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Marrying someone from *back home*

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  • #16
    Re: Marrying someone from *back home*

    Originally posted by Beardyman View Post
    The problem is like someone said earlier.....who can you trust?!

    I do like the girl and the family and my sister knows her well and she says she is quite talkative etc - but exactly....i am worried i WONT be able to joke around and stuff and like i have been trying to tell my parents communication is one of the most important things

    Iam confused as to whether or not to go after this proposal or leave it soely on the factor of language!


    And in answer to the french muslimah question - my dream muslimah wouldnt be speaking french when i dont understand it lol?!
    :wswrwb:
    I have two mother tongues, I'm fluent in one of them to the extent I could probably do sports commentary or stand-up comedy, the other language has slightly suffered as I haven't really spoken it much in the past 15 years. English is my third language, (although I was born and bred in the UK). But then, I'm confident enough to pick up languages quite quickly, so I guess that's the least of my worries.

    She sounds like a great sister though, she's practising, decent and your family like her... at least give her a chance.
    "Meet people in such a manner that if you die, they should weep for you, and if you live, they should long for you." Hadhrat Ali-Ibn-Talib (RadiAllaah Anhu)
    Shan-e-Aisha

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    • #17
      Re: Marrying someone from *back home*

      Originally posted by shazj View Post
      Exactly. How quickly some of the brothers on this forum jump on the "attack sisters" bandwagon. I honestly wish some of you brothers would be shipped off to Afghanistan to go and learn how to behave and act like men.
      i nevr attcked anybody. there is no doubt that brothers are just as guilty. however a specific question was asked, and a specic answer was given. please, do not jump to assumptions about my character. its not nice.
      And the (faithful) slaves of the Most Gracious (All‚h) are those who walk on the earth in humility and sedateness, and when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with mild words of gentleness. (25:63)

      O You who believe! Shall I guide you to a trade that will save you from a painful torment? (10) That you believe in All‚h and His Messenger (Muhammad SAW),and that you strive hard and fight in the Cause of All‚h with your wealth and your lives, that will be better for you, if you but know! (11) (If you do so) He will forgive you your sins, and admit you into Gardens under which rivers flow, and pleasant dwellings in Adn (Edn) Paradise; that is indeed the great success. (12)

      JazakAllah khair for the duas but i would prefer duas for shahadah instead.

      sponsor an orphan

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      • #18
        Re: Marrying someone from *back home*

        depends on chawal making skills
        ‎"Listen with the ears of tolerance. See through the eyes of compassion. Speak with the language of love."
        Rumi RahimuAllah.

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        • #19
          Re: Marrying someone from *back home*

          Originally posted by uncle umar View Post
          i nevr attcked anybody. there is no doubt that brothers are just as guilty. however a specific question was asked, and a specic answer was given. please, do not jump to assumptions about my character. its not nice.
          ohh so jumping to assumptions about your character is wrong, but then saying that sisters get 'down and dirty when no one is looking' is perfectly reasonable for you to assume? double standards much brother? and yes you did attack alot of the sisters by saying "alot of the sisters got the outer appearance, but when nobody is looking they get down and dirty" that is disgusting and wrong on so many levels!

          Anyway, to the OP..Inshaa'Allah you'll find means to communicate with each other. Perhaps you should try to learn your native tongue from her and teach her english at the same time? It'll give you both something fun to do together.
          Mrs B

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          • #20
            Re: Marrying someone from *back home*

            Originally posted by shazj View Post
            Exactly. How quickly some of the brothers on this forum jump on the "attack sisters" bandwagon. I honestly wish some of you brothers would be shipped off to Afghanistan to go and learn how to behave and act like men.
            Shajz i wouldnt go ahead and send all the brothers to afghanistan to learn how to treat women because....its not the greatest attitude


            The issue here is whether or not its possible to fully get along, like a marriage should, if at this momemnt communication might be a bit weird - any takers on that?!
            Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet :saw: said,
            "Allah will cover up on the Day of Resurrection the defects (faults) of the one who covers up the faults of the others in this world"[Muslim]

            Beardyman

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            • #21
              Re: Marrying someone from *back home*

              Assalamuallaikum akhi,

              hope you are well inshALlah.

              Firstly to the sisters, This person is a potential, and a potential from pakistan has as much rights as one from UK and the brother aint being force nor complaing but is asking for some help. Now lets not make this a West vs not West debate. Im goin to tell him what i think is right, and a lot of people may know already that im one who is FOR back home marriages in SOME CASES.

              now to the brother... she is a potential so first thing to do is judge her by what is important. Her deen, he charachter, manners and her haya/modest levels. Now if this is all check( which is so difficult to find, if a women checks all the above SHE IS A GEM!!!!)..... so if she has good from all the above(im assuming looks is a pass thus even considering).... so now you go to language. You say you know some of the language, so id say because of that you should GIVE her a chance at least.

              Communication is important, and as people have said it can make/break marriages. But in all honesty, as long as you are ok to get by then there should not be a problem at all. she can pick up english quickly and you can learn from her inshAllah, if you know the basics and stuff, then its easy to be able to pick up stuff language wise so it shouldnt be a biggy.

              dont go into marriage thinking you will have all these wonderful conversations and all bollywood lol... just make sure you will have enough of the basics, can get a decent conversation, doesnt need to be all posh or anythin and you will be fine, it wont cauase many problems inshALlah.

              I dont agree with the bit about best friends. Thats dreamy thinking, marriage is difficult and you will go through good and bad patches. You need to be her protector/guarding and you need to be able to pick her up when shes down. And you need a wife who will let you be when you come back from a hard days work and a wife who understand when to speak and when to leave the man alone. Marriage is not like friendship and what you see on TV, you need to be able to understand each other, and at the worst of times need to be able to sort out problems and stick together inshALlah.....

              There are many good sisters in UK, so if you can get one from here then ofc maybe better for you inshAllah. I also disagree with some people, who say there are "plenty" of people waiting to get married ... the marriage system in this country for muslims is messed up, its way to difficult to get married here, to much criteria, to much meetings, to much people looking for that " right person"... while back home, it will be quicker and simpler...

              the fact she can speak some english and you know some of hers, is what i think can make this work. If you both know some, it will be easy to pick up the language and you will get used to it.

              my main reason for bigging up back home marriage sometimes is it much easier and simpler.... and if shes has right characterists for you... then go for it.


              I say think about it, pray istikhara, and you never know it could be good for you.

              May ALlah make it easy for you, and may ALlah grant you a obidient pious wife who will bring up pious children. Ameen !
              Last edited by QMU; 13-09-10, 10:22 PM.

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              • #22
                Re: Marrying someone from *back home*

                Originally posted by Russo View Post
                Are there a lack of single women in the UK that they could introduce you to?

                I doubt language is going to be an issue - its the other compatability issues you need to think about.

                BROTHERS:

                By the way, there are so many lovely sisters brought up in the UK who are struggling to get married.....why not consider them
                pious practicing muslim men can be refused many times by practicing muslims women because of the men's lack of handsomeness!
                There is a clock on your forehead counting down to the time of your death. Only Allah knows how many seconds are left on it

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                • #23
                  Re: Marrying someone from *back home*

                  Originally posted by Beardyman View Post
                  The issue here is whether or not its possible to fully get along, like a marriage should, if at this momemnt communication might be a bit weird - any takers on that?!
                  Like I said I'm not an expert in my second mother tongue (I can crack jokes but I'm probably not at the level that I'd want to have achieved:() I would consider someone who was fluent in my second mother tongue (and spoke little or no English), even though we might have 'slight' confusions. It wouldn't bother me, because I know how to get my point across. I can hold a general conversation, but probably wouldn't be able to turn it into poetry or political satire or summat?
                  Last edited by Zebunissa; 13-09-10, 10:34 PM.
                  "Meet people in such a manner that if you die, they should weep for you, and if you live, they should long for you." Hadhrat Ali-Ibn-Talib (RadiAllaah Anhu)
                  Shan-e-Aisha

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Re: Marrying someone from *back home*

                    thats the thing... we dont need poety, lyrics and posh stuff as you stated yourself...

                    the basic conversation, a bit of humour maybe and thats it. TO much talking isnt good anyway... a bit of silence is something a man would see as advantageous... i think thats another plus point for the brother lol.

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                    • #25
                      Re: Marrying someone from *back home*

                      QMU - SubhanAllah akhi - you will be in my dua tonight - i dont want to big you up too much but.....this really really did help
                      Making me feel kind of bad tho because i understand 100% of my native tongue and speaking is probably...60~70% - and you would advise at least giving it a try if i only knew a little - and also shes been in this country for about 4 years and is studying here so iam guessing i think she knows a fair bit of english!

                      And your criteria...subhanAllah she ticks them also....maybe she is a jem - but you know the hadith of having a mountain full of gold....ahh!

                      ive done istikhara aswell....and altho at first i was against it...my heart has already accepted her!

                      Make dua for me brother!

                      JazakAllah khair barakAllah feek!!
                      Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet :saw: said,
                      "Allah will cover up on the Day of Resurrection the defects (faults) of the one who covers up the faults of the others in this world"[Muslim]

                      Beardyman

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Re: Marrying someone from *back home*

                        Originally posted by Zebunissa View Post
                        Like I said I'm not an expert in my second mother tongue (I can crack jokes but I'm probably not at the level that I'd want to have achieved:() I would consider someone who was fluent in my second mother tongue (and spoke little or no English), even though we might have 'slight' confusions. It wouldn't bother me, because I know how to get my point across. I can hold a general conversation, but probably wouldn't be able to turn it into poetry or political satire or summat?
                        you also need good chawal skills otherwise the marraige may break down sis.. cuz if it's not brothers just go back home innit !
                        ‎"Listen with the ears of tolerance. See through the eyes of compassion. Speak with the language of love."
                        Rumi RahimuAllah.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Re: Marrying someone from *back home*

                          Originally posted by Zebunissa View Post
                          Like I said I'm not an expert in my second mother tongue (I can crack jokes but I'm probably not at the level that I'd want to have achieved:() I would consider someone who was fluent in my second mother tongue (and spoke little or no English), even though we might have 'slight' confusions. It wouldn't bother me, because I know how to get my point across. I can hold a general conversation, but probably wouldn't be able to turn it into poetry or political satire or summat?

                          You seem to be wanting to get onto the comedy route sister?!
                          Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet :saw: said,
                          "Allah will cover up on the Day of Resurrection the defects (faults) of the one who covers up the faults of the others in this world"[Muslim]

                          Beardyman

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Re: Marrying someone from *back home*

                            Originally posted by .Abu.Rambo. View Post
                            you also need good chawal skills otherwise the marraige may break down sis.. cuz if it's not brothers just go back home innit !
                            LOL! at your name and comment....tho my thing is chicken....if she cant cook chiken....she cant cook!
                            If she cant cook she cant take care of a kitchen
                            if she cant take care of a kitchen she cant take care of a house
                            if she cant take care of a house - she cant take care of kids
                            if she cant take care of kids....you cant have kids! SubhanAllah....make sure your potential can cook chicken brothers...ive shown the importance!
                            Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet :saw: said,
                            "Allah will cover up on the Day of Resurrection the defects (faults) of the one who covers up the faults of the others in this world"[Muslim]

                            Beardyman

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Re: Marrying someone from *back home*

                              Originally posted by shazj View Post
                              and brothers are just the holiest saints walking on water right?
                              of course...I can walk on water...
                              ...sermons from this minbar come with tongue planted quite firmly in cheek.


                              "Let your boat of life be light, packed with only what you need -
                              a homely home and simple pleasures, one or two friends,
                              worth the name, someone to love and someone to love you,
                              a cat, a dog, and a pipe or two, enough to eat and enough to wear,
                              and a little more than enough to drink; for thirst is a dangerous thing."

                              -- Jerome K. Jerome
                              (Three Men in a Boat)

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Re: Marrying someone from *back home*

                                :salams

                                at the risk of offending people, as an outsider looking in on the whole marrying "back home" thing. I always seem to associate somekind of defect to the one who marries back home, like they couldn't find anyone to marry them here so they had to go abroad.

                                Was just wondering if this kinda stigma existed within the cultures/communities where marrying "back home" happens alot?

                                (sorry if this is derailing the thread, but just thought I would ask, while we were on the subject...)

                                "How often we cry over Fate, but abundant good lies just behind it. O soul, it is goodness, even if it arrives after a while."




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