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    #61
    Re: would a muslim man marry a non-virgin muslim girl?

    Originally posted by Ibadah View Post
    Thats a mistake, we are saying a man cant really demand a virgin if he isnt one himself, how can he? Theres no hadith or ayahs from the qur'an on this, its common sense. He can seek for a virgin, no problem, but he cant complain if the woman is not a virgin thats what we are saying, he shouldnt be a hypocrite and say oh why isnt she a virgin if hes not one himself, do you now understand what i mean?

    Again its preference, for someone that wouldnt mind marrying a non-virgin, fine its up to them, but for some who seeks a virgin then thats their right if they kept pure all their lives.
    See this post:
    Originally posted by AbuHaneefah View Post
    Just to throw a spanner in the works here...

    What if , back in the early generations that there was a young man who got slave girls as Ghaneemah from Jihad. He (legally) had intercourse with her/them before he got married although he was previously unmarried.
    Does that mean that he now has no right to marry a virgin?

    If so.. can we have some evidence from scholars/ hadith / Qur'an / sahabah etc?
    So if a young Mujahid has had relations with a slave he owned, would that mean he couldn't ask to marry a virgin girl?
    Hadith, Fiqh and Tafsir Scholarship
    http://www.al-salam.co.uk/[B][COLOR="#006400"]

    Comment


      #62
      Re: would a muslim man marry a non-virgin muslim girl?

      dear my sisters and brothers,
      I am here with my deeply sincere feelings I want to share my trouble with you who interest in marriage. I think it may help some people when they make decision to marry someone and to sharing this will help to reduce my heavy pain . I am married and we have a 8 months old baby.
      I have a small world and not so social usualy busy with works. all of people say around me I am too kindhearted... well. I met as online with my wife one of islamic chat web site she was the woman who I wanted to marry she was match wife candidate profile on my mind for the first time I was thinking she is the person who can complate my empty life. I didn't know everything is going crush in my life. I started like her and started to know her somehow I fell in love with her after a couple of months I though I had enough experience about life and I never wanted to get marry with someone who is online but it happened!! I want to tell you that I have not touched any woman except my wife. I saved myself for my wife. Fear of Allah always stopped me to do bad things.
      we were chatting about private things because I believed that we were serious about building a family. she told me she is virgin one day even I didnt ask her. Aafter I was really in love and was blind by love, she told me she was not virgin and it was the biggest mistake of her whole life I believed on her with all my heart but still it was the strongest earthquake in my life..I tried istihara pray many times but I got nothing. I was crying all the time when I was alone. I still cry sometimes silently, I tried to do everything to run away from her but I couldn't. I lost my mental health. as I told you that we had online friendship for a couple of months then we decided to meet in the real world. I was inlove like a crazy at the time life was like a dream for me. I felt I loved her with all my heart. The second time of our meeting she wanted to touch me I tried to stop that but I couldnt with that stupid big love in my mind because I already wanted to marry with her. we had fornication!!! :( It is impossible to describe my repentance I billions of time ask help and pray Almighty to forgive me. After my big fault I had to accepted her with her fault. I thought I can change her she would change after she become a mother. Everything was ok for sometime becuse my love was stopping my mind but after that I realized some truths. whenever I saw her faults about her dirty past. I persuaded myself no it can not be like that she is not that kind of person. but the truth was different. After married and she is pregnant I found out she lied to me she had many boyfriends long term relationships not only one fault and become regretful as she told me. she never seems like she is regretful what she did in her past. she always says past is past. yes I also belive that but her past affects everything. we seriously fighted many times because I catched her when she was looking at some men with big admire when she was pregnant. when ever I try to tell my mind to my wife she gets very angry ready to destroy our marriage but I bear it for our baby. after we fight, the house becomes like a hell for me. That is why I also can not to talk to my wife I have many of doubts on my mind about her all the time. I wish any muslim brother or sister will not face similar trouble like I have. I feel that I lost my everything and my life spoiled, I have to live and have to bear it for my little baby . that feeling stops me to do bad things like divorcing. nobody can imagine how it hurts. I am requesting some dua to solve my pain from all of you my sisters and brothers and I beg you all don't trust people too much like me don't be too good don't let your love to make you blind. be extremely careful!

      I tried to tell my mind with my limited english and if I made mistakes I apologize...
      Last edited by onlyblue; 31-10-10, 01:29 PM.

      Comment


        #63
        Re: would a muslim man marry a non-virgin muslim girl?

        knowing that i wouldn't marry her unless she wow'ed me lol

        Comment


          #64
          Re: would a muslim man marry a non-virgin muslim girl?

          Originally posted by smile6 View Post
          would anyone even consider marrying a non-virigin who has repented to ALLAH and never commited such mistakes again
          would a muslim man marry a non-virgin muslim girl?

          Whether the sister is a widow or divorced is not a
          issue in Islam.
          However, if she had fornicated she is only
          allowed to marry her own kind.

          I think that this goes for both men and women.


          ________________
          "When authority is given to those who do not deserve it,
          wait for the Day of Judgment."



          Comment


            #65
            Re: would a muslim man marry a non-virgin muslim girl?

            Originally posted by Supernova Nebula View Post
            The moment a non Muslim reverts to Islam, his past sins are erased by Allah and this makes him pure like a newborn. I'm willing to look past his jahiliya/kaffiric past. What matters is his life after embracing Islam, his efforts to learn Islam etc, that's most important and more importantly is, I have no problem to accept him, just the way he is:)

            I have more difficulty to accept a born Muslim man who has colorful past, because sins done not out of ignorance.
            agreed

            i know u asked if a muslim MAN would marry a non-virgin girl but im a sister and can honestly say i wouldnt marry a man who was not a virgin

            u spend ur whole life protecting urself and save guarding ur honor..im sorry if it affends u but id feel like that all went to waste if i married a non virgin guy

            but of course like supernova said...the case is very different if its a revert...then all their sins are erased and i wouldnt hold it against him

            but if he was born a muslim..sorry i wouldnt just cuz i dont find it fair

            in the end if u find someone that doesnt mind alhamdulillah and if u find someone that does then move on..khalas he doesnt accept u then fine find someone who is okay with it

            Originally posted by Khalid b. Walid View Post
            People slip up all the time and fall into sins. Some start drinking. Some take drugs. Some commit zina. Shaitan is always ready to strike and humans are weak. But what about those who went through those years of temptation in this God-forsaken society and never committed zina and never gave in to the Shaitan? Why are they penalised for having a preference for chaste girls just like them?

            those who preserved their chastity and kept 100ft clear of women because they feared Allah and wish to safeguard their honour, morality, chastity and preserve themselves for their wives to show their loyalty and commitment to her. There is nothing wrong for these guys to wish the same from a future spouse.
            I'll put it this way. When applying to university, they look at your past academic record and admit you on that basis along with an interview to see your present self. All this is taken into account when deciding to give you an offer.

            Similarly for marriage, a person's past record is also looked at as well as their present self. Then a decision is taken on that person.
            agreed with u akhi...some ppl this matters to them others it doesnt..in the end its his preferance
            Originally posted by onlyblue View Post
            dear my sisters and brothers,
            I am here with my deeply sincere feelings I want to share my trouble with you who interest in marriage. I think it may help some people when they make decision to marry someone and to sharing this will help to reduce my heavy pain . I am married and we have a 8 months old baby.
            I have a small world and not so social usualy busy with works. all of people say around me I am too kindhearted... well. I met as online with my wife one of islamic chat web site she was the woman who I wanted to marry she was match wife candidate profile on my mind for the first time I was thinking she is the person who can complate my empty life. I didn't know everything is going crush in my life. I started like her and started to know her somehow I fell in love with her after a couple of months I though I had enough experience about life and I never wanted to get marry with someone who is online but it happened!! I want to tell you that I have not touched any woman except my wife. I saved myself for my wife. Fear of Allah always stopped me to do bad things.
            we were chatting about private things because I believed that we were serious about building a family. she told me she is virgin one day even I didnt ask her. Aafter I was really in love and was blind by love, she told me she was not virgin and it was the biggest mistake of her whole life I believed on her with all my heart but still it was the strongest earthquake in my life..I tried istihara pray many times but I got nothing. I was crying all the time when I was alone. I still cry sometimes silently, I tried to do everything to run away from her but I couldn't. I lost my mental health. as I told you that we had online friendship for a couple of months then we decided to meet in the real world. I was inlove like a crazy at the time life was like a dream for me. I felt I loved her with all my heart. The second time of our meeting she wanted to touch me I tried to stop that but I couldnt with that stupid big love in my mind because I already wanted to marry with her. we had fornication!!! :( It is impossible to describe my repentance I billions of time ask help and pray Almighty to forgive me. After my big fault I had to accepted her with her fault. I thought I can change her she would change after she become a mother. Everything was ok for sometime becuse my love was stopping my mind but after that I realized some truths. whenever I saw her faults about her dirty past. I persuaded myself no it can not be like that she is not that kind of person. but the truth was different. After married and she is pregnant I found out she lied to me she had many boyfriends long term relationships not only one fault and become regretful as she told me. she never seems like she is regretful what she did in her past. she always says past is past. yes I also belive that but her past affects everything. we seriously fighted many times because I catched her when she was looking at some men with big admire when she was pregnant. when ever I try to tell my mind to my wife she gets very angry ready to destroy our marriage but I bear it for our baby. after we fight, the house becomes like a hell for me. That is why I also can not to talk to my wife I have many of doubts on my mind about her all the time. I wish any muslim brother or sister will not face similar trouble like I have. I feel that I lost my everything and my life spoiled, I have to live and have to bear it for my little baby . that feeling stops me to do bad things like divorcing. nobody can imagine how it hurts. I am requesting some dua to solve my pain from all of you my sisters and brothers and I beg you all don't trust people too much like me don't be too good don't let your love to make you blind. be extremely careful!

            I tried to tell my mind with my limited english and if I made mistakes I apologize...
            im sorry i didnt really understand ur post...and correct me if im wrong u let shaitan tempt u into zina? if thats the case then i dont see why ur holding it over her head when u urself have done the same thing ur mad at her about

            if u cant handle it anymore then get a divorce...u went into the marriage knowing she was unchast so u cant really be mad about it now?

            allahu alam...but ull be in my duas inshallah
            ‎"when she is a daughter, she opens a door of jannah for her father. when she is a wife, she completes half of the deen of her husband. when she is a mother, Jannah lies under her feet. If everyone knew the status of a muslim women in islam, even men would want to be women." Sheikh Akram Nadawi

            Comment


              #66
              Re: would a muslim man marry a non-virgin muslim girl?

              i know this is going to sound shallow but here it is.

              the prophet peace be uppon him advise many things, and there is moderation in everything. the prophet peace be uppon him advised men to marry virgins if they can, and one of the reasons is that because its easier to please them.

              and this is defenetly true, because a woman who has had past experiences, a revert or whatever, will still remember those past experiences, both good and bad. a virgin has nobody to compare with. and we can pretend this isnt an issue all we like, but it unfortanatly dose become an issue in some marrages. if a woman isint satisfied she can appeal to get a divorce. that can get ugly becuse thats gonna hurt the husband alot. i rmeember readong a story, or hadieth of a woman who went to the prophet S.A.W. and wanted to diveroce the man because she dident like the size of his private parts. and the prophet S.A.W> told him to divorce her, fix the problem, then get remarried.

              thats gotta hurt.

              and that was back then, in the golden age of islam, when people were like pious and full of taqwa.

              today man muslim are dunyafied. women and men cheat on their spouses because they arent satisfied and this is commen enough there are even websites devoted to that kinda of thing.

              theres also other issues with people with a past. they may still have an attacment on some level or another to somone they were with, even though they arent together. in western society this is OK, but deep down inside it makes everyone insecure about themself. everyone is to scared to admit it.

              with that said the prophet peace be uppon him also advised to marry widdows as well ect ect. there are benifits and issues with everybody but i just wanted to mention those things cause we can try to cover up those issues all we want....they still exist, and they do happen.

              as for sins, you cant hold any sin against anybody unless its for a really valid reason. if you knew somone who drank beer, but stiped you cant mention it. if you know of somones past, you keep it to yourself, and if you know of somone sinning you keep it to yourself unless its a sin of collective fitnah which in that case it should be fought against. the point here is not the matter of sin or no sin, but its about compatability and happiness.
              Last edited by uncle umar; 04-11-10, 09:21 AM.
              And the (faithful) slaves of the Most Gracious (All‚h) are those who walk on the earth in humility and sedateness, and when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with mild words of gentleness. (25:63)

              O You who believe! Shall I guide you to a trade that will save you from a painful torment? (10) That you believe in All‚h and His Messenger (Muhammad SAW),and that you strive hard and fight in the Cause of All‚h with your wealth and your lives, that will be better for you, if you but know! (11) (If you do so) He will forgive you your sins, and admit you into Gardens under which rivers flow, and pleasant dwellings in Adn (Edn) Paradise; that is indeed the great success. (12)

              JazakAllah khair for the duas but i would prefer duas for shahadah instead.

              sponsor an orphan

              Comment


                #67
                Re: would a muslim man marry a non-virgin muslim girl?

                ^^^ likewise, i'm sure, a virgin woman wouldn't like to be compared to other previous women in her husband's life.

                Comment


                  #68
                  Re: would a muslim man marry a non-virgin muslim girl?

                  don't hate the sinner but hate the sin

                  regardless of what the status is...if a women is a virgin or not, or if a man is a virgin or not...we are faced today in an age where wrong does happen, some people do it opening and without fear, but there are those who may made a mistake and truly seek refuge in allah(swt), we cannot judge someone based on whether or not they are a virgin or not...girls and guys who are virgins(not all but some do) look down on those brothers and sisters who have lost their virginity, it's sad, I personally wouldn't have an issue in marrying a non virgin...what difference does it make, yes as UNCLE UMAR has nicely said, some people do still have a form of attachment to their past which can cause problems but, i believe it's down to the person who is marrying a non virgin to make the effort to comfort him or her...

                  and the rest allah(swt) know's best
                  [CENTER][COLOR="Blue"][FONT="Times New Roman"]"He who practices Tasawwuf without learning Sacred Law corrupts his faith, while he who learns Sacred Law without practicing Tasawwuf corrupts himself. Only he who combines the two proves true."[/FONT] [/COLOR][/CENTER]

                  Comment


                    #69
                    Re: would a muslim man marry a non-virgin muslim girl?

                    Originally posted by Triparti View Post
                    don't hate the sinner but hate the sin

                    regardless of what the status is...if a women is a virgin or not, or if a man is a virgin or not...we are faced today in an age where wrong does happen, some people do it opening and without fear, but there are those who may made a mistake and truly seek refuge in allah(swt), we cannot judge someone based on whether or not they are a virgin or not...girls and guys who are virgins(not all but some do) look down on those brothers and sisters who have lost their virginity, it's sad, I personally wouldn't have an issue in marrying a non virgin...what difference does it make, yes as UNCLE UMAR has nicely said, some people do still have a form of attachment to their past which can cause problems but, i believe it's down to the person who is marrying a non virgin to make the effort to comfort him or her...

                    and the rest allah(swt) know's best
                    noone looks down on anyone..we all have our issues and its between us and allah(swt) however..if someone does not want to marry someone because the person did zina theres nothing wrong with that and they have every right to
                    ‎"when she is a daughter, she opens a door of jannah for her father. when she is a wife, she completes half of the deen of her husband. when she is a mother, Jannah lies under her feet. If everyone knew the status of a muslim women in islam, even men would want to be women." Sheikh Akram Nadawi

                    Comment


                      #70
                      Re: would a muslim man marry a non-virgin muslim girl?

                      Originally posted by Supernova Nebula View Post
                      ^^^ likewise, i'm sure, a virgin woman wouldn't like to be compared to other previous women in her husband's life.
                      preciseley.

                      purity comes with virginity. somone canhave repented 100% and be clean of sin, and chaste again, but that still dose not erase memories.
                      And the (faithful) slaves of the Most Gracious (All‚h) are those who walk on the earth in humility and sedateness, and when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with mild words of gentleness. (25:63)

                      O You who believe! Shall I guide you to a trade that will save you from a painful torment? (10) That you believe in All‚h and His Messenger (Muhammad SAW),and that you strive hard and fight in the Cause of All‚h with your wealth and your lives, that will be better for you, if you but know! (11) (If you do so) He will forgive you your sins, and admit you into Gardens under which rivers flow, and pleasant dwellings in Adn (Edn) Paradise; that is indeed the great success. (12)

                      JazakAllah khair for the duas but i would prefer duas for shahadah instead.

                      sponsor an orphan

                      Comment


                        #71
                        Re: would a muslim man marry a non-virgin muslim girl?

                        Originally posted by uncle umar View Post
                        preciseley.

                        purity comes with virginity. somone canhave repented 100% and be clean of sin, and chaste again, but that still dose not erase memories.
                        don't u ever think tht maybe cuse of those memories she will try being the best wife for her husband cuse of her regrets for not being virgin or for any mistake she did in her jahil time?

                        and how come here u talk abt "a woman who has had past experiences, a revert or whatever, will still remember those past experiences, both good and bad. a virgin has nobody to compare with" and in other thread u said u want to marry a virgin while you, yourself, are a revert and divorcee, so u have ur memories of wht happened?! or for men the memories vanish??
                        أشهد أن لا إله إلاَّ الله و أشهد أن محمد رسول الله

                        Comment


                          #72
                          Re: would a muslim man marry a non-virgin muslim girl?

                          Originally posted by onlyblue View Post
                          dear my sisters and brothers,
                          I am here with my deeply sincere feelings I want to share my trouble with you who interest in marriage. I think it may help some people when they make decision to marry someone and to sharing this will help to reduce my heavy pain . I am married and we have a 8 months old baby.
                          I have a small world and not so social usualy busy with works. all of people say around me I am too kindhearted... well. I met as online with my wife one of islamic chat web site she was the woman who I wanted to marry she was match wife candidate profile on my mind for the first time I was thinking she is the person who can complate my empty life. I didn't know everything is going crush in my life. I started like her and started to know her somehow I fell in love with her after a couple of months I though I had enough experience about life and I never wanted to get marry with someone who is online but it happened!! I want to tell you that I have not touched any woman except my wife. I saved myself for my wife. Fear of Allah always stopped me to do bad things.
                          we were chatting about private things because I believed that we were serious about building a family. she told me she is virgin one day even I didnt ask her. Aafter I was really in love and was blind by love, she told me she was not virgin and it was the biggest mistake of her whole life I believed on her with all my heart but still it was the strongest earthquake in my life..I tried istihara pray many times but I got nothing. I was crying all the time when I was alone. I still cry sometimes silently, I tried to do everything to run away from her but I couldn't. I lost my mental health. as I told you that we had online friendship for a couple of months then we decided to meet in the real world. I was inlove like a crazy at the time life was like a dream for me. I felt I loved her with all my heart. The second time of our meeting she wanted to touch me I tried to stop that but I couldnt with that stupid big love in my mind because I already wanted to marry with her. we had fornication!!! :( It is impossible to describe my repentance I billions of time ask help and pray Almighty to forgive me. After my big fault I had to accepted her with her fault. I thought I can change her she would change after she become a mother. Everything was ok for sometime becuse my love was stopping my mind but after that I realized some truths. whenever I saw her faults about her dirty past. I persuaded myself no it can not be like that she is not that kind of person. but the truth was different. After married and she is pregnant I found out she lied to me she had many boyfriends long term relationships not only one fault and become regretful as she told me. she never seems like she is regretful what she did in her past. she always says past is past. yes I also belive that but her past affects everything. we seriously fighted many times because I catched her when she was looking at some men with big admire when she was pregnant. when ever I try to tell my mind to my wife she gets very angry ready to destroy our marriage but I bear it for our baby. after we fight, the house becomes like a hell for me. That is why I also can not to talk to my wife I have many of doubts on my mind about her all the time. I wish any muslim brother or sister will not face similar trouble like I have. I feel that I lost my everything and my life spoiled, I have to live and have to bear it for my little baby . that feeling stops me to do bad things like divorcing. nobody can imagine how it hurts. I am requesting some dua to solve my pain from all of you my sisters and brothers and I beg you all don't trust people too much like me don't be too good don't let your love to make you blind. be extremely careful!

                          I tried to tell my mind with my limited english and if I made mistakes I apologize...

                          You should have realized something was wrong, especially when this woman deicided to meet you in private. A God-fearing woman would not meet a random man in private, especially one of a chat site. You shouldn't hold her past against her, because as you claim, you "had fornication" with her. Thus, you are no better than her. Try to work everything out with your wife, Inshallah. The past can never be changed but the future is there for you to take. Don't let doubts or suspision affect your marriage, this is one of the tricks of shaitan.

                          Comment


                            #73
                            Re: would a muslim man marry a non-virgin muslim girl?

                            [QUOTE=.hayat.;4061959]don't u ever think tht maybe cuse of those memories she will try being the best wife for her husband cuse of her regrets for not being virgin or for any mistake she did in her jahil time?

                            And shouldnt the wife try and be the best wife regardless?

                            Im sorry but if i know my wife is pure/virgin i would feel proud of having a wife like that, she resisted in the time of fitna especially in the west where its so easy to lose it, compared to a wife that lost it in her time of ignorance, and theres me who would always think in the back of my mind, if she did it once she could do it again, no matter how wrong of me it is to think that, i wouldnt be able to help it.

                            Btw even if the girl is a virgin, i would want her to have hayaa and lower her gaze, you get sisters/brothers who are virgins but they free-mix like its normal, so yea a wife who has taqwa and respects Allah (swt) law, now that is the perfect wife for any man.
                            Allahumma Insur Al-Islam Wal-Muslimeen

                            Ahasiban naasu ay yutrakoo ay yaqooloo aamannaa wa hum laa yuftanoon. (Do men imagine that they will be left (at ease) because they say, We believe, and will not be tested with affliction? Surah 29 (2)

                            Comment


                              #74
                              Re: would a muslim man marry a non-virgin muslim girl?

                              Originally posted by uncle umar View Post
                              i know this is going to sound shallow but here it is.

                              the prophet peace be uppon him advise many things, and there is moderation in everything. the prophet peace be uppon him advised men to marry virgins if they can, and one of the reasons is that because its easier to please them.

                              and this is defenetly true, because a woman who has had past experiences, a revert or whatever, will still remember those past experiences, both good and bad. a virgin has nobody to compare with. and we can pretend this isnt an issue all we like, but it unfortanatly dose become an issue in some marrages. if a woman isint satisfied she can appeal to get a divorce. that can get ugly becuse thats gonna hurt the husband alot. i rmeember readong a story, or hadieth of a woman who went to the prophet S.A.W. and wanted to diveroce the man because she dident like the size of his private parts. and the prophet S.A.W> told him to divorce her, fix the problem, then get remarried.

                              thats gotta hurt.

                              and that was back then, in the golden age of islam, when people were like pious and full of taqwa.

                              today man muslim are dunyafied. women and men cheat on their spouses because they arent satisfied and this is commen enough there are even websites devoted to that kinda of thing.

                              theres also other issues with people with a past. they may still have an attacment on some level or another to somone they were with, even though they arent together. in western society this is OK, but deep down inside it makes everyone insecure about themself. everyone is to scared to admit it.

                              with that said the prophet peace be uppon him also advised to marry widdows as well ect ect. there are benifits and issues with everybody but i just wanted to mention those things cause we can try to cover up those issues all we want....they still exist, and they do happen.

                              as for sins, you cant hold any sin against anybody unless its for a really valid reason. if you knew somone who drank beer, but stiped you cant mention it. if you know of somones past, you keep it to yourself, and if you know of somone sinning you keep it to yourself unless its a sin of collective fitnah which in that case it should be fought against. the point here is not the matter of sin or no sin, but its about compatability and happiness.
                              Just because a women has experience she shouldn't be considrered? So you are writing off all the widows and divorcees because men have a huge ego? Really, I wonder why I am Muslim sometimes.

                              I know of a man who divorced his wife because she had small breasts. That has gotta hurt no? Or is this okay because he is a man and requires sexual fulfilment more than a female because he has a higher drive?

                              Why don't you just hit the women on her head and hope she loses her memory?

                              Comment


                                #75
                                Re: would a muslim man marry a non-virgin muslim girl?

                                Originally posted by .hayat. View Post
                                don't u ever think tht maybe cuse of those memories she will try being the best wife for her husband cuse of her regrets for not being virgin or for any mistake she did in her jahil time?

                                and how come here u talk abt "a woman who has had past experiences, a revert or whatever, will still remember those past experiences, both good and bad. a virgin has nobody to compare with" and in other thread u said u want to marry a virgin while you, yourself, are a revert and divorcee, so u have ur memories of wht happened?! or for men the memories vanish??
                                Oh but Islam says he is as clean as a virgin now. I find that it's most the Muslims I meet that are the most hypocrite of all.

                                Comment

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