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  • #31
    Re: Marriage problems

    Sorry to sound harsh my brother, but I think woman's got issues even if people are making excuses for her... I think shes got issues and attitude problem.

    If this has been going on from day one... you should have set her straight from the very beginning... ie., before you had any kids... it appears like for the sake of children you are tolerating her and taking all the crap. However, if the other person doesn't realises this then you have to put your foot down and make your point clear.

    However, I wouldn't advise you to go anywhere near to even considering seperation because it wont just effect your person life but it will effect your parents and your kids will be the ones who will be effected most and they dont deserve it.
    لا أريد مِنْكُمْ جَزَاء وَلا شُكُورًا

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    • #32
      Re: Marriage problems

      Originally posted by naila-k View Post
      :( at the end of the day, she has to be prepared to realise what she is doing is affecting her marriage and want to change.
      I hope she realises ,because I told her what you doing to me is destroying me and she says what you doing are destroying me.So I say what im I doing ,then she'll start accussing me of stuff I never did.Thats why I call her delusional. I say youare creating these fantisies in your head that are from the shaytaan but are not real.its driving me nuts. Im losing sleep at night.She does'nt see what its doing to me.Sometimes I felt like ending it all.

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      • #33
        Re: Marriage problems

        Originally posted by Ebony View Post
        Just ask her straight out what she wants? How does she want you to be? Ask her does she want a divorce? Does she want you around? Does she want you to help? Or does she want you to be miserable?

        Perhaps try to withdraw all the support you currently give her, whilst remaining in the same house with her (as in dont move out). Obviously not at the expense of the children, make sure they're provided for. But for your wife, do next to nothing, and keep your interaction with her to the bare minimum.

        See whether she realises what she's doing to the marriage once you behave distant from her.
        I did all that and she says she wants me around ,then when I withdraw She says I dont love her and show her affection and that Im drawing away from her. Theres no way out for me Im trapped.I need help and it seems Im running out of hope.When I first got merried I had all the right intentions then I started to see how she act towards me then that made me feel likw wow what did I do. She treats her friends and talks to them better than me. I asked her stright up everything we been through it all. She takes anger out on the kids starts talking to them like crap . For 4 years i've been telling her to chill out and relax. She very hipe and antcy.

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        • #34
          Re: Marriage problems

          Originally posted by truepath View Post
          Sorry to sound harsh my brother, but I think woman's got issues even if people are making excuses for her... I think shes got issues and attitude problem.

          If this has been going on from day one... you should have set her straight from the very beginning... ie., before you had any kids... it appears like for the sake of children you are tolerating her and taking all the crap. However, if the other person doesn't realises this then you have to put your foot down and make your point clear.

          However, I wouldn't advise you to go anywhere near to even considering seperation because it wont just effect your person life but it will effect your parents and your kids will be the ones who will be effected most and they dont deserve it.
          You hit it on the nose Im sticking it out for the kids but I do have love for her and Im staying because I feel one day it will change but 4 years already and we aint getting nowhere. I have alot of ambitions and goals to accomplish and all this drama is igetting in the way.

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          • #35
            Re: Marriage problems

            :wrwrwb:
            1. How much time does your wife spend with her family and friends per week?

            2. Does your wife or any of your children have health problems?
            If yes, maybe she is stressed out with the kids and is releasing her emotions in the wrong way.

            3. Do your children often get into physical fights when you are not home?
            If yes, then maybe she needs you at home to provide support.
            "Meet people in such a manner that if you die, they should weep for you, and if you live, they should long for you." Hadhrat Ali-Ibn-Talib (RadiAllaah Anhu)
            Shan-e-Aisha

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            • #36
              Re: Marriage problems

              i think she has got some anxiety issues, and perhaps she needs medication.

              Recipes for all the family :inlove:
              (and you thought I was a lazy feminazi which can't cook?)

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              • #37
                Re: Marriage problems

                Originally posted by topnotchmuslim View Post
                what do I do if I was married for the past 4 years and my wife is extremely jealous and we broke up several times over it but it persists. Its hard for me to deal with it and I don't do nothing wrong on my part, can someone give advice?
                loool and another one...:D

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                • #38
                  Re: Marriage problems

                  nobody get's that insecure and jealous for no reason. Maybe you give her reasons to be jealous? maybe before you married you had a past? maybe she has a past which means she does not trust men? there must be something troubling her and it is your responsibilty to fnd out what!

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                  • #39
                    Re: Marriage problems

                    Originally posted by laura786 View Post
                    nobody get's that insecure and jealous for no reason. Maybe you give her reasons to be jealous? maybe before you married you had a past? maybe she has a past which means she does not trust men? there must be something troubling her and it is your responsibilty to fnd out what!
                    thats true her husband before her used to cheat on her but why do i got to deal with the consequences of that man. its wrong to take it out on me. she is very western when it comes to men she has a "men are dogs " mentality.how do i deal with it.

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                    • #40
                      Re: Marriage problems

                      i cant believe this is your second marriage and you're just 25. im depressed by getting divorced a second time at 33-lol.

                      we as humans dont reflect enough on our experiences-we need to learn from them. Hence after an ordeal (eg bad marriage) we need to learn why it all went wrong. its no use just blaming the other person-in some cases the other person may be totally at fault.
                      however, usually we are ourselves at fault too-even if it is just a little bit.

                      its through reflection that we can become better people.

                      this advice is for both yourself and your wife.

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                      • #41
                        Re: Marriage problems

                        Originally posted by topnotchmuslim View Post
                        thats true her husband before her used to cheat on her but why do i got to deal with the consequences of that man. its wrong to take it out on me. she is very western when it comes to men she has a "men are dogs " mentality.how do i deal with it.
                        Ok I understand a little now but that is no excuse for her to have such paranoia now. But do you know the expression ‘once bitten, twice shy’? You have to prove to her that not all men are dogs, because they are not, and she needs to get help to overcome her past otherwise she will never be happy! Inshallah, you work it out bro!

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                        • #42
                          Re: Marriage problems

                          lool i dont think the sis needs medication. u just have to go through with her thoroughly. just speak to her. PROPERLY !!!

                          I agree she seems a little insecure or maybe she feels like u dont give her enough attention as others have said,. find out the root cause, perhaps shes this way because of a past she has but needs to be encouraged to speak about ?

                          allahu alam, if u know ur wife is good person deep down but holds such a massive insecurity. help her, becasue its not doing any good for herself, yourself or your children.
                          Abu Huraira (ra) narrated that the messenger of Allah (saw) said 'Beware of suspicion, for suspicion is the worst of false tales; and do not look at the faults of others, and do not indulge in spying on one another..do not be jealous of one another and do not hate one another, O Allah's worshippers! Be brothers' (Sahih Bukhari)

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                          • #43
                            Re: Marriage problems

                            Give her more attention, I reckon. Buy her nice little presents, take her out more often, Make her laugh.

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                            • #44
                              Re: Marriage problems

                              Originally posted by Rocky Balboa View Post
                              Give her more attention, I reckon. Buy her nice little presents, take her out more often, Make her laugh.
                              I don’t think buying her prezzie’s will necessarily work with her insecurity. She needs to have counselling or something to get over the past. She is insecure because she was cheated on before. The brother just has to be patient and gain her trust and she should stop punishing him for another man’s mistake!

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