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Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    :up:
    Please Please Please Make Dua for these [URL="http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?455964-Plz-Make-Dua-for-these-members&p=6715010&viewfull=1#post6715010"]Click Here[/URL] JazakAllahi

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      Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

      I am reaching the end of my relationship with a woman I dreamt would be the mother of my children.

      The reason I am posting on this thread today is to express my thoughts, feelings, and emotions so that in a few years, when I look back, I will understand the pain I overcame with the help of Allah swt in'sha'allah. I just need a place to vent and I suppose this thread is as good a place as any.

      My story:
      I fell in love with a woman and was in a relationship with her for only 6 months; what feels like the six best months I've ever spent with someone. Within a week we were attached to each other. We spoke about anything and everything to the point we knew each other better than we knew ourselves.

      She's kind, she's pretty, she's smart, she's caring, she's fun, she's understanding.

      Why I love her is:
      She healed me from what the last girl did to me, she made me understand that not every woman wants money, that some people just love, she made me see the true colours of my fake friends and now they're both out my life. She stopped me talking to other girls. She taught me to love myself, I was so bitter. She made me feel good. Made me feel handsome. Made me feel like I count. Like I matter. She was like my wife. I opened up completely to her. She knew my deepest darkest secrets and she helped me overcome them. Secrets I thought I would die with. She helped me.
      It was definitely love.

      However, she is a disbeliever of Allah swt and she is firm in her disbelief. Because of this, I told her it is forbidden for me to marry her and that one day we will end this. She used to say she would convert for me, but that would only make her my wife, not a Muslim. She cried wishing she was born a Muslim. She became so depressed. May Allah swt guide her.

      It came to a point where she became ill and finally decided we will end our relationship this week.
      She broke down and in turn it broke me down. The pain of losing someone that I have loved so deeply made me sick.

      This then turned to the pain of someone I love going to jahannum in the end.
      I became desperate and begged her to convert, to consider islam.. I was going crazy begging Allah swt to save her, to guide her, even if it's not with me in the end. I became so ill that my family became worried for my health, not knowing it was due to depression.

      I approached my friends to get some help, some just brushed it off as "some girl", others tried to show me that only Allah swt can guide & to forget. She herself told me I'll fall in love with another after her.

      In the end I asked my cousin, an imam, to help guide me.
      He explained that because shaitaan was the third in our relationship, he made the girl seem like the source of my happiness. I said things like she helped me pray 5 times a day, she helped me get through my life, but it wasn't her it was Allah swt.
      He explained that my crying for her conversion was unjustified. He asked me if I cried this much for my own mother's deen or my family's deen. He asked me why am I crying so much for a stranger when my own family could be struggling with their Islam.
      Allah swt is the one who guides, we can only "invite" to Islam.
      My relationship with her was haraam from the start, no matter how much love we have. May Allah swt protect us all from haraam love.

      I still have a few days left with her before we go our separate ways as she wants to wish me for my birthday at least once in this lifetime. My weakness for her allows it.
      It is a pain I can not describe in words.

      I know healing can only start once we cut off, block each other, and delete every message. My imaan in weak in the sense that I am depressed over this; I find it hard to accept Allah swt's decree, I can't stop praying to Allah swt to grant her to me as a Muslim wife. It's wrong, in'sha'allah I will stop one day and just focus on myself and my family.

      To my future self, if you ever go through the pain of loss again, remember this moment and be grateful to Allah swt for getting you past it. It hurts, by Allah swt, it definitely hurts. My eyes tear as I write this. Just know that Allah swt will save you as He as always saved you.

      I will post again in the future once I have moved on. Until then I make dua for all those in pain from either halal or haraam love. I hope you pray for me too.

      Indeed to Allah swt we belong and to Allah swt we will return.

      Comment


        Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

        Originally posted by Igiveup View Post
        I am reaching the end of my relationship with a woman I dreamt would be the mother of my children.

        The reason I am posting on this thread today is to express my thoughts, feelings, and emotions so that in a few years, when I look back, I will understand the pain I overcame with the help of Allah swt in'sha'allah. I just need a place to vent and I suppose this thread is as good a place as any.

        My story:
        I fell in love with a woman and was in a relationship with her for only 6 months; what feels like the six best months I've ever spent with someone. Within a week we were attached to each other. We spoke about anything and everything to the point we knew each other better than we knew ourselves.

        She's kind, she's pretty, she's smart, she's caring, she's fun, she's understanding.

        Why I love her is:
        She healed me from what the last girl did to me, she made me understand that not every woman wants money, that some people just love, she made me see the true colours of my fake friends and now they're both out my life. She stopped me talking to other girls. She taught me to love myself, I was so bitter. She made me feel good. Made me feel handsome. Made me feel like I count. Like I matter. She was like my wife. I opened up completely to her. She knew my deepest darkest secrets and she helped me overcome them. Secrets I thought I would die with. She helped me.
        It was definitely love.

        However, she is a disbeliever of Allah swt and she is firm in her disbelief. Because of this, I told her it is forbidden for me to marry her and that one day we will end this. She used to say she would convert for me, but that would only make her my wife, not a Muslim. She cried wishing she was born a Muslim. She became so depressed. May Allah swt guide her.

        It came to a point where she became ill and finally decided we will end our relationship this week.
        She broke down and in turn it broke me down. The pain of losing someone that I have loved so deeply made me sick.

        This then turned to the pain of someone I love going to jahannum in the end.
        I became desperate and begged her to convert, to consider islam.. I was going crazy begging Allah swt to save her, to guide her, even if it's not with me in the end. I became so ill that my family became worried for my health, not knowing it was due to depression.

        I approached my friends to get some help, some just brushed it off as "some girl", others tried to show me that only Allah swt can guide & to forget. She herself told me I'll fall in love with another after her.

        In the end I asked my cousin, an imam, to help guide me.
        He explained that because shaitaan was the third in our relationship, he made the girl seem like the source of my happiness. I said things like she helped me pray 5 times a day, she helped me get through my life, but it wasn't her it was Allah swt.
        He explained that my crying for her conversion was unjustified. He asked me if I cried this much for my own mother's deen or my family's deen. He asked me why am I crying so much for a stranger when my own family could be struggling with their Islam.
        Allah swt is the one who guides, we can only "invite" to Islam.
        My relationship with her was haraam from the start, no matter how much love we have. May Allah swt protect us all from haraam love.

        I still have a few days left with her before we go our separate ways as she wants to wish me for my birthday at least once in this lifetime. My weakness for her allows it.
        It is a pain I can not describe in words.

        I know healing can only start once we cut off, block each other, and delete every message. My imaan in weak in the sense that I am depressed over this; I find it hard to accept Allah swt's decree, I can't stop praying to Allah swt to grant her to me as a Muslim wife. It's wrong, in'sha'allah I will stop one day and just focus on myself and my family.

        To my future self, if you ever go through the pain of loss again, remember this moment and be grateful to Allah swt for getting you past it. It hurts, by Allah swt, it definitely hurts. My eyes tear as I write this. Just know that Allah swt will save you as He as always saved you.

        I will post again in the future once I have moved on. Until then I make dua for all those in pain from either halal or haraam love. I hope you pray for me too.

        Indeed to Allah swt we belong and to Allah swt we will return.
        Hmm

        :salams

        i'm glad u spoke to the imam because he advised you well

        when you play with fire, you will definitely get burned - but look to the burning as expiation

        she didn't heal you from those problems because Allah swt is in control of our happiness and sadness

        alhamdulilah thank Allah swt a thousand times that He kept u firm enough not to leave your deen for her

        Read up on decree and the mercy of Allah swt and some lightness may reach your heart

        If you give up something for His sake He will never forsake you so make sure this intention is pure

        Repent for your mistake and build your emaan to make your love of Him stronger than anything else

        This is where u should believe with all your heart that He will never let you suffer if you are sincere in your repentance and worship

        May Allah swt heal your heart ameen

        read His names and attributes and love Him more
        ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
        "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
        :love: [Al-Imran 3:159] :love:

        Comment


          Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

          Salaam Thanks Bro for the Four Step guide.

          I think there has to be an area of deep reflection of review of how and why things went wrong? it is very indeed Allahs qadr but any sane person cannot go in life living in life without any certain control in their life especially their love life. This is often the gap with islamic counselling, there are some very real reasons things dont work out and we should not be shy to look at them objectively and make changes or challenge the status quo.

          Indeed Allah helps a people who help themselves. Those of us who have been hurt know why things went wrong and know if they have been wronged and they have a right to stick up for themselves the second time around.

          Muslim Loser

          Comment


            Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

            Salaam Bro,

            This is a common bro i wouldnt be too worried. If shes a good girl and knows how to submit to you well than she is doing better than many many many muslim sisters.
            The first half of our deen is your relationship with allah pray fast zikr etc the second half is you and your wifes relationship with allah which comes from submissive and caring behaviours.
            This is usually the big challenge for many sisters and if you have a solid non-believing woman i wouldn't let her go for the world. These imams and maulana are totally lost they have no real fundamental solutions or the way forward.

            She might see herself as a muslim if you treat her well, btw we are allowed to marry jews and christians most imams would say you are not but you are!!!!

            Comment


              Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

              wow sister read this post its full of running feelings.

              if the bro has challenges with drinking etc accept him for who he is and move on! drinking is a sin not kufr you will meet many ethnic men who drink too!
              weigh out pros and cons.
              The reality of marrying a convert is they come with real challenges and baggage cost of nikkahing a white guy.

              Comment


                Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

                Originally posted by muslimloser View Post
                Salaam Bro,

                This is a common bro i wouldnt be too worried. If shes a good girl and knows how to submit to you well than she is doing better than many many many muslim sisters.
                The first half of our deen is your relationship with allah pray fast zikr etc the second half is you and your wifes relationship with allah which comes from submissive and caring behaviours.
                This is usually the big challenge for many sisters and if you have a solid non-believing woman i wouldn't let her go for the world. These imams and maulana are totally lost they have no real fundamental solutions or the way forward.

                She might see herself as a muslim if you treat her well, btw we are allowed to marry jews and christians most imams would say you are not but you are!!!!
                Who are you? Stop trolling people please. Imams don't make up stuff up. This is an Islamic forum & you're advising Muslims to hold on to non-believing women? Were you created in this world to satisfy your desires by whatever means necessary? Are you even Muslim to begin with?
                ليتني أموت على ما ماتت عليه عجائز نيسابور

                Comment


                  Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

                  i really appreciated that type of site

                  Comment


                    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

                    its better to love Allah because no one in this world derserve real love so dot waste your time for that

                    Comment


                      Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

                      I wonder where you are in life now. And where she is too.
                      And I wonder wtf (what the fatwa) is wrong with most people that instead of completely entering into Islam, they just pick one thing and impose it is such a way that it ends bad for people. Didn't ALLAH SWT tell us that Allah does not intend difficulty? Didn't He say He does not wish harm? Did He not say that He is Most Merciful and only intends good for you? Did He not say to strive on the right path and invite and be persistent at it? To invite WITH WISDOM and GOOD PRACTICAL EXAMPLE?
                      Where is the wisdom on ordering a person to convert or bear emotional death? What kind of practical Islam is portrayed when loving and caring about someone is held hostage to apparently empty and regressive whims of religious clergy rooted in misunderstanding of the core tenets of this beautiful lifestyle?

                      Allah SWT did not tell us to tear people apart in inviting them to His way. Allah SWT has allowed marriage with "people of the book" and has allowed consensual relations even with slaves, and for good purpose, for those desiring chastity.
                      I pray that you, and others in such situations read this, and don't be hasty in converting your potential other. All good things take time. And if you, the man, have a good understanding of Islam in the way it's supposed to be, then your woman will go to great lengths with you, embracing Islam being just one of those.

                      It breaks me to read about people being broken apart. It's a cold and heartless thing to do when there is the better alternative of working at it slowly and joining hearts bringing people closer to Allah SWT.

                      I so wish I could speak to the two of you and tell you how beautiful your deen is in these matters. It joins hearts with those that are good, and distances from those that are not, the end result being goodness either way. That is the way of Allah, full of mercy. He Himself says His mercy is greater and overshadows His wrath.

                      May Allah SWT guide us all to the true purpose and understanding of Islam.

                      P.s. poor translations lead to poor understanding leading to poor advice. We are prohibited from marrying a kafir, i.e. one in denial. A person cannot be in denial of something that they don't even know. Without proper education about, and invitation to, Islam, we should refrain from the trigger-happy kafir declarations that are tearing hearts apart. Give people a chance to see the light before we declare them blind.
                      Last edited by Confidante; 22-09-17, 06:56 AM.

                      Comment


                        Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

                        Anyone up for a talk about this? I have just created a thread but can't find it anywhere...

                        Comment


                          Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

                          Thanks a lot for all the people who shared their thoughts. Jazak Allah kher and follow the namaz timings because namaz will keep your heart strong.

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