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What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

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  • What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

    Salams,

    I know a lot of people who have been rejected when they meet potential spouses. I have no idea why especially if they are ok looking, practicing and have a good personality? Are people being too fussy? Are most people waiting for a perfect person? I know so many girls who I think are amazing but guys are rejecting them and everyone is just becoming older and older.

    Please share your reasons. And if you are married what is the trait of your spouse that clinched the deal?

    JazakAllah khair.
    Last edited by Pinkpink; 02-05-11, 06:18 PM. Reason: added more info

  • cho09082489
    replied
    Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

    i never got the chance, my mum (and aunt at one point) did all the rejecting before i even knew about it =/

    oh well, i probably would have said no anyway

    Leave a comment:


  • lonerider
    replied
    Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

    Many reasons for rejecting but never got an opportunity to be rejected, I'm sure those would definitely have happened if I'd not been married to the most suitable person for me alhamdulillah.

    Leave a comment:


  • Islam.07
    replied
    Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

    Originally posted by Kya View Post
    Before a bride/groom meet eachother or eachothers parents, a resume like paper is exchanged called biodata. This letter states bride/groome + parents + maternal & paternal parents name and the specific village they are originally from. If the paper isn't exchanged, you obtain those information verbally.

    From that information, you make some phone calls and find someone from that area or nearby village & get 411 on their family. This way you can trance back atleast 2+ generation. From there you can find out who was bottom of the pile & has gotten education in last few years and rose up & who is the real deal (has been elite for few generation). You can also figure out if the family has history of mentally ill uncles/aunties or history of divorce or abuse.

    So althought my parents have been living in USA for past 30 years, the first information a groom & his family will obtain is about my grand parents & great grandparens from both side.

    It is pretty cool system.
    Cool? Daunting more like. =/

    Leave a comment:


  • علي
    replied
    Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

    Wow, I've never heard of that nor do I think my family ever did it. Thanks for the explanation.

    Leave a comment:


  • Kya
    replied
    Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

    Before a bride/groom meet eachother or eachothers parents, a resume like paper is exchanged called biodata. This letter states bride/groome + parents + maternal & paternal parents name and the specific village they are originally from. If the paper isn't exchanged, you obtain those information verbally.

    From that information, you make some phone calls and find someone from that area or nearby village & get 411 on their family. This way you can trance back atleast 2+ generation. From there you can find out who was bottom of the pile & has gotten education in last few years and rose up & who is the real deal (has been elite for few generation). You can also figure out if the family has history of mentally ill uncles/aunties or history of divorce or abuse.

    So althought my parents have been living in USA for past 30 years, the first information a groom & his family will obtain is about my grand parents & great grandparens from both side.

    It is pretty cool system.

    Leave a comment:


  • inprogress
    replied
    Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

    I think it depends on the type of society you live in. In a modern society where many times the families live in different cities or countries this really isn't a big issue.

    Leave a comment:


  • علي
    replied
    Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

    I feel really ignorant but I still don't get how one assesses the lineage. Do you mean they see the parents and decide they don't like them, and thus want nothing to do with the kids? Or is it like they can tell something from the last name?

    See, when I look for a family, the most information I get is that, okay, the last name is such and such. Sometimes that last name might be recognizable, like there's one famous sheikh who has the same last name, and yep it turns out they're distant relatives of the same man. But other times, it's just a last name, how can one derive meaning from it? Unless the family is infamous or something and their name is known. Not trying to argue or anything btw, I'm just interested to understand what this is.

    Leave a comment:


  • Kya
    replied
    Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

    Originally posted by علي View Post
    I don't really get it though, about the lineage. I can understand if people are like "oh well, the family is not to my liking" because of some reasons that the person feels actually exist within the family, but something like "oh well, they're descendants of Attila the Hun it turns out, so, no way". That's kind of weird.
    As the other poster said, the 3 of the 4 reason should not be primary. But they are secondary or beyond. One of the reason lineages is important is because “apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”. Now if the tree is old then it has dropped quiet few apples & some of them might not be close to the original tree but most will. It makes logical sense to not count on the exception on the apple that moved away from the tree. Also marriage isn’t between 2 people but for 2 families to unite & by familes I don’t mean mom/dad, but the 14generation.

    Initially when I found out that was an issue for me, i was upset & hated the idea of arrange marriage where my family background is noticed first and my credentials are noticed later. But after meeting few weird people myself, I realize why people choose to stay on the side of cautious & I don't blame them.

    Leave a comment:


  • fardousa
    replied
    Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

    slc i dont know for others but i know many girls are demand alot things since they are pretty or they think that , at least i didnt reject any 1 unless very good reason that what should sisers keep in mind , i know alot girls waiting some اandsome white horse that is not reality , thank u

    Leave a comment:


  • Fairy
    replied
    Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

    Originally posted by whisperofimaan View Post
    How so?
    I know of too many cases, and cant be bothered typing out an essay but big families have a way of thinking they are part of the marriage and if the new person cant fit in with the fmaily, the husband stresses out anyways it led to a divorce with a couple i know. The reason was the family

    Leave a comment:


  • whisperofimaan
    replied
    Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

    Originally posted by Fairy View Post
    It might seem that way but from people I know it was a hindrance.
    How so?

    Leave a comment:


  • Fairy
    replied
    Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

    Originally posted by Islam.07 View Post
    You will get used to it surely? Rejecting someone cuz they have a large family is faulty cognition by a mile. Right up there with 'momma 2 phat.'
    It might seem that way but from people I know it was a hindrance.

    Leave a comment:


  • Islam.07
    replied
    Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

    Originally posted by Fairy View Post
    True but they can become a nuisance too. Id avoid one...especially if you are not used to it, can be overwhelming.
    You will get used to it surely? Rejecting someone cuz they have a large family is faulty cognition by a mile. Right up there with 'momma 2 phat.'

    Leave a comment:


  • Fairy
    replied
    Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

    Originally posted by Islam.07 View Post


    What's wrong with large families? If anything they're a blessing. Some people have no family.
    True but they can become a nuisance too. Id avoid one...especially if you are not used to it, can be overwhelming.

    Leave a comment:

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