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  • #46
    Re: Marrying someone from *back home*

    Originally posted by shazj View Post
    ohh so jumping to assumptions about your character is wrong, but then saying that sisters get 'down and dirty when no one is looking' is perfectly reasonable for you to assume? double standards much brother? and yes you did attack alot of the sisters by saying "alot of the sisters got the outer appearance, but when nobody is looking they get down and dirty" that is disgusting and wrong on so many levels!

    Anyway, to the OP..Inshaa'Allah you'll find means to communicate with each other. Perhaps you should try to learn your native tongue from her and teach her english at the same time? It'll give you both something fun to do together.
    but unfortanatly its true.

    same thing with brothers.

    its not an assumption.
    Last edited by uncle umar; 14-09-10, 04:10 AM.
    And the (faithful) slaves of the Most Gracious (Allh) are those who walk on the earth in humility and sedateness, and when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with mild words of gentleness. (25:63)

    O You who believe! Shall I guide you to a trade that will save you from a painful torment? (10) That you believe in Allh and His Messenger (Muhammad SAW),and that you strive hard and fight in the Cause of Allh with your wealth and your lives, that will be better for you, if you but know! (11) (If you do so) He will forgive you your sins, and admit you into Gardens under which rivers flow, and pleasant dwellings in Adn (Edn) Paradise; that is indeed the great success. (12)

    JazakAllah khair for the duas but i would prefer duas for shahadah instead.

    sponsor an orphan

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    • #47
      Re: Marrying someone from *back home*

      Originally posted by Beardyman View Post
      The problem is like someone said earlier.....who can you trust?!

      I do like the girl and the family and my sister knows her well and she says she is quite talkative etc - but exactly....i am worried i WONT be able to joke around and stuff and like i have been trying to tell my parents communication is one of the most important things

      Iam confused as to whether or not to go after this proposal or leave it soely on the factor of language!


      And in answer to the french muslimah question - my dream muslimah wouldnt be speaking french when i dont understand it lol?!
      Pray Istikharah and just meet with her, in shaa' Allah from there you'll have a better understanding on whether or not you two will work as a couple.
      وَإِذَا سَأَلَكَ عِبَادِي عَنِّي فَإِنِّي قَرِيبٌ أُجِيبُ دَعْوَةَ الدَّاعِ إِذَا دَعَانِ فَلْيَسْتَجِيبُواْ لِي وَلْيُؤْمِنُواْ بِي لَعَلَّهُمْ يَرْشُدُونَ
      "And when My servants ask you (O Muhammad concerning Me, then answer them), I am indeed near (to them by My knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me (without any mediator or intercessor). So let them obey Me and believe in Me, so that they may be led aright."
      Surah al-Baqarah ayah 186
      [2:186]

      .:.
      .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
      Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

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      • #48
        Re: Marrying someone from *back home*

        Originally posted by Beardyman View Post
        The problem is like someone said earlier.....who can you trust?!

        I do like the girl and the family and my sister knows her well and she says she is quite talkative etc - but exactly....i am worried i WONT be able to joke around and stuff and like i have been trying to tell my parents communication is one of the most important things

        Iam confused as to whether or not to go after this proposal or leave it soely on the factor of language!


        And in answer to the french muslimah question - my dream muslimah wouldnt be speaking french when i dont understand it lol?!
        Why are you asking us, we don't even know her?

        Best thing you can to is talk to her and see how well you communicate.

        BTW - I married someone from back home so that there would be someone to teach my children their language and that we wouldn't loose touch with 'back home', (which while not important is nice to have).

        Also, you already said that you like her.

        Comment


        • #49
          Re: Marrying someone from *back home*

          to OP, How old is this potential sister your folks are interested in? If she is young, she will be able to adapt to UK lifestyle alot quicker than if she is older.

          As for language barrier, it shouldnt be so much a problem. People think it is, but only for a few months. Not all back homers are dumb!

          Pray your isthikhara and take it from there.
          "Verily Allah does not look to your appearance or wealth, but he looks to your hearts and your deeds." [Sahih Muslim, Vol. 4, #6221]

          Comment


          • #50
            Re: Marrying someone from *back home*

            Originally posted by uncle umar View Post
            but unfortanatly its true.

            same thing with brothers.

            its not an assumption.
            unless you have seen many sisters 'get down and dirty' (Astaghfirullah!) I suggest you do not make such horrid blanket statements which ARE assumptions.
            Mrs B

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            • #51
              Re: Marrying someone from *back home*

              have you met the sister? have a meeting with her with your wali and have a conversation with her, its pretty easy to see wether you will be able to interact with her or not. she might be a bit shy at first but after a few minutes should be able to converse and you can see if you seem to be compatible or not.

              personally i could never have got married back home, my grasp of my mums language is a bit of a joke plus i find the mindset of a lot of men backhome is very different to mine.
              But if she is a nice sister and ticks the right boxes then why not inshaAllah. just don't rush into things.
              Last edited by KeeKee; 14-09-10, 07:22 PM.
              The enforcement of Muslim Brotherhood is the greatest social ideal of Islam. On it was based the Prophet's (SAW) sermon on his last pilgrimage, and Islam cannot be completely realized until this ideal is achieved. '
              (Shaikh Maulana Muhammad Yusuf)
              In Lam Takun Ghaadiban Annee Falaa Ubaalee...

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              • #52
                Re: Marrying someone from *back home*

                Originally posted by shazj View Post
                unless you have seen many sisters 'get down and dirty' (Astaghfirullah!) I suggest you do not make such horrid blanket statements which ARE assumptions.
                zina is running rampent within the ummah.

                to deny this is to deny reality.
                And the (faithful) slaves of the Most Gracious (Allh) are those who walk on the earth in humility and sedateness, and when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with mild words of gentleness. (25:63)

                O You who believe! Shall I guide you to a trade that will save you from a painful torment? (10) That you believe in Allh and His Messenger (Muhammad SAW),and that you strive hard and fight in the Cause of Allh with your wealth and your lives, that will be better for you, if you but know! (11) (If you do so) He will forgive you your sins, and admit you into Gardens under which rivers flow, and pleasant dwellings in Adn (Edn) Paradise; that is indeed the great success. (12)

                JazakAllah khair for the duas but i would prefer duas for shahadah instead.

                sponsor an orphan

                Comment


                • #53
                  Re: Marrying someone from *back home*

                  Originally posted by uncle umar View Post
                  no arguing that.

                  but its more common in westernied nations.
                  Take a trip to pakistan and see what goes on there!


                  Visit: www.muslim-mums.co.uk

                  Comment


                  • #54
                    Re: Marrying someone from *back home*

                    yeah but at least its kinda tabo stil. underground. for here, its as easy as looking in the newspaper in the classifides.

                    at least thats how it is to the best of my understanding.
                    And the (faithful) slaves of the Most Gracious (Allh) are those who walk on the earth in humility and sedateness, and when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with mild words of gentleness. (25:63)

                    O You who believe! Shall I guide you to a trade that will save you from a painful torment? (10) That you believe in Allh and His Messenger (Muhammad SAW),and that you strive hard and fight in the Cause of Allh with your wealth and your lives, that will be better for you, if you but know! (11) (If you do so) He will forgive you your sins, and admit you into Gardens under which rivers flow, and pleasant dwellings in Adn (Edn) Paradise; that is indeed the great success. (12)

                    JazakAllah khair for the duas but i would prefer duas for shahadah instead.

                    sponsor an orphan

                    Comment


                    • #55
                      Re: Marrying someone from *back home*

                      Originally posted by uncle umar View Post
                      yeah but at least its kinda tabo stil. underground. for here, its as easy as looking in the newspaper in the classifides.

                      at least thats how it is to the best of my understanding.

                      aren't you the same guy who posted your conversation with a pakistani guy who said "woman here are like man with mustache"
                      I think that bro did a very good job of brain washing you

                      Comment


                      • #56
                        Re: Marrying someone from *back home*

                        OP:

                        meet the sis, give her a fair chance. Then decide. NO point counting your chicken before hatch. Especially since your issue with her isn't something that will be difficult to find out. All you have to do is talk and you will know where its going.

                        Let us know how it goes

                        As for the sis who said "pplz who go back home are viewed as someone with deficiency" I kinda feel that way, altho that is not true. Most brother will go off on me for saying this.

                        But to me importing has always meant convenience over quality. Think of Made in china good vs. made in USA. But of course not everything imported is bad (ex. Toyota vs. Ford). It is not that the bro/sis over there is any worst than I am. It is just the concept of flying to the other side of the country to get something one could/should get in their local area.

                        disclaimer: i am not talking about bro/sis who grew up back home. But saying was based only on traveling to get something.

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                        • #57
                          Re: Marrying someone from *back home*

                          find common ground ... lets say sign language



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                          • #58
                            Re: Marrying someone from *back home*

                            Originally posted by LailaTheMuslim View Post
                            In my culture marrying from a sister back home means you want someone to teach your kids somali, and is really straightlaced.
                            eh not really. Majority of the somali men that get married back home I feel like couldnt find a wife in the states. Usually old like Foulana mentioned.

                            Just from what ive seen in my community.

                            Comment


                            • #59
                              Re: Marrying someone from *back home*

                              how about enrolling her into an english course?
                              if you speak to her constantly in her native tongue how is she going to integrate here? you would always need to be at hand to interpret. Its the same at the masjid... i try and speak to some of my sisters and they barely understand a word i say.
                              but most importantly do you want to marry her...thats the only question i would be asking myself.

                              Comment


                              • #60
                                Re: Marrying someone from *back home*

                                Originally posted by Aisha-2002 View Post
                                but most importantly do you want to marry her...thats the only question i would be asking myself.
                                What if the answer is yes - but you still have that nagging thought at the back of your mind that the communication thing might just be too much?!


                                Edit: ACtually....the communication might work - shes been living here for 4 years - but what iam worried about is the culture clash more than anything - will she like the things i like - find funny the things i find funny - and if not....the relationship will just be like...a load you have to carry!

                                Unlike most people here i dont htink going back home to marry is to find someone deficient or the person cant get married here - but i get worried about the culture clash - and the way of life!?

                                Allahul Musta'aan
                                Last edited by Beardyman; 15-09-10, 09:52 AM.
                                Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet :saw: said,
                                "Allah will cover up on the Day of Resurrection the defects (faults) of the one who covers up the faults of the others in this world"[Muslim]

                                Beardyman

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