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is this a sin?

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  • is this a sin?

    is it a sin for a female to not marry for these reasons:

    1)she hasnt met a suitable/potential partner Y/N

    2)she has no desire to marry period Y/N
    (i really belive its possible for a person to feel this way)

    3) dosent want children Y/N

    4)mental condition Y/N
    (ex: depression,skitzophrenia,amnesia,personality disorder etc..)

    5)she can't have kids Y/N

    6) wants to delay it to finish school Y/N
    Last edited by ARiSagirl; 14-06-10, 03:50 PM.

  • #2
    Re: is this a sin?

    Number 5 is kinda confusing, If she can't have kids how is that commiting a sin. just want to point it out
    [CENTER][COLOR="red"]It is reported that Anas b. Mlik was asked about people who drop unconscious when the Quran is recited to them. He said, That is the behavior of the Khawrij.[/COLOR][/CENTER]

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    • #3
      Re: is this a sin?

      if she dosent want to get married because she wants kids and belives her family will be disapointed when they keep asking "are you pregnant?" and she cant have any

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      • #4
        Re: is this a sin?

        Originally posted by ARiSagirl View Post
        is it a sin for a female to not marry for these reasons:

        1)she hasnt met a suitable/potential partner Y/N

        2)she has no desire to marry period Y/N
        (i really belive its possible for a person to feel this way)

        3) dosent want children Y/N

        4)mental condition Y/N
        (ex: depression,skitzophrenia,amnesia,personality disorder etc..)

        5)she can't have kids Y/N

        6) wants to delay it to finish school Y/N
        1) What do u mean? If u havent then just search for him when your ready to marry.
        2) Marriage is Sunnah - it wont be a sin if you dont marry but its Sunnah.
        3) You can adopt. Adopting is a Great Sunnah which has been corrupted/forgotten. if You revive it you will get all blessings of those who saw you adopt and adopted themselves.
        4) Ah this one, its tough. If you cannot marry due to those factors u mentioned, then try to cure urself by the means Allah has provided. And if Marriage would make your life better then u shud marry cuz u wanna live good life.
        5) Adopt. its not a negative factor to me if my wife cudnt have children.
        6) some women do school/college/education as well as remain married --> Their husbands would be a gem cuz otherwise we are just a bunch of headache to our wives!
        Reported by Ibn al-Salah:

        ولقد أحسن الحسن بن أبي زياد اللؤلؤي صاحب أبي حنيفة فيما بلغنا عنه أنه استفتي في مسألة فأخطأ فيها ولم يعرف الذي أفتاه فاكترى مناديا فنادى أن الحسن بن أبي زياد استفتي يوم كذا وكذا في مسألة فأخطأ فمن كان أفتاه الحسن بن أبي زياد بشيء فليرجع إليه
        فلبث أياما لا يفتي حتى وجد صاحب الفتوى فأعلمه أنه أخطأ وإن الصواب كذا وكذا والله أعلم

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        • #5
          Re: is this a sin?

          No, no, no, no, no, and no.

          That's assuming she doesn't fear falling into sin as a result of being unmarried, of course.

          Not everyone wants children, adopted or otherwise. Maybe they shouldn't marry, but if they can find a spouse who feels the same, I don't think it's anyone else's business. It's a bit strange that the annoyance of people asking about it would be a reason to avoid marriage, though; it's easy enough to just ignore stuff like that.

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          • #6
            Re: is this a sin?

            thank you this explains alot i will take your opinons with pride i guess i wasnt thinkinr rationally/logically

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            • #7
              Re: is this a sin?

              Originally posted by ARiSagirl View Post
              is it a sin for a female to not marry for these reasons
              Salaam wa alaikom,
              Well, firstly, it is NOT a sin for a woman not to marry. But it can lead to sin.

              All those reasons that you listed are totally understandible but one should understand that Rasul Allah (saw)(swt) said that the one who doesn't marry is not among his sunnah followers. Allah knows best the excat words.
              It is to show you how IMPORTANT it is for someone to marry.
              Marriage is a special bond between 2 mates, a woman and a man. It can help them find peace and serve as garments for one another. The man is to protect his family, the woman his and her household, husband wealth, and children.
              Also, it is important as it fulfils one's physical and emotional needs.
              It can make life softer when both partnerhsip is set and harmonized.
              The only reason why most of those listed statements could be invalid -in the sense that they're not enough to refuse getting married-
              is because there are so many others solutions and because they are due to the cultural environment standardization unfortunately.
              1- she will inshAllah find the match Allah will destine for her and this can take time :( but unfortunately either brothers today they're fooling around with weird/unpleasant conditions or we don't like them enough to see ourselves married to them. bad to say but true, we cannot force our heart.
              2- she has no desire to marry- this can be due to an environment she's been brought up in. For a long time, I was the same witnessing very bad manly behaviors. The only solution is to get closer to Allah and read about Islam and special bondship between a wife and husband, she would feel "jealous" not being gifted with such an exceptionnal relation. She should read the Prophet (saw) character with his wives but remember not to except finding a "Muhammed" today as we're not "sahabiyat" ourselves. Let's be honest.
              Other reason could be she's career-focused but one day she will wake up alone, parents dead inshAllah, etc and then she will regret... I may be harsh but let's be honest.

              3- she doesn't want children. There are many reasons at this but as a muslim woman, inshAllah with time she will understand we have the duty to spread Islam and teach our children to become future great muslims to influence the world inshAllah and balance those who massacre us. Before, I didn't want to but then, I read, saw, learnt, etc. The fear of being hurt, of hearing cries, of being patient, etc... it's totally natural but if she finds inshAllah an understanding husband as a MUSLIM husband is supposed to do. He will support her in everything.
              4- Mental condition. Yes, this can be hard. Only Allah knows best in this case but He cares for everyone. So if she thinks she doens't want to get married because she's worthless then it's not the right reason. A patient husband can be a good support for this as well and can take care of her inshAllah.
              5- So WHAT?!!!! does it make her less of a woman?! SubhanAllah. Her husband and her can adopt, there are so many solutions. She just have to express herself and get advsies from different imams.
              6- This is OUR problem but our security too. As divorce is at its highest rate nowadays, we fear our husband deficiency in his duty to us so we have to protect ourselves and get educated in case we may get alone one day.
              Also, some of us want just to get educated before it gets more difficult or "worse" our husband ask us to stop working but this is why a marriage is a CONTRACT where you decide on those matters before.
              So she can still study after marriage on agreement with her husband. Education is really important in Islam.
              On the other side, she can still study then get married but I wouldn't recommand this one as I've been through this: I finished my masters, now getting a career all over the world, everyone looking at you amazed whenever you prononce your job title but then what happens? you go home and you're alone, you cannot share anything, any of this with that special someone.
              I thought I could get easily men as there was plenty of them around, as I was working in the fashion industry. I thought I could find them easily but then, I got closer to Allah (and/or I try to) el hamdulilah but now I realize that it is great but it is not the most important and now that I want an exceptionnal (with deen, with good character, pleasing to see and tall)... guess what? I don't find him. And el hamdulilah I am kept from doing fitna and committing sins but knowing it's hard, I understand that some sisters fall into it.
              So no, I do recommand her to marry the soonest possible but choose an understanding enough husband that would let her study if she wants, let her work if she wants, etc, etc.
              [SIZE="2"][/SIZE][SIZE="3"][SIZE="2"][FONT="Verdana"][FONT="Book Antiqua"][FONT="Arial"][SIZE="1"][B]And among His Signs is this that He created for you spouses of your own kind, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy for one another: verily in that are Signs for those who reflect. (Quran 30:21)[/B][/SIZE][/FONT][/FONT][/FONT][/SIZE][/SIZE]

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              • #8
                Re: is this a sin?

                you say that a person will not be among the prophets sunnah followers if they do not get married does that mean their not part of the ummah? and also a person can not get married and still commit many sunnah so does that mean it dosent count unless you get married? also i dont mean not having a desire for marriage as in the enviorment but as in they do not have any feelings to get married emotional/sexual desires to get married is gone...so does that make it haraam even if they grew up in a healthy enviornment?

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                • #9
                  Re: is this a sin?

                  Originally posted by ARiSagirl View Post
                  you say that a person will not be among the prophets sunnah followers if they do not get married does that mean their not part of the ummah? and also a person can not get married and still commit many sunnah so does that mean it dosent count unless you get married? also i dont mean not having a desire for marriage as in the enviorment but as in they do not have any feelings to get married emotional/sexual desires to get married is gone...so does that make it haraam even if they grew up in a healthy enviornment?
                  ok, at first, as I said it is NOT HARAM to refuse get married. :)
                  It is just not advised and part of the sunnah.

                  narrated by Anas bin Malik:

                  “A group of three men came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet asking how the Prophet worshipped (Allah), and when they were informed about that, they considered their worship insufficient and said, "Where are we from the Prophet as his past and future sins have been forgiven." Then one of them said, "I will offer the prayer throughout the night forever." The other said, "I will fast throughout the year and will not break my fast." The third said, "I will keep away from the women and will not marry forever." Allah's Apostle came to them and said, "Are you the same people who said so-and-so? By Allah, I am more submissive to Allah and more afraid of Him than you; yet I fast and break my fast, I do sleep and I also marry women. So he who does not follow my tradition in religion, is not from me (not one of my followers)."


                  ( Marriage quote from Sahih Bukhari, Sahih Muslim)
                  Also The Holy Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said:

                  "When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion, so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half."
                  The Holy Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said:

                  “Nikah (marriage) is my Sunna. He who shuns my Sunna is not of me.”

                  I am not saying "you" don't follow sunnah.
                  I'm saying that marriage is a huge part of the sunnah of Rasul Allah and one's desire to get married comes with time, differently than others.
                  You may refuse to get married but you never know what Allah planned for you.
                  For the rest, I will not tell you you are not part of the ummah, of course not, you may be a muslim woman and a fairly pious one for asking in a muslim website seeking advise and truth.
                  May Allah guide us into the best path towards Janna inshAllah.
                  There are many things in the sunnah and one shall try his/her best to follwo the maximum possible. Not being able to is one thing, refusing to follow the sunnah it's totally different.
                  Allah knows best.

                  ps: every single deed good or wrong is counted, never forget that. Nothing is lost as 2 angels write down every single thing and you as much as us will be all judge by Allah, the most just (Bi-ahkami el hakimin).
                  Also, the sunnah is from the Prophet Muhammad.
                  Finally, if you meant "married emotional/ sexual desires", it may be temporary. Have faith and patience. Allah reserved a lot more for us and this is a test amongst others inshAllah :)
                  [SIZE="2"][/SIZE][SIZE="3"][SIZE="2"][FONT="Verdana"][FONT="Book Antiqua"][FONT="Arial"][SIZE="1"][B]And among His Signs is this that He created for you spouses of your own kind, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy for one another: verily in that are Signs for those who reflect. (Quran 30:21)[/B][/SIZE][/FONT][/FONT][/FONT][/SIZE][/SIZE]

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                  • #10
                    Re: is this a sin?

                    im not refusing marriage i cant get married because i dont have any desire for it and noone wants to marry someone who doesent and your right no one knows what allah has decreed for them and im sure there are have been some muslim men/women that didnt get married i dont know there reasons but mine are as written who knows maybe god will 'return' such feelings in my heart but until then i dont belive i can get married

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                    • #11
                      Re: is this a sin?

                      Originally posted by ARiSagirl View Post
                      im not refusing marriage i cant get married because i dont have any desire for it and noone wants to marry someone who doesent and your right no one knows what allah has decreed for them and im sure there are have been some muslim men/women that didnt get married i dont know there reasons but mine are as written who knows maybe god will 'return' such feelings in my heart but until then i dont belive i can get married
                      There's nothing wrong with that. Maybe it will change with time, maybe it won't. Just because the idea of being married to some nameless, faceless person you haven't met yet doesn't appeal to you doesn't mean that you won't find someone you do want to be married to. Or maybe you won't, and if you're happy being single, then that's ok, too.

                      You seem like you're very young. If that's the case, then there's no reason you, your father, or anyone else need to be thinking about marriage at all right now.

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                      • #12
                        Re: is this a sin?

                        thank you sister!

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