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why hatin on the white guys?

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  • Re: why hatin on the white guys?

    I totally agree but my argument is that skin colour is a physical characteristic just like height and weight. By and large all girls want a fella who is taller than them (if not 6ft 2 and a 6 pack you can grate cheese with) and by the same token some people prefer a certain skin pigmentation, be it dark or light or even Caribbean green.

    But over the centuries a lot of stigma has attached itself to skin colour due to slavery and racism so everyone is naturally more reserved when it comes to talking about it in the marriage sense.
    What can my enemies possibly do to me? My paradise is in my heart; wherever I go it goes with me, inseparable from me. For me, prison is a place of retreat; execution is my opportunity for martyrdom; and exile from my town is but a chance to travel - Ibn Taymiyyah

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    • Re: why hatin on the white guys?

      Originally posted by AbuQudamah View Post
      I totally agree but my argument is that skin colour is a physical characteristic just like height and weight. By and large all girls want a fella who is taller than them (if not 6ft 2 and a 6 pack you can grate cheese with) and by the same token some people prefer a certain skin pigmentation, be it dark or light or even Caribbean green.

      But over the centuries a lot of stigma has attached itself to skin colour due to slavery and racism so everyone is naturally more reserved when it comes to talking about it in the marriage sense.
      i think this is a cultural phenomenom cos i honestly never came across this until i came to islam and met ppl from different cultures that i hadnt met before, like at school no one ever was bothered about height weight, race, its just wasnt an issue it was just about wanting their spouse to be being a good person, honest, kind etc, in fact if anyone mentioned height race, whatever they would probably be called superficial, and it would be a shame on them to be thinking like that.

      islam doesnt encourage these factors either , its the opposite when u read the narrations about julaybeeb, bilal, ummaara, ummsalamah radiAllahu anhum theres a lesson in so many of these examples for us. ur height, looks, race, missing limbs, or how many kids u have or what age u are just dont matter.. its all about deen.
      Last edited by *asiya*; 04-08-10, 12:15 AM.
      "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

      The Prophet :saw: said:

      "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

      muslim

      Narrated 'Abdullah:

      The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


      "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

      By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

      [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

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      • Re: why hatin on the white guys?

        Originally posted by afrasayab View Post
        Calm down dude, you are not giving a favour yourself by acting like this. I maybe being devil's advocate but i am simply presenting a reason for why reverts especially male have harder time marrying. It is the parents right to know the person who their daughter is going to marry, and as i said before it becomes more challenging for them if they don't know your family or don't know you out side of the masjid, even if they don't have any other issues with you being a revert. Hence, the example of a car without history... btw i said USED car ;)

        I would prob get the same treatment if i ask an arab parent for their daughters hand because they don't know my culture or my family. Although personally i have met some really nice ppl....

        Most of the time truth is bitter...
        You gave a very honest opinion of what you think most Muslim families go through when deciding whether to marry their child to a revert, about them thinking (albeit very little and somewhere deep in their head) that there is always the possibility that a revert may leave Islam - that they may feel this possibility to be greater for reverts than Muslims who are born into a Muslim family...

        However, this is IRRATIONAL, and I can't express that enough; so excuse the capitals. Of course, we don't know what's in the future, but just because someone is born into a Muslim family, this does not mean that they are more likely than a revert to stay a Muslim! One who thinks like this really needs to consider what it means to be a Muslim, the acceptance of Islam in someone's heart.

        Sure Muslims who are born into Muslim families have family that may be able to help them in terms of offering them advice and support in the Deen, so it would be more difficult for them to leave Islam in a cultural sense (it would mean leaving a life they have known forever, their family, their "culture"), but this is not what Islam is about... If you do not accept Islam in your heart, that's exactly what it means, you're not a Muslim anymore. So if this "Muslim" born to a Muslim family only holds onto his religion as a cultural thing which he cannot leave, rather than believing in Allah and Islam, I really feel for the Sister married to him.

        Some Muslims (the ones with Muslim families) think that as long as they marry their child to a Muslim from a Muslim family, then thats enough - they think his family are Muslims, why should he be any different? That is so illogical, we are responsible for our own thinking. One needs to assess whether this Muslim thinks for himself, whether he is someone who has consciously accepted what it means to be a Muslim. I could never marry someone who can't pinpoint (even vaguely) a time when he came to realise Islam is the Truth. Sure, as children we do the things our parents say, we may practice aspects of Islam, we may have these aspects explained to us, but there is a point when we truly accept them and surrender ourselves to Allah.

        When considering a potential for marriage, we should ask ourselves whether this person is sincere, and look for opinions on him from others (people we know and trust, such as friends, family, the local Imaam, Brothers and Sisters who are known to be trustworthy in the community, etc.). The point is to ascertain what condition of mind this Brother/Sister who you may marry or marry your daughter/son to is in. It is their Deen that you should focus your attention on, not their skin colour or their lack of Muslim family.

        One should see it as an honor to marry their child to a revert, fulfilling both their duty and welcoming a revert properly into the Ummah. So often you hear of the number of people hugging a Brother/Sister after they first proclaim their Shahaadah, yet when it comes to helping this Brother/Sister marry, they are nowhere in sight. This is unacceptable.

        Originally posted by Safiyyah89 View Post
        :rotfl:

        i dunno, i dont like the whole light skin preference over dark skin, its totally wrong in my opinion
        I don't like it either, because most (well it seems that way) of the time these people who prefer darker/lighter skin usually have deeper issues about race and colour. What I find ridiculous is that some people who are raised in this way and voice their shock out how irrational it is (most often because they're the shade of skin their community frowns upon), actually have that mentality themselves; I remember someone saying "oh, but I want my children to be light skinned, I don't want that going through that". Its about time people started to think about the beliefs they hold... Why, even question them!
        Ya Muqallib al-Quloob, thabbit qalbi 'alaa Deenik
        O' Converter of Hearts, make my heart steadfast upon Thy Way
        We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.

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        • Re: why hatin on the white guys?

          Originally posted by AbuQudamah View Post
          I totally agree but my argument is that skin colour is a physical characteristic just like height and weight. By and large all girls want a fella who is taller than them (if not 6ft 2 and a 6 pack you can grate cheese with) and by the same token some people prefer a certain skin pigmentation, be it dark or light or even Caribbean green.

          But over the centuries a lot of stigma has attached itself to skin colour due to slavery and racism so everyone is naturally more reserved when it comes to talking about it in the marriage sense.
          Originally posted by Safiya View Post
          I don't like it either, because most (well it seems that way) of the time these people who prefer darker/lighter skin usually have deeper issues about race and colour.
          So yeah, I agree.
          Ya Muqallib al-Quloob, thabbit qalbi 'alaa Deenik
          O' Converter of Hearts, make my heart steadfast upon Thy Way
          We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.

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          • Re: why hatin on the white guys?

            Everyone has their own opinions but I don't see why "white" brothers can't get married. I think everyone can but you gotta look in the right place! and of course Allah Knows Best! :)
            Last edited by SisMuslimah; 04-08-10, 04:35 AM.

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            • Re: why hatin on the white guys?

              I dont mind black reverts, but the topic was on white guys.
              If you shave a mane of a lion what would he look like?

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              • Re: why hatin on the white guys?

                Originally posted by AbuQudamah View Post
                I totally agree but my argument is that skin colour is a physical characteristic just like height and weight. By and large all girls want a fella who is taller than them (if not 6ft 2 and a 6 pack you can grate cheese with) and by the same token some people prefer a certain skin pigmentation, be it dark or light or even Caribbean green.

                But over the centuries a lot of stigma has attached itself to skin colour due to slavery and racism so everyone is naturally more reserved when it comes to talking about it in the marriage sense.
                Why is it that almost always light is preferred over dark? Rarely would someone say i want to marry a dark-skinned sister.

                Not only that, there's light-skinned and too light, if someone's for example quite pale they would be rejected for that!

                It seems there's an ideal colour range that everyone wants, from cream-coloured to an olive/tanned tone, and rarely falls out of this range.
                "You are the best nation raised up for men. You enjoin good and forbid evil, and you believe in Allah." (Surah Al Imran 3:110)

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                • Re: why hatin on the white guys?

                  Originally posted by Proud-2b-MUSLIM View Post
                  Why is it that almost always light is preferred over dark? Rarely would someone say i want to marry a dark-skinned sister.

                  Not only that, there's light-skinned and too light, if someone's for example quite pale they would be rejected for that!

                  It seems there's an ideal colour range that everyone wants, from cream-coloured to an olive/tanned tone, and rarely falls out of this range.
                  Colonialism and media. Everyone wants to be like the rich and glamorous folk even if they killed their ancestors and ruined their countries. Oh, and still do... Sigh.
                  Ya Muqallib al-Quloob, thabbit qalbi 'alaa Deenik
                  O' Converter of Hearts, make my heart steadfast upon Thy Way
                  We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.

                  Comment


                  • Re: why hatin on the white guys?

                    thats so tru with what sis safiya said... its pretty sad.. and i wouldnt mind a revert of i guess any skin color.. i always laugh at those commericals back home where they have skin lightening creams.. and it shows the girl so sad when shes tanned or dark and so happy when she puts on the cream and shes MAGICALLY LIGHT. lol. its so fake.. but i dont see the big concern in marrying a white revert or any revert of any other skin color.. its just skin,, think about it.

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                    • Re: why hatin on the white guys?

                      The tanned look is IN these days thats why. Back a few generations and all the asians would have loved to marry someone white skinned, because fair was considered beauty back in the days. Anyway, alot of sisters dont mind white guys, personally I dont have much preference over skin colour. But marrying a convert white guy doesnt appeal to everyone, because of the cultural differences which would affect lifestyle and family approval.
                      Also, some guys do like dark skinned girls, not everyone wants to marry an olive skin toned girl.
                      Allah is compassionate and He loves compassion in all things. [Hadith]
                      :lailah::ahb:

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                      • Re: why hatin on the white guys?

                        well whites are actually considered superior in 3rd world muslim countries till this day .



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                        • Re: why hatin on the white guys?

                          Originally posted by Safiyyah89 View Post
                          why must the word white be in there? y cant it just be reverts?? if u think white revert brothers get it easy imagine what the black revert brothers go through, ive herd people say ill marry a white revert brother but not a jamaican revert and it always annoys me, whats the difference? as long as the person is practicing thats all that matters alhamdulillah

                          (not ranting at u btw, just my observation)
                          differs in different areas...i know in my ends a lot of girls would prefer black reverts
                          Jo kaam karta hai tu chup ke jahaan se
                          koi dekhta hai tujhe aasmaan se

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                          • Re: why hatin on the white guys?

                            Sumtimes we might agree or prefer to marry a revert of any skin color.. but what comes in the way is mostly family approval too! Its different "culture" and lifestyle like the sister said above me.. i wouldnt mind a revert at all but all i know is that i would have some sort of obstacles like that in hte way. There is absolutely nothing wrong with marrying a revert! They are muslim and you are too and it shud just end with that! :) May Allah Guide is all and Give us Pious Partners Ameen!:up:

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                            • Re: why hatin on the white guys?

                              I think colourless people seem plain and boring.
                              "Closer and closer to mankind comes their Reckoning: yet they heed not and they turn away" (21:1)

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                              • Re: why hatin on the white guys?

                                Originally posted by AbdulSalam View Post
                                I think colourless people seem plain and boring.
                                hope ur joking, if not, watch out b4 u get a permanent ban.
                                وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

                                And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


                                أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

                                Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


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