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  • My lovely married sisters ...your advices are needed.

    Others are welcomed in this thread too.

    I find it hard to have peace with the idea of a husband for example "ordering" me NOT to get out the house for a reason i might not agree with or for a reason i (might) find to be shallow!

    It is in Islam that a husband has lots of authority on a wife, it is what Allah said and ordered us .... i know this very well Alhamdulillah , but my question is "How can you be an obedient wife"? "How did you cope with the fact that a big portion of your freedom is now in the hands of another person?" and what did you do to cope with it ?


    salam everyone , and please keeping the thread clean of brothers/sisters battles will be highly appreciated !!!!

    I slightly edited the thread ! removing what`ve might distracted the attention from my main concern ... thank you again.
    Last edited by ~ Jumana ~; 15-06-11, 02:09 PM.
    Jannah is my aim

  • #2
    Re: My lovely married sisters ...your advices are needed.

    :1popcorn:
    لا أريد مِنْكُمْ جَزَاء وَلا شُكُورًا

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    • #3
      Re: My lovely married sisters ...your advices are needed.

      Originally posted by truepath View Post
      :1popcorn:
      Only Truepath would sit on the front rows in a Ladies thread eating popcorn
      Jannah is my aim

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: My lovely married sisters ...your advices are needed.

        Men are lucky? with that responsibility comes big accountability. I find it hard to have peace with that idea....
        "They are Shuhadaa (witnesses) to the fact that this Deen is greater than life, that values are more important than blood and that principles are more precious than souls" - Sheikh 'Abdullah Azzam

        Lost in Islamic History :inlove:

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        • #5
          Re: My lovely married sisters ...your advices are needed.

          Its not popcorn, I am eating something like bombay mix called Khatta Meetha (Sour & Sweet) with coke on the side.

          Ladies thread should be in Ladies section. Marriage section is to rile up people *outta*

          too bad they haven't given you access yet.
          لا أريد مِنْكُمْ جَزَاء وَلا شُكُورًا

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: My lovely married sisters ...your advices are needed.

            I would think that the 'big portion of freedom' before marriage would have been at the hands of your parents anyway, right? I mean, I'd see it as this: once a daughter is born, she is under the control of her Father and Mother, obeying her parents. Pleasing them would mean pleasing Allah. And once she's married off, obeying her husband, pleasing him would mean pleasing Allah.

            I don't think it's about muslim men being luckier than women. Women are given so much respect in Islam too, they have so much value in the eyes of Allah Taala... if only people read and studied it more.
            Shukr to Allah in abundance...

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            • #7
              Re: My lovely married sisters ...your advices are needed.

              Originally posted by Leemar Tayem View Post
              Others are welcomed in this thread too.

              I find it hard to have peace with the idea of a husband for example "ordering" me NOT to get out the house for a reason i might not agree with or for a reason i (might) find to be shallow!

              It is in Islam that a husband has lots of authority on a wife, it is what Allah said and ordered us .... i know this very well Alhamdulillah , but my question is "How can you be an obedient wife"? "How did you cope with the fact that a big portion of your freedom is now in the hands of another person?" and what did you do to cope with it ?

              I believe muslim men are lucky ! lol ! :)

              salam everyone , and please keeping the thread clean of brothers/sisters battles will be highly appreciated !!!!
              tbh you never had/should have had that freedom from when you were young anyway.

              Tbh, you probably will get more freedom under husband than you should have got under your parents.... reason being... these days we have people just walking out of the house, no respect for parents.. dont ask them if they are allowed to go out.. just buldge out... " mum im off to cinema.. salams"... its like that.... ive seen it with my own eyes... under parents you should be less outgoing you know... the fitnah and dangers from the outside society... tbh parents should really be wary of who you hang around with... and what you do in that time...

              when your married... you should be an adult lol... so the husband will let you do what he thinks is fine... the only thing that is SO BIGGGED up is that you are comanded to ask permisson before you leave the home... though i dont think that is a condition with parents... you should still be doing that....

              its not like youve married and now you cant go out here and there... that should have been the case under your parents also... now you just asking someone else other than your parents.... so in all essence... our, sons and daughters hands have always been in our parents hands alhamdulilah... this is the responsibility and status you have as a parent to upbring righteous children in the future inshAllah.

              men are not lucky... a lot of brothers have their hands tied when their married... well from the ones i know In real life... they not allowed out past isha lol.... wives have more control than you actually think.

              i think there was nothing in the above to start a battle alhamdulilah.


              ps... on top of that... remember your mum or married sisters were/are in same position.... your mum is obidient to your dad an all... we think theres nothin in that coz we love our parents.... same with everyone else... you will be obidient to your husband, hes not your enemy or anything... you will live your lives together inshAllah... so this freedom you speak off.... if we have that even... then metaphorically speaking... its in the rights hand aint it.
              Last edited by QMU; 15-06-11, 02:22 PM.

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              • #8
                Re: My lovely married sisters ...your advices are needed.

                i think the theory doesnt quite play out like that in practice to be honest. yes you do have to be obedient to your husband but we are making out like brothers are tyrants and they will 'order' you to stand on one leg all night long whilst juggling oranges! alot of the time it is a lack of communication which causes problems between partners and being open and honest with your husband and vice versa will lead you to common ground.

                i also suggest that during the consideration process one finds someone who is of like mind then these things can be avoided inshaAllah. i did exactly that and my husband prefers me not to go out unless it is absolutely necessary eg drs appts etc, need milk or basic essentials from shops. i also dont really want to go out that much, but then i have two children and many household chores to keep me occupied so i wouldnt have the time anyway!

                our brothers are not mean inshaAllah, if they as your husband, ask you to do something however trivial then as a wife you should try your hardest to do it. doesnt mean that you are not allowed to question it...question it and he should be able to justify it, but as a woman and a wife you should know when to question and when to not inshaAllah. Alot of the time we make things harder for ourselves as women in islam by playing out these scenarios when really it couldnt be further from the truth.

                and also as one sister has said he as the husband is not only accountable for himself but also for those whom he 'shepherds' over and that includes his wife.

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                • #9
                  Re: My lovely married sisters ...your advices are needed.

                  Originally posted by puella View Post
                  i think the theory doesnt quite play out like that in practice to be honest. yes you do have to be obedient to your husband but we are making out like brothers are tyrants and they will 'order' you to stand on one leg all night long whilst juggling oranges!
                  :rotfl:

                  man! only these singletons have all these worries. I wonder what their idea of marriage and spouses is.... they must really think that hes gonna be a tyrant or she is gonna be a witch

                  neither before marriage I had to think anything about after marriage, nor after marriage I have seen any significant change... ofcourse it has only brought good things... but I hate 10 zillion often silly questions wife asks her husband *freedom*
                  لا أريد مِنْكُمْ جَزَاء وَلا شُكُورًا

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: My lovely married sisters ...your advices are needed.

                    Originally posted by truepath View Post
                    :rotfl:

                    man! only these singletons have all these worries. I wonder what their idea of marriage and spouses is.... they must really think that hes gonna be a tyrant or she is gonna be a witch

                    neither before marriage I had to think anything about after marriage, nor after marriage I have seen any significant change... ofcourse it has only brought good things... but I hate 10 zillion often silly questions wife asks her husband *freedom*
                    but of course they wil have worries as singletons because there is so much hype about being obedient to ones ohusband and the emphasis is is quite heavy on that sometimes..i feel it is our duty to then inform them that in reality it doesnt quite work that way at all and to dispel any negative thoughts or anxieties they may have inshaAllah..as for your commenst in white..not helpful at all, i ask my husband questions all the time and yes it does irritate him and we have a lugh and joke about it becasue i ask him something at the most inappropriate time, and he makes fun of me, but he still answers my questions even if they are irritating.

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                    • #11
                      Re: My lovely married sisters ...your advices are needed.

                      Ahhh sis :love: dont worry too much about it, Insha'allah everything works out for you.

                      However, try to remember, that as individuals we must always behave as the slaves of Allah, in all aspects of ourl lives and to also remind our husbands that they too are the slaves, even before they are husbands unto us.

                      Seek a righteous spouse insha'allah, and he will be fearful of his duty towards you, and the due attention that he must give to you as your Ameer. Practise and encourage him implement the sunnah in your home, and from the onset let this be the guiding factor in your marriage.

                      Nothing in life is ever black and white and every individuals will think different upon a number of different varyung factors. For example, an older sister who has greater responsibility for her home will be more free than say a younger sister.

                      Just remember that you do have obey your husband, but only because he cares about you, and not because he wants to make your life difficult for you.

                      Islam is a relgion of submission and we as believers are expected to sumbit within the guidelines of shariah. Make sure your outline each others expectations prior to marriage I think this would save a lot of misunderstanding amongst yourself as well.

                      Does that even make sense :scratch:

                      Seriously dont worry about habibti, May Allah bless you with a pious loving understanding husband
                      Last edited by Jenicca; 15-06-11, 02:52 PM.
                      وَالْعَصْرِ

                      إِنَّ الْإِنسَانَ لَفِي خُسْرٍ

                      إِلَّا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالصَّبْرِ

                      "If Allah (swt) only sent this Surah to us, for the guidance of Mankind, this will be enough for us” - Imam Shaafi'ee r.a.

                      "Yeh dunya daar e faani hain, Tum apna dil mat lagaon, Ganimat samaj zinadagee ki bahar, aana na hoga, yahaa baar baar......"

                      Khanqah Habibiyah

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                      • #12
                        Re: My lovely married sisters ...your advices are needed.

                        You make it sound bad lol, no Practicing Muslim husband would keep his wife unhappy in terms of being agressively authorative. The guy has a case if the woman is talking to other men etc. But keeping you locked up in a cage, I don't see that happen unless there's some cultural issues you need to deal with.
                        A Fast Growing Islamic Search Website -

                        www.Searching-Islam.com

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                        • #13
                          Re: My lovely married sisters ...your advices are needed.

                          :salams
                          "How did you cope with the fact that a big portion of your freedom is now in the hands of another person?"
                          My advice would be to not think like that, rather think "How can I develop a trusting relationship with my husband, so he understands when and why I need to go out?"

                          :insha: Don't think that you're being imprisoned (I'm sure you're not :p), because a pious Muslim husband will try to meet your needs as much as possible, not limit them.

                          May Allah grant us all pious, understanding spouses.
                          Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                          "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                          - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

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                          • #14
                            Re: My lovely married sisters ...your advices are needed.

                            Actually totally agree with QMU's post.

                            I think we've always had too much freedom with my parents, that's why it seems like it will be hard to adjust. Tbh, I think of freedom somewhat differently - it's more about freedom to be alone, myself. That's a lot to give up. But then again, perhaps the benefits outweigh such things.
                            Ya Muqallib al-Quloob, thabbit qalbi 'alaa Deenik
                            O' Converter of Hearts, make my heart steadfast upon Thy Way
                            We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.

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                            • #15
                              Re: My lovely married sisters ...your advices are needed.

                              What Is Freedom ?
                              And He found you lost and guided you,
                              ~ Qur'an (Ad Duhaa) 93:7 ~

                              Salaah Reminders

                              Guide us to the straight pain.
                              " Ihdina-s-sirata-l-mustaqim "
                              ~ Quran 1:6 ~

                              الله أعلم

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