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What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

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  • Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

    Originally posted by علي View Post
    I don't really get it though, about the lineage. I can understand if people are like "oh well, the family is not to my liking" because of some reasons that the person feels actually exist within the family, but something like "oh well, they're descendants of Attila the Hun it turns out, so, no way". That's kind of weird.
    As the other poster said, the 3 of the 4 reason should not be primary. But they are secondary or beyond. One of the reason lineages is important is because “apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”. Now if the tree is old then it has dropped quiet few apples & some of them might not be close to the original tree but most will. It makes logical sense to not count on the exception on the apple that moved away from the tree. Also marriage isn’t between 2 people but for 2 families to unite & by familes I don’t mean mom/dad, but the 14generation.

    Initially when I found out that was an issue for me, i was upset & hated the idea of arrange marriage where my family background is noticed first and my credentials are noticed later. But after meeting few weird people myself, I realize why people choose to stay on the side of cautious & I don't blame them.

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    • Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

      I feel really ignorant but I still don't get how one assesses the lineage. Do you mean they see the parents and decide they don't like them, and thus want nothing to do with the kids? Or is it like they can tell something from the last name?

      See, when I look for a family, the most information I get is that, okay, the last name is such and such. Sometimes that last name might be recognizable, like there's one famous sheikh who has the same last name, and yep it turns out they're distant relatives of the same man. But other times, it's just a last name, how can one derive meaning from it? Unless the family is infamous or something and their name is known. Not trying to argue or anything btw, I'm just interested to understand what this is.
      والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

      "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

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      • Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

        I think it depends on the type of society you live in. In a modern society where many times the families live in different cities or countries this really isn't a big issue.
        Blessed is He in Whose Hand is the Dominion, and He is Able to do all things. (67.1)

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        • Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

          Before a bride/groom meet eachother or eachothers parents, a resume like paper is exchanged called biodata. This letter states bride/groome + parents + maternal & paternal parents name and the specific village they are originally from. If the paper isn't exchanged, you obtain those information verbally.

          From that information, you make some phone calls and find someone from that area or nearby village & get 411 on their family. This way you can trance back atleast 2+ generation. From there you can find out who was bottom of the pile & has gotten education in last few years and rose up & who is the real deal (has been elite for few generation). You can also figure out if the family has history of mentally ill uncles/aunties or history of divorce or abuse.

          So althought my parents have been living in USA for past 30 years, the first information a groom & his family will obtain is about my grand parents & great grandparens from both side.

          It is pretty cool system.

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          • Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

            Wow, I've never heard of that nor do I think my family ever did it. Thanks for the explanation.
            والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

            "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

            Comment


            • Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

              Originally posted by Kya View Post
              Before a bride/groom meet eachother or eachothers parents, a resume like paper is exchanged called biodata. This letter states bride/groome + parents + maternal & paternal parents name and the specific village they are originally from. If the paper isn't exchanged, you obtain those information verbally.

              From that information, you make some phone calls and find someone from that area or nearby village & get 411 on their family. This way you can trance back atleast 2+ generation. From there you can find out who was bottom of the pile & has gotten education in last few years and rose up & who is the real deal (has been elite for few generation). You can also figure out if the family has history of mentally ill uncles/aunties or history of divorce or abuse.

              So althought my parents have been living in USA for past 30 years, the first information a groom & his family will obtain is about my grand parents & great grandparens from both side.

              It is pretty cool system.
              Cool? Daunting more like. =/

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              • Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

                Many reasons for rejecting but never got an opportunity to be rejected, I'm sure those would definitely have happened if I'd not been married to the most suitable person for me alhamdulillah.

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                • Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

                  i never got the chance, my mum (and aunt at one point) did all the rejecting before i even knew about it =/

                  oh well, i probably would have said no anyway

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