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Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

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  • NGE
    started a topic Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    :start:

    :salams

    I've made this thread in order to assist the many heart broken individuals we get posting threads in this section. Getting over a lost love is quite a hardship and one can be very confused, emotional and in such pain that they are unable to rationalise the situation without some form of outside help.

    I've seen many threads where a person is told to "just get over it" etc and is treated quite harshly when this is not at all the way to deal with such people. I myself can attest to how it feels to experience the highest highs of love as well as the lowest of the lows and then to lose it all. This harsh treatment almost always comes from those who have not experienced the same situation and my advice to those who seek to advise another but cannot help but to be harsh, is that they should simply stay silent and leave it to those who will show some compassion and patience. (I remind myself before others, inshaa'Allah.)

    I found an article which, I believe has some excellent tips for those who are lovesick and thought sharing it would be a good idea. I hope this thread can help those who are suffering from heart break to understand better their situation and the whirlwind of emotions and then give them the push they need in order to move on and continue with life stronger then they were before, inshaa'Allah.

    Step 1: Accepting Allah’s Qadr

    This has got to be one of the toughest tests of qadr. Love muddles your mind and when all you see are the good characteristics of someone it is difficult to see why it is not working out, especially if this is your first real love. How can this brother who is practicing his deen, has a nice beard, soft and caring be wrong for me? How can this sister who is attractive, fun and religious not be my perfect partner?

    The key concept to remember here is: you do not know someone until you have lived with them for a substantial time. Even that person does not know what they are like and how they will react in certain situations. Just because you have these elated feelings of love does not necessarily mean this is the right person. Marriage is a struggle and people develop themselves and change with the experience. Only Allah knows your compatibility, only Allah knows what situations you will face and your reactions. Only Allah knows whether or not this marriage will bring you closer to Him or distract you from the real purpose in life. It is only Allah who knows. Have trust in Allah that He has made the right choice for you. For no matter how much this person claims their love for you or vice versa, know that no one can love you as much as Allah.

    So firstly, make dua to Allah to ease your pain and help you be content with His qadr. The following is my favorite Hadith regarding qadr as it really fills you with the awe of Allah and His infinite wisdom.

    “Allah `azza wa jall said: ‘Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by being inflicted with poverty, and were I to enrich him, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by wealth and affluence, and were I to deprive him, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by good health, and were I to make him sick, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by disease and illness, and were I to make him healthy, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he who seeks worship by a certain act but I prevent that from him so that self-amazement does not enter his heart. Certainly, I run the affairs of My slaves by My Knowledge of what is in their hearts. Certainly, I am the All-Knower, All-Aware’.” [Tabarani]

    Step 2: Awareness of the love-drug syndrome

    An interesting study was conducted comparing drug users to people who claimed to be “madly in love”. They found that brain scans showed people who are in the first stages of love and people who are high on cocaine have the same areas of the brain stimulated while looking at a picture of their “beloved”. In other words, being in the first stage of love is similar to being high on drugs! With drugs, you are not in love with the powder itself – you are in love with the feelings that it gives you.

    Similarly, the thing that we love is the special attention, the butterflies in the stomach, the acknowledgment that someone cares about us in a special way, looks at us in a special way, thinks about us in a special way – the constant day dreaming about the future and daily scenarios. So it is not that this person is perfect, it is that this person allows us to feel all these emotions which are addictive. In reality we are not in love with the person, we are in love with Love itself.

    Being in love with Love explains how some people overlook major faults in their prospective spouse. I knew a practicing sister who wanted to marry someone who had a drug and alcohol problem. This was because in both cases these “faults” were discovered during the first butterfly phase of love and not before. Alhamdulilah, by the qadr of Allah the marriage did not take place, but it was due to circumstances, not because the sister had realised that they were not a suited match.

    Awareness of this love-drug syndrome has two major benefits. Firstly, awareness is power and it breeds hope. Once you are aware that it is the feelings you are attached to, realise you can actually get them elsewhere.

    These feelings are not specific to this one person; you will get these feelings with your new, more suitable prospective partner – the one that Allah will put into your life at the right time insha Allah. Love clouds your mind and makes you think that you will not find this strong love and passion with anyone else. But this is simply not true. You will find this love to be even stronger and more passionate with the right person (the one that is written for you in the Lahw al Mahfooz).

    The second benefit is knowing that just like a drug-user naturally has withdrawal symptoms when they stop, you too will naturally have withdrawal symptoms, and it will be difficult. Getting over someone is emotionally painful so don’t be too hard on yourself, validate your feelings and allow yourself time to heal. Know that this is common – nearly everyone goes through heartache at some point in their lives, and eventually recover with time.

    As a side point: It is not a sin to fall in love; it is a natural emotion which the human species depends on! If you did sin in the process then repent to Allah, He is the Most Forgiving, Most Merciful. Love is a powerful emotion, which is why there are boundaries in Islam. If you have fallen outside those boundaries, repent and move on.

    Step 3: Be proactive

    Allow yourself time but also get proactive! Marriage is just one of the many aspects of your life; it is not the be all and end all of things. What are your aspirations? What do you want to achieve in your life? Write down a list of goals you want to achieve by the end of the month and get started on them right away. As Muslims, our continuous goal is striving to get closer to Allah, so working on your eman and your relationship with Allah must be included in some way. Focus your attention on moving forward rather than wasting time with something that “could have been”.

    Step 4: Move on

    In the spirit of being proactive, the last stage is to actively open your heart and mind to someone else. This could be difficult, as naturally comparisons will creep in, but again realise the fact that it has not worked out means that Allah has someone better suited for you. As illustrated in the famous Hadith of the birds:

    “If you depend on Allah with due reliance, He would certainly give you provision as He gives it the birds who go forth hungry in the morning and return with a full belly at dusk.” [Tirmidhi]

    Allah will provide for you but you have to get up and get moving again. Just like the birds, go out and seek. Make the effort on your part and leave the rest to Allah and His infinite wisdom.
    Source: http://islamic-quotes.blogspot.com/2011/02/if-you-are-suffering-from-broken-heart.html

  • BillJin
    replied
    Salam, nice to see this type of info

    Leave a comment:


  • LailaTheMuslim
    replied
    Originally posted by eesa the kiwi View Post

    Wa alaikum Salam wa rahmatullah wa barakatu

    don't let this experience dissuade you from Islam subhanAllah you've found a precious gem in Islam worth far more than the fickle attention of a guy. Perhaps Allah wanted better for you than him

    as for your sadness try this dua. I've never read it without Allah blessing me with happiness wa lilahil hamd

    It was reported from ‘Abd-Allah ibn Mas’ud that the Prophet said:

    “No person suffers any anxiety or grief, and says:

    ‘Allaahumma innee ‘abduka wa ibn ‘abdika wa ibn amatika, naasiyati bi yadika, maadin fiyya hukmuka, ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka, as’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw ista’tharta bihi fi ‘ilm il-ghaybi ‘andak an taj’ala al-Qur’aana rabee’ qalbi wa noor sadri wa jalaa’a huzni wa dhahaaba hammi’

    “O Allah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your female slave, my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every Name belonging to You which You named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the unseen with You, that You make the Quran the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety” but Allah will take away his sorrow and grief, and give him in their stead joy.” (Ahmad 1/391)

    May Allah grant you sakinah and steadfastness in islam
    Assalaamu alaikum brother, with that sadness dua, do you say it with careful concentration or anything for it to be accepted. Just want to know for my benefit and other members :)

    Leave a comment:


  • eesa the kiwi
    replied
    Originally posted by Momochi View Post
    Salam,

    I would like to share with you, sisters and brothers, my story:

    9 years ago, I have meet on educational forum for studying foreign languages a boy, from Emirates (He was learning English, I too, in exchange I have learned with him German language and History). He was wonderful and, believed in Allah. Before I met him, I was unsure about my believs, but I have read about Islam, about Allah, how Muslims live - everything. It was something new for me, and it was like a path: I've agreed with many points. I have converted, on my own will, without someone's pressing. He didn't knew. From friendship fast was first love. You need to know, that we never meet in real life: just chat/Skype/WhatsApp. He was sharing with me all jis burdens, problems, weakness, good times, success. The same was with me: I could count on his support, a good word, a joke to improve my mood. Years passed.

    Together, each of us in our countries graduated from university: he from computer science, I from business management. He swore that I am the love of his life, that he wants to marry me, have children and grow old. I finally told him that for so many years I was also a Muslim, that these wishes made to him on the occasion of Eid Al-Fitr or others were not courteous - that at the same time I also experienced it, prayed, fasted. I did not grow up in the Muslim religion, but I learned it and go to the Muslim Center, where I learn, work and can learn something from older sisters.


    When I confessed to him, everything started to go wrong. he started to have less and less time for me. I understand, he started to work - I respect it, I also work myself. The problem of parents poured a bit of bitterness: that they would never accept me, because I do not come from the same cultural circle, that I do not know whether to introduce me to them. For nine years, he never told about me his parents or siblings. For that, I decided & introduced him to my family because from the very beginning I wanted to be serious and honest with him.


    With time, contact began to break. I made it clear: I am 26 years old, you have 27. It is time to start seriously: meet, meet our families, start thinking seriously about the future. I work in a large corporation with offices in Dubai, so relocation would not be a problem. He then panicked. For goodbye he only sent me a song on WhatsApp and since December he does not speak to me.

    How do I feel? Betrayed, used, washed out of emotions. I can not trust a man anymore. Should I finish this relationship sooner? I do not know. Everything started to go wrong from the moment he found out I was a Muslim. I'm not an ugly woman, I'm even considered very attractivr, though I'm not flounce because of modesty; now, after graduation, I earn very well, I am the head of the Financial Audit department - I am constantly developing, so I would not be a financial burden for him; so I do not know what happened.

    Now just prayers helps a little and job: slowly become workaholic, but I don't care as long as I don't think about this situation. This post is for me a purification of the soul: I have not told anyone so far. I believe that when I throw it out of myself, I will be able to finally find relief from this heartache.
    Wa alaikum Salam wa rahmatullah wa barakatu

    don't let this experience dissuade you from Islam subhanAllah you've found a precious gem in Islam worth far more than the fickle attention of a guy. Perhaps Allah wanted better for you than him

    as for your sadness try this dua. I've never read it without Allah blessing me with happiness wa lilahil hamd

    It was reported from ‘Abd-Allah ibn Mas’ud that the Prophet said:

    “No person suffers any anxiety or grief, and says:

    ‘Allaahumma innee ‘abduka wa ibn ‘abdika wa ibn amatika, naasiyati bi yadika, maadin fiyya hukmuka, ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka, as’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw ista’tharta bihi fi ‘ilm il-ghaybi ‘andak an taj’ala al-Qur’aana rabee’ qalbi wa noor sadri wa jalaa’a huzni wa dhahaaba hammi’

    “O Allah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your female slave, my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every Name belonging to You which You named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the unseen with You, that You make the Quran the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety” but Allah will take away his sorrow and grief, and give him in their stead joy.” (Ahmad 1/391)

    May Allah grant you sakinah and steadfastness in islam

    Leave a comment:


  • Momochi
    replied
    Salam,

    I would like to share with you, sisters and brothers, my story:

    9 years ago, I have meet on educational forum for studying foreign languages a boy, from Emirates (He was learning English, I too, in exchange I have learned with him German language and History). He was wonderful and, believed in Allah. Before I met him, I was unsure about my believs, but I have read about Islam, about Allah, how Muslims live - everything. It was something new for me, and it was like a path: I've agreed with many points. I have converted, on my own will, without someone's pressing. He didn't knew. From friendship fast was first love. You need to know, that we never meet in real life: just chat/Skype/WhatsApp. He was sharing with me all jis burdens, problems, weakness, good times, success. The same was with me: I could count on his support, a good word, a joke to improve my mood. Years passed.

    Together, each of us in our countries graduated from university: he from computer science, I from business management. He swore that I am the love of his life, that he wants to marry me, have children and grow old. I finally told him that for so many years I was also a Muslim, that these wishes made to him on the occasion of Eid Al-Fitr or others were not courteous - that at the same time I also experienced it, prayed, fasted. I did not grow up in the Muslim religion, but I learned it and go to the Muslim Center, where I learn, work and can learn something from older sisters.


    When I confessed to him, everything started to go wrong. he started to have less and less time for me. I understand, he started to work - I respect it, I also work myself. The problem of parents poured a bit of bitterness: that they would never accept me, because I do not come from the same cultural circle, that I do not know whether to introduce me to them. For nine years, he never told about me his parents or siblings. For that, I decided & introduced him to my family because from the very beginning I wanted to be serious and honest with him.


    With time, contact began to break. I made it clear: I am 26 years old, you have 27. It is time to start seriously: meet, meet our families, start thinking seriously about the future. I work in a large corporation with offices in Dubai, so relocation would not be a problem. He then panicked. For goodbye he only sent me a song on WhatsApp and since December he does not speak to me.

    How do I feel? Betrayed, used, washed out of emotions. I can not trust a man anymore. Should I finish this relationship sooner? I do not know. Everything started to go wrong from the moment he found out I was a Muslim. I'm not an ugly woman, I'm even considered very attractivr, though I'm not flounce because of modesty; now, after graduation, I earn very well, I am the head of the Financial Audit department - I am constantly developing, so I would not be a financial burden for him; so I do not know what happened.

    Now just prayers helps a little and job: slowly become workaholic, but I don't care as long as I don't think about this situation. This post is for me a purification of the soul: I have not told anyone so far. I believe that when I throw it out of myself, I will be able to finally find relief from this heartache.
    Last edited by Momochi; 19-01-19, 01:51 AM.

    Leave a comment:


  • Zaina786
    replied
      • Assalamualaikum,

        It’s great to hear that you’re so firm upon your decision of not marrying a non Muslim woman in spite of the immense love that you have for her.
        I suggest you should not stop praying for her to convert at least until either of the two of you find your true love elsewhere. Coz dua is the most powerful weapon and it can change any situation and it not at all wrong for you to pray that your love becomes Muslim and your relationship thus turns halal. Also, I didn’t understand that if she’s ready to convert for you, why don’t you give her a chance, may be she’ll truly change her heart once she gets to see the real beautiful Islam?
        I pray that Allah rewards you with immense love and care and if this relationship is khayr for you, you get married to her soon and she converts to Islam. Although, I’d suggest that until then you cut off contacts with her and seek help through prayers and Insha Allah may be one day she might come to you as a Muslimah. Aameen!!! + MORE OPTIONS

    Leave a comment:


  • Zaina786
    commented on 's reply
    Assalamualaikum,

    It’s great to hear that you’re so firm upon your decision of not marrying a non Muslim woman in spite of the immense love that you have for her.
    I suggest you should not stop praying for her to convert at least until either of the two of you find your true love elsewhere. Coz dua is the most powerful weapon and it can change any situation and it not at all wrong for you to pray that your love becomes Muslim and your relationship thus turns halal. Also, I didn’t understand that if she’s ready to convert for you, why don’t you give her a chance, may be she’ll truly change her heart once she gets to see the real beautiful Islam?
    I pray that Allah rewards you with immense love and care and if this relationship is khayr for you, you get married to her soon and she converts to Islam. Although, I’d suggest that until then you cut off contacts with her and seek help through prayers and Insha Allah may be one day she might come to you as a Muslimah. Aameen!!!

  • RashdahH
    replied
    Make dua constantly and remember that Allah only does things for your good, never for your bad. One day, you'll understand the wisdom of what has happened even if you don't at present.

    Leave a comment:


  • Mintchocchip
    replied
    Just remember Allah (swt) is the best of planners. Accept what has happened with plenty of patience and prayer. InshaAllah with time it becomes easier.

    Leave a comment:


  • whadda
    replied
    Qayr inshallah

    Leave a comment:


  • Indefinable
    replied
    Originally posted by NGE View Post
    :start:

    :salams

    I've made this thread in order to assist the many heart broken individuals we get posting threads in this section. Getting over a lost love is quite a hardship and one can be very confused, emotional and in such pain that they are unable to rationalise the situation without some form of outside help.

    I've seen many threads where a person is told to "just get over it" etc and is treated quite harshly when this is not at all the way to deal with such people. I myself can attest to how it feels to experience the highest highs of love as well as the lowest of the lows and then to lose it all. This harsh treatment almost always comes from those who have not experienced the same situation and my advice to those who seek to advise another but cannot help but to be harsh, is that they should simply stay silent and leave it to those who will show some compassion and patience. (I remind myself before others, inshaa'Allah.)

    I found an article which, I believe has some excellent tips for those who are lovesick and thought sharing it would be a good idea. I hope this thread can help those who are suffering from heart break to understand better their situation and the whirlwind of emotions and then give them the push they need in order to move on and continue with life stronger then they were before, inshaa'Allah.



    Source: http://islamic-quotes.blogspot.com/2...ken-heart.html

    Okay - but what if you don't want to get over it?

    Leave a comment:


  • Shayan ali
    replied
    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Thanks a lot for all the people who shared their thoughts. Jazak Allah kher and follow the namaz timings because namaz will keep your heart strong.

    Leave a comment:


  • xLost
    replied
    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Anyone up for a talk about this? I have just created a thread but can't find it anywhere...

    Leave a comment:


  • Confidante
    replied
    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    I wonder where you are in life now. And where she is too.
    And I wonder wtf (what the fatwa) is wrong with most people that instead of completely entering into Islam, they just pick one thing and impose it is such a way that it ends bad for people. Didn't ALLAH SWT tell us that Allah does not intend difficulty? Didn't He say He does not wish harm? Did He not say that He is Most Merciful and only intends good for you? Did He not say to strive on the right path and invite and be persistent at it? To invite WITH WISDOM and GOOD PRACTICAL EXAMPLE?
    Where is the wisdom on ordering a person to convert or bear emotional death? What kind of practical Islam is portrayed when loving and caring about someone is held hostage to apparently empty and regressive whims of religious clergy rooted in misunderstanding of the core tenets of this beautiful lifestyle?

    Allah SWT did not tell us to tear people apart in inviting them to His way. Allah SWT has allowed marriage with "people of the book" and has allowed consensual relations even with slaves, and for good purpose, for those desiring chastity.
    I pray that you, and others in such situations read this, and don't be hasty in converting your potential other. All good things take time. And if you, the man, have a good understanding of Islam in the way it's supposed to be, then your woman will go to great lengths with you, embracing Islam being just one of those.

    It breaks me to read about people being broken apart. It's a cold and heartless thing to do when there is the better alternative of working at it slowly and joining hearts bringing people closer to Allah SWT.

    I so wish I could speak to the two of you and tell you how beautiful your deen is in these matters. It joins hearts with those that are good, and distances from those that are not, the end result being goodness either way. That is the way of Allah, full of mercy. He Himself says His mercy is greater and overshadows His wrath.

    May Allah SWT guide us all to the true purpose and understanding of Islam.

    P.s. poor translations lead to poor understanding leading to poor advice. We are prohibited from marrying a kafir, i.e. one in denial. A person cannot be in denial of something that they don't even know. Without proper education about, and invitation to, Islam, we should refrain from the trigger-happy kafir declarations that are tearing hearts apart. Give people a chance to see the light before we declare them blind.
    Last edited by Confidante; 22-09-17, 06:56 AM.

    Leave a comment:


  • ZAHRA1234
    replied
    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    its better to love Allah because no one in this world derserve real love so dot waste your time for that

    Leave a comment:

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