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why hatin on the white guys?

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  • SisterFirdous1
    replied
    Re: why hatin on the white guys?

    I dont mind black reverts, but the topic was on white guys.

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  • SisMuslimah
    replied
    Re: why hatin on the white guys?

    Everyone has their own opinions but I don't see why "white" brothers can't get married. I think everyone can but you gotta look in the right place! and of course Allah Knows Best! :)
    Last edited by SisMuslimah; 04-08-10, 04:35 AM.

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  • Soliloquy
    replied
    Re: why hatin on the white guys?

    Originally posted by AbuQudamah View Post
    I totally agree but my argument is that skin colour is a physical characteristic just like height and weight. By and large all girls want a fella who is taller than them (if not 6ft 2 and a 6 pack you can grate cheese with) and by the same token some people prefer a certain skin pigmentation, be it dark or light or even Caribbean green.

    But over the centuries a lot of stigma has attached itself to skin colour due to slavery and racism so everyone is naturally more reserved when it comes to talking about it in the marriage sense.
    Originally posted by Safiya View Post
    I don't like it either, because most (well it seems that way) of the time these people who prefer darker/lighter skin usually have deeper issues about race and colour.
    So yeah, I agree.

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  • Soliloquy
    replied
    Re: why hatin on the white guys?

    Originally posted by afrasayab View Post
    Calm down dude, you are not giving a favour yourself by acting like this. I maybe being devil's advocate but i am simply presenting a reason for why reverts especially male have harder time marrying. It is the parents right to know the person who their daughter is going to marry, and as i said before it becomes more challenging for them if they don't know your family or don't know you out side of the masjid, even if they don't have any other issues with you being a revert. Hence, the example of a car without history... btw i said USED car ;)

    I would prob get the same treatment if i ask an arab parent for their daughters hand because they don't know my culture or my family. Although personally i have met some really nice ppl....

    Most of the time truth is bitter...
    You gave a very honest opinion of what you think most Muslim families go through when deciding whether to marry their child to a revert, about them thinking (albeit very little and somewhere deep in their head) that there is always the possibility that a revert may leave Islam - that they may feel this possibility to be greater for reverts than Muslims who are born into a Muslim family...

    However, this is IRRATIONAL, and I can't express that enough; so excuse the capitals. Of course, we don't know what's in the future, but just because someone is born into a Muslim family, this does not mean that they are more likely than a revert to stay a Muslim! One who thinks like this really needs to consider what it means to be a Muslim, the acceptance of Islam in someone's heart.

    Sure Muslims who are born into Muslim families have family that may be able to help them in terms of offering them advice and support in the Deen, so it would be more difficult for them to leave Islam in a cultural sense (it would mean leaving a life they have known forever, their family, their "culture"), but this is not what Islam is about... If you do not accept Islam in your heart, that's exactly what it means, you're not a Muslim anymore. So if this "Muslim" born to a Muslim family only holds onto his religion as a cultural thing which he cannot leave, rather than believing in Allah and Islam, I really feel for the Sister married to him.

    Some Muslims (the ones with Muslim families) think that as long as they marry their child to a Muslim from a Muslim family, then thats enough - they think his family are Muslims, why should he be any different? That is so illogical, we are responsible for our own thinking. One needs to assess whether this Muslim thinks for himself, whether he is someone who has consciously accepted what it means to be a Muslim. I could never marry someone who can't pinpoint (even vaguely) a time when he came to realise Islam is the Truth. Sure, as children we do the things our parents say, we may practice aspects of Islam, we may have these aspects explained to us, but there is a point when we truly accept them and surrender ourselves to Allah.

    When considering a potential for marriage, we should ask ourselves whether this person is sincere, and look for opinions on him from others (people we know and trust, such as friends, family, the local Imaam, Brothers and Sisters who are known to be trustworthy in the community, etc.). The point is to ascertain what condition of mind this Brother/Sister who you may marry or marry your daughter/son to is in. It is their Deen that you should focus your attention on, not their skin colour or their lack of Muslim family.

    One should see it as an honor to marry their child to a revert, fulfilling both their duty and welcoming a revert properly into the Ummah. So often you hear of the number of people hugging a Brother/Sister after they first proclaim their Shahaadah, yet when it comes to helping this Brother/Sister marry, they are nowhere in sight. This is unacceptable.

    Originally posted by Safiyyah89 View Post
    :rotfl:

    i dunno, i dont like the whole light skin preference over dark skin, its totally wrong in my opinion
    I don't like it either, because most (well it seems that way) of the time these people who prefer darker/lighter skin usually have deeper issues about race and colour. What I find ridiculous is that some people who are raised in this way and voice their shock out how irrational it is (most often because they're the shade of skin their community frowns upon), actually have that mentality themselves; I remember someone saying "oh, but I want my children to be light skinned, I don't want that going through that". Its about time people started to think about the beliefs they hold... Why, even question them!

    Leave a comment:


  • *asiya*
    replied
    Re: why hatin on the white guys?

    Originally posted by AbuQudamah View Post
    I totally agree but my argument is that skin colour is a physical characteristic just like height and weight. By and large all girls want a fella who is taller than them (if not 6ft 2 and a 6 pack you can grate cheese with) and by the same token some people prefer a certain skin pigmentation, be it dark or light or even Caribbean green.

    But over the centuries a lot of stigma has attached itself to skin colour due to slavery and racism so everyone is naturally more reserved when it comes to talking about it in the marriage sense.
    i think this is a cultural phenomenom cos i honestly never came across this until i came to islam and met ppl from different cultures that i hadnt met before, like at school no one ever was bothered about height weight, race, its just wasnt an issue it was just about wanting their spouse to be being a good person, honest, kind etc, in fact if anyone mentioned height race, whatever they would probably be called superficial, and it would be a shame on them to be thinking like that.

    islam doesnt encourage these factors either , its the opposite when u read the narrations about julaybeeb, bilal, ummaara, ummsalamah radiAllahu anhum theres a lesson in so many of these examples for us. ur height, looks, race, missing limbs, or how many kids u have or what age u are just dont matter.. its all about deen.
    Last edited by *asiya*; 04-08-10, 12:15 AM.

    Leave a comment:


  • AbuQudamah
    replied
    Re: why hatin on the white guys?

    I totally agree but my argument is that skin colour is a physical characteristic just like height and weight. By and large all girls want a fella who is taller than them (if not 6ft 2 and a 6 pack you can grate cheese with) and by the same token some people prefer a certain skin pigmentation, be it dark or light or even Caribbean green.

    But over the centuries a lot of stigma has attached itself to skin colour due to slavery and racism so everyone is naturally more reserved when it comes to talking about it in the marriage sense.

    Leave a comment:


  • 1MuslimByChoice
    replied
    Re: why hatin on the white guys?

    Originally posted by AbuQudamah View Post
    What don't you agree with sister?
    What Safiyyah wrote is my answer to your question.
    Originally posted by Safiyyah89 View Post

    i dunno, i dont like the whole light skin preference over dark skin, its totally wrong in my opinion
    Or maybe i misread your post :scratch: The whole preference stuff i detest and i find really unfair and i see it as a form of discrimination. I mean these are humans and a whole nations of people that people are generalising saying they prefer people from this place and not that place when we havent even met every single individual from the particular group whom we prefer to not 'marry' but we hang around with them again WTH?!?! thats a bit contradictory and fake no? People are humans, we shouldnt seek their skin colour or their hair type but THEm as individuals be they white black red or blue its the individual whom you choose

    Leave a comment:


  • Safiyyah89
    replied
    Re: why hatin on the white guys?

    Originally posted by AbuQudamah View Post
    It most definitely is a jahil thing and it is something prevalent in all cultures. Quite a while back I was speaking with one aunty and she was telling me about her daughter and in her description she described her as "very light-skinned". As though I could give a damn! They see it as a massive selling point and, though I can understand it to an extent, I don't see why some perceive lighter-skinned individuals as more marriageable.

    What's ironic is that you'll find some black brothers talking highly of certain sisters saying stuff like "masha'Allah she's light-skinned, she's this and that nig*a i feel to pull that trigger!".

    But, as has been said, everyone has their own preference. Some people prefer sisters to be packing heat and others prefer them to be light-skinned: at the end of the day it is merely a preference.
    :rotfl:

    i dunno, i dont like the whole light skin preference over dark skin, its totally wrong in my opinion

    Leave a comment:


  • AbuQudamah
    replied
    Re: why hatin on the white guys?

    Originally posted by 1MuslimByChoice View Post
    Totally disagree!

    I won't even go into this preference light/dark in the middle blue green people talk
    What don't you agree with sister?

    Leave a comment:


  • AbuQudamah
    replied
    Re: why hatin on the white guys?

    Originally posted by Safiyyah89 View Post
    dont get me wrong i dont think its wrong that she gets them cuz shes a wonderful sister who defenetly deserves it mashallah!!

    i just think its unfair to the other sister who is equally as kind

    and i notice it in our culture alot too, my sister was told because shes darker she should go for anyone that asks her(and it was my aunt who said that) ohh and not to forget she was told to go "fix" it

    its all jahil thinking
    It most definitely is a jahil thing and it is something prevalent in all cultures. Quite a while back I was speaking with one aunty and she was telling me about her daughter and in her description she described her as "very light-skinned". As though I could give a damn! They see it as a massive selling point and, though I can understand it to an extent, I don't see why some perceive lighter-skinned individuals as more marriageable.

    What's ironic is that you'll find some black brothers talking highly of certain sisters saying stuff like "masha'Allah she's light-skinned, she's this and that nig*a i feel to pull that trigger!".

    But, as has been said, everyone has their own preference. Some people prefer sisters to be packing heat and others prefer them to be light-skinned: at the end of the day it is merely a preference.

    Leave a comment:


  • 1MuslimByChoice
    replied
    Re: why hatin on the white guys?

    Originally posted by AbuQudamah View Post
    Do you think it is "wrong" in the absolute sense that your black friend doesn't receive proposals whereas the white one is flooded with them?

    Yes, there is a huge imbalance but I think there is nothing Islamically wrong if some people prefer to propose to sisters of a lighter complexion. Granted there are some people who prefer dark-skinned sisters whilst you have others who just couldn't give a damn (like myself) but ultimately this is just someone's preference and there is nothing ignorant about preferring a certain pigmentation.

    Of course there are some people who choose to marry white sisters simply to show them off but I am not talking about them. They have their own special category and they are, in no uncertain terms, tools in the most glorious sense of the word.
    Totally disagree!

    I won't even go into this preference light/dark in the middle blue green people talk

    Leave a comment:


  • Safiyyah89
    replied
    Re: why hatin on the white guys?

    Originally posted by AbuQudamah View Post
    Do you think it is "wrong" in the absolute sense that your black friend doesn't receive proposals whereas the white one is flooded with them?

    Yes, there is a huge imbalance but I think there is nothing Islamically wrong if some people prefer to propose to sisters of a lighter complexion. Granted there are some people who prefer dark-skinned sisters whilst you have others who just couldn't give a damn (like myself) but ultimately this is just someone's preference and there is nothing ignorant about preferring a certain pigmentation.

    Of course there are some people who choose to marry white sisters simply to show them off but I am not talking about them. They have their own special category and they are, in no uncertain terms, tools in the most glorious sense of the word.
    dont get me wrong i dont think its wrong that she gets them cuz shes a wonderful sister who defenetly deserves it mashallah!!

    i just think its unfair to the other sister who is equally as kind

    and i notice it in our culture alot too, my sister was told because shes darker she should go for anyone that asks her(and it was my aunt who said that) ohh and not to forget she was told to go "fix" it

    its all jahil thinking

    Leave a comment:


  • AbuQudamah
    replied
    Re: why hatin on the white guys?

    Originally posted by Safiyyah89 View Post
    agreed sis, every revert be it white, black, asian has the right to get married and not agreeing to someone because they arent "born muslim" is totally wrong, honestly i think its my revert friends who are actually more practicing and i learn alot from them more than the born muslims, ive got 2 wonderful sisters that i know mashallah who are both reverts, one is a white revert and the other is a black revert, and mashallah the white revert gets proposals from every direction mashallah, but my friend(the black revert) subhanallah hasnt gotten anything, its not fair for her and she isnt wanted because of her skin color(which btw dosnt make sense, its not like its her fault shes black, ignorant people)
    Do you think it is "wrong" in the absolute sense that your black friend doesn't receive proposals whereas the white one is flooded with them?

    Yes, there is a huge imbalance but I think there is nothing Islamically wrong if some people prefer to propose to sisters of a lighter complexion. Granted there are some people who prefer dark-skinned sisters whilst you have others who just couldn't give a damn (like myself) but ultimately this is just someone's preference and there is nothing ignorant about preferring a certain pigmentation.

    Of course there are some people who choose to marry white sisters simply to show them off but I am not talking about them. They have their own special category and they are, in no uncertain terms, tools in the most glorious sense of the word.

    Leave a comment:


  • Safiyyah89
    replied
    Re: why hatin on the white guys?

    Originally posted by *asiya* View Post
    i noticed that too, revert does not = white. reverts can be from any race, from anywhere in the world.
    agreed sis, every revert be it white, black, asian has the right to get married and not agreeing to someone because they arent "born muslim" is totally wrong, honestly i think its my revert friends who are actually more practicing and i learn alot from them more than the born muslims, ive got 2 wonderful sisters that i know mashallah who are both reverts, one is a white revert and the other is a black revert, and mashallah the white revert gets proposals from every direction mashallah, but my friend(the black revert) subhanallah hasnt gotten anything, its not fair for her and she isnt wanted because of her skin color(which btw dosnt make sense, its not like its her fault shes black, ignorant people)

    Leave a comment:


  • *asiya*
    replied
    Re: why hatin on the white guys?

    Originally posted by Safiyyah89 View Post
    why must the word white be in there? y cant it just be reverts?? if u think white revert brothers get it easy imagine what the black revert brothers go through, ive herd people say ill marry a white revert brother but not a jamaican revert and it always annoys me, whats the difference? as long as the person is practicing thats all that matters alhamdulillah

    (not ranting at u btw, just my observation)
    i noticed that too, revert does not = white. reverts can be from any race, from anywhere in the world.

    Leave a comment:

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