polygamy from womans view

[yasminah]

Someone asked for men to say if they'd accept more than one wife or not. Try asking the women the same, if they'd accept another wife in the family :->

[Consider]

Assalamo-alaikum,

Please correct me if I am wrong...but I believe that if women are strongly against their husband marrying again, they can stipulate this in their marriage contract. I'm not sure about this because >1 wife is something permissible in islam....but i will find out..........

Thus, if the husband marries again, they can divorce him with an islamic reason.

Of course women may not like having another wife around, but allah knows best.



wassalamo-alaikum.

[EVILution]

Aslaam u Alaikum,

Lol, I have no idea of the future but if he has a good enough reason and keeps me too and treats us BOTH the same, then I would have no problem, but like I said only Allah(swt) has the knowledge of the future!

Waslaam.

[preity]

if allah says its allowed .then theres no debating it .end of thread

[Mary Carol]

allah says its allowed...

Allah (swt) says it's allowed under very specific conditions.

Meet them and then she (or she or even she...) can be all yours.

[Al-Nasser]

no chance...no woman can be satisified with polygamy......accept it..maybe for some reasons..but live with it happily...never

[Mary Carol]

And you feel qualified to speak for all women...because...?

[Al-Nasser]

common sense and readings and personal relations.

[Mary Carol]

In spite of your vast experience scholastically and interpersonally....rest assured that you do not speak for me or many Muslim women that I know.

[Al-Nasser]

you mean "accept it..maybe for some reasons" part?

[Mary Carol]

you mean "accept it..maybe for some reasons" part?

I don't know what you mean...I do know what the consensus of Muslim women that I know is.

You said:

"no woman can be satisified with polygamy"

"but live with it happily...never"

I beg to differ.

Muslim women I know would only accept more than one wife...if the conditions that Allah (swt) proscribed were met.

~Treat all the wives the same...that means emotionally, physically, and financially.

That would satisfy them

That would allow them to live with it happily.

But how many man do you know who could fulfill those conditions?

[Al-Nasser]

even the wives of the prophet (SAW) were jealous from each other to some extent.

"if the conditions that Allah (swt) proscribed were met."

it will never be met that's why women will not be satisifed about polygamy

Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire: But turn not away (from a woman) altogether, so as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air). If ye come to a friendly understanding, and practise self-restraint, Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful.
004.129

[Mary Carol]

even the wives of the prophet (SAW) were jealous from each other to some extent.

Jealousy proves you aren't satisfied? I'd think it only proved that you were human.

"if the conditions that Allah (swt) proscribed were met."

it will never be met

Never? No Muslim man has ever met those conditions?

that's why women will not be satisifed about polygamy

Then how is it that there are Muslim women who are satisfied with having more than one wife in the family? And how is it that there are Muslim women who anticipate being satisfied when more than one wife is blessed upon their family?

Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire: But turn not away (from a woman) altogether, so as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air). If ye come to a friendly understanding, and practise self-restraint, Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful.

I see this as a warning as to just how difficult a job it is to deal fairly and justly (it would be good advice for any parent also)...it doesn't say don't try...it gives you a base for that goal..."a friendly understanding"...and it allows that Allah (swt) is Oft-forgiving and Most Merciful of his slaves' attempts at perfection.

[dhak1yya]

I have allowed my husband to seek/take a second wife on the following conditions:

1. he obeys the Qur'an (with regards treating us equally etc etc) - which goes without saying of course!

2. I have to be able to get along with her as a friend (go shopping together, trust each other to look after our kids when we have something else to do etc etc etc) - which means meeting her in advance and so on. Basically I'm an easy person to get along with, if I didn't like her it would be because of something bad in her character (e.g. spitefullness, two faced etc) - in which case it would be better for him not to marry her.

Its natural for any adults living together to be jealous occasionally, or to have silly arguments and stuff like that.


In addition I know my husband is kind enough, fair enough and organised enough to be able to treat us equally. He is of extremely good character...... which is a big reason why I married him of course!


As for some advantages for women to have a co-wife in the family:

1. No more dragging her husband shopping! men are no good at proper* shopping - I can back this up with scientific evidence!!!

*of course that's proper shopping by a womans definition, i.e. going into lots of shops and trying stuff on....... not buying the first thing you see and then going home.

2. If you live in the same house, each of you has half the work..... whilst he gets twice the responsibility. given that child rearing is extremely difficult, an extra pair of hands is always useful (yes, hubby should help too of course, kids need a good dad... even three pairs of hands is not enough with kids at times!) - also you can pool your resources of baby and child stuff, and your children get used to other kids being around, learning to share etc, right from the start.

3. If one wife wants to stay at home with the kids, and the other wants to work, they can each do that, and the kids don't have to go into daycare. If they both want to work, they can both work part time, different shifts and one will be at home most of the time, minimising or even eliminating the necessity for daycare. If neither wants to work, that's still okay as its the husbands responsibility to provide for them both and all the kids, which means lots of trips out with the kids, and someone over the age of four to make conversation with :p

[dhak1yya]

4. if one wife wants just one kid, and hubby and wife 2 want lots, then wife 2 can have lots of kids, wife one can have just one, and everyone is happy. In other words there is not pressure on the women to have more kids than they want.

5. If a man just wants one kid, then there is no way he should take a second wife!!!

6. If one wife has difficulty concieving, she can still be involved in raising her husband's kids

Also some other thoughts....

I don't agree with the idea that a man can take a second wife without even consulting with his first wife. I think this is okay Islamically, but if it is it is probably because one of the reasons for taking a second wife is to marry widows and orphans who would not otherwise be provided for, in which case it might not be possible to obtain wife#1's permission - this would be an extreme extreme case of course!!

Not all people are cut out for polygamy - not all men would be able to cope, and not all women want it. Women who know they are not going to be able to accept polygamy can have it written into their marriage contract that their husband cannot take a second wife. (note: you can also have it written into your contract that he must feed you chocolate icecream in bed every sunday :p or any other agreement)

Men should think it through very very carefully first - and remember that two wives means twice the responsibility - and if he handles it wrongly and gets huge amounts of jealousy between the two wives....... well it's double trouble, innit? and he's got to sort it out or they might both ask for a divorce!