Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Any sisters who FIERCELY oppose a husband getting a 2nd wife?

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Any sisters who FIERCELY oppose a husband getting a 2nd wife?

    ...To the point that you've decided to not get married at all to avoid this from happening? Okay, I've read some sisters' posts on here who are all "I'd be okay with them getting a 2nd" and I applaud you on being that tolerant, but I just can't imagine myself being able to do this.

    I've seen my mom, all my aunts, etc. go through the turmoil of not being treated equally to the "other woman" or the jealousy issues of having to share your husband. All the tears, the drama, the sins...it's really not worth it to me. I know you get rewarded for being good to your husband but what about all the sins I'd incur if they married someone else too? I know they're supposed to get the 1st wife's permission but none of those men I've seen did that.

    It just seems that all men like getting mulitple wives irregardless of their wife's feelings (newsflash: it makes any woman feel insufficient when their husband says I'm getting #2), and even if they say they won't marry a 2nd I just feel like they WILL. So why even bother, you know?

    Any other sisters who feel deterred from marriage b/c the guy might pull this stunt?
    Last edited by juno87; 25-08-10, 03:26 AM.

  • #2
    Re: Any sisters who FIERCELY oppose a husband getting a 2nd wife?

    I know of a few sisters who would say NO to the brother getting a second wife and mostly it is due to other sisters saying bad experiences.
    My theory is, if you negotiate/agree upon things with the brother even if it includes him taking on a second wife, you have to agree on things and clarify/communicate it before getting into the marriage anyway. What are his reasons for wanting to get a second wife? etc etc

    Personally i don't really see an issue other than the obvious feelings of jealousy etc etc which the brother should be fully aware of when it comes to marriage.

    Why would you have an issue with it really? I asked this to a few sisters but their response was pretty petty and nothing majorly significant
    (The hypocrites) will call the believers: "Were we not with you?" The believers will reply: "Yes! But you led yourselves into temptations, you looked forward for our destruction; you doubted (in Faith); and you were deceived by false desires, till the Command of Allah came to pass. And the chief deceiver (Satan) deceived you in respect of Allah."57:14

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Any sisters who FIERCELY oppose a husband getting a 2nd wife?

      First off, I'm 19 and never married.

      And the problem is that all I've heard of are failed disastrous marriages b/c the man wanted a 2nd, and as a woman I wouldn't want to rack up bad deeds dealing with this potential scenario. I understand sisters would like to get children, but other than that, I don't really see any other benefit from marriage anymore. The dude at some point will want a 2nd wife and your life will go down hill from there.

      I know that's sad, but that's the conclusion I've come to.
      Last edited by juno87; 25-08-10, 03:47 AM.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Any sisters who FIERCELY oppose a husband getting a 2nd wife?

        If you truly feel like something like this will effect your deen and make you too angry, then in shaa' Allah Allah will not test you with this and you'll be the only wife for your husband.

        I know we'd all like to think that sisters should just handle it, but for some it's a big deal that they can't handle. This is fine. Make du'a that Allah never tests you with this, of course, but you shouldn't feel bad if you don't want to be in a polygamous marriage.

        Also, while many here talk about polygamy, it doesn't happen here in the West as much as it does in Muslim countries. I don't know anyone here who is in a polygamous relationship except two sisters. Almost everyone else is in a single wife marriage.
        وَإِذَا سَأَلَكَ عِبَادِي عَنِّي فَإِنِّي قَرِيبٌ أُجِيبُ دَعْوَةَ الدَّاعِ إِذَا دَعَانِ فَلْيَسْتَجِيبُواْ لِي وَلْيُؤْمِنُواْ بِي لَعَلَّهُمْ يَرْشُدُونَ
        "And when My servants ask you (O Muhammad concerning Me, then answer them), I am indeed near (to them by My knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me (without any mediator or intercessor). So let them obey Me and believe in Me, so that they may be led aright."
        Surah al-Baqarah ayah 186
        [2:186]

        .:.
        .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
        Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Any sisters who FIERCELY oppose a husband getting a 2nd wife?

          Originally posted by juno87 View Post
          First off, I'm 19 and never married.

          And the problem is that all I've heard of are failed disastrous marriages b/c the man wanted a 2nd, and as a woman I wouldn't want to rack up bad deeds dealing with this potential scenario. I understand sisters would like to get children, but other than that, I don't really see any other benefit from marriage anymore. The dude at some point will want a 2nd wife and your life will go down hill from there.

          I know that's sad, but that's the conclusion I've come to.
          I am one year younger and never married.

          We can hear so much but can't say anything until we experience and even then that experience was with one individual. You really don't see the any other benefit from marriage other than having children? What type of marriage are you looking for? And how do you know that at some point he will want a 2nd wife and everything will go downhill? You haven't married so we can leave the future to Allah.

          We worry about that which we know absolutely nothing about. No one knows what is awaiting tomorrow so don't lose out on today worrying about tomorrow

          But reflect on why you want to get married? Who to? What for? What are youreasons? And what type of marriage are you looking for?
          (The hypocrites) will call the believers: "Were we not with you?" The believers will reply: "Yes! But you led yourselves into temptations, you looked forward for our destruction; you doubted (in Faith); and you were deceived by false desires, till the Command of Allah came to pass. And the chief deceiver (Satan) deceived you in respect of Allah."57:14

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Any sisters who FIERCELY oppose a husband getting a 2nd wife?

            Marry for the right reasons not the wrong reason! I learnt that from a thread which was posted by M.A I think???

            So yeah If i ever get married, I'll marry for the right reasons :) Inshallah

            P.s Don't think marriage is Flop... Check that thread out posted by M.A its actually kinda usefull

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Any sisters who FIERCELY oppose a husband getting a 2nd wife?

              Put it in his contract that he can't get a secoind wife or he'll lose you.

              Do it!
              Do it!
              ...
              Do it!

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Any sisters who FIERCELY oppose a husband getting a 2nd wife?

                I listened to a lecture this morning.. and the Shaykh reminded us that we here for one reason and one reason only... to worship Allah SWT. Any reason to marry or not to marry must come under the intention to only do those things that bring Allah pleasure as we seek to worship Him.

                When we marry it's an act of worship.. Once we put anything.. even a relationship before Allah in our affections we are not fulfilling His absolute right to our complete worship.

                I've learned to look at all of life through this one truth.. it changes how we view everything. Suddenly whatever happens in our life should and can take on new meaning.
                .The Prophet sal Allahu alaiyhi wa sallam said, I guarantee a house in Jannah for one who gives up arguing, even if he is in the right; and I guarantee a home in the middle of Jannah for one who abandons lying even for the sake of fun; and I guarantee a house in the highest part of Jannah for one who has good manners.
                http://jameelah61.wordpress.com/

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Any sisters who FIERCELY oppose a husband getting a 2nd wife?

                  Salaam

                  never even thought about my future husband having a second wife as I thought they only do that in dire circumstances when the woman has no means of survival..
                  but after learning about it I am not kidding but I am kind of worried- I just cant imagine sharing my husband with anyone
                  It may be for other women but not me- id rather be single
                  my opinion
                  If you shave a mane of a lion what would he look like?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Any sisters who FIERCELY oppose a husband getting a 2nd wife?

                    Originally posted by carol_au View Post
                    I listened to a lecture this morning.. and the Shaykh reminded us that we here for one reason and one reason only... to worship Allah SWT. Any reason to marry or not to marry must come under the intention to only do those things that bring Allah pleasure as we seek to worship Him.

                    When we marry it's an act of worship.. Once we put anything.. even a relationship before Allah in our affections we are not fulfilling His absolute right to our complete worship.

                    I've learned to look at all of life through this one truth.. it changes how we view everything. Suddenly whatever happens in our life should and can take on new meaning.
                    :jkk: This is something i have learnt too alhamdulilah :love: sis
                    (The hypocrites) will call the believers: "Were we not with you?" The believers will reply: "Yes! But you led yourselves into temptations, you looked forward for our destruction; you doubted (in Faith); and you were deceived by false desires, till the Command of Allah came to pass. And the chief deceiver (Satan) deceived you in respect of Allah."57:14

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Any sisters who FIERCELY oppose a husband getting a 2nd wife?

                      Originally posted by ,, -alwaysbeme! View Post
                      Put it in his contract that he can't get a secoind wife or he'll lose you.

                      Do it!
                      Do it!
                      ...
                      Do it!
                      they do it anyway....

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Any sisters who FIERCELY oppose a husband getting a 2nd wife?

                        Originally posted by ,, -alwaysbeme! View Post
                        Put it in his contract that he can't get a secoind wife or he'll lose you.

                        Do it!
                        Do it!
                        ...
                        Do it!
                        Yep
                        "Qui desiderat pacem, bellum praeparat; nemo provocare ne offendere audet quem intelliget superiorem esse pugnaturem"
                        Whosoever desires peace prepares for war; no one provokes, nor dares to offend, those who they know to be superior in battle-Flavius Vegetius Renatus

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Any sisters who FIERCELY oppose a husband getting a 2nd wife?

                          hypothetically speaking...if i had to do it, it would only be for the sake of Allah.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Any sisters who FIERCELY oppose a husband getting a 2nd wife?

                            Originally posted by ,, -alwaysbeme! View Post
                            Put it in his contract that he can't get a secoind wife or he'll lose you.

                            Do it!
                            Do it!
                            ...
                            Do it!
                            But then aren't you refusing him a right that he has, and has been sanctioned by Allah subhana wa t'ala?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Any sisters who FIERCELY oppose a husband getting a 2nd wife?

                              I have nothing against it, in essence. I wouldn't dream of witholding a God-given right from someone. However, if I'm very honest with myself, I know that it's not something I could live with. I applaud those sisters that have made this huge sacrifice- it's what I call courage :D

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X