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Dude, where's the Washing Machine?

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  • Dude, where's the Washing Machine?

    Dude, where's the Washing Machine?
    by Talal Sarwani

    There's a very interesting worldwide phenomena taking place among the Muslim youth of today. Everyone's favorite bit of Sunnah has become the advice of the Prophet (SA'AS) to get married asap. Alhamdulillah, the wisdom of that advice is nothing short of Divine, but the abuse of that advice is causing much trouble in the Ummah today. That trouble has manifested itself into the most hated of what is Halaal: Talaq (Divorce). Kids are getting married right and left, lost in some romanticized version of what married life seems to be about, and the second they find themselves stuck in a mud of responsiblity, it's time to flip out the cell phone and SMS your significant other:

    I divorce you.
    I divorce you.
    I divorce you.

    Indeed, it is a time of cowards.

    So I set out to investigate what was causing this desperate desire for the
    Great Hookup. What did I find? Were the beards really growin' and the brows left un-threaded? Were the kufis being worn and the hijabs being tightened? Was the thawb and the 'abaya truly being donned? Was the scent of 'oud aromafying the surroundings? Read on, brothers and sisters, read on for the truth....

    The number one danger towards the one who is single, is to be around those who have newly become doubles. It's been referred to in the past as The Fever. The Fever is not just the feeling that one needs to get hitched, it's the malady that causes such feelings simply from having attended the hitching ceremonies of all-too-many people in an all-too-short amount of time. For proof of the existence of this syndrome, please go up to any brother (though I claim to know their perspective as well, out of respect, I shall take the Fifth as far as sisters are concerned) during the summer, especially during this Summer of a Thousand Weddings. You'll hear the usual talk of empty hearts needing companionship, of guys swooning over she who looked back and if you're around one after someone else's wedding, a feeling of slight dejection rather than complete happiness for his just betrothed brother and sister. The Fever is a powerful thing, taking over the life of he or she who is stung by it, causing him or her to find themselves raising their hands to Allah every night, asking for either the filling of their empty hearts or at the very least a respite from their feelings. So, brothas and sistas, if you find yourself in this most unwanted predicament, the prescription is as follows:

    Step 1: Lower your gaze
    Step 2: Pray for the feeling to go away
    Step 3: Lower your gaze
    Step 4: Don't talk to others about your predicament (you'll realize they're
    in the same hole, and then the both of you will wallow in each other's
    Step 5: Lower your gaze
    Rinse. Spit. Repeat.

    InshaAllah The Fever should soon subside and all will be back to normal.
    HOWEVER, say the ol' heart sparks at the just barely-sighted-glance of a certain someone, then be sure to follow the following steps. Now, keep in mind this is the ONLY acceptable follow-up to that "cue the chorus" moment.

    Consider this your final warning not to join certain committees of certain
    organizations, "accidentally" finding certain someones sitting there.

    Step 6: ISTIKHARA TIME!!!!!!!!
    Possible Step 7 for Brothers: Be a Man. Call her parents.
    Possible Step 7 for Sisters: Just sit there all coy and shy (I keed, I

    This prescription is signed and endorsed by Shaykh (of the Polaroid Picture kind) Ishq ibn Al-Hubbatani, so you better believe it works.

    There is however a lot more that contributes to the I Think I Love You,
    Marry Me syndrome plaguing the Ummah today. The majority of these causes rests in the realm of what a brother once said: "Blame it on the Deen".

    The Romantic Islam
    As a preface to what follows, let me say that this topic includes far more
    than I can write about in this space, so I'm not gonna cover anything... I
    mean everything. There's literally an incredible amount of things that fall
    into The Romantic Islam, but I'll just touch upon these two of varying
    extremes, to give you just a taste of what I mean.

    I'm using the word romantic not in the sense of an ideal, but in the plain
    old Qais/Majnu/Romeo and their Lailas/Juliet sense. These are those bits (according to the very doubtable research done for this) of Islam that when people gain knowledge of them, at a certain time of their lives, in that certain state of mind, all havoc lets loose, the hearts open up in need, and the shaitaan is called in for playtime.

    You... complete... me...
    When Tom Cruise uttered those words to his love in Jerry McGuire, the heart of every woman in movie theaters around the world let out a collective sigh. If only they knew what Muslimahs had already known for centuries, or at least what they did, once, know.

    I'm referring to the oft-repeated hadith of the Lone Hearted:

    Narrated by Anas, who reported that the Prophet(SA'AS) said:
    When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion...

    We are the creations of a Creator who knows our innards better than we know our names, so when we experience this wisdom that has been passed down to us, our hearts yell: SUBHANALLAH!!! I NEED to get married. Let's just face it, this hadith makes everyone feel good about things, and is among the greatest proliferators of Wandering Heart technology. Do note the "...", because you rarely ever hear the rest of the hadith:

    " let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half."

    'Nuff said, yo. Fo schizzle.

    Sweet Nothings
    Ahem, the following is a very interesting tidbit. It's something I gleaned
    from a brother in whom the desire to be wed was gnawing at him from the
    inside. We were in a room with just pillows on the floor to chill on. It of
    course happened to be a time of someone else's wedding, which is why I just sat relaxing after a long night of partying with the *cough*aunties*cough*.

    So, this brother comes up to me, with a copy of Sahih Bukhari of all things, and he prompts me to read:

    Volume 2, Book 21, Number 258:
    Narrated 'Aisha :

    After offering the Sunna of the Fajr prayer, the Prophet used to talk to me, if I happened to be awake; otherwise he would lie down till the Iqama call was proclaimed (for the Fajr prayer).

    "Alright", I thought, "so?". He plopped himself down onto the floor, and
    with a bleary-eyed look, said: "Wouldn't it be amazing to have someone to talk to when you walk up a little early for Fajr?". Let's just say he didn't take too kindly at me falling over from laughter nor my suggestion that he could always give me a call anytime he feels lonely at that hour. If you're in this state. brothers and sisters, please follow the prescription given to you above, and inshaAllah spare the rest of us from stomach-hurting hilarity.

    The End of This
    Alas, all great things come to an end, as must this column. I just barely
    touched upon what I really wanted to talk about, but my mind is not in a
    state of organization, so I leave you with this little conclusion. Realize
    that marriage isn't a joke or little fling you go through. It's a
    responsibility, where the third party in the trust between a husband and
    wife is Allah. All this talk of love and all that jazz is a distraction, so
    pay little attention to it. There is ONE person for whom you are meant,
    inshaAllah, so take care of your personal half of your deen, and Allah will
    provide you with the best of companionship. Take the halaal way, and you'll feel it yourself. The second the Nikah is done, the man and woman are infused with a feeling of rahmah towards each other granted to them by Allah. It's akin to that sudden mercy felt by one who has just become a parent. It's not something you can understand beforehand.

    There's lots of things in Islam that stir the hearts, but they are there to
    convince you of the correctness of the Straight Path. Don't let the shaitaan lead you astray when he discovers the state of your heart and mind. Seek refuge and establish trust in Allah, for that is the only way to keep yourself on the Sirat-Al-Mustaqeem. Someone once questioned the hurried rush to marriage seen in the Ummah, and couldn't understand how they took that step when they didn't even have a way of supporting a family. "When you're capable of getting her the washing machine, then you're ready to begin a life together".

    So, I humbly bow out, going back to saving a little every two weeks, so that I can inshaAllah buy whatever washing machine her heart desires <-- sarcasm alert for the troublemakers among you If I offended anyone, forgive me, inshaAllah. Oh, and to those souls who recently have been, or soon will be paired back to those they were with in Fitra, our Du'as are with you. May Allah grant you all the best in the Dunya and the Hereafter.. Ameen, Ameen,
    Ya Rabbil 'Alameen.

    Peace out,
    wa alaikum as salaam,

    NOTE: Received this article through email, so thought i'd share it with you guys!:)
    Smiling is Sadaqah! So SMILE :D

    A woman of real beauty smiles in trouble, gathers strength through distress and grows brave by prayer...

  • #2
    Re: Dude, where's the Washing Machine?


    Read this before....Hee-lare-ee-us masha'Allah! *grin*

    Specially the part about waking for fajr...class!

    s a b r


    • #3
      Re: Dude, where's the Washing Machine?

      the washing machine is in the kitchen yaar... :scratch:
      "For those who realise that everything is from Allah, everything is the same."
      ~ Jalaluddin al-Rumi


      • #4
        Re: Dude, where's the Washing Machine?

        Originally posted by ajnabee View Post
        the washing machine is in the kitchen yaar... :scratch:
        He bought it you already?
        s a b r


        • #5
          Re: Dude, where's the Washing Machine?

          haha, quite jokes. so tru.
          "Ask the people of remembrance if you do not know" - Surah Anbiya, 7


          • #6
            Re: Dude, where's the Washing Machine?

            MashaAllah nice post. :up: juzakillahu khairan 4sharing. learnt and laughed alot ;)


            • #7
              Re: Dude, where's the Washing Machine?

              gee ...
              "And who is better in speech than he who invites to Allah, and does righteous deeds, and says: 'I am one of the Muslims'." [Qur'an 41:33]


              • #8
                Re: Dude, where's the Washing Machine?

                That was very funny



                • #9
                  Re: Dude, where's the Washing Machine?

                  Bump for Ramadaan 2011
                  There is rest only in the aakhira.
                  Man will rest in the aakhira according to how hard he strives in dunya.

                  - Khaalid Ibn Al Waleed (ra) -

                  If you find yourself in a time where speech is regarded as knowledge,
                  and knowledge is regarded as deeds,
                  then you are in the worst of times, with the worst of people.

                  - Abu Hazim Al Ashja'i (ra) -

                  I saw a dog without any clothes on .
                  That's right, a nude dog.
                  The Deepweb is disgusting.
                  - Unknown -

                  The Middle Road - At-Tanzil - Hifz Thread - Muslim Healthy Living
                  Inheritors of Qur'aan

                  Download Links


                  • #10
                    Re: Dude, where's the Washing Machine?

                    Originally posted by -Jibril- View Post
                    Bump for Ramadaan 2011
                    the washing machine is in london... hence all my clothes are dirty.... they dont make washing machines like they used to hey
                    OH Allah help your slaves in As Sham
                    Donate to syria.
                    *Sisters please do not rep or PM me as my wife will kill me so rep her instead*


                    • #11
                      Re: Dude, where's the Washing Machine?

                      I didn't like the way this article was written, what is wrong with wanting someone to share your life with as well as fulfilling your deen, it is natural in most people to desire marriage in their youth and the older you get the more it dawns on you.

                      Early marriage is still one of the best things a person can do.

                      So what if you dont have a washing machine? Ali (ra) married the daughter of the Prophet (saw) he had no money subhanallah he had to sell one of his only possessions, body armour.

                      That would be equivalent today of somebody selling their car or something.

                      If you marry the right woman you don't need a washing machine, you can get the laundry done, and with time inshallah Allah will give you wealth.

                      I agree with the overall message that we should not have unrealistic expectations but washing machine, tv, dishwasher these are not the essentials of life.
                      "And remind, for indeed, the reminder benefits the believers"(51:55)

                      The Snake and Malik ibn Dinar


                      • #12
                        Re: Dude, where's the Washing Machine?

                        whats a washing machine???
                        And the (faithful) slaves of the Most Gracious (All‚h) are those who walk on the earth in humility and sedateness, and when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with mild words of gentleness. (25:63)

                        O You who believe! Shall I guide you to a trade that will save you from a painful torment? (10) That you believe in All‚h and His Messenger (Muhammad SAW),and that you strive hard and fight in the Cause of All‚h with your wealth and your lives, that will be better for you, if you but know! (11) (If you do so) He will forgive you your sins, and admit you into Gardens under which rivers flow, and pleasant dwellings in Adn (Edn) Paradise; that is indeed the great success. (12)

                        JazakAllah khair for the duas but i would prefer duas for shahadah instead.

                        sponsor an orphan


                        • #13
                          Re: Dude, where's the Washing Machine?

                          Originally posted by uncle umar View Post
                          whats a washing machine???
                          Tell me about it, like its GOT to be on the priority list of "must haves" before you can get hitched.
                          "And remind, for indeed, the reminder benefits the believers"(51:55)

                          The Snake and Malik ibn Dinar


                          • #14
                            Re: Dude, where's the Washing Machine?

                            Despite the fact that I know we should have good thoughts about our brothers and sisters but I find it hard to believe a practising brother let alone a man wrote this. Why are you trying to make girls putt off marriage even more than they are in these times that we live inlol. I do not want to sound like old man but it will all end in fitna I tell you!!!!!

                            Listen in this day and age we could put off marriage 'but really' is that the answer, I think that a lot of people whom have just been practising Islam for a year or two would probably say that. But come on how long will you lower your gaze, how long is that rush of Emaan going to last. Having a partner will help you through this journey called life but make sure he or she is very pious. If you are someone that just stays at home all day and does not have a job or even studies then I can imagine you not wanting to get married.

                            I live in the West where there is mixing between the genders all the time, so I will never criticise a young brother or sister who wishes to marry early instead of getting a girlfriend or boyfriend which is not very hard in this country. May Allah help all whom wish to get married early seeking his face and chastity.

                            Last edited by learnArabic; 20-08-11, 02:32 PM.