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    Husband and Wife... Sex

    salaam all,

    Looking for advice or other people in this situation who can give me correct islamic proof/guidence on what to do. Me and my husband constantly argue over the issue of sex. He wants sex very day. With 3 small children, that is very hard for me. Since he wants to have sex very night and i am too tired, we agreeded to at least every other day or try every day.
    Many times he has the desire to have me at night, but the children wake up and need me. which means i leave him and go take care of the babies/children. when i come back to the bed he is sleeping. and i am too tired so i dont want to wake him. the next morning he is mad and goes days without speaking to me. This is a common occurrence, since i have young babies who still wake up at night.

    Am i at fault??

    1. Is it islamically permissible to attend to the children when they are crying, which means leaving my husband in the bed by himself?

    2. If you have back pain and you are tired, is it islamically permissible to ask your husband to have sex another day?

    #2
    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    Ask him to get a second wife :up:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZVEydn3RKk

    Comment


      #3
      Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

      Make him get up and tend to the kids. He'll soon find out why you're tired and perhaps begin to sympathise.
      You are not aware of the consequences that would result (if you were granted what you desire) because what you seek might be to your detriment. (O soul) be conscious that your Master is more aware about your well-being than you are.

      ~Ibn Al-Jawzee

      Comment


        #4
        Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

        Originally posted by Umm_Hanzalah View Post
        Ask him to get a second wife :up:
        Great way to avoid the issue.
        You are not aware of the consequences that would result (if you were granted what you desire) because what you seek might be to your detriment. (O soul) be conscious that your Master is more aware about your well-being than you are.

        ~Ibn Al-Jawzee

        Comment


          #5
          Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

          salaam aleykum habibti,,,as i know u must accomplish those requirements of your hubby,,,cuse if u do it then u prevent him frm harmful things n doing zina outside the house audhu billahi,,,u must try to be with him every time he needs,likes,asks but there is no punishment frm Allah ta'ala if u cannot do it every time cuse of good reasons,,,just try to do ur best n think u will receive big reward frm Allah Ta'ala,,,nobody can force u do wht u cannot,,,i know tht it is hard ur situation with 3 kids,,there is no sleep, no time just tiredness n a hubby who is kinda selfish,,,let him to take care of babies 1 day n surely he'll ask no intimacy just deep sleep 4 three days continuously,,,may Allah help u n give u sabr n easy life ameen!
          أشهد أن لا إله إلاَّ الله و أشهد أن محمد رسول الله

          Comment


            #6
            Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

            you have to give it to him when he asks for it.

            but he should be understanding about your health and the kids too...

            maybe you can try explaining to him that its hard for you and you need some off nights but can agree on having intimacy like 3 times a week or something.

            or take turns seeing the kids so it balances out and he can see that its not so easy.

            talk to him and see what he says. if hes an understanding guy then hopefully it wont be a problem to be intimate less than 5 times a week or something...
            Screaming, But Will Never Be Heard

            Comment


              #7
              Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

              Originally posted by Ebony View Post
              Great way to avoid the issue.
              Not really.

              What you suggested is good, but men are not like women in that respect and they are also not equal and the same in terms of their needs. There are individual differences as well. It suits some men quite well to have another wife and gives the first wife a break, so that she can do other things while he is away.
              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZVEydn3RKk

              Comment


                #8
                Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

                Its quite immature on his part to stop talking to her because he isn't getting what he wants. Childish behaviour, so bouncing that off onto another isn't exactly productive. He probably doesnt notice the amount of work she has to do, and why she's tired. So appreciation is probably out of the window too. Nevermind sympathy or attempting to compromise/share.

                Not addressing the issue is avoiding it, and avoidance is a major problem since problems and attitudes fester and get transferred onto something/someone else.

                People should try to work on their problems in their marriages instead of deciding to take on another wife or to go away/leave, which in itself is an incredibly inept way to reach a solution to the problem.Then people wonder why they faff about when it comes to problem solving - try not to avoid them in the 1st place would help
                Last edited by Ebony; 16-06-08, 02:40 PM.
                You are not aware of the consequences that would result (if you were granted what you desire) because what you seek might be to your detriment. (O soul) be conscious that your Master is more aware about your well-being than you are.

                ~Ibn Al-Jawzee

                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

                  Originally posted by Ebony View Post
                  Its quite immature on his part to stop talking to her because he isn't getting what he wants. Childish behaviour, so bouncing that off onto another isn't exactly productive. Not addressing the issue is avoiding it, and avoidance is a major problem since problems and attitudes fester and get transferred onto something/someone else.
                  That's his reaction to it. Yes it may be immature, but the issue remains that needs vary from person to person and some people are in fact better off with more than one wife and some wives are better off when their husband has another wife. However, I also think that she should ask him to tend to the children so that he knows how difficult it is for her. I wasn't saying that it is the only way.
                  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZVEydn3RKk

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

                    What if he wanted it 5 times a day, does Islam say she has to attend to him that often?

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

                      Originally posted by Neurostyler View Post
                      What if he wanted it 5 times a day, does Islam say she has to attend to him that often?
                      islamically she must be available anytime he requires,,,if she has no good reason to avoid it,,,
                      أشهد أن لا إله إلاَّ الله و أشهد أن محمد رسول الله

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

                        ....but this is a common reason why we fight. This morning he said that i need to read about the man's right over the wife. But does thoses rights come before crying babies???? i have identical twins and a 2 year old boy.

                        my husband works 60 hours a week. i have no help with the children
                        no time away from them. being tired is over rated, but i still try to please him. But what do i do when its bedtime for the children---they dont want to sleep and my husband desires me?

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

                          Originally posted by GainEmaan View Post
                          ....but this is a common reason why we fight. This morning he said that i need to read about the man's right over the wife. But does thoses rights come before crying babies???? i have identical twins and a 2 year old boy.

                          my husband works 60 hours a week. i have no help with the children
                          no time away from them. being tired is over rated, but i still try to please him. But what do i do when its bedtime for the children---they dont want to sleep and my husband desires me?
                          Spend some time with your husband and then put the kids to bed?
                          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZVEydn3RKk

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

                            Originally posted by GainEmaan View Post
                            ....but this is a common reason why we fight. This morning he said that i need to read about the man's right over the wife. But does thoses rights come before crying babies???? i have identical twins and a 2 year old boy.

                            my husband works 60 hours a week. i have no help with the children
                            no time away from them. being tired is over rated, but i still try to please him. But what do i do when its bedtime for the children---they dont want to sleep and my husband desires me?
                            What about your pleasure! You're making yourself sound like a robot here :(

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

                              Originally posted by GainEmaan View Post
                              my husband works 60 hours a week. i have no help with the children
                              no time away from them. being tired is over rated, but i still try to please him. But what do i do when its bedtime for the children---they dont want to sleep and my husband desires me?
                              Why not work together to get the kids to bed, then you can be intimate together? Just tell him the faster the kids are in bed, the fast you can help him.
                              مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

                              "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
                              It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
                              Surah al-Baqarah
                              [2:245]

                              .:.
                              .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
                              Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

                              .:.
                              ...said the spider to the fly...

                              Comment

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