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What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

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  • #46
    Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

    Originally posted by Kya View Post
    ya allah, where do i start. too long of a list from both ways

    Here are few top once:
    1) Felt there was something fishy about him. Then found some info to conform my fishy feeling & decided to not get in the mess
    2) His family seem controling and traditional. I knew we would be good togather but his family will kill it. Too much mess for me to deal with
    3) Wrong part of the country; Out of country: I am not importing a husband; wrong race
    4) NO education or no job potential, a total bum
    5) Too career focus. Said how he makes 6 fig salary few times during first conversation. Everyone just shook their head but this was mutual rejection
    6) Too fat. I am talking 300lb fat, no thank you

    I have gotten rejected for:
    1) Too short
    2) Not attractive
    3) Too bossy (love that one), especially when another guy said I am not ambitious enough
    4) Too dark (love that one too)
    5) Wrong last name
    That is some list. I think it is true some people are making things important that shouldn't be important.
    Blessed is He in Whose Hand is the Dominion, and He is Able to do all things. (67.1)

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    • #47
      Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

      Originally posted by innocent_girl View Post
      - wasnt ready for marrige
      - he didnt speak arabic (( arabic is deal breaker for me)
      - too old nearly 20 years gap
      He didn't speak any common language between you both? Like English?

      Originally posted by Kya View Post
      5) Wrong last name
      Wrong last name? :scratch:
      Last edited by .mirror.; 05-05-12, 03:33 AM.
      Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

      "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
      - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

      Comment


      • #48
        Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

        Wallahu a`lam the issue is not a common language. That's a condition I have too. I don't mind marrying someone from any culture or race (actually I really like the idea), but I really want someone who speaks Arabic for the children to grow up with that language, it's just too important to me. Plus I would not mind someone I can speak to in Arabic as well, so I can improve my vocabulary and skills in it too.


        Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
        Wrong last name? :scratch:
        Rofl, my same question.
        Last edited by علي; 05-05-12, 03:35 AM.
        والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

        "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

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        • #49
          Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

          I know two people that rejected someone because of height.

          Sister's don't like the Man to be shorter than them it seems.

          Comment


          • #50
            Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

            A number of different reasons...(Every point is for a different guys - they didnt ALL have the below mentioned characteristics).

            1. Unemployed.
            2. Different aqeedah to me.
            3. More than 10years older.
            4. Not practicing.
            5. Lacked motivation/ambition in life.
            6. No attraction.
            7. Prioritised culture over Deen.
            8. Didnt live in the same country.
            9. No compatibility.
            10. Didnt like his parents.

            I've been rejected over these reasons (by different guys).

            1. Not a doctor.
            2. Looks too young.
            3. Disagreed with my aqeedah.
            4. Didnt like my hair (??!!).
            Last edited by LondonGal; 05-05-12, 06:37 AM.
            https://sufisticated101.wordpress.com

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            • #51
              Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

              Originally posted by علي View Post
              Wallahu a`lam the issue is not a common language. That's a condition I have too. I don't mind marrying someone from any culture or race (actually I really like the idea), but I really want someone who speaks Arabic for the children to grow up with that language, it's just too important to me. Plus I would not mind someone I can speak to in Arabic as well, so I can improve my vocabulary and skills in it too.
              So, if a good Muslimah comes across, who doesn't speak Arabic, you'll reject her?
              Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

              "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
              - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

              Comment


              • #52
                Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

                Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
                So, if a good Muslimah comes across, who doesn't speak Arabic, you'll reject her?
                Hard to say, you see the thing is my parents are the ones looking for me, so I technically will not ever really "know" of anyone who does not speak Arabic if you get what I mean.

                However if I am confronted with such a person anyway (dunno how that will happen given what I just said), then I know that in this world, if I am fated to get married, I will do so to the person Allah appointed for me. That will probably make me cave in in favor of the Muslimah if I felt she was the one. Of course Allah knows best.
                والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

                "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

                Comment


                • #53
                  Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

                  Although I'm no where near the process of getting married, but ideally I'd rather marry a doctor, seeing as I am pursing the career myself. Other qualities have got to be that she is very health concious, exercises, takes care of her body and the way she looks, has good morals, prays five times a day, and wears the hijab.

                  Although the job (doctor) isn't completely essential, the other qualities certainly are. Otherwise, rejection! I would prefer a girl who is slightly more ambitious than your stay-at-home type. If she is uneducated, then rejection!

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                  • #54
                    Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

                    Originally posted by علي View Post
                    Wallahu a`lam the issue is not a common language. That's a condition I have too. I don't mind marrying someone from any culture or race (actually I really like the idea), but I really want someone who speaks Arabic for the children to grow up with that language, it's just too important to me. Plus I would not mind someone I can speak to in Arabic as well, so I can improve my vocabulary and skills in it too.
                    There is something I don't understand here. If you speak arabic, couldn't you be the one to teach your kids arabic? and you could be the one to teach your wife as well? I know of several non arab women married to arabs and most of these men don't even speak arabic to their kids. Why? It is perplexing to me.
                    Blessed is He in Whose Hand is the Dominion, and He is Able to do all things. (67.1)

                    Comment


                    • #55
                      Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

                      Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
                      He didn't speak any common language between you both? Like English?


                      :

                      i knew this will came up abit weird ,, but tbh at that time i was 19 ,only been in england for ayear, didnt speak somali well a part from the common words like the islamic ones :D , i was starting to learn english myself ,,soo noooo .

                      i still find it hard to have a meaningful conversation in somali ,, i easly get agitated :\

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                      • #56
                        Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

                        :) theres a saying which i would often hear when i was younger and as i grew up as i'd love spending time sittin with the elderly guests when theyd be around.
                        You cant appreciate the true meaning of what it means since i'm translating it into english, but if you were to be there to hear and understand the words and wisdom behind those words you'd be like yehhhhhh these buzurgs know what they tlkin about.. as i became older these words were like "damnnn, that is sooo true"

                        obviously its just a "generalised" statement, so no need to go on about how everyones an individual etc blah blah.

                        but yeh theyd say

                        "look at the mother before choosing the wife" - i dont mean in the "physical" sense LOOK at her, it was meant in the sense that in-terms of her characteristics and generally how she was.

                        lol i remember id laff at that saying each time id hear it as they would use the term "BEY" for mother!. personally i find that word alil offensive :lol: but it was funny nonetheless.


                        Theres another saying about caste too, but might offend some folks with that one, so i'd leave that out :D

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                        • #57
                          Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

                          Originally posted by inprogress View Post
                          There is something I don't understand here. If you speak arabic, couldn't you be the one to teach your kids arabic? and you could be the one to teach your wife as well? I know of several non arab women married to arabs and most of these men don't even speak arabic to their kids. Why? It is perplexing to me.
                          It's all good saying teach them but it's not that simple, Arabic takes time and dedication, and a good teacher. You can't just take any Arabic speaking person and tell them to teach a non Arab how to learn the language to the extent they can both converse in it so when the kids come both spouses speak Arabic, which will result in the kids learning it too. Not to mention if they don't live an Arab country it will be quite difficult.

                          I agree with the Ali, having an Arab speaking spouse will make my Arabic better and increase changes of my kids speaking good Arabic.

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                          • #58
                            Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

                            Originally posted by Islam.07 View Post
                            It's all good saying teach them but it's not that simple, Arabic takes time and dedication, and a good teacher. You can't just take any Arabic speaking person and tell them to teach a non Arab how to learn the language to the extent they can both converse in it so when the kids come both spouses speak Arabic, which will result in the kids learning it too. Not to mention if they don't live an Arab country it will be quite difficult.

                            I agree with the Ali, having an Arab speaking spouse will make my Arabic better and increase changes of my kids speaking good Arabic.
                            I agree, it would be better for both people to speak it, but what I don't understand is why some fathers find it difficult to speak to their children in their native language. Surely if the father (or mother) always addressed the kids in arabic, they would learn, is it not?
                            Blessed is He in Whose Hand is the Dominion, and He is Able to do all things. (67.1)

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                            • #59
                              Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

                              Here's the thing inprogress, Arabic is a complex language as Islam.07 said. It's not easy to teach it but I will not say it's hard to learn since Allah will make it easy if you have the right intentions.

                              One thing to note is that it's mom who's going to speak to the children most, the father is usually busier. So it can be hard to teach them yourself. Now I know a family member who speaks to her daughter in Arabic only while her husband can't speak the language. So now this girl does understand Arabic, which is great, but she does not speak it or prefer to. So if the mom speaks English and she's the one bringing the kids up, they're going to speak even less Arabic and understand even less, as they are way more in contact with their mother than they are with father.

                              Granted no matter the case I'm going to put them all in school to learn some tough Arabic if I get children insha Allah. It's very important to learn it so they can understand the Qur'aan and hadith when they hear it.
                              والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

                              "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

                              Comment


                              • #60
                                Re: What are the reasons you have rejected a potential spouse?

                                I don't think people should tell someone why they rejected them it's unnecessary.
                                And strive because the sweetness of life lies in the struggle - Imam al-Shafi'i

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