have peace with the idea of a husband for example "ordering" me NOT to get out the house for a reason i might not agree with or for a reason i (might) find to be shallow!

              It is in Islam that a husband has lots of authority on a wife, it is what Allah said and ordered us .... i know this very well Alhamdulillah , but my question is "How can you be an obedient wife"? "How did you cope with the fact that a big portion of your freedom is now in the hands of another person?" and what did you do to cope with it ?

              salam everyone , and please keeping the thread clean of brothers/sisters battles will be highly appreciated !!!!

              I slightly edited the thread ! removing what`ve might distracted the attention from my main concern ... thank you again.
              the answer is very, very simple. marry a man who has enough self respect and maturity to never feel the need to order you to do anything just for the sake of ordering you. then, listen to what he has to say and trust his judgement. if you marry a man who you know and trust would not order you to do something without a good reason, then you'll find it easy to obey him. Also if he's like this and you're also mature and respect yourself, you won't do the kinds of things that would cause problems and he won't need to order you to do stuff, and when he does you'll know he has a very good reason and you'll respect it naturally and easily.

              Some of the discussions you see here give a very fragmented view of marriage. You're not giving your husband your self respect, your will, your ability to make decisions. You're not doing any of that (unless you marry a control freak, which I don't recommend at all) - you will still be you, you will still respect yourself, have your own will and make your own decisions. You and your husband will make decisions about important things together, the normal way, by discussing the issues and taking each others opinions into account. Yes he'll get the final say, but if he's a good husband a) he'll listen to what you have to say and b) he'll want you to be happy, and if those are both true then he'll want to do what makes you happy.

              The kind of control freak husband who bosses you around, won't let you make your own decisions, won't respect you, will always impose his will on you, will boss you around like you're his slave - don't marry this kind of man to begin with.



              • #52
                Re: My lovely married sisters ...your advices are needed.

                I don't think is that bad. i'm not married so i cant really know but what from i have seen, because some of my sisters are married, as well as my friends etc. is not so bad. is not like he will tell you what to do 24/7 that's just silly. if he did, that wouldn't be good marriage to live in.
                but i suppose in major issues, like moving out of the country, paying debt of, going on a holiday, that sort of things he can and has the right to tell what to do.
                but is not like you are with him 24/7. if both parties are being good Muslim and are following the Sunnah to the T, then i suppose he will be out most of the day working, when he comes home his too tired to order anyone around. i have seen with this my sisters and my friends.
                is not like they have you by the color and saying to you do this, do that. is better to be single than live in that kind of marriage, which i don't think it ever happens.

                the reason why sisters worry about stuff like this these days is because of too much freedom we have. is crazy when you hear what some sisters got up in their singleton days. i guess some want the same freedom when they get married, not realizing it wont be the case.

                and another reason being men abuse their power today.

                hence why we have major marriage issues today. many sisters in my culture do not want to marry, and many brothers are complaining that there arent anyone 'good' to marry. this happens in my culture.
                few days ago we went to a lecture and this very issue was discuss. the imam goes.. is because of the above i mentioned.
                if everyone just play their part and be as good as they can without hurting their partner, im sure this would not be an issue.
                Last edited by Bint-Al-Islam; 16-06-11, 04:07 PM.
                “This day I have perfected your religion for you,completed My Favour upon you, and have chosen for you Islam as your religion.” [5:3]"I have created the jinns and the humans solely to worship Me."[51:56]"a woman's heart should be lost in God, that a man needs to see him in order to find her"


                • #53
                  Re: My lovely married sisters ...your advices are needed.

                  Originally posted by Leemar Tayem View Post
                  No offense ! but i don`t think men today have same great responsibilities of men in the past ! I mean if the wifey is gonna pay for half of the expenses , AND bring babies to life + the old duties of a good wife , i believe men today are in hevean !

                  And if you`re gonna tell me not all wives work , i would agree , but again a husband nowadays isn`t obliged to kill the lion that is roaring near the house , nor bring wood from the forest ! LOL! but yea this isn`t our argument !

                  Who says wife has to bring half of house's income. Wife can sit down in the house and relax and whatever husband brings home should be grateful to Allah(s.w.t.) instead of bringing more money to home.

                  If a wife is doing job just to keep herself busy and to advance her career or to maintain her 'living standard' good for her. But she is doing it for herself, so she should not try to claim the good points for things which she has no 'niyah' of.


                  • #54
                    Re: My lovely married sisters ...your advices are needed.

                    Easy. Discuss your expectations of each other before marriage, and don't marry a man who says "I won't let you leave the house unless it's on fire", or who expects you to call him and ask for permission before walking to the mailbox. If you do choose to marry him, at least you know what you're getting into.