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The Advantages of a Polygamous marriage.

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    The Advantages of a Polygamous marriage.

    Salam.

    First of all I am not trying to make polygamy Fardh upon everyone, that isnt in my power to do so, nor am I saying that monogomous marriages are not as good as polygamous ones.
    But there are advantages in polygamy, and for those that want it or already have it, it should be something good, that they are happy with.
    Those that dont want it, no pressure, well not from me anyway.

    - Polygamy allows more women to have a husband, and not left being single.
    - There are no mistresses, the 2nd, 3rd or 4th wives have the same rights as the first wife and not left to be mis-treated and abandoned as mistresses are.


    - If there are more than 2 wives, then in the husbands absence, the wives can help each other out with household duties and taking care of children.
    - If a man has 4 wives, then when he is with one of his wives, the rest can do things which men are stereotyped as hating, such as going shopping, the hairdresser and other girly things.

    - One wife can babysit another wifes child.
    - If there are times when your husband is annoying you, you can always tell him to go away, and at least you will know where hes gone and that he will come.

    - you can be like one very big family.

    Take the example of our Prophet saw, both Aisha ra and Hafsa ra were very good friends, almost like sisters.

    Although this advice, from me an unmarried girl, may seem easy to say. It is for those that want polyamy, so obviously its essential that they look on the bright side.

    Back in the days, when polyamy was a norm unlike in todays society, it was much easier for women to accept mentally as they grew up in and around that idea. Also, if a woman that is marrying a man knows in advance that he will want another wife after marrying her then it makes it much easier for the woman to accept, because its almost as though she has entered a polygamous marriage. Unlike those sisters that get married believing that he will want monogamy and then getting a huge shock after marriage.

    In the example of our Prphet Muhammad pbuh, whilst married to Khadeeja ra, he never got another wife.
    It was only after her death, and then he married 2 women, Sawda [ra] and Aisha [ra]. And even that was through both Allahs will and with the suggestion of a female companion named Khawla bint Hakeem [ra].

    After the death of Khadeeja [ra] Prophet Muhammad [saw] was very upset and heartbroken. Khawla saw signs of deep sorrow in the face of Muhammad [saw] and she approached him saying; " Messenger of Allah, it seems you have been afflicted by want since the death of Khadeeja."
    The Prophet [saw] replied; "Yes, she was the mother of the household and the caretaker of the family."

    Then Khawla suggested Sawda and Aisha as wives.
    He married Sawda [ra] who had been previously married and was an experienced woman who could take care of the Prophets [saw] family and cater for the household. He married Aisha [ra] who could mend his broken heart from the death of Khadeeja [ra], as Aisha was young.
    But only Sawda [ra] entered the household of our Prophet [saw] at that time and Aisha [ra] was only engaged at that time and entered the household later.

    The wives that later married our Prophet [saw] married into a polygamous marriage.


    So in that manner, for todays society, if a woman is entering into a marriage knowing it is or will become polygamous then it is much easier to accept it than when it suddenly happens.

    I am not stating a fatwa here, but saying that which seems common sense. I am not saying that a man MUST [by Islam] scream out he wants polygamy before marrying his first wife, but if he mentioned it to her. In this day, age and SOCIETY where it isnt considered normal, then perhaps it would make things much easier for him and his wives, InshaAllah.

    Perhaps I have gone somewhat off topic here, on my own topic

    And Allah knows best.
    Last edited by DarkChocolate; 24-08-10, 11:52 PM.
    Allah is compassionate and He loves compassion in all things. [Hadith]
    :lailah::ahb:

    #2
    Re: The Advantages of a Polygamous marriage.

    I agree that if the husband explains it to his wife, she'll be more understand and probably help him search for a second/third/fourth wife with him, but if he springs it on her without talking about it. Then it will only cause problems.

    Polygamy is a good thing, alhamdulillah, but I think at this time it's more important to get the single folk married before multiple wives comes into the picture.
    مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

    "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
    It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
    Surah al-Baqarah
    [2:245]

    .:.
    .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
    Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

    .:.
    ...said the spider to the fly...

    Comment


      #3
      Re: The Advantages of a Polygamous marriage.

      Salam
      You know this is so cool, i didnt know so many people were supportive of the idea of polygamy in Islam. Its not very common from my understanding. Ive come across 3 threads on polygamy so far and it has stimulated much thought about this topic. This forum seems to be veeery interesting so far...:)

      Comment


        #4
        Re: The Advantages of a Polygamous marriage.

        Originally posted by DarkChocolate View Post
        Then Khawla suggested Sawda and Aisha as wives.
        if i'm not mistaken, rasool-Allaah's (:saw:) marriage to Aishah (RA) was prophesized by Allaah (), not as you mentioned above

        as for the topic, try reading this :
        Last edited by ibnuadam; 25-08-10, 12:31 AM.
        “And this worldly life is not but diversion and amusement. And indeed, the home of the Hereafter - that is the [eternal] life, if only they knew.” [29:64]

        Comment


          #5
          Re: The Advantages of a Polygamous marriage.

          Originally posted by ibnuadam View Post
          if i'm not mistaken, rasool-Allaah's (:saw:) marriage to Aishah (RA) was prophesized by Allaah (), not as you mentioned above
          yes that as well as it being suggested by Khawla, sorry forgot to mention that bit.

          Prophet Muhammad [pbuh] saw in a dream that an angel brought Aisha to him wrapped in a green silken cloth saying that this is your wife both in this world and in jannah.

          May Allah forgive me if I have worded it wrong in any way.

          And Allah knows best.
          Allah is compassionate and He loves compassion in all things. [Hadith]
          :lailah::ahb:

          Comment


            #6
            Re: The Advantages of a Polygamous marriage.

            in this day and age, it is hard to find a single wife and u talk abt polygamy :P

            Comment


              #7
              Re: The Advantages of a Polygamous marriage.

              Advantages of polygany from psychological point of view. Pretty good read. Good logic

              on Psychology Today magazine by Satoshi Kanazawa titled "The paradox of polygamy II: Why most women benefit from polygamy and most men benefit from monogamy"

              http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-scientific-fundamentalist/200802/the-paradox-polygamy-ii-why-most-women-benefit-polygamy-an

              Contrary to popular belief, most women benefit from polygynous society, and most men benefit from monogamous society. This is because polygynous society allows some women to share a resourceful man of high status.
              “Would you rather be the second or third wife of Mel Gibson or the only wife of Willard Scott?”, to which one of the panelists, the conservative commentator and activist Susan Carpenter McMillan, responded, “If it comes to Mel Gibson, I wouldn’t care if I was one, two, or three.”
              In contrast, most men benefit from monogamous society. Given a 50-50 sex ratio, monogamous society virtually guarantees a wife for every man, even a third-rate one. Under polygyny, some third-rate men may not find a wife at all, or, even if they are lucky enough to find one, their wife will not be as desirable as the one they can secure for themselves under monogamy, because under polygyny more desirable women would have become the second, third, or tenth wife of more desirable men.

              Comment


                #8
                Re: The Advantages of a Polygamous marriage.

                kya I so agree with you! Especially the bit about Mel Gibson (not that I'd want to marry him personally!!! but that lots of non Muslim women would be queuing up to be one of his wives and wouldn't care too much about the others)

                Anyway here are the advantages for me MASHAALLAH!!!!!!!:

                - I get more time for my own endeavours such as studying, hobbies, that kind of thing. I do creative writing which is a solitary pursuit and one where you block out the rest of the world. If my kids are in bed and my husband is with my co-wife then that gives me a lot of alone time to do this (i.e. every other evening), whereas if I was monogamously married my husband would need my attention and I wouldn't get this time.

                - I get the best of the single life and the married life, I get a husband and I also get a king sized bed to myself to relax with a good book (on alternate nights)

                - there's no "not tonight darling I have a headache" - women initiate it more often in polygamous marriages and he can't refuse otherwise he shouldn't have taken on two wives, but you can send him to the other wife if you're not in the mood

                - sharing motherly duties with my co-wife, e.g. breastfeeding each others babies. It makes a huge difference, if one of us has a bad night when the baby won't sleep the other can take the baby for a while in the morning while you takes a nap. Husbands can do this to some extent but a) they can't breastfeed and b) they have to go to work most days.

                - big family atmosphere at home (we were living in separate accommodation but recently moved into the same apartment which means more husband time for both of us and more family time for us and the kids)

                - free Arabic lessons (okay this applies just to me, not generally!) My co-wife is teaching me lots of Arabic mashaAllah, I told her to only speak to me in Arabic :p

                - another woman to chat with and stuff at home when hubby's not around, which is a lot of time cause he's at work of course.

                ------------

                there's probably more but that's what I can think of right now. Anyway, I just would like to encourage more people to see polygamy in a more favourable light, and for more brothers to realise that the way to make it work is to treat both your wives properly including being honest about your intentions to marry again before you even marry your first wife.




                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: The Advantages of a Polygamous marriage.

                  advantage: being able to pop to shop without getting all kids ready and taking 2 hours and having them cry they wanna go park etc (obv only applies if live 2gether or next door)

                  Recipes for all the family :inlove:
                  (and you thought I was a lazy feminazi which can't cook?)

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: The Advantages of a Polygamous marriage.

                    Originally posted by naila-k View Post
                    advantage: being able to pop to shop without getting all kids ready and taking 2 hours and having them cry they wanna go park etc (obv only applies if live 2gether or next door)
                    yeah, totally! didn't even think of that one mashaAllah.... seems I'm taking some things for granted :(




                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: The Advantages of a Polygamous marriage.

                      Ok I have a few questions:

                      Doesn't Polygomy put the husband and his wives at higher risk of getting STI's (sexual transmitted infections)?

                      And how do sisters go about avoiding something like this?

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: The Advantages of a Polygamous marriage.

                        erm? the same way those in monogamous marriage go about it!

                        Recipes for all the family :inlove:
                        (and you thought I was a lazy feminazi which can't cook?)

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: The Advantages of a Polygamous marriage.

                          Originally posted by kiduka View Post
                          Ok I have a few questions:

                          Doesn't Polygomy put the husband and his wives at higher risk of getting STI's (sexual transmitted infections)?

                          And how do sisters go about avoiding something like this?
                          why would it, if all those in the marriage are practicing Muslims? Having more than one partner doesn't increase the risk of getting STDs if all the partners don't have STDs to begin with. Polygamy is not promiscuity, he is still in committed relationships, just he has two, three or four committed relationships not just one.

                          If one of his wives was a divorcee whose husband cheated on her, then yes I can see theres a risk there cause you don't know who the husband cheated with. But she can see a doctor to check she doesn't have anything - although for her own health it would have been better to do that at the time of divorcing the cheating ex husband rather than waiting until she found a new husband. Although that applies equally to monogamous marriage. So it's not really an issue.

                          And yes, if one of the wives or the husband in a polygamous marriage is cheating then yes they are putting the other wives and all their future children at risk - but maybe that's why adultery carries the punishment of stoning to death. (and this can also happen in a monogamous marriage too so it's not really an issue either)
                          Last edited by dhak1yya; 26-08-10, 04:24 PM.




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                            #14
                            Re: The Advantages of a Polygamous marriage.

                            very good point of view

                            i share the same opinion with you

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Re: The Advantages of a Polygamous marriage.

                              interesting points...how do you cope with the jealous feelings though? and comparing yourself against her?
                              Please make du'aa for ALL reverts relatives and friends so that they too may be guided, and for all the non practising Muslims to rediscover their faith.
                              In particular, my Mum, Brother, Dad, Brothers GF, My Nieces & Nephews, Dads GF, Sam and Christy AAMEEN!

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