Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Monogamy is also a sunnah

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #46
    Re: Monogamy is also a sunnah

    Originally posted by hamza89 View Post
    ok wait let me reprase your question , would you marry daughter to brother who did not practice i doubt it
    :start:
    You should ask this question to the sisters against polygamy. There is a difference between only practicing and 100% practicing.
    Whosoever dies without participating in an expedition (Jihad) nor having the intention to do so, dies on a branch of hypocrisy.(Sahih Muslim)

    Comment


    • #47
      Re: Monogamy is also a sunnah

      Originally posted by AbuHaneefah View Post
      How can you say that being single is Sunnah when the Prophet (saw) advised very strongly many times for people to get married?
      He married Kadhija(pbuh) at a late age and then again he didn't just rush out and start advertising that he wanted another wife after Kadhija(pbuh) had died.
      I took the road less traveled...where the heck am I? :scratch:

      Comment


      • #48
        Re: Monogamy is also a sunnah

        Originally posted by advghori View Post
        :start:
        You should ask this question to the sisters against polygamy. There is a difference between only practicing and 100% practicing.

        100% Practising? I don't think any one is that.maybe only rasul s.a.w was that.........the rest of us have faults here and there, likewise there are no 100% sisters...we are all trying.

        So sisters, as long as a brother is practising to the bes of his ability,and does things for the sake of Allah, give him a break..................

        And if someone marries a 2nd 3rd even 4th wife as long as he's fair...........Mashallah.

        [Alhamdulillahi rabbil3aalamyin

        Comment


        • #49
          Re: Monogamy is also a sunnah

          Originally posted by hamza89 View Post
          polygamy is too hard cost too much and only top 5% of men can handle it . If you want to know whether you can handle polygamy can you handle 4 woman shouting at you at the same time . My dad was married to 4 wives but he hand the finances and the mindpower to handle it
          good advice mashaAllah :up: My husband has two wives mashaAllah, and he's not doing too bad a job of dealing with it mashaAllah, but I think it's a lot more difficult than he thought, and that's with me (wife no 1) being supportive of his decision.

          I'd change the advice to can you handle it if one of your wives is shouting at you, another is texting you saying she's really really upset and wants to talk to you RIGHT NOW, another is calling you saying she thinks she's in labour and the fourth is in the mall using your credit card :D - and all four have left you in charge of the kids. They have five kids each, and they are currently playing football in the living room.

          It makes me laugh so much all these single guys saying stuff like "I want x wives because it's my right to have them" - rights and responsibilities go together, my advice to single brothers is try to get it right with one wife first, and still have lots of cash and energy to spare, before you even think about another one.
          [CENTER]
          [/CENTER]
          [CENTER]
          [/CENTER]

          [SIZE=1][COLOR=dimgray]
          [/COLOR][/SIZE]

          Comment


          • #50
            Re: Monogamy is also a sunnah

            Originally posted by dhakiyya View Post
            good advice mashaAllah :up: My husband has two wives mashaAllah, and he's not doing too bad a job of dealing with it mashaAllah, but I think it's a lot more difficult than he thought, and that's with me (wife no 1) being supportive of his decision.

            I'd change the advice to can you handle it if one of your wives is shouting at you, another is texting you saying she's really really upset and wants to talk to you RIGHT NOW, another is calling you saying she thinks she's in labour and the fourth is in the mall using your credit card :D - and all four have left you in charge of the kids. They have five kids each, and they are currently playing football in the living room.

            It makes me laugh so much all these single guys saying stuff like "I want x wives because it's my right to have them" - rights and responsibilities go together, my advice to single brothers is try to get it right with one wife first, and still have lots of cash and energy to spare, before you even think about another one.

            subhanAllah, im not one of those brothers that am for polygamy, but i give it the credit it deserves. As ive stated before, to the other sister you have to be just to your wives. But all we go on about is money money and money. One min we are saying we all want to try to be like the sahaba, and they had 2-3 wives while they could barely feed themselves, and now a brother whos on a decent wage cant marry and hes living a luxorious life...?


            this is not the problem of polygamy or the brothers who want 3 wives. Its the problem of us muslims. we are living for this dunya. How can you say its very hard for him... if it becomes hard on a man, its either that he aint fit for it, or his wives really need some clampin down on. The sisters ask for way to much these days, and thus why its always about finance. TBH that should be the last thing on the list. It should be , will the the brother be able to be just in other sectors like, time, effort, kids etc ... not money... if money is the problem for a brother earning 50k, then his wives are way to high maintenance ( if he is spending on them ofc)... simple thing is, marry 2 buy 2 small flats( no where in sunnah does it say the sister needs 5 bedroom house or a holiday every year, so if they demand it, then simple answer NO ! if cash is the problem )

            Polygamy aint hard, but its us who make it hard. If you look at all the negative comments, you will realise its not the problem with polygamy , but the individuals involved. one wife moaning and the other saying this, the husband doing this and not being able to do this....

            ofc you will have probs, but you gots to even it up.... a test it is, a test that is passable, if all people negotaite rather than thinkin me me me all the time and thinkin, its a sunnah and its helping the society.

            Comment


            • #51
              Re: Monogamy is also a sunnah

              Originally posted by QMU View Post
              subhanAllah, im not one of those brothers that am for polygamy, but i give it the credit it deserves. As ive stated before, to the other sister you have to be just to your wives. But all we go on about is money money and money. One min we are saying we all want to try to be like the sahaba, and they had 2-3 wives while they could barely feed themselves, and now a brother whos on a decent wage cant marry and hes living a luxorious life...?


              this is not the problem of polygamy or the brothers who want 3 wives. Its the problem of us muslims. we are living for this dunya. How can you say its very hard for him... if it becomes hard on a man, its either that he aint fit for it, or his wives really need some clampin down on. The sisters ask for way to much these days, and thus why its always about finance. TBH that should be the last thing on the list. It should be , will the the brother be able to be just in other sectors like, time, effort, kids etc ... not money... if money is the problem for a brother earning 50k, then his wives are way to high maintenance ( if he is spending on them ofc)... simple thing is, marry 2 buy 2 small flats( no where in sunnah does it say the sister needs 5 bedroom house or a holiday every year, so if they demand it, then simple answer NO ! if cash is the problem )

              Polygamy aint hard, but its us who make it hard. If you look at all the negative comments, you will realise its not the problem with polygamy , but the individuals involved. one wife moaning and the other saying this, the husband doing this and not being able to do this....

              ofc you will have probs, but you gots to even it up.... a test it is, a test that is passable, if all people negotaite rather than thinkin me me me all the time and thinkin, its a sunnah and its helping the society.
              Can i give you like 1000 points for writing such a good thing? Masha'Allah..

              Yes, its all about dunia. Its not a movie or something. Its not like one wife is messaging you the other is in labor and this and that. If one is in labor then all the other wives know it, they should behave themselves. Dont they have any akhlaq?

              Why bring such expensive women? Such an expensive woman who has money in her head all the time, even if she is one and only wife she would create problems for the husband.

              GO to a poor country like pakistan or afghanistan and get four wives. No one is telling you to bring half-deeni wives from england who would rob you off. Who would ruin your deen and dunia both all in the name of their rights!

              Comment


              • #52
                Re: Monogamy is also a sunnah

                Originally posted by talib_27 View Post
                GO to a poor country like pakistan or afghanistan and get four wives. No one is telling you to bring half-deeni wives from england who would rob you off. Who would ruin your deen and dunia both all in the name of their rights!
                how about just having one wonderful wife and live a happy life?

                Comment


                • #53
                  Re: Monogamy is also a sunnah

                  Originally posted by Dantae View Post
                  how about just having one wonderful wife and live a happy life?
                  Yes if i wasnt a muslim (god forbid) then i would be happy to have one wonderful wife and live a happy life while all the widows and divorced women could go to hell as long as i wouldve cared.

                  But alhamdulillah im a muslim and My prophet said that muslims are like one body, if the head aches the whole body aches and if the eye aches the whole body aches...
                  Last edited by talib_27; 12-12-09, 10:51 PM.

                  Comment


                  • #54
                    Re: Monogamy is also a sunnah

                    Originally posted by QMU View Post
                    this is not the problem of polygamy or the brothers who want 3 wives. Its the problem of us muslims. we are living for this dunya. How can you say its very hard for him... if it becomes hard on a man, its either that he aint fit for it, or his wives really need some clampin down on.
                    It's not about money, but about providing emotional support for your wives. If a man finds that easy, then he's doing it wrong! It's easy to marry four women and neglect them or treat them badly. But you're not allowed to do that, are you? "the best of you is the kindest to his wives" - if you don't treat your wives fairly you'll be raised up on judgement day with half your body paralysed.

                    The sisters ask for way to much these days, and thus why its always about finance. TBH that should be the last thing on the list. It should be , will the the brother be able to be just in other sectors like, time, effort, kids etc ... not money... if money is the problem for a brother earning 50k, then his wives are way to high maintenance ( if he is spending on them ofc)... simple thing is, marry 2 buy 2 small flats( no where in sunnah does it say the sister needs 5 bedroom house or a holiday every year, so if they demand it, then simple answer NO ! if cash is the problem )
                    Most men can't afford two small flats! If you live in the UK and are not entitled to loads of benefits, you can barely afford one small flat. The cost of living is very high these days, and a lot of men struggle to support one family, and thats just in terms of basic necessities.

                    Also I don't like your insinuations about the demands of women in polygamous marriages I most certainly DON'T demand all that stuff from my husband and neither does my co-wife!!!!!! We dont' demand any more than what Allah has said is our right. (in fact in some ways we don't even demand that....)

                    The stuff that is hard is actually being just between two women. Any man who takes the emotional wellbeing of his wives seriously will find that hard...... any man who doesn't take that seriously doesn't deserve one wife, never mind two or more!!!! This is what I mean about men who are dreaming about polygamy without even understanding the reality of one marriage never two. Understand the responsibility you have to your first wife before you marry your second. And I'm not talking about financial responsibility (although a man who can't support one family shouldn't take a second wife.... what's he going to do, ask his first wife to support the second wife?)
                    [CENTER]
                    [/CENTER]
                    [CENTER]
                    [/CENTER]

                    [SIZE=1][COLOR=dimgray]
                    [/COLOR][/SIZE]

                    Comment


                    • #55
                      Re: Monogamy is also a sunnah

                      Originally posted by talib_27 View Post
                      Yes if i wasnt a muslim (god forbid) then i would be happy to have one wonderful wife and live a happy life while all the widows and divorced women could go to hell as long as i wouldve cared.

                      But alhamdulillah im a muslim and My prophet said that muslims are like one body, if the head aches the whole body aches and if the eye aches the whole body aches...
                      you do not have to marry people to help them.


                      I also like to point out most of the men who talk about having more than one wife seem to do it for selfish sexual gratification reasons.
                      Last edited by Dantae; 12-12-09, 11:11 PM.

                      Comment


                      • #56
                        Re: Monogamy is also a sunnah

                        so the brothers who marry the first time marry only because they want to gain virtue of fulfulling the rights of a wife?

                        istn sexual gratification a big part of marriage? isnt it sadqah and ajar to save one self from zina and do it with their wives?

                        so if a man needs a second wife to save his piety whats wrong in that?

                        Comment


                        • #57
                          Re: Monogamy is also a sunnah

                          I agree with Dhakiyya, emotional balance is the hardship in polygamous marriages.
                          Because the the money, it's easy, either you have it either you don't, this is mathematic.
                          My Blog http://historyeyesopened.tumblr.com/ Watch out sister Nousername :o
                          Ummah forum mentality depiction by BBC (warning) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS37SNYjg8w

                          Comment


                          • #58
                            Re: Monogamy is also a sunnah

                            Originally posted by dhakiyya View Post
                            It's not about money, but about providing emotional support for your wives. If a man finds that easy, then he's doing it wrong! It's easy to marry four women and neglect them or treat them badly. But you're not allowed to do that, are you? "the best of you is the kindest to his wives" - if you don't treat your wives fairly you'll be raised up on judgement day with half your body paralysed.

                            Ofc sister. We are talking about practcing brothers and sisters here, so inshAllah those used in the examples will be best to their husband/wives. As i stated in my post when it speaks about being just, its not only about finance but about things which you have mentioned such as time, emotional support etc. That should be the more "harder" task, if you can say that, not the money which i will speak about below.



                            Most men can't afford two small flats! If you live in the UK and are not entitled to loads of benefits, you can barely afford one small flat. The cost of living is very high these days, and a lot of men struggle to support one family, and thats just in terms of basic necessities.

                            agreed, most men cant afford it in UK. i used in my example 50k income yearly. And then we were speaking about the sahaba who could hardly fill there bellies. We can do that with ease and much more... so where does all the money go?... i know rent/mortgage is a lot, but i see people with the flashy cars and people who go to holidays every year, subanAllah, if its expenisve to live in UK... then we would be able to see it, but people living lives to the max, if we really wanted polygamy sis, then be sure it can be done, people will have to sacrifice stuff, but thats what this life is for, not to live for the max, but to struggle and strive. Not everyone is even on 20 k let alone 50k, so that takes out a lot of men already, but im using that as an example. Even brothers on 30-40k could take 2 wives. i see brothers with 3-4 homes sister, so there are quite a few people who got the resources to provide 2-3 flats if they had to.





                            Also I don't like your insinuations about the demands of women in polygamous marriages I most certainly DON'T demand all that stuff from my husband and neither does my co-wife!!!!!! We dont' demand any more than what Allah has said is our right. (in fact in some ways we don't even demand that....)

                            re-reading my post, forgive me if i sounded offensive. I mean EVERYONE, men included ask for to much. It was more of me to get down to the route causes. I stated its hard, polygame is no easy ride, but im just stating, we are listing all the negatives, the hardships, does nothin good come out of polygamy. The reason of my post was to show a fairer post for polygamy rather than making it male vs female thread. NO DOUBT its tough, and majority cant and wont do it, but we need to give it a better image, for there are some bro's out there who wont be the richest but could be able to handle 2 wives inshAllah.

                            The stuff that is hard is actually being just between two women. Any man who takes the emotional wellbeing of his wives seriously will find that hard...... any man who doesn't take that seriously doesn't deserve one wife, never mind two or more!!!! This is what I mean about men who are dreaming about polygamy without even understanding the reality of one marriage never two. Understand the responsibility you have to your first wife before you marry your second. And I'm not talking about financial responsibility (although a man who can't support one family shouldn't take a second wife.... what's he going to do, ask his first wife to support the second wife?)
                            lastly, as i stated when it comes to being just then you are right. However we know women require that emotional support, but i think some people take it to one extreme. We as a society, men included have become weak. We know women need support no doubt, but look at the sisters at the time of sahaba who would lose family members in war and look at sisters in palestine who lose sons, brothers, husbands in wars. These sisters lose so much but still carry on. The reason why i stated that was to show, that sisters in west need to MAN up ( if you get me)... we give this image of sisters being emotionally weaker then men, but you are not that weak. You gots to have some line which you dont cross. You wont always have it your way with your husband so using that emotional line should not be used to much.

                            A practcing bro, will inshALlah take the emotinal well being of his wife. But not over silly matters like i aint been shopping, or i have little shoes or we havent had dinner for ages, or we aint been for a walk. This is where we get drafted in bollywood movies, fantasy world. A husband and wife need to do things together, but its not all rosy and we need to understand that. I think sometimes people expect marriages to be all happy, but its not the way to be. Both men and women gotta stregnthen up.
                            Last edited by QMU; 13-12-09, 01:18 AM.

                            Comment


                            • #59
                              Re: Monogamy is also a sunnah

                              people need to understand what marriage was in the sunnah and what marriage is now.... sometimes the wives of the sahaba (ra) or the Prophet (Saw) would not see them or spend much time with them for days... there was not this issue so much of 'emotional support' or 'friend to speak to' etc etc... the lives and emotions and nature of marriage were different... that is something sisters tend to forget nowadays....
                              FEAR ALLAH (SWT) AS HE DESERVES TO BE FEARED!!!
                              OH Allah help your slaves in As Sham
                              Donate to syria.
                              *Sisters please do not rep or PM me as my wife will kill me so rep her instead*

                              Comment


                              • #60
                                Re: Monogamy is also a sunnah

                                Originally posted by Dantae View Post
                                you do not have to marry people to help them.


                                I also like to point out most of the men who talk about having more than one wife seem to do it for selfish sexual gratification reasons.
                                Ok, let's be practical, there is some help that can only come to a woman by marrying her. It doesn't have to be financial only. there is also the physical needs to be met. and FYI, it's only the husband that can do that!!
                                So, yea, you need to marry women to help them in some aspects.Imagine a 23 year old whose hubby has died.....................do we seriously expect her to go through the rest of her life without a man?
                                let's get real here!!!(and dont start with Aisha. Please)

                                Originally posted by in_exile View Post
                                people need to understand what marriage was in the sunnah and what marriage is now.... sometimes the wives of the sahaba (ra) or the Prophet (Saw) would not see them or spend much time with them for days... there was not this issue so much of 'emotional support' or 'friend to speak to' etc etc... the lives and emotions and nature of marriage were different... that is something sisters tend to forget nowadays....
                                Very true.............and let the sisters not forget that there comes a time in a man's life when he has to fight for the deen.......................and may get martyred, so, there goes all the emotional support. like the brother said up there, the sisters need to man up, so to speak.

                                That said, let's not forget that the brothers have to be fair and just to the wives(i.e treating one like the other in all aspects he has control over)..........
                                All other requirements for a monogamous marriage still apply!

                                peace.

                                [Alhamdulillahi rabbil3aalamyin

                                Comment

                                Working...
                                X