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    I dont think my husband loves me

    There is really no love in our marriage and it is only a month old.
    i say he dosent love me because there is no intimacy there, he does not hold my hand or me, we do not kiss, he doesnt not let me touch him, he dosent compliment when i make my self pretty for him, nor does he blink an eye when i say i love him. I work all day and when i come home i just need a hug. He does not even do that. Once i told him he should hug me everyday because each day is not promised and we shouldnt live our live with regret saying when he/she was here i wish i would have...
    Unfortunately im not happy with the decision i have made and i can only think that if it has started this way then surly we will not last. I cry atleast twice a week be cause of what i am missing. I cried today for most of my lunch thinkin of the way we were when we first got married but i guess the thrill is gone.
    Am i the only one who has experienced this?

    Someone please help.

    #2
    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    its only a month! i presume you did not know him before? Its hard to snap into love when you didn't know the person beforehand.

    Make Du'a, thats the greatest solution.
    وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

    And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


    أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

    Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


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      #3
      Re: I dont think my husband loves me

      No we have known each other for 3yrs and have expressed our feelings outwardly before. that is not the case.

      Comment


        #4
        Re: I dont think my husband loves me

        salaam sis
        wouldn;t say the thrill has come to an end..
        like u mentioned it has only been a month into your marriage..
        im not too sure what to say really.. but make lots of dua and speak to him about how u r feeling..
        maybe once u open up to him it might make things better..

        i shall pray for u sis..

        try not to think negative.. think positive.. there is always someone out there in the world who is in a worse situation than u are sis.. i know of someone who has been married for nearly 6years and she hasnt been very close with her husband.. i have never seen them together.. and the community love to gossip words gets out.. but she stil hasnt left him.. she is stil trying to make an effort.. everytime i have seen or spoken to her she has such a big smile on her face and is always happy..

        inshAllah it will work out for you sis.. jus make lots of dua's..
        Narrated Abu Musa: Some people asked Allah's Apostle, "Whose Islam is the best? i.e. (Who is a very good Muslim)?" He replied, "One who avoids harming the Muslims with his tongue and hands." (Book #2, Hadith #10)

        Comment


          #5
          Re: I dont think my husband loves me

          Originally posted by Khamilah View Post
          No we have known each other for 3yrs and have expressed our feelings outwardly before. that is not the case.
          somethin maybe bothering him?

          Comment


            #6
            Re: I dont think my husband loves me

            Think to yourself what was there a few weeks ago but isn't there now and what caused it? You said the beginning was good..and it's only been a month. So it can't be too late to get it back to how it used to be. May Allah make your husband more affectionate towards you.. I guess some men are just like that and you gotta work a little harder to get them to open up? I don't think it's because he doesn't love you. Some ppl just express a bit different.
            May we reach daruSalaam by His, and only His Decree
            I would die for the cause if I knew only to what degree
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              #7
              Re: I dont think my husband loves me

              Originally posted by sunni_ninja View Post
              salaam sis
              wouldn;t say the thrill has come to an end..
              like u mentioned it has only been a month into your marriage..
              im not too sure what to say really..

              but make lots of dua

              and speak to him about how u r feeling..



              maybe once u open up to him it might make things better..


              i shall pray for u sis..


              try not to think negative.. think positive.. there is always someone out there in the world who is in a worse situation than u are sis.. i know of someone who has been married for nearly 6years and she hasnt been very close with her husband.. i have never seen them together.. and the community love to gossip words gets out.. but she stil hasnt left him.. she is stil trying to make an effort.. everytime i have seen or spoken to her she has such a big smile on her face and is always happy..

              inshAllah it will work out for you sis.. jus make lots of dua's..

              but make lots of dua
              I make dua every salah and after Isha

              and speak to him about how u r feeling..

              when i tell him he just laughs makes a joke about it and moves on theres no change.




              i shall pray for u sis..
              thank you please keep me in your dua

              Comment


                #8
                Re: I dont think my husband loves me

                Asalam alaikum Sis,
                I remember how excited you were to get married! Mashallah!
                Pray and make dua, and inshallah things will improve.
                Inshallah your hubby really loves you and talking to him gently and letting him know your feelings, maybe he is not sure how to be exactly being a new hubby.
                Marriage has so many ups and Downs, and keeping communication open is key.
                may Allah swt bless and strengthen your marriage always :)

                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: I dont think my husband loves me

                  show your concern for his feelings to open lines of communication so he can tell you whats bothering him.
                  Screaming, But Will Never Be Heard

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

                    Originally posted by Khamilah View Post
                    There is really no love in our marriage and it is only a month old.
                    i say he dosent love me because there is no intimacy there, he does not hold my hand or me, we do not kiss, he doesnt not let me touch him, he dosent compliment when i make my self pretty for him, nor does he blink an eye when i say i love him. I work all day and when i come home i just need a hug. He does not even do that. Once i told him he should hug me everyday because each day is not promised and we shouldnt live our live with regret saying when he/she was here i wish i would have...
                    Unfortunately im not happy with the decision i have made and i can only think that if it has started this way then surly we will not last. I cry atleast twice a week be cause of what i am missing. I cried today for most of my lunch thinkin of the way we were when we first got married but i guess the thrill is gone.
                    Am i the only one who has experienced this?

                    Someone please help.
                    Sister,

                    You should realise that everyone's expression of Love is different and there is no one size fits all method. You need to address the issue on two fronts:

                    a) Continue to communicate and open up to him and make him understand that you would like for him to act in a certain manner

                    b) Realise that maybe his showing his Care towards you in a different manner

                    Moreover, there may be another factor which may be on his mind and which may be bugging him so continue to communicate and let him open up to you and actually state what the problem is.
                    In order to solve a problem, you need to know the problem so investigate and find out.

                    And above all make dua instead of crying. Crying doesn’t help but making dua does.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: I dont think my husband loves me

                      Like others said it has only been a month, give it some time and maybe don't push it (i.e. keep talking about it) and allow for things to improve and develop naturally and if that doesn't work then discuss it further. Insha'allah after hardship will come ease for you.
                      “The real prisoner is someone whose heart is imprisoned from his Lord; the true captive is someone captured by his passions.” (Ibn Taymiyyah)
                      www.cage.ngo
                      www.hhugs.org.uk

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: I dont think my husband loves me

                        Originally posted by Khamilah View Post
                        There is really no love in our marriage and it is only a month old.
                        i say he dosent love me because there is no intimacy there, he does not hold my hand or me, we do not kiss, he doesnt not let me touch him, he dosent compliment when i make my self pretty for him, nor does he blink an eye when i say i love him. I work all day and when i come home i just need a hug. He does not even do that. Once i told him he should hug me everyday because each day is not promised and we shouldnt live our live with regret saying when he/she was here i wish i would have...
                        Unfortunately im not happy with the decision i have made and i can only think that if it has started this way then surly we will not last. I cry atleast twice a week be cause of what i am missing. I cried today for most of my lunch thinkin of the way we were when we first got married but i guess the thrill is gone.
                        Am i the only one who has experienced this?

                        Someone please help.
                        It seems to me that you are missing the emotional (sexual) intimacy with him....

                        Either he is too shy or too ignorant about the importance of this kind of intimacy between couples..Sometimes it can be a deal breaker...*actually most of the times to be logical*...something he doesn't realize yet.....

                        when you say you work ALL day..? this could be a problem too..cuz he might getting himself used to the fact that you don't have time for him....I don't wanna scare you away since the marriage is 1 month old but you gotta figure out what is his problem? Is he too shy..if so then DO NOT talk to him about it… you comfort his feelings till he is ready to express his feelings with a complete confidence….
                        If he is an ignorant who has no backgrounds about the importance of emotional intimacy between the couple…then you HAVE TO talk to him about it…you could send him some links from the net….you can buy him some books on these topics as birthday present, or Eid present..etc what you need to consider here is to not hurt his feelings as he might understand that you are calling him *stupid* for not knowing these kind of things….

                        The third case *which is a bit shaky* and which I think is the problem…. That this guy thinks that going too soft or going into that road could affect his status as a good Muslim… in this case you need also to talk to him but the discussion at the end needs to be estimated or judged by a scholar *as he will prove you right* and the good hubby will be convinced that this is something right to do…

                        Last but not least… this issue has NOTHING to do with whether he loves you or not? DO NOT go down that road or you will have LOADS of troubles… if he didn’t love you he wouldn't accept marrying you from the first place…and if you didn’t find him the right one…you wouldn't accept him too….
                        These sort of problems are always happening between couples, and the only way to get them sorted out is by the wisdom of either the wife or the husband..*depends on the situation*…


                        I hope that helps…

                        Peace…:)

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: I dont think my husband loves me

                          Salam alaikum sis
                          give it some time...it's only been a month! maybe it's just taking him that bit longer to settle into married life, just keep making dua that the affection starts to appear.
                          sis, i can undertand that this is upsetting you but to be blunt...there are worse things that could happen in a marriage. if he is treating you well and things are fine otherwise then just hang in there and perservere for now. :love:

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: I dont think my husband loves me

                            Sister, you mentioned that you work. Does he work as well or are you the sole bread-winner? If that is the case then he may be feeling inadequate, unable to fulfil his role as a man and a husband and thus manifesting itself as no desire for intimacy.

                            If that isn't the case then, well, ignore me.
                            What can my enemies possibly do to me? My paradise is in my heart; wherever I go it goes with me, inseparable from me. For me, prison is a place of retreat; execution is my opportunity for martyrdom; and exile from my town is but a chance to travel - Ibn Taymiyyah

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Re: I dont think my husband loves me

                              Force yourself on him. Wildly.
                              "Closer and closer to mankind comes their Reckoning: yet they heed not and they turn away" (21:1)

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