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Ladies would you mind livign with in laws? Men do you plan on making your wife do it?

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  • Ladies would you mind livign with in laws? Men do you plan on making your wife do it?

    It is beyond me why men get married, have enough money to support him and his wife, heck even a kid! and still have their wife live with their parents.

    I am TOTALLY against it. I dont like family interfering in my marriage, and a way that would happen is if I lived with them. Of course I would treat them beyond special treatment, but when it comes to living, I dont think so. Its like moving in with a little mama's boy, not even a man. ( I am ONLY talking about bros who have enough money to support both he and his wife, not ones who cant but want to get married to avoid zina). So ladies does it bother you? Men do you care?
    210
    Sister - Yes I would mind and would not accept it
    24.76%
    52
    Sister - No I wouldnt mind at all
    13.33%
    28
    Sister - I would consider it
    25.71%
    54
    Brother - I would want her to live with my family
    13.33%
    28
    Brother - No I would want to feel independant and have my own home
    15.71%
    33
    Brother - It doesnt matter
    7.14%
    15
    Allah the Almighty has laid down religious duties, so do not neglect them. He has set boundaries, so do not over step them. He has prohibited some things, so do not violate them; about some things He was silent-out of compassion for you, not forgetfulness, so seek not after them
    :love:

  • #2
    Re: Ladies would you mind livign with in laws? Men do you plan on making your wife do

    maybe because there's noone else to look after or care for his parents, it's the son responsibiity to look after them and not run way and dump them in old folks home like most kuffar do nowadays..

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Ladies would you mind livign with in laws? Men do you plan on making your wife do

      Originally posted by OBL View Post
      maybe because there's noone else to look after or care for his parents, it's the son responsibiity to look after them and not run way and dump them in old folks home like most kuffar do nowadays..


      Im talking about healthy parents who are well enough to interefere in a marriage and the way a wife raises her childeren. Not an ailing person.
      Allah the Almighty has laid down religious duties, so do not neglect them. He has set boundaries, so do not over step them. He has prohibited some things, so do not violate them; about some things He was silent-out of compassion for you, not forgetfulness, so seek not after them
      :love:

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Ladies would you mind livign with in laws? Men do you plan on making your wife do

        i would treat my in laws as i would treat my parents; and help them etc, but living with them brings too many complications.
        anyway, its wajib on a man to provide at least seperate living quarters for his wife.
        The enforcement of Muslim Brotherhood is the greatest social ideal of Islam. On it was based the Prophet's (SAW) sermon on his last pilgrimage, and Islam cannot be completely realized until this ideal is achieved. '
        (Shaikh Maulana Muhammad Yusuf)
        In Lam Takun Ghaadiban Annee Falaa Ubaalee...

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        • #5
          Re: Ladies would you mind livign with in laws? Men do you plan on making your wife do

          I understand why people do live with inlaws, it gives them a chance to learn about the family and I am glad that i did coz i would never be as close to the family as i am now and neither would my kids.

          however in my case i think me and my husband both need to grow up a bit and start taking responsibility and that's never going to happen until we are on our own. I got married so I could do homely things like bake and cook and keep a nice house, but in someone elses house i dont feel comfortable doing those things. Partly because i'm not used to always having people around when i'm doing things, i'm used to learning new skills in my ownspace, and because coming from a different background and culture with totally differfent priorities i do things differently. At the end of the day they dont agree with the way i bring uo my kids and i dont agree with the way they bring uo theirs. Thats fine. The only problem is I'm in their enviroment so dont have control over how my kids are raised because i cant control things like wether my kids are exposed to swearing or if theirs coke and chocalate in the house and if they are eating fried chicken every day, and it makes me feel distanced from my child, like she's not even mine. But every time we are supposed to move out something happens, we've been here a year and a half now, and it was only sposed to be 2 weeks! Because i never know when we are going to go because its always like,next mnth or in 6 weeks, i feel like my life is on hold, i cant make a relationship with my health visitor, i cant start any courses in the local area, i dnt know about making friends. Also living in inlaws house it is hard to invite friends over, so ive lost contact with the few good friends that i remained friends with after i reverted....

          anyway thats my rant over....i hope i dont get in trouble for it!

          Recipes for all the family :inlove:
          (and you thought I was a lazy feminazi which can't cook?)

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Ladies would you mind livign with in laws? Men do you plan on making your wife do

            Originally posted by naila-k View Post
            I understand why people do live with inlaws, it gives them a chance to learn about the family and I am glad that i did coz i would never be as close to the family as i am now and neither would my kids.

            however in my case i think me and my husband both need to grow up a bit and start taking responsibility and that's never going to happen until we are on our own. I got married so I could do homely things like bake and cook and keep a nice house, but in someone elses house i dont feel comfortable doing those things. Partly because i'm not used to always having people around when i'm doing things, i'm used to learning new skills in my ownspace, and because coming from a different background and culture with totally differfent priorities i do things differently. At the end of the day they dont agree with the way i bring uo my kids and i dont agree with the way they bring uo theirs. Thats fine. The only problem is I'm in their enviroment so dont have control over how my kids are raised because i cant control things like wether my kids are exposed to swearing or if theirs coke and chocalate in the house and if they are eating fried chicken every day, and it makes me feel distanced from my child, like she's not even mine. But every time we are supposed to move out something happens, we've been here a year and a half now, and it was only sposed to be 2 weeks! Because i never know when we are going to go because its always like,next mnth or in 6 weeks, i feel like my life is on hold, i cant make a relationship with my health visitor, i cant start any courses in the local area, i dnt know about making friends. Also living in inlaws house it is hard to invite friends over, so ive lost contact with the few good friends that i remained friends with after i reverted....

            anyway thats my rant over....i hope i dont get in trouble for it!

            Your in my duas sis.... see guys this is what Im talking about. Poor sister cant even raise her own kids the way she wants, not even cook! And a deception that the stay was only supposed to be for two weeks. La Illaha Ill Allah. We are women not pets :freedom:

            You are in my duas sis :love:



            I think I want to be a woman activist
            Allah the Almighty has laid down religious duties, so do not neglect them. He has set boundaries, so do not over step them. He has prohibited some things, so do not violate them; about some things He was silent-out of compassion for you, not forgetfulness, so seek not after them
            :love:

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Ladies would you mind livign with in laws? Men do you plan on making your wife do

              yes i wud if situations were to be like that. islamiyyah..not all in laws are as bad the u think

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Ladies would you mind livign with in laws? Men do you plan on making your wife do

                I lived with mine for nearly 3 years but now living seperate in the next street.
                I don't think its fair if its a permanant thing cos alot of the time we have issues like non mahrams in the house, lack of privacy. Those sisters who do it on a long term basis masha allah that is quite selfless of them cos they are giving their right up for their inlaws happiness (well presuming inlaws want them to stay :p ). I dont think i could do it for permanant because after a while you start to feel like u want your own space, you want to arrange the house according to how u want it etc. And sis Naila i can empathise with that aswel, well not the kids part cos we moved before ours was born, but the rest.
                Still there are positives to it aswel. I dont regret that i lived with mine for those yrs :up:
                <button id="tw_schedule_btn" class="tw-schedule-btn" style="padding: 4px 6px;position: absolute;left: 141px;top: 840px;background-color: #F7F7F7; background: linear-gradient(#FFF, #F0F0F0); border: 1px solid #CCC; color: #5F5F5F; cursor: pointer; font-weight: bold; text-shadow: 0 1px #FFF; white-space: nowrap;border-radius: 3px;font-size: 11px; display: none; z-index: 8675309">Schedule</button>

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                • #9
                  Re: Ladies would you mind livign with in laws? Men do you plan on making your wife do

                  dont get it wrong its not a purposeful thing on in laws part, its MY feelings that stop me from doing things, not them, because i;m from a different culture i think differently. and they do help me a lto with the kids and stuff, they couldn't possiblybe more accepting and welcoming of me, its just my preference to be the queen of my own home and have my husband treated as the king, you know, and beable to have my kids toys everywhere and out her paintings on the walls, or put her in hte kitchen and let her make a mess with paint or play dough, thats because thats how my mum raised me, but different people place different things as important. I just want to make it 100% clear that I love my in laws like I love my own family and my husband is the most important thing in the world and im not getting mistreated or anything so dnt get it twisted!

                  Recipes for all the family :inlove:
                  (and you thought I was a lazy feminazi which can't cook?)

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Ladies would you mind livign with in laws? Men do you plan on making your wife do

                    but but....what if your the only son with sick parents. According to this, no one would want to marry a brother with those conditions then huh...=\ Cuz he would NEVER be able to leave his parents alone.
                    " The issue in palestine will not be solved by the United States or any western country. It's not going to be solved by Dan Six Pack or Sally Soccer mom! " Anwar Al-Awlaki

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                    • #11
                      Re: Ladies would you mind livign with in laws? Men do you plan on making your wife do

                      i'd like her to live with parents for a while before moving away. i dont think she will have a problem with that. I think it all depends on the in-laws, if theyre harsh and demanding then fair enough, but if theyre kind, caring and treat you well then why all the hate to live with them?
                      Soon shall We cast terror into the hearts of the Unbelievers, for that they joined companions with Allah, for which He had sent no authority: their abode will be the Fire: And evil is the home of the wrong-doers. - 3.151

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                      • #12
                        Re: Ladies would you mind livign with in laws? Men do you plan on making your wife do

                        Originally posted by Islamiyyah View Post
                        Im talking about healthy parents who are well enough to interefere in a marriage and the way a wife raises her childeren. Not an ailing person.
                        just cause their healthy does that mean they dont need support. did your parents raise you to one day desert them? so what if they interfere, that's their son, they have a right over him. if your not raising your children well, whats the big deal in acknowledging their views? why are you so up tight. subhan'Allah.
                        just cause a man wishes to live with his parents does not make him a mama's boy, im so offended by your original post.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Ladies would you mind livign with in laws? Men do you plan on making your wife do

                          :salams,

                          I think the poll options are a bit simple. I would want me and her to have our own place if I could afford it of course but then I'd also have to consider whether my only parent - mum, would need our help and need us close by. So yeah it depends on the situation but it's preferable to have your own place, for the sake of fulfilling the wife's rights, though the son's duty is greater to his mother/parents.

                          And also according to the Hanafi madhhab it is enough for the wife to have her own private space - which could just be a room (i.e. that could be the couple's bedroom) - and that way her right of having her own space would be fulfilled.

                          It's got nothing to do with feeling independant though, that sounds a bit Western so it makes me not want to choose that option :/. Though yeah a part of a man's manliness is being as independant as he could be, and that can also be done without having your own place, since situations don't always allow him to be as independant as he'd want to be :O. Allahu A'lam.

                          Wassalam.
                          Last edited by Z-Blade; 25-09-08, 01:33 AM.
                          "How often it is that a small action is made great by its intention, and a great action is made small by its intention." [Abdullah ibn al-Mubarak]


                          The Messenger of Allah raised us, And with Islam gave us life,
                          And taught us to become... aides to the religion of Allah
                          We became united by the light of his guidance, As brethren and like relatives
                          And he watered our souls every time... we were thirsty for faith.
                          Rasul Allah Nasheed by Abu Ali

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                          • #14
                            Re: Ladies would you mind livign with in laws? Men do you plan on making your wife do

                            I understand both points, sometimes the in-laws can be a hindrance in a marriage expecting allot from the wife, and the husband is stuck in the middle.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Ladies would you mind livign with in laws? Men do you plan on making your wife do

                              Originally posted by Islamiyyah View Post
                              I think I want to be a woman activist
                              And men will run away from you

                              The world is not a fair place lol
                              The number one reason you should adopt a black cat is because they are less likely to get adopted. I don't know the reason why

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