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Marriage problem - Advice needed

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  • Marriage problem - Advice needed


  • #2
    Re: Marriage problem - Advice needed

    so, you telling us, you have no idea or inkling what could be the casue of the problem and why she didnt interact with your family?

    also remember when a women is preganant she can be even more irrational then usual, and any minor things can seem huge to her. this behavious may just be due to her pregancy and hormones, i would advice you to not make any major decisions regarding divorce etc until after the babby is 6 weeks old, and her hormones are starting to stabalize, and i would advise her the same thing.

    Recipes for all the family :inlove:
    (and you thought I was a lazy feminazi which can't cook?)

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    • #3
      Re: Marriage problem - Advice needed

      Salaam bother,

      I do not mean to sound rude but something does not add up. Surely you must have an idea as to why your wife is so unhappy? Is there a big culture shock? Does she not fit in? etc etc. No-one in their right mind would just walk out with no explanation after 9 months, especially when this is still meant to be the honeymoon phase, so to speak.

      I do think you have a right to know why she is leaving you though.

      Mashallah on the pregnancy. May Allah give s/he a long and healthy life. Ameen

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Marriage problem - Advice needed

        I am aware women go through the process of hormonal changes etc etc. But, the situation was and had been like this before she became pregnant. My wife wanted her freedom, she wanted to move out and separate me from my family. I reasoned with her on numerous occasions.

        Her family are refusing to let me speak to her and she has not made any attempt to contact me. So where do I stand? Do I just hand over her belongings and sit tight until I hear from her?

        I don't want a divorce. I am assuming she does from the way things are developing.

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        • #5
          Re: Marriage problem - Advice needed

          Originally posted by ukmuslim View Post
          I am aware women go through the process of hormonal changes etc etc. But, the situation was and had been like this before she became pregnant. My wife wanted her freedom, she wanted to move out and separate me from my family. I reasoned with her on numerous occasions.

          Her family are refusing to let me speak to her and she has not made any attempt to contact me. So where do I stand? Do I just hand over her belongings and sit tight until I hear from her?

          I don't want a divorce. I am assuming she does from the way things are developing.

          were there any problems between your wife and your family? were those problems ever reconciled?
          *Alhamdulillah*

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          • #6
            Re: Marriage problem - Advice needed

            Originally posted by ukmuslim View Post
            I am aware women go through the process of hormonal changes etc etc. But, the situation was and had been like this before she became pregnant. My wife wanted her freedom, she wanted to move out and separate me from my family. I reasoned with her on numerous occasions.

            Her family are refusing to let me speak to her and she has not made any attempt to contact me. So where do I stand? Do I just hand over her belongings and sit tight until I hear from her?

            I don't want a divorce. I am assuming she does from the way things are developing.
            If you are genuinely shocked about your wife’s decision and do not want a divorce pass that message on to them the next they call for her stuff. I do not think you have to send her things. You have a right to know why, just like she has the right to her belongings. But it is very unreasonable of the family. Maybe she does not have a choice in this which is why she won’t talk to you. Families are complicated. Try and get to the bottom of it though.


            I do not know why people have such a problem living with in laws. Does your family get on with your wife? I love living with my in laws so maybe there is another problem. But seriously, I do not see how there would be such a big problem in the first few months of marriage. Give her time.

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            • #7
              Re: Marriage problem - Advice needed

              Yes there were and everytime there was a problem, we would all sit together like grown ups and try and sort our differences. My wife would apologise and then go back to her old ways again a few days later. I believe that my wife's mother has been influencing her attitude as everytime an argument occured my wife would say things like, well my mum said it was ok, or my mum agrees with me.

              A case of outside interference and influence. And it is her mother who is now calling the shots and refusing me access to my wife. A very stubborn woman with a serious attitude problem.

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              • #8
                Re: Marriage problem - Advice needed

                Originally posted by ukmuslim View Post
                Yes there were and everytime there was a problem, we would all sit together like grown ups and try and sort our differences. My wife would apologise and then go back to her old ways again a few days later. I believe that my wife's mother has been influencing her attitude as everytime an argument occured my wife would say things like, well my mum said it was ok, or my mum agrees with me.

                A case of outside interference and influence. And it is her mother who is now calling the shots and refusing me access to my wife. A very stubborn woman with a serious attitude problem.
                I am sorry to throw this on you but is there no possibility that you could move out? Have you asked your wife why she wants to move out?
                Mrs B

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                • #9
                  Re: Marriage problem - Advice needed

                  Originally posted by ukmuslim View Post
                  Yes there were and everytime there was a problem, we would all sit together like grown ups and try and sort our differences. My wife would apologise and then go back to her old ways again a few days later. I believe that my wife's mother has been influencing her attitude as everytime an argument occured my wife would say things like, well my mum said it was ok, or my mum agrees with me.

                  A case of outside interference and influence. And it is her mother who is now calling the shots and refusing me access to my wife. A very stubborn woman with a serious attitude problem.
                  Then maybe you need to speak to her before you even attempt to speak to your wife. Find out what is really going on and ho is playing games. At the end of the day, there will be a child in all this and it is no way to bring up a child.

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                  • #10
                    Re: Marriage problem - Advice needed

                    salaam brother, its so sad to hear this....

                    i think you should go to an imam or sheikh that you trust and get them involved in the situation, i dont mean to be rude but the wife and her family are acting pretty childish, instead of trying to help create solutions they seem to be creating more problems. they dont seem to understand how important a marriage is and you need to try everything you can possible to make it work as divorce is the one halal thing most hated by Allah

                    as you think she wants a divorce the matter is more serious and the people on the forum can only advise so much - we're not as knowledgable as a sheikh or imam and i dont want you to take the wrong advice from someone and then it could lead to more problems as this sounds like a delicate situation

                    i hope Allah will make things easier for you
                    Your 9/11 is how we live 24/7 ~ yours sincerely Palestine


                    My Blog

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                    • #11
                      Re: Marriage problem - Advice needed

                      I told my wife that once we are stable financially a move would be possible. I don't want to burden myself or my wife by living beyond our means. I don't think that is an unreasonable course of action to take.

                      I have done everything to try and reconcile even at this late stage but it seems the inevitable will take place.
                      Last edited by ukmuslim; 01-12-09, 11:45 PM.

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                      • #12
                        Re: Marriage problem - Advice needed

                        Originally posted by ukmuslim View Post
                        I told my wife that once we are stable financially a move would be possible. I don't want to burden myself or my wife by living beyond our means. I don't think that is an unreasonable course of action to take.

                        I have done everything to try and reconcile even at this late stage but it seems the inevitable will take place.
                        Well no, the inevitable will only take place if you let it take place. Why is your wife adamant on moving out? Have you asked her that?
                        Mrs B

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                        • #13
                          Re: Marriage problem - Advice needed

                          i pray To ALLAH swt that you do reconcile as she is now preggaz and the baby is most important now if she wasnt preg i wouldve advised u differently.
                          Try and at least get a meeting with her surely her family must c sense that u both have to talk.

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                          • #14
                            Re: Marriage problem - Advice needed

                            sounds like your giving up very easily, and your doing nothing to alleviate the problems your wife had with your family, in fact you seem to be refusing to accept they exist, and there is something that needs sorting out, and instead placing all the blame on her family.

                            you need to find out what the issues were. she may find it unbearable living with your family, and it is her haq to have her own place, you are refusing her that haq and expecting her to smile, your course of action may be reasonable to yourself, but remember she is allday in the house without you, and you may not know what is really going on.

                            her family are acting wrong for refusing to let her speak to you and discuss the issues.

                            i am sure all the times you sat down before, probably she pointed out changes she would like to have made towards her aswell?

                            this is your wife and child, have some gheerah and dont give up just yet.

                            Recipes for all the family :inlove:
                            (and you thought I was a lazy feminazi which can't cook?)

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                            • #15
                              Re: Marriage problem - Advice needed

                              Originally posted by ukmuslim View Post
                              I told my wife that once we are stable financially a move would be possible. I don't want to burden myself or my wife by living beyond our means. I don't think that is an unreasonable course of action to take.

                              I have done everything to try and reconcile even at this late stage but it seems the inevitable will take place.
                              salaams

                              i feel so upset after reading your post, may Allah make it easy for you ameen

                              everyone is getting divorced only after few months of marriage :(

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