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Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

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    started a topic Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    :start:

    :salams

    I've made this thread in order to assist the many heart broken individuals we get posting threads in this section. Getting over a lost love is quite a hardship and one can be very confused, emotional and in such pain that they are unable to rationalise the situation without some form of outside help.

    I've seen many threads where a person is told to "just get over it" etc and is treated quite harshly when this is not at all the way to deal with such people. I myself can attest to how it feels to experience the highest highs of love as well as the lowest of the lows and then to lose it all. This harsh treatment almost always comes from those who have not experienced the same situation and my advice to those who seek to advise another but cannot help but to be harsh, is that they should simply stay silent and leave it to those who will show some compassion and patience. (I remind myself before others, inshaa'Allah.)

    I found an article which, I believe has some excellent tips for those who are lovesick and thought sharing it would be a good idea. I hope this thread can help those who are suffering from heart break to understand better their situation and the whirlwind of emotions and then give them the push they need in order to move on and continue with life stronger then they were before, inshaa'Allah.

    Step 1: Accepting Allah’s Qadr

    This has got to be one of the toughest tests of qadr. Love muddles your mind and when all you see are the good characteristics of someone it is difficult to see why it is not working out, especially if this is your first real love. How can this brother who is practicing his deen, has a nice beard, soft and caring be wrong for me? How can this sister who is attractive, fun and religious not be my perfect partner?

    The key concept to remember here is: you do not know someone until you have lived with them for a substantial time. Even that person does not know what they are like and how they will react in certain situations. Just because you have these elated feelings of love does not necessarily mean this is the right person. Marriage is a struggle and people develop themselves and change with the experience. Only Allah knows your compatibility, only Allah knows what situations you will face and your reactions. Only Allah knows whether or not this marriage will bring you closer to Him or distract you from the real purpose in life. It is only Allah who knows. Have trust in Allah that He has made the right choice for you. For no matter how much this person claims their love for you or vice versa, know that no one can love you as much as Allah.

    So firstly, make dua to Allah to ease your pain and help you be content with His qadr. The following is my favorite Hadith regarding qadr as it really fills you with the awe of Allah and His infinite wisdom.

    “Allah `azza wa jall said: ‘Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by being inflicted with poverty, and were I to enrich him, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by wealth and affluence, and were I to deprive him, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by good health, and were I to make him sick, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by disease and illness, and were I to make him healthy, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he who seeks worship by a certain act but I prevent that from him so that self-amazement does not enter his heart. Certainly, I run the affairs of My slaves by My Knowledge of what is in their hearts. Certainly, I am the All-Knower, All-Aware’.” [Tabarani]

    Step 2: Awareness of the love-drug syndrome

    An interesting study was conducted comparing drug users to people who claimed to be “madly in love”. They found that brain scans showed people who are in the first stages of love and people who are high on cocaine have the same areas of the brain stimulated while looking at a picture of their “beloved”. In other words, being in the first stage of love is similar to being high on drugs! With drugs, you are not in love with the powder itself – you are in love with the feelings that it gives you.

    Similarly, the thing that we love is the special attention, the butterflies in the stomach, the acknowledgment that someone cares about us in a special way, looks at us in a special way, thinks about us in a special way – the constant day dreaming about the future and daily scenarios. So it is not that this person is perfect, it is that this person allows us to feel all these emotions which are addictive. In reality we are not in love with the person, we are in love with Love itself.

    Being in love with Love explains how some people overlook major faults in their prospective spouse. I knew a practicing sister who wanted to marry someone who had a drug and alcohol problem. This was because in both cases these “faults” were discovered during the first butterfly phase of love and not before. Alhamdulilah, by the qadr of Allah the marriage did not take place, but it was due to circumstances, not because the sister had realised that they were not a suited match.

    Awareness of this love-drug syndrome has two major benefits. Firstly, awareness is power and it breeds hope. Once you are aware that it is the feelings you are attached to, realise you can actually get them elsewhere.

    These feelings are not specific to this one person; you will get these feelings with your new, more suitable prospective partner – the one that Allah will put into your life at the right time insha Allah. Love clouds your mind and makes you think that you will not find this strong love and passion with anyone else. But this is simply not true. You will find this love to be even stronger and more passionate with the right person (the one that is written for you in the Lahw al Mahfooz).

    The second benefit is knowing that just like a drug-user naturally has withdrawal symptoms when they stop, you too will naturally have withdrawal symptoms, and it will be difficult. Getting over someone is emotionally painful so don’t be too hard on yourself, validate your feelings and allow yourself time to heal. Know that this is common – nearly everyone goes through heartache at some point in their lives, and eventually recover with time.

    As a side point: It is not a sin to fall in love; it is a natural emotion which the human species depends on! If you did sin in the process then repent to Allah, He is the Most Forgiving, Most Merciful. Love is a powerful emotion, which is why there are boundaries in Islam. If you have fallen outside those boundaries, repent and move on.

    Step 3: Be proactive

    Allow yourself time but also get proactive! Marriage is just one of the many aspects of your life; it is not the be all and end all of things. What are your aspirations? What do you want to achieve in your life? Write down a list of goals you want to achieve by the end of the month and get started on them right away. As Muslims, our continuous goal is striving to get closer to Allah, so working on your eman and your relationship with Allah must be included in some way. Focus your attention on moving forward rather than wasting time with something that “could have been”.

    Step 4: Move on

    In the spirit of being proactive, the last stage is to actively open your heart and mind to someone else. This could be difficult, as naturally comparisons will creep in, but again realise the fact that it has not worked out means that Allah has someone better suited for you. As illustrated in the famous Hadith of the birds:

    “If you depend on Allah with due reliance, He would certainly give you provision as He gives it the birds who go forth hungry in the morning and return with a full belly at dusk.” [Tirmidhi]

    Allah will provide for you but you have to get up and get moving again. Just like the birds, go out and seek. Make the effort on your part and leave the rest to Allah and His infinite wisdom.
    Source: http://islamic-quotes.blogspot.com/2011/02/if-you-are-suffering-from-broken-heart.html

  • Farah. A
    replied
    Originally posted by Momochi View Post
    Salam,

    I would like to share with you, sisters and brothers, my story:

    9 years ago, I have meet on educational forum for studying foreign languages a boy, from Emirates (He was learning English, I too, in exchange I have learned with him German language and History). He was wonderful and, believed in Allah. Before I met him, I was unsure about my believs, but I have read about Islam, about Allah, how Muslims live - everything. It was something new for me, and it was like a path: I've agreed with many points. I have converted, on my own will, without someone's pressing. He didn't knew. From friendship fast was first love. You need to know, that we never meet in real life: just chat/Skype/WhatsApp. He was sharing with me all jis burdens, problems, weakness, good times, success. The same was with me: I could count on his support, a good word, a joke to improve my mood. Years passed.

    Together, each of us in our countries graduated from university: he from computer science, I from business management. He swore that I am the love of his life, that he wants to marry me, have children and grow old. I finally told him that for so many years I was also a Muslim, that these wishes made to him on the occasion of Eid Al-Fitr or others were not courteous - that at the same time I also experienced it, prayed, fasted. I did not grow up in the Muslim religion, but I learned it and go to the Muslim Center, where I learn, work and can learn something from older sisters.


    When I confessed to him, everything started to go wrong. he started to have less and less time for me. I understand, he started to work - I respect it, I also work myself. The problem of parents poured a bit of bitterness: that they would never accept me, because I do not come from the same cultural circle, that I do not know whether to introduce me to them. For nine years, he never told about me his parents or siblings. For that, I decided & introduced him to my family because from the very beginning I wanted to be serious and honest with him.


    With time, contact began to break. I made it clear: I am 26 years old, you have 27. It is time to start seriously: meet, meet our families, start thinking seriously about the future. I work in a large corporation with offices in Dubai, so relocation would not be a problem. He then panicked. For goodbye he only sent me a song on WhatsApp and since December he does not speak to me.

    How do I feel? Betrayed, used, washed out of emotions. I can not trust a man anymore. Should I finish this relationship sooner? I do not know. Everything started to go wrong from the moment he found out I was a Muslim. I'm not an ugly woman, I'm even considered very attractivr, though I'm not flounce because of modesty; now, after graduation, I earn very well, I am the head of the Financial Audit department - I am constantly developing, so I would not be a financial burden for him; so I do not know what happened.

    Now just prayers helps a little and job: slowly become workaholic, but I don't care as long as I don't think about this situation. This post is for me a purification of the soul: I have not told anyone so far. I believe that when I throw it out of myself, I will be able to finally find relief from this heartache.
    How are you doing now sis ?
    ​​​​​​I hope you have moved on and feeling better now.
    May Allah heal your heart and give you sabr.

    Leave a comment:


  • Abu julaybeeb
    replied
    Originally posted by Indefinable View Post

    It could be about a married couple - whose marriage disintegrates and the person is mourning the loss of their spouse.

    It's not an easy situation to recover from.

    It doesn't have to be about haraam. (Although I get what you're trying to say).
    True

    Leave a comment:


  • Indefinable
    replied
    Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

    No coz its mostly about people who are hung up on people they did haram with
    It could be about a married couple - whose marriage disintegrates and the person is mourning the loss of their spouse.

    It's not an easy situation to recover from.

    It doesn't have to be about haraam. (Although I get what you're trying to say).

    Leave a comment:


  • .khayriyyah.
    replied
    Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

    No coz its mostly about people who are hung up on people they did haram with
    But at least they're turning to Muslims for help with this. They could have gone down different routes to deal with their situation. Insha'Allah, this thread has some good in it.

    Leave a comment:


  • Abu julaybeeb
    replied
    Originally posted by M230DX View Post

    Why

    just cos you never experienced heartbreak
    No coz its mostly about people who are hung up on people they did haram with

    Leave a comment:


  • M230DX
    replied
    Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
    Hate this thread
    Why

    just cos you never experienced heartbreak

    Leave a comment:


  • Abu julaybeeb
    replied
    Hate this thread

    Leave a comment:


  • M230DX
    replied
    There is a place in your heart that should only be saved for Allah swt, not anyone else, not your spouse, friend or whoever else

    this way, you can handle heartbreak. Leave that portion of your heart reserved for Allah swt, the one who will not disappoint you, hurt you or let you down

    people are people, they will hurt you and wrong you.

    Leave a comment:


  • FKY
    replied
    Ive gone through some heartbreaks and betrayals thus far in my life. The first time is always the worst, I can remember I came very close to ending it. I was in a very dark place with continuous thoughts of death etc, I was not very religious at the time but all the contemplation of death had some unexpected results. Fear of hell and Allah’s judgement came over me and I just couldn’t shake it. ultimately it’s what bought me back to sanity. Since then I have slowly progressed in my deen and also now that I look back, I can understand why it had to happen.

    Leave a comment:


  • Believer1984
    replied
    salaam everyone ! Here is a great dua that can help you immediately regarding this matter. I listen and recite it too and honestly it somewhat does help. Alhumdulillah https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mWv64olHj8Â*May Allah swt unite us all with the right soul mate and heal protect our damaged mind and broken heart s.a.w. Ameen.
    Last edited by Believer1984; 03-06-19, 04:19 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • Shiraze10
    replied
    think people tend to forget that out whole lives have already been written before we were even born. All the happiness and heartbreaks have already been written for your us and we are just going through the emotions that are already planned for us. One of the most important things that people forget is that, with you not being able to marry this person, is a chance for you to go to the highest of heavens, not just the lowest heavens, but the highest of heavens, as Allah knows how much pain and sadness you will get from this, however Allah wishes good on everyone, so the main goodness of a broken heart is that your letting go of someone, sacrificing someone, in order to go to the highest of heavens. Dont ever think why has he or she gone to someone else but didnt work out for me, thats because everyone has different tests and lives, and this is your test and lives

    Leave a comment:


  • BillJin
    replied
    Salam, nice to see this type of info

    Leave a comment:


  • LailaTheMuslim
    replied
    Originally posted by eesa the kiwi View Post

    Wa alaikum Salam wa rahmatullah wa barakatu

    don't let this experience dissuade you from Islam subhanAllah you've found a precious gem in Islam worth far more than the fickle attention of a guy. Perhaps Allah wanted better for you than him

    as for your sadness try this dua. I've never read it without Allah blessing me with happiness wa lilahil hamd

    It was reported from ‘Abd-Allah ibn Mas’ud that the Prophet said:

    “No person suffers any anxiety or grief, and says:

    ‘Allaahumma innee ‘abduka wa ibn ‘abdika wa ibn amatika, naasiyati bi yadika, maadin fiyya hukmuka, ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka, as’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw ista’tharta bihi fi ‘ilm il-ghaybi ‘andak an taj’ala al-Qur’aana rabee’ qalbi wa noor sadri wa jalaa’a huzni wa dhahaaba hammi’

    “O Allah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your female slave, my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every Name belonging to You which You named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the unseen with You, that You make the Quran the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety” but Allah will take away his sorrow and grief, and give him in their stead joy.” (Ahmad 1/391)

    May Allah grant you sakinah and steadfastness in islam
    Assalaamu alaikum brother, with that sadness dua, do you say it with careful concentration or anything for it to be accepted. Just want to know for my benefit and other members :)

    Leave a comment:


  • eesa the kiwi
    replied
    Originally posted by Momochi View Post
    Salam,

    I would like to share with you, sisters and brothers, my story:

    9 years ago, I have meet on educational forum for studying foreign languages a boy, from Emirates (He was learning English, I too, in exchange I have learned with him German language and History). He was wonderful and, believed in Allah. Before I met him, I was unsure about my believs, but I have read about Islam, about Allah, how Muslims live - everything. It was something new for me, and it was like a path: I've agreed with many points. I have converted, on my own will, without someone's pressing. He didn't knew. From friendship fast was first love. You need to know, that we never meet in real life: just chat/Skype/WhatsApp. He was sharing with me all jis burdens, problems, weakness, good times, success. The same was with me: I could count on his support, a good word, a joke to improve my mood. Years passed.

    Together, each of us in our countries graduated from university: he from computer science, I from business management. He swore that I am the love of his life, that he wants to marry me, have children and grow old. I finally told him that for so many years I was also a Muslim, that these wishes made to him on the occasion of Eid Al-Fitr or others were not courteous - that at the same time I also experienced it, prayed, fasted. I did not grow up in the Muslim religion, but I learned it and go to the Muslim Center, where I learn, work and can learn something from older sisters.


    When I confessed to him, everything started to go wrong. he started to have less and less time for me. I understand, he started to work - I respect it, I also work myself. The problem of parents poured a bit of bitterness: that they would never accept me, because I do not come from the same cultural circle, that I do not know whether to introduce me to them. For nine years, he never told about me his parents or siblings. For that, I decided & introduced him to my family because from the very beginning I wanted to be serious and honest with him.


    With time, contact began to break. I made it clear: I am 26 years old, you have 27. It is time to start seriously: meet, meet our families, start thinking seriously about the future. I work in a large corporation with offices in Dubai, so relocation would not be a problem. He then panicked. For goodbye he only sent me a song on WhatsApp and since December he does not speak to me.

    How do I feel? Betrayed, used, washed out of emotions. I can not trust a man anymore. Should I finish this relationship sooner? I do not know. Everything started to go wrong from the moment he found out I was a Muslim. I'm not an ugly woman, I'm even considered very attractivr, though I'm not flounce because of modesty; now, after graduation, I earn very well, I am the head of the Financial Audit department - I am constantly developing, so I would not be a financial burden for him; so I do not know what happened.

    Now just prayers helps a little and job: slowly become workaholic, but I don't care as long as I don't think about this situation. This post is for me a purification of the soul: I have not told anyone so far. I believe that when I throw it out of myself, I will be able to finally find relief from this heartache.
    Wa alaikum Salam wa rahmatullah wa barakatu

    don't let this experience dissuade you from Islam subhanAllah you've found a precious gem in Islam worth far more than the fickle attention of a guy. Perhaps Allah wanted better for you than him

    as for your sadness try this dua. I've never read it without Allah blessing me with happiness wa lilahil hamd

    It was reported from ‘Abd-Allah ibn Mas’ud that the Prophet said:

    “No person suffers any anxiety or grief, and says:

    ‘Allaahumma innee ‘abduka wa ibn ‘abdika wa ibn amatika, naasiyati bi yadika, maadin fiyya hukmuka, ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka, as’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw ista’tharta bihi fi ‘ilm il-ghaybi ‘andak an taj’ala al-Qur’aana rabee’ qalbi wa noor sadri wa jalaa’a huzni wa dhahaaba hammi’

    “O Allah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your female slave, my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every Name belonging to You which You named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the unseen with You, that You make the Quran the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety” but Allah will take away his sorrow and grief, and give him in their stead joy.” (Ahmad 1/391)

    May Allah grant you sakinah and steadfastness in islam

    Leave a comment:

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