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  • Ummm what can you do ....?

    Asalaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

    okay i was just thinking today about marriage, and if i ever got married into a family that is not the same culture as i. I was thinking, what if i get married to a pakistani, or lebanese, Arab family, spanish, asian etc etc.

    If me and the man are meant to be and we end up very interested in eachother, then does that mean it would be silly to learn the language i marry into? Because what if i cannot even communicate to my own mother in law, and you know how cultural families can be.

    what if his mother would only want a particular wife for him from their culture? :(
    I get worried about this sometimes.
    If i get married into a pakistani family for example, then would it be silly to learn urdu?

    just random thoughts in my head :S

    jazakAllah

    The Prophet (saw) said, Verily, the knots of Islam will be undone one by one. Whenever one knot is lost, then the people grabbed onto the one which came after it. The first of these knots will be ruling and the last will be the salah.[1]

    The author of Sitoon as-Sultaniyah says about this Hadith: “It was the Prophet who tied together the knots of Islam, including the uppermost knot of ruling after he established the Islamic state…As mentioned by Imam Mawardi the leadership has been proscribed as the succession of the Prophet in protecting the deen and governing the societal affairs. In this respect – Imam Baidawi mentioned that the Imama/Khalifah is the succession from the Prophet in the establishment of the laws of the Shari’ah. So without the Imam the laws lie unapplied and the territory is not protected effectively. The hadith indicates that it is the uppermost knot that keeps the subsequent knots safe from being untied. This is since it is the ruler that is responsible to apply Islam in its entirety, to implement the limits proscribed by Allah and to protect the society. Imam Ahmed mentioned without an Imam (for the Muslims as their leader) there would be fitna, and the destruction of the symbols of Islam ending with the Prayer is a great fitna.[2]




    [1] Tabarani, Musnad Ahmad and Al Hakim in his Al Mustadrak
    [2] Ibid. pg. 46


  • #2
    Re: Ummm what can you do ....?

    Find a family who don't emphasise culture so much.
    It's hard, but possible, I'm sure.

    "what if his mother would only want a particular wife for him from their culture?"
    Tell her to learn her Deen?
    I've done it. :)

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Ummm what can you do ....?

      if i was married to someone with different culture and language, i would learn the language of the family.:up:

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Ummm what can you do ....?

        :wswrwb:

        I think that'd be cool, you can blast off in [insert your language here] and the husband won't even know what you're saying. :p
        But, seriously, I think it'd be a great chance to learn a new language with your husband. You can both help each other say romantic words in your own languages. :D Plus your children will also have 2+ language as they grow up. Mother-in-law will get used to it, if not then make do with broken english.

        "You no speak Urdu no?" "little little mummyji"
        Last edited by .mirror.; 15-10-10, 04:57 AM.
        Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

        "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
        - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Ummm what can you do ....?

          Originally posted by adri View Post
          Asalaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

          okay i was just thinking today about marriage, and if i ever got married into a family that is not the same culture as i. I was thinking, what if i get married to a pakistani, or lebanese, Arab family, spanish, asian etc etc.

          If me and the man are meant to be and we end up very interested in eachother, then does that mean it would be silly to learn the language i marry into? Because what if i cannot even communicate to my own mother in law, and you know how cultural families can be.

          what if his mother would only want a particular wife for him from their culture? :(
          I get worried about this sometimes.
          If i get married into a pakistani family for example, then would it be silly to learn urdu?

          just random thoughts in my head :S

          jazakAllah
          و عليكم السلام و رحمة الله و بركاته

          good question. people are looking for compatibility on many levels in a marriage and this is one that they could search for.

          It ofcourse is not silly to try and learn the language of your spouse, why would you say that? lolz that sounds so funny. Don't expect to learn the language like ASAP. It may take a few years with effort.

          You would need to iron out these issues during your meetings with your dad and the potential inlaws ofcourse and know what the inlaw's preference is etc. Don't jump into a marriage without inquiring into these things.

          InshAllah you'll find a very easy going and supportive mother-in-law. No need to be worried.

          Oh and...always remember, prefer a person's deen over everything.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Ummm what can you do ....?

            I don't think It's really worth it to sit down and learn the language.
            "They are Shuhadaa (witnesses) to the fact that this Deen is greater than life, that values are more important than blood and that principles are more precious than souls" - Sheikh 'Abdullah Azzam

            Lost in Islamic History :inlove:

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Ummm what can you do ....?

              Originally posted by samin62 View Post
              I don't think It's really worth it to sit down and learn the language.
              Maybe not sit down and learn, but what about learn as you live...
              Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

              "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
              - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Ummm what can you do ....?

                so a pakistani mother in law who lives in england for most of her life doesn't know how to communicate in the language used by the people of the land? i say find another family to marry, if you want to marry the family.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Ummm what can you do ....?

                  Originally posted by ,, -alwaysbeme! View Post
                  Find a family who don't emphasise culture so much.
                  It's hard, but possible, I'm sure.

                  "what if his mother would only want a particular wife for him from their culture?"
                  Tell her to learn her Deen?
                  I've done it. :)
                  how did you just say that! is everything okay, has your mother in law gotten used to it? And i know i want a husband really into his deen and practicing well, but i mean there are so many cultural families out there i sometimes feel like there is no chance for me. And if i do want to marry into a family like that, will the mother in law ever get used to it? do they work out?

                  The Prophet (saw) said, Verily, the knots of Islam will be undone one by one. Whenever one knot is lost, then the people grabbed onto the one which came after it. The first of these knots will be ruling and the last will be the salah.[1]

                  The author of Sitoon as-Sultaniyah says about this Hadith: “It was the Prophet who tied together the knots of Islam, including the uppermost knot of ruling after he established the Islamic state…As mentioned by Imam Mawardi the leadership has been proscribed as the succession of the Prophet in protecting the deen and governing the societal affairs. In this respect – Imam Baidawi mentioned that the Imama/Khalifah is the succession from the Prophet in the establishment of the laws of the Shari’ah. So without the Imam the laws lie unapplied and the territory is not protected effectively. The hadith indicates that it is the uppermost knot that keeps the subsequent knots safe from being untied. This is since it is the ruler that is responsible to apply Islam in its entirety, to implement the limits proscribed by Allah and to protect the society. Imam Ahmed mentioned without an Imam (for the Muslims as their leader) there would be fitna, and the destruction of the symbols of Islam ending with the Prayer is a great fitna.[2]




                  [1] Tabarani, Musnad Ahmad and Al Hakim in his Al Mustadrak
                  [2] Ibid. pg. 46

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Ummm what can you do ....?

                    Originally posted by Supernova Nebula View Post
                    if i was married to someone with different culture and language, i would learn the language of the family.:up:
                    hmmm interesting, well it would be better to communicate with them you know what i mean? But then again, i guess to not annoy them, i could let them just find a wife instead for the guy ... what if i really like someone though! do i just leave it? man i am not ready for marriage!

                    The Prophet (saw) said, Verily, the knots of Islam will be undone one by one. Whenever one knot is lost, then the people grabbed onto the one which came after it. The first of these knots will be ruling and the last will be the salah.[1]

                    The author of Sitoon as-Sultaniyah says about this Hadith: “It was the Prophet who tied together the knots of Islam, including the uppermost knot of ruling after he established the Islamic state…As mentioned by Imam Mawardi the leadership has been proscribed as the succession of the Prophet in protecting the deen and governing the societal affairs. In this respect – Imam Baidawi mentioned that the Imama/Khalifah is the succession from the Prophet in the establishment of the laws of the Shari’ah. So without the Imam the laws lie unapplied and the territory is not protected effectively. The hadith indicates that it is the uppermost knot that keeps the subsequent knots safe from being untied. This is since it is the ruler that is responsible to apply Islam in its entirety, to implement the limits proscribed by Allah and to protect the society. Imam Ahmed mentioned without an Imam (for the Muslims as their leader) there would be fitna, and the destruction of the symbols of Islam ending with the Prayer is a great fitna.[2]




                    [1] Tabarani, Musnad Ahmad and Al Hakim in his Al Mustadrak
                    [2] Ibid. pg. 46

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Ummm what can you do ....?

                      Originally posted by loonietoonie View Post
                      و عليكم السلام و رحمة الله و بركاته

                      good question. people are looking for compatibility on many levels in a marriage and this is one that they could search for.

                      It ofcourse is not silly to try and learn the language of your spouse, why would you say that? lolz that sounds so funny. Don't expect to learn the language like ASAP. It may take a few years with effort.

                      You would need to iron out these issues during your meetings with your dad and the potential inlaws ofcourse and know what the inlaw's preference is etc. Don't jump into a marriage without inquiring into these things.

                      InshAllah you'll find a very easy going and supportive mother-in-law. No need to be worried.

                      Oh and...always remember, prefer a person's deen over everything.
                      so learning the spouses language is okay? But what if it STILL isn't good enough? I mean, i have noticed many families just want two things for their sons : respectful wives and someone who comes from the same culture as them. And i mean, my family is not arabic, pakistani etc so maybe it still won't be enough? ofcourse deen is important, just wish more people knew that ... but i think also it's important to have a good relationship with mother in law, sister in law etc

                      The Prophet (saw) said, Verily, the knots of Islam will be undone one by one. Whenever one knot is lost, then the people grabbed onto the one which came after it. The first of these knots will be ruling and the last will be the salah.[1]

                      The author of Sitoon as-Sultaniyah says about this Hadith: “It was the Prophet who tied together the knots of Islam, including the uppermost knot of ruling after he established the Islamic state…As mentioned by Imam Mawardi the leadership has been proscribed as the succession of the Prophet in protecting the deen and governing the societal affairs. In this respect – Imam Baidawi mentioned that the Imama/Khalifah is the succession from the Prophet in the establishment of the laws of the Shari’ah. So without the Imam the laws lie unapplied and the territory is not protected effectively. The hadith indicates that it is the uppermost knot that keeps the subsequent knots safe from being untied. This is since it is the ruler that is responsible to apply Islam in its entirety, to implement the limits proscribed by Allah and to protect the society. Imam Ahmed mentioned without an Imam (for the Muslims as their leader) there would be fitna, and the destruction of the symbols of Islam ending with the Prayer is a great fitna.[2]




                      [1] Tabarani, Musnad Ahmad and Al Hakim in his Al Mustadrak
                      [2] Ibid. pg. 46

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Ummm what can you do ....?

                        Originally posted by samin62 View Post
                        I don't think It's really worth it to sit down and learn the language.
                        why?

                        The Prophet (saw) said, Verily, the knots of Islam will be undone one by one. Whenever one knot is lost, then the people grabbed onto the one which came after it. The first of these knots will be ruling and the last will be the salah.[1]

                        The author of Sitoon as-Sultaniyah says about this Hadith: “It was the Prophet who tied together the knots of Islam, including the uppermost knot of ruling after he established the Islamic state…As mentioned by Imam Mawardi the leadership has been proscribed as the succession of the Prophet in protecting the deen and governing the societal affairs. In this respect – Imam Baidawi mentioned that the Imama/Khalifah is the succession from the Prophet in the establishment of the laws of the Shari’ah. So without the Imam the laws lie unapplied and the territory is not protected effectively. The hadith indicates that it is the uppermost knot that keeps the subsequent knots safe from being untied. This is since it is the ruler that is responsible to apply Islam in its entirety, to implement the limits proscribed by Allah and to protect the society. Imam Ahmed mentioned without an Imam (for the Muslims as their leader) there would be fitna, and the destruction of the symbols of Islam ending with the Prayer is a great fitna.[2]




                        [1] Tabarani, Musnad Ahmad and Al Hakim in his Al Mustadrak
                        [2] Ibid. pg. 46

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Ummm what can you do ....?

                          Originally posted by islam4u2 View Post
                          so a pakistani mother in law who lives in england for most of her life doesn't know how to communicate in the language used by the people of the land? i say find another family to marry, if you want to marry the family.
                          yes people have said that to me before as an example actually! I know many pakistanis and they are good friends of mine, and actually today a girl told me that i need to becareful with pakistanit families :S they always want a pakistani wife for their sons apparantly? But i know what you mean, the mother could have learnt english aswell hmm ..

                          The Prophet (saw) said, Verily, the knots of Islam will be undone one by one. Whenever one knot is lost, then the people grabbed onto the one which came after it. The first of these knots will be ruling and the last will be the salah.[1]

                          The author of Sitoon as-Sultaniyah says about this Hadith: “It was the Prophet who tied together the knots of Islam, including the uppermost knot of ruling after he established the Islamic state…As mentioned by Imam Mawardi the leadership has been proscribed as the succession of the Prophet in protecting the deen and governing the societal affairs. In this respect – Imam Baidawi mentioned that the Imama/Khalifah is the succession from the Prophet in the establishment of the laws of the Shari’ah. So without the Imam the laws lie unapplied and the territory is not protected effectively. The hadith indicates that it is the uppermost knot that keeps the subsequent knots safe from being untied. This is since it is the ruler that is responsible to apply Islam in its entirety, to implement the limits proscribed by Allah and to protect the society. Imam Ahmed mentioned without an Imam (for the Muslims as their leader) there would be fitna, and the destruction of the symbols of Islam ending with the Prayer is a great fitna.[2]




                          [1] Tabarani, Musnad Ahmad and Al Hakim in his Al Mustadrak
                          [2] Ibid. pg. 46

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Ummm what can you do ....?

                            Originally posted by adri View Post
                            why?
                            Like .mirror. Said, you can pick it up as you to along. If you are going to sit down and actually learn a language, make sure it's Arabic.

                            Plus ou being an aussie, you will sound real frutie trying to talk Urdu lawlz
                            "They are Shuhadaa (witnesses) to the fact that this Deen is greater than life, that values are more important than blood and that principles are more precious than souls" - Sheikh 'Abdullah Azzam

                            Lost in Islamic History :inlove:

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Ummm what can you do ....?

                              Originally posted by samin62 View Post
                              Like .mirror. Said, you can pick it up as you to along. If you are going to sit down and actually learn a language, make sure it's Arabic.

                              Plus ou being an aussie, you will sound real frutie trying to talk Urdu lawlz
                              yes arabic first! and i am not aussie :S

                              The Prophet (saw) said, Verily, the knots of Islam will be undone one by one. Whenever one knot is lost, then the people grabbed onto the one which came after it. The first of these knots will be ruling and the last will be the salah.[1]

                              The author of Sitoon as-Sultaniyah says about this Hadith: “It was the Prophet who tied together the knots of Islam, including the uppermost knot of ruling after he established the Islamic state…As mentioned by Imam Mawardi the leadership has been proscribed as the succession of the Prophet in protecting the deen and governing the societal affairs. In this respect – Imam Baidawi mentioned that the Imama/Khalifah is the succession from the Prophet in the establishment of the laws of the Shari’ah. So without the Imam the laws lie unapplied and the territory is not protected effectively. The hadith indicates that it is the uppermost knot that keeps the subsequent knots safe from being untied. This is since it is the ruler that is responsible to apply Islam in its entirety, to implement the limits proscribed by Allah and to protect the society. Imam Ahmed mentioned without an Imam (for the Muslims as their leader) there would be fitna, and the destruction of the symbols of Islam ending with the Prayer is a great fitna.[2]




                              [1] Tabarani, Musnad Ahmad and Al Hakim in his Al Mustadrak
                              [2] Ibid. pg. 46

                              Comment

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