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  • Is it acceptable to 'give-up'?

    Salaam
    I've never been one to do so, so I don't get it.
    What is appropriate when you just feel sick of it all?
    You've taken all advice you've been given and nothing changes, you feel like the problems you were trying to solve for the sake of Allah, and your own well-being are just becoming too much to bear. Like there's some kind of wall!

    How can someone with their heart set on finding their life partner, and practical readiness just flick the switch off, so to speak?
    How can he/she just ignore what they feel and push on with life and focus on other beneficial things that are maybe a tad more realistic for them?
    How can coming home from work to an empty house every evening stop feeling so empty?

    I'm sorry I'm at it again, I'm just exhausted with it all. The depression and lonliness are just getting worse and worse.
    I keep telling myself to stop trying, if something is meant to happen then inshAllah it will happen, yet I know a condition upon trusting in Allah is to put in the elbow grease yourself... Does that mean my thoughts are fruitless?

    It's not normal to feel like a failure, or a loner. Why do I? I know I'm young, so I just don't get why this has hit me so early and stuck around - I feel alone in that boat too.

    And this is the apology I owe you all! :)

  • #2
    Re: Is it acceptable to 'give-up'?

    Ahki I completely understand where you're coming from but know that Allah is very much acquainted with your efforts and He is the Sole Controller of your affairs.

    As mechanical as this advice may sound, be patient. Wallahi be patient! Plough on with your life, play football, keep busy but, most importantly, have trust in Allah the Most High. Allah does not overburden a soul more than it can bear so know that you have both the faculties and the strength to persevere and stay firm in these most trying times, especially in the heat of the summer. Perhaps the emotional turmoil and perceived loneliness you're feeling now is designed to make you come out stronger and more a man so insha'Allah when you do get married you'll be more prepared and be able to tackle advertises and tribulations head-on.

    And, of course, remain pro-active in your search and never lose hope in Allah as that is a huge sin in itself.

    And in Allah lies all strength and bounty

    AQ
    What can my enemies possibly do to me? My paradise is in my heart; wherever I go it goes with me, inseparable from me. For me, prison is a place of retreat; execution is my opportunity for martyrdom; and exile from my town is but a chance to travel - Ibn Taymiyyah

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Is it acceptable to 'give-up'?

      Originally posted by ,, -alwaysbeme! View Post
      Salaam
      I've never been one to do so, so I don't get it.
      What is appropriate when you just feel sick of it all?
      You've taken all advice you've been given and nothing changes, you feel like the problems you were trying to solve for the sake of Allah, and your own well-being are just becoming too much to bear. Like there's some kind of wall!

      How can someone with their heart set on finding their life partner, and practical readiness just flick the switch off, so to speak?
      How can he/she just ignore what they feel and push on with life and focus on other beneficial things that are maybe a tad more realistic for them?
      How can coming home from work to an empty house every evening stop feeling so empty?

      I'm sorry I'm at it again, I'm just exhausted with it all. The depression and lonliness are just getting worse and worse.
      I keep telling myself to stop trying, if something is meant to happen then inshAllah it will happen, yet I know a condition upon trusting in Allah is to put in the elbow grease yourself... Does that mean my thoughts are fruitless?

      It's not normal to feel like a failure, or a loner. Why do I? I know I'm young, so I just don't get why this has hit me so early and stuck around - I feel alone in that boat too.

      And this is the apology I owe you all! :)
      It sounds like you are depressed, those feelings of lonliness, low self-worth etc etc come with it.
      You are trying and insha'allah so you just have to let go and put your trust in Allah, what will happen in the future has already been ascribed so why this urgency? It will come to you. You can find contentment from other avenues don't expect marriage to be a miracle solution if you are feeling miserable this person is an infallible human being they can't be your source of happiness its not fair on them, develop yourself to be a someone that can give in the relationship, and you can use this free time to your advantage, do volunteering, take up hobbies you never know you mind find your partner there, but don't allow yourself to be isolated it will only lead you to sink further, seek the company of other people and be patient because what else can you do? No matter how much you feel like you have prayed, and have been endlessly patient when it is your time to get married only then will it happen, so just relax
      By the morning brightness and by the night when it grows still, your Lord has not forsaken you [Prophet], nor does He hate you, and the future will be better for you than the past; your Lord is sure to give you so much that you will be well satisfied.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Is it acceptable to 'give-up'?

        Originally posted by ,, -alwaysbeme! View Post
        Salaam
        I've never been one to do so, so I don't get it.
        What is appropriate when you just feel sick of it all?
        You've taken all advice you've been given and nothing changes, you feel like the problems you were trying to solve for the sake of Allah, and your own well-being are just becoming too much to bear. Like there's some kind of wall!

        How can someone with their heart set on finding their life partner, and practical readiness just flick the switch off, so to speak?
        How can he/she just ignore what they feel and push on with life and focus on other beneficial things that are maybe a tad more realistic for them?
        How can coming home from work to an empty house every evening stop feeling so empty?

        I'm sorry I'm at it again, I'm just exhausted with it all. The depression and lonliness are just getting worse and worse.
        I keep telling myself to stop trying, if something is meant to happen then inshAllah it will happen, yet I know a condition upon trusting in Allah is to put in the elbow grease yourself... Does that mean my thoughts are fruitless?

        It's not normal to feel like a failure, or a loner. Why do I? I know I'm young, so I just don't get why this has hit me so early and stuck around - I feel alone in that boat too.

        And this is the apology I owe you all! :)
        do you want to join the league of my wives.. you will be member!!! just kidding

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Is it acceptable to 'give-up'?

          Salaam.

          @AQ: JazakaAllahu kheyran.
          Your advice helped a lot.
          Much needed advices and reminders, I need as many as I can get.
          I don't know, I don't even get what is driving this longing for companionship. It seems a cycle, like whenever I start to be okay with myself I feel a need for someone to share my life. Like tonight is a Sunday night, I have 15 people over. :S
          I just hate the lonliness, but even with the friends, there's no specialness to this. It's so superficial and i'm just not having a good time...

          @Reptile: I think I am a bit depressed. It's bad, I mean I feel I know the solution but I'm scared it would be unfair to bring a woman into my life in my current state.
          It's like a vicious cycle, I'm unhappy cos i feel alone, and I'm reminded of how alone I am through my unhappiness. Ya Allah! I know it sounds so silly...I just wanna break this goofy reality and let myself be happy even if it IS by myself. Why all this discontent? Maybe I'm a bit too needy, maybe I'm a bit too stupid! :(
          jazakaAllahu kheyran. Your advice was also priceless.

          @DoH: I'm a brother. And I won't 'insult' you this time. I just can't believe most of your views.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Is it acceptable to 'give-up'?

            Originally posted by ,, -alwaysbeme! View Post
            Salaam.

            @AQ: JazakaAllahu kheyran.
            Your advice helped a lot.
            Much needed advices and reminders, I need as many as I can get.
            I don't know, I don't even get what is driving this longing for companionship. It seems a cycle, like whenever I start to be okay with myself I feel a need for someone to share my life. Like tonight is a Sunday night, I have 15 people over. :S
            I just hate the lonliness, but even with the friends, there's no specialness to this. It's so superficial and i'm just not having a good time...

            @Reptile: I think I am a bit depressed. It's bad, I mean I feel I know the solution but I'm scared it would be unfair to bring a woman into my life in my current state.
            It's like a vicious cycle, I'm unhappy cos i feel alone, and I'm reminded of how alone I am through my unhappiness. Ya Allah! I know it sounds so silly...I just wanna break this goofy reality and let myself be happy even if it IS by myself. Why all this discontent? Maybe I'm a bit too needy, maybe I'm a bit too stupid! :(
            jazakaAllahu kheyran. Your advice was also priceless.

            @DoH: I'm a brother. And I won't 'insult' you this time. I just can't believe most of your views.

            I saw this happen with a close relative, and eventually they found an awesome wife, so insha'allah that will come your way,

            someone posted this once, and I love reading it when I feel down:

            If Allah wants good for a person.. He inflicts him with trials... If He loves you, He inflicts you with trials.. because a Muslim turns to Allah in His trial.. He makes dua and Allah SWT accepts the dua of Muslim in distress.. It makes you stronger.. and nothing changes qadr except dua.

            Its perfectly normal to want that companion in your life, we not supposed to be alone. The ease will come I assure you, and you will look back and wonder why you ever felt that way and this will be a distant memory. You are not alone you have Allah, and I guarantee you this nothing on this planet will give you the same satisfaction and fulfillment then Allah, you haven't been abandoned you just can't see or understand whats waiting for you.

            Try to talk to your family and friends find someone you trust and open up, do not harbour these feelings and put on this mask, express them, that person will be a source of comfort for you and you will feel better and it will be easier to cope.
            By the morning brightness and by the night when it grows still, your Lord has not forsaken you [Prophet], nor does He hate you, and the future will be better for you than the past; your Lord is sure to give you so much that you will be well satisfied.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Is it acceptable to 'give-up'?

              Have you considered going to a doctor and getting antidepressants? You should worry about your health first before you think of marriage.

              Just my two cents.

              Good Luck

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Is it acceptable to 'give-up'?

                Originally posted by ,, -alwaysbeme! View Post
                Salaam.

                @AQ: JazakaAllahu kheyran.
                Your advice helped a lot.
                Much needed advices and reminders, I need as many as I can get.
                I don't know, I don't even get what is driving this longing for companionship. It seems a cycle, like whenever I start to be okay with myself I feel a need for someone to share my life. Like tonight is a Sunday night, I have 15 people over. :S
                I just hate the lonliness, but even with the friends, there's no specialness to this. It's so superficial and i'm just not having a good time...

                @Reptile: I think I am a bit depressed. It's bad, I mean I feel I know the solution but I'm scared it would be unfair to bring a woman into my life in my current state.
                It's like a vicious cycle, I'm unhappy cos i feel alone, and I'm reminded of how alone I am through my unhappiness. Ya Allah! I know it sounds so silly...I just wanna break this goofy reality and let myself be happy even if it IS by myself. Why all this discontent? Maybe I'm a bit too needy, maybe I'm a bit too stupid! :(
                jazakaAllahu kheyran. Your advice was also priceless.

                @DoH: I'm a brother. And I won't 'insult' you this time. I just can't believe most of your views.
                Its easy to get married today.. girls are willing to marry, because of the high number of increasing women population..

                There is alot of women out there.. You can make it happen

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Is it acceptable to 'give-up'?

                  I saw this happen with a close relative, and eventually they found an awesome wife, so insha'allah that will come your way,
                  Kheyr inshaAllah.
                  Alhamdulillah!
                  May Allah swt grant them very happy and prosperous lives together. Ameen.
                  someone posted this once, and I love reading it when I feel down:

                  If Allah wants good for a person.. He inflicts him with trials... If He loves you, He inflicts you with trials.. because a Muslim turns to Allah in His trial.. He makes dua and Allah SWT accepts the dua of Muslim in distress.. It makes you stronger.. and nothing changes qadr except dua.
                  JazakaAllahu kheyr for sharing that.
                  I'm writing it down and keeping it by my bed. :)
                  Its perfectly normal to want that companion in your life, we not supposed to be alone. The ease will come I assure you, and you will look back and wonder why you ever felt that way and this will be a distant memory. You are not alone you have Allah, and I guarantee you this nothing on this planet will give you the same satisfaction and fulfillment then Allah, you haven't been abandoned you just can't see or understand whats waiting for you.
                  InshaAllah.
                  May Allah grant us all what's best when it's due. Ameen.
                  Try to talk to your family and friends find someone you trust and open up, do not harbour these feelings and put on this mask, express them, that person will be a source of comfort for you and you will feel better and it will be easier to cope.
                  I do talk to my family.
                  My parents just tell me if I wasn't Muslim I'd have a nice girlfriend and try to encourage me to date. That, or accuse me of being jealous of what my siblings have.
                  My friends will tell me I have them, which is correct, and great and all. But clearly I'm in need of something more than that right now. (that's my non-Muslim friends. I've been over my Muslim friends comments on this forum before...They just confuse me.)
                  Have you considered going to a doctor and getting antidepressants? You should worry about your health first before you think of marriage.

                  Just my two cents.

                  Good Luck
                  JazakaAllahu kheyran.
                  I have, but I am VERY aware of the effects of anti-depressants...Also, how one becomes reliant on them. I've seen it. It's a dark path, even on them.
                  Any road devoid of drugs is the better one.
                  They should ONLY EVER be a last resort.
                  Its easy to get married today.. girls are willing to marry, because of the high number of increasing women population..

                  There is alot of women out there.. You can make it happen
                  Oh wow. So very reassuring, and insightful as always DoH. *Yawn*
                  Did you not get the part where I'm not one of those guys who is gonna take the first girl who will 'go for it'?
                  I may be my own worst enemy in saying this, but I want someone with a love for Allah swt, respect for what marriage is, and someone I share a mutual love with.
                  Or is that asking too much?

                  Companionship isn't as simple as just anyone being there, it has to be someone special, that you feel was taylor made for you (and visa versa). Because, well, they were. Alhamdulillah.

                  I just don't understand how at 21 I'm already having this crisis, where I hate the thought of never marrying...And it already feels to be going that way.
                  Last edited by ,, -alwaysbeme!; 13-06-10, 06:33 PM.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Is it acceptable to 'give-up'?

                    Bismillahi Ar Rahmani Ar Rahim - In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious and the Most Merciful

                    Originally posted by ,, -alwaysbeme! View Post
                    Salaam
                    I've never been one to do so, so I don't get it.
                    What is appropriate when you just feel sick of it all?
                    You've taken all advice you've been given and nothing changes, you feel like the problems you were trying to solve for the sake of Allah, and your own well-being are just becoming too much to bear. Like there's some kind of wall!

                    How can someone with their heart set on finding their life partner, and practical readiness just flick the switch off, so to speak?
                    How can he/she just ignore what they feel and push on with life and focus on other beneficial things that are maybe a tad more realistic for them?
                    How can coming home from work to an empty house every evening stop feeling so empty?

                    I'm sorry I'm at it again, I'm just exhausted with it all. The depression and lonliness are just getting worse and worse.
                    I keep telling myself to stop trying, if something is meant to happen then inshAllah it will happen, yet I know a condition upon trusting in Allah is to put in the elbow grease yourself... Does that mean my thoughts are fruitless?

                    It's not normal to feel like a failure, or a loner. Why do I? I know I'm young, so I just don't get why this has hit me so early and stuck around - I feel alone in that boat too.

                    And this is the apology I owe you all! :)
                    Wa Alaykumusalam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu Akhi!!

                    I hope that you and all my other dear sisters and brothers in Islam are doing great!
                    I pray for Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) to keep you all in the highest state of emaan and feel the sweetness of true emaan in your hearts and may you all be kept in the best state of health, Ameen!

                    Akhi, believe it or not, I truly commend your patience you had so far, MashaAllah. I pray for Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) to reward you with the best rewards in this life and in the Hereafter for your sincerity and patience and obedience to Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa), Ameen!
                    Patience is one important character a Muslim has. Many people lack of patience and they tend to fall off a cliff. But you, haven't fell of that cliff yet, and InshaAllah, you never will. You have Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) by your side. He (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) is the biggest source of strength and May He love you and grant you sabr till the day you are ready to share the rest of your life with a pious Muslimah who will cherish the home for you and never make you feel alone, but make you feel happy and feel in a world full of Allah's (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa)Don't make things difficult on yourself, stand on your feet, feel the strength and be patient! Don't hurry things up, if you hurry things up then things will go wrong. May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) forbid things to go wrong, Ameen! But, kteep your trust in Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa), for He (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) knows best when you are ready to get married. There might be a purpose of why you have to wait so long.
                    My sincere and humble advice to you Akhi, is to see and look at all this as another way of strengthening your emaan and to strenghten your soul and to hold on to the rope and to not give up!

                    Giving up, is that a character of a Muslim? Does a Muslim give up or does a Muslim keep on looking straight and rely theirselves on their Lord?

                    Look at this a test from Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa)!
                    "Allah might test what is in your breasts; and to purify that which was in your hearts (sins), and Allah is All-Knower of what is in (your) breasts." [The Qur'an; Chapter 3 (Al Imran - The Family of Imran) : Verse 154]

                    Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) knows what is in your heart, He knows you much better than what you know yourself. Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) also knows your future, so keep your trust in Him and don't lose hope! "And to your Lord (Alone) turn (all your) intentions and hopes." [The Qur'an; Chapter 94 (Ash Sharh - The Opening Forth) : Verse 8]

                    Don't think too much, keep yourself busy with something. Be active and do exercises, it will have an affect on the mood. Also try to be with your Muslim brothers or go to the Masjid or why not read the Qur'an and learn a few more Surah or why not take the opportunity to go to learn more about Islam or the Seerah of RasulAllah (Sallalahu Alayhi Wa Salam). Keep yourself busy, but in the meantime have patience and turn yourself to your Lord and make du'a, "and put your trust in Allah, and Sufficient is Allah as Wakil (Trustee or Disposer of affairs)." [The Qur'an; Chapter 33 (Al Ahzab - The Confederates) : Verse 3]

                    My sincere advice is to make the Qur'an as your partner, as your bestfriend. Refresh your heart and your mind, Enlighten your heart and your soul, feel the Harmony and tranquility in your heart and soul, and feel the peace in your mind when reading and listening to the Noble Qur'an. Let it be a means to heal your heart, the emptiness you feel. Connecting to the Noble Qur'an means connecting to Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa).

                    My Akhi, this life is nothing. Time passes by like a snapshot. As "Reptile" posted; you haven't been abandoned, you just can't see or understand whats waiting for you, there will be a time you will look back and wonder why you ever felt that way and this will be a distant memory.
                    If we remember that our life is short and temporary, and that the everlasting life is in the Hereafter, this will put our worries in perspective. This belief, that this life is nothing compared to the life in the Hereafter, reminds us that whatever difficulties, trials, anxieties, and grief we suffer in this world are, InshaAllah, something we will only experience for a short period of time. And more importantly, if we handle these tests with patience, Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) will reward us with Khair for it.

                    Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) Tells us in the Noble Qur'an to "Seek help in patience and As Salat (the prayers)" [The Qur'an; Chapter 2 (Al Baqarah - The Cow) : Verse 45].
                    Sabr (patience), does not only include being patient, but it also includes self-control, perseverance, endurance, and a focussed struggle to achieve one's goal. Being patient gives us control in situations where we feel we have little or no control. You can control your reaction to your circumstances and through patience your control will be stronger, but truly we cannot control what happens to us and to our surrounding, only our reaction can we control. It is only Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) Who controls everything.

                    Try to be in Sajdah (prostration) for a long time, during which you are closest to Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa). Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) listens and already knows what is in your heart, but He wants you to ask Him for what you want. Du'a is the essence of worship and it is quoted in Tirmidhi that the beloved Prophet Muhammad (Sallalahu Alayhi Wa Salam) advised us to ask Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) for exactly what we want instead of making vague wishes.
                    A good advice would be to turn each worry and depression, into du'a and each du'a into an action plan. That will show your commitment to your request and will focus your energy in the right direction, InshaAllah. We must work, we must take action to alleviate the hardships we face.

                    "Truly in the heart there is a void that can not be removed except with the company of Allah. And in it there is a sadness that can not be removed except with the happiness of knowing Allah and being true to Him. And in it there is an emptiness that can not be filled except with love for Him and by turning to Him and always remembering Him. And if a person were given all of the world and what is in it, it would not fill this emptiness." - by Ibn Qayyim al Jawziyya

                    Whenever you feel down, or you feel lonely, do Zikr. Remember Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'laa).
                    This is another advice from me to you Akhi, to keep Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) in rememberance frequently as He Tells us in the Noble Qur'an;
                    "Verily, in the rememberance of Allah (dhikr) do hearts find tranquility." [Chapter 13 (Ar Ra'd - The Thunder) : Verse 28]
                    "Remember Me, and I shall remember you; be grateful to Me, and deny Me not" [Chapter 2 (Al Baqarah - The Cow) : Verse 152].

                    The Beloved Prophet Muhammad (Sallalahu Alayhi Wa Salam) would find rest and relief (Nasai). He would also regularly ask for Allah's (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) forgiveness and remain in prostration during prayer praising Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) [Tasbeeh] and asking for His forgiveness [Bukhari].

                    The Prophet (Sallalahu Alayhi Wa Salam) said; "The example of the one who remembers (glorifies the Praises of) his Lord (Allah), in comparison to the one who does not remember (glorify the Praises of) his Lord, is that of a living creature compared to a dead one." [Sahih Al Bukhari; Vol. 1 : No. 46]

                    Remember Akhi, don't make things difficult on yourself. Don't think of things as hard and as huge as a mountain. Shaytan takes advantage of those situations, 'Aodhobillah.
                    Do things step by step, if you make a big change all of a sudden, then everything will seem very tough and hard. Make du'a and act upon what you want. InshaAllah, it will turn out with Khair and Barakah from Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa). Our success depends on our sincere efforts to the best of our abilities, by the Help and Will of Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa).

                    May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) grant you what is best for you and your future and for your emaan and for the good results in the Hereafter, and May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa)(Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa), but anything bad and wrong I have said is from myself and my misdeeds. May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) forgive our sins and misdeeds and make us enabled to do more good deeds in order to please Him more, Ameen!

                    And remember; 'Amr bil Ma'ruf Wa Nahi anil Munkar! (Command the good and forbid the evil!) - So, Dear Sisters and Brothers - Correct me if I ever do a mistake or say something wrong! InshaAllah, Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) will reward us all with Barakah and Khair in our lives for our good intentions and striving towards spreading the light of Islam and correcting the mistakes of each other!
                    -------------------
                    Last edited by Ukhti S.; 13-06-10, 07:37 PM.
                    Allah is my Support, the Qur'an and Sunnah is my Guide and Paradise is my Goal!

                    You are the servant, He is the Master.
                    Prayers come from you, answers come from Him.
                    Abstinence comes from you, protection comes from Him.
                    Repentance comes from you, acceptance comes from Him.
                    Go towards him walking, He will come to you running.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Is it acceptable to 'give-up'?

                      Originally posted by ,, -alwaysbeme! View Post
                      Salaam.

                      @AQ: JazakaAllahu kheyran.
                      Your advice helped a lot.
                      Much needed advices and reminders, I need as many as I can get.
                      I don't know, I don't even get what is driving this longing for companionship. It seems a cycle, like whenever I start to be okay with myself I feel a need for someone to share my life. Like tonight is a Sunday night, I have 15 people over. :S
                      I just hate the lonliness, but even with the friends, there's no specialness to this. It's so superficial and i'm just not having a good time...

                      @Reptile: I think I am a bit depressed. It's bad, I mean I feel I know the solution but I'm scared it would be unfair to bring a woman into my life in my current state.
                      It's like a vicious cycle, I'm unhappy cos i feel alone, and I'm reminded of how alone I am through my unhappiness. Ya Allah! I know it sounds so silly...I just wanna break this goofy reality and let myself be happy even if it IS by myself. Why all this discontent? Maybe I'm a bit too needy, maybe I'm a bit too stupid! :(
                      jazakaAllahu kheyran. Your advice was also priceless.

                      @DoH: I'm a brother. And I won't 'insult' you this time. I just can't believe most of your views.
                      salam aleikum. I have a pretty good idea of what you are going through, I think.
                      I live by myself-I was living at home with my mom and sister since I was born up until almost a year ago. It was really shocking living on my own (something I did not actually choose, but happened) and loneliness can wear you down and make you depressed most definitely.
                      I wanted to get married when I was living with my family but now more so than ever I want to get married to share my life with someone. I have been trying to get married for quite some time now, and it is not easy (The whole process) so I ask Allah give me, you, and all single muslims patience and helps up with our loneliness.

                      I can understand how you feel lonely when around friends.

                      I used to put weird deadlines on myself-like if I don't get married by age 25, then that'll be a catastrophe. I do honestly pray I get married before 30 because I would like to have many kids insha Allah, but Allah does what he wills so if he wills for me to get married past 30, then so it will be. Whatever Allah does (including what he wills)-there is hikmah(wisdom) behind that, such infinite wisdom. So insha Allah, it will work out, pray to Allah to help you-I am dealing with similar feelings myself. Have you thought about talking to a psychologist about depression?
                      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2o7d8e6Ovbs
                      黒い涙 流す
                      私には何もなくて 悲しすぎて
                      言葉にさえならなくて

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Is it acceptable to 'give-up'?

                        Do not take medication, see a counsellor if need be, I would never suggest taking drugs, you are only 21 subhanallah you are so young there are so many people that are far older and struggling, I can see you live in australia, do some travelling you have great scenery there distract yourself.
                        Did you in the past have any kind of difficult relationship in the past, for you to feel this need?
                        By the morning brightness and by the night when it grows still, your Lord has not forsaken you [Prophet], nor does He hate you, and the future will be better for you than the past; your Lord is sure to give you so much that you will be well satisfied.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Is it acceptable to 'give-up'?

                          You don't have to give up anything, but I think you'd really benefit from a 'break'. The danger is that if you keep looking during a time when you keep getting setback after setback, the frustration leads to cynicism and the cynicism is not healthy.

                          I know my sister went through a lot of frustration during her marriage search and it was doing her head in. She came to the conclusion that when you feel like you're going in circles and not getting anywhere with it, it's better to spend some time just working on yourself, the religious aspect of your life, your work life, your social life etc so that you find some fulfilment in life that doesn't have to include being with somebody. This in turn helps increase your self confidence that things can work out inshallah and then after several months or a year or however long you need, you're ready to return to the scene with a fresh pair of eyes and more confidence.
                          The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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                          • #14
                            Re: Is it acceptable to 'give-up'?

                            Brother, have you done any of the things I suggested in an earlier post.. the offers are still there and so are the avenues to look I suggested to you?
                            .The Prophet sal Allahu alaiyhi wa sallam said, “I guarantee a house in Jannah for one who gives up arguing, even if he is in the right; and I guarantee a home in the middle of Jannah for one who abandons lying even for the sake of fun; and I guarantee a house in the highest part of Jannah for one who has good manners.”
                            http://jameelah61.wordpress.com/

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                            • #15
                              Re: Is it acceptable to 'give-up'?

                              :salams

                              Its not about giving up, but focus on other things. I mean look at other things you could do. For example, memorising Quran, gaining more knowledge and another thing i just realised. PARENTS. If you aren't married yet then focus on your parents walahi! Make them happy, adjust your days/duties/time/energy to focus on pleasing and looking after them until you go. Plus it will give you sense of responsibility and practise insha'Allah for marriage.

                              PARENTS PARENTS PARENTS and just because you aren't yet married don't give up, keep patient but don't make it the be all or end all. An for the meantime focus on your parents.

                              Hope thats helped because its something which recently came to mind.
                              (The hypocrites) will call the believers: "Were we not with you?" The believers will reply: "Yes! But you led yourselves into temptations, you looked forward for our destruction; you doubted (in Faith); and you were deceived by false desires, till the Command of Allah came to pass. And the chief deceiver (Satan) deceived you in respect of Allah."57:14

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