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  • Preventing the Girlfriend-Boyfriend Relationship

    Preventing The Girlfriend-Boyfriend Relationship
    In Islam, there is no such thing as a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. You are either married or you are not. This is what we have to ingrain into our children at the early stage. We should not wait for them to come to us when they are teenagers to ask about girlfriend-boyfriend relationships. Hence, it is important that we teach our children that the only time a girl or boy can have a relationship with a non-Mahram (non-Mahram is someone whom they can marry) is when they are married! Furthermore, if a boy brings his family to ask for a girl's hand from her parents (Koutobah).

    At the teenage level, we should not be shy to teach them the severity of pre-marital relationships. First they should know that pre-marital relationships is haram in Islam and we should point out to them the punishment for sexual relationships outside of marriage:

    Ibn Masoud (r.a.a.) related that Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) said,

    "The blood of a Muslim may not be legally spilt other than in one of three instances: the married person who commits adultery, a life for a life, and one who forsakes his religion and abandons the community." (Bukhari and Muslim)


    Also, we should give them or quote to them examples from day to day problems and show them or prove to them that all these problems we hear about like abandoned children, broken homes, abortions, and sexual diseases are caused by what is called the pre-marital relationships.
    At this stage your teenage child may say that G-B relationships need not go as far as the sexual act; that they can control themselves and simply enjoy each other's company. You explain to them that when a girl and a boy are alone, their sexual desires awaken and before they know it, they will be doing things that are not permissible between unmarried people. The reason for this is because Shaytaan will be the third person with them (Ahmad) and he will whisper and tempt them with the forbidden. This is why Islam shuns all avenues leading to Zina.

    You should also teach them to restrain their desires. Abut Hurairah (r.a.a.) narrated that Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) said that among the seven persons whom Allah will shade i His Shade on the Day of Judgement when there is no shade except His Shade, is a man who is tempted by a beautiful woman and refuses to respond for fear of Allah. (Bukhari and Muslim).

    How to avoid your children from getting into a G-B relationship? First, you must talk and explain to them these things when they are young, then when they are older, you make sure that it is put into practice.

    You must teach him or her to:

    1. Not to freely mix witht he opposite sex by demonstrating that in your own home.

    2. Not to look at the opposite sex by lowering or averting their eyes, as Allah tells us: "Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and to protect their private parts. That is purer for them. Verily Allah is All-Aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and prtect their private parts..." (24)30-31)

    3. For girls, teach them not to make their voices seductive or sweet in front of non-Mahram. This is done by lowering the voice and not flirting.

    4. Last but not least, teach them to wear appropriate clothing so as not to draw attention to themselves. That is, girls should wear Hijab and loose clothing while boys should also wear loose clothing, not the tight jeans or pants with t-shirt tucked in. It is sad that, often, parents allow their children to wear fashion clothing which, in most cases, do not meet the requirement of acceptable Islamic dress code.


    It is important that we start teaching our children the need to feel modesty, especially around the opposite sex. If we instill this into them at an early age, then inshallah, whenever they are near the vicinity of the opposite sex, they will feel shy and, therefore, will not act inappropriately. It is also important that we keep the communication channels open with our children so that we can talk and explain to them things, and they can ask us questions, without any party feeling embarrassed.

    Taken from "Al-Aqsa" magazine, September 1999 issue #60, Calgary, Alberta

    smiles warm & shinin like d sun upon our faces :)
    hope is rich and green like d trees of an oasis :D
    d colours of ISLAM bloom in so many places :inlove:
    so many different colours of ISLAM ;)
    :love: :love:

  • #2
    Re: Preventing the Girlfriend-Boyfriend Relationship

    Asaalam,

    Thanks for posting, may ALLAH give you AJAR.

    Jazakallah

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Preventing the Girlfriend-Boyfriend Relationship

      _bump_ very good Post. :jkk: for posting,
      " The issue in palestine will not be solved by the United States or any western country. It's not going to be solved by Dan Six Pack or Sally Soccer mom! " Anwar Al-Awlaki

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Preventing the Girlfriend-Boyfriend Relationship

        :start:

        :salams

        :jkk: for posting sister.

        I had a question. I always tuck in my shirt, what exactly is the reason for its not being allowed as stated in the article?
        www.ashaabulquran.com
        www.aladabalmufrad.wordpress.com

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Preventing the Girlfriend-Boyfriend Relationship

          :start:

          :salams

          It is a very good topic because I see so many Muslim brothers and sisters around me who are 'dating', although they claim that they only meet in public places and their greatest privacy is on the telephone or the internet.

          As mentioned in the posts above, it is important that good parenting should inculcate a level of hayaa and modesty in young Muslims that they should stay away from the whisperings of the Shaytaan and thus stay away from the company of girls. However, in the present education system, pure alienation is not always possible.

          I personally feel that good parenting does not end at merely educating the children. There needs to be monitoring (though not spying), and it is needed that parents should themselves break the norms of the western cultural habits that have overtaken Muslims. For example, the notion that marriage can take place only after the boy reaches a so-and-so career level (read financial security), etc. In truth, Islam only requires that a person who has reached puberty and is capable of maintaining a wife (even in humble conditions) should be allowed, in fact, encouraged to marry. So parents should encourage their sons to marry as soon as they can afford a humble life for themselves rather than waiting for reaching a socially accepted career level.

          Secondly, parents should not inculcate feelings of racism in the minds of the next generation by propagating racist notions which are quite baseless (though powerful enough to influence Muslims today) - e.g. white women are adulterous, black skin is equivalent to ugliness, women from the subcontinent are sub-standard (or for some, they're the only ones whom one should marry), men who take a second wife are lusty baboons (Naoodhubillah), marriage should take place only after one is at least 25, without a bungalow and a car we can't marry our daughter, marriage to a Ahle-kitab will only end up with the children bowing to Virgin Mary etc. I think the prevalence of such widespread notions (and many others) in most Islamic families scare Muslims away from talking to their parents about their infatuations (which are easy to have in this age of co-education) and further, the disdain with which most parents treat their children's desire of marriage (often becoming angry that their son is searching for prospective brides rather than reading prospective career manuals) is driving these young Muslims to a rebellious sort of situation where the only relief they get is by living the make-believe world of 'Islamic dating' where, as I said, they can claim to meet only in public places, etc.

          In my opinion the freedom and ease of marriage in the Prophet :saw:'s times is the only solution to curtail the ease and freedom of adultery in our times. There will always be shaytaan whispering in our ears to engage in sinful acts, but when we associate too much cultural leanings and traditional notions with something as important as marriage, many Muslims who do not want to engage in sin get carried away with the idea of a 'sacred' dating which has high chances of leading any person to zina, as rightly pointed in the post above.
          Allaah said to His Prophets Moosaa and Haaroon (AS) when they were going to Fir’awn: “So say to him a kind word, perhaps he will remember or fear.” [Soorah Taa Haa 21:44]. The Prophet :saw: warned, “Beware of extremism, since those before you were only destroyed by extremism.” [Authenticated by Sh al-Albaanee in Silsilatul-Ahaadeethis-Saheehah (no.2183)] Salaat Time Freeware

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Preventing the Girlfriend-Boyfriend Relationship

            Originally posted by HighDreamer View Post
            :start:

            :salams

            It is a very good topic because I see so many Muslim brothers and sisters around me who are 'dating', although they claim that they only meet in public places and their greatest privacy is on the telephone or the internet.

            As mentioned in the posts above, it is important that good parenting should inculcate a level of hayaa and modesty in young Muslims that they should stay away from the whisperings of the Shaytaan and thus stay away from the company of girls. However, in the present education system, pure alienation is not always possible.

            I personally feel that good parenting does not end at merely educating the children. There needs to be monitoring (though not spying), and it is needed that parents should themselves break the norms of the western cultural habits that have overtaken Muslims. For example, the notion that marriage can take place only after the boy reaches a so-and-so career level (read financial security), etc. In truth, Islam only requires that a person who has reached puberty and is capable of maintaining a wife (even in humble conditions) should be allowed, in fact, encouraged to marry. So parents should encourage their sons to marry as soon as they can afford a humble life for themselves rather than waiting for reaching a socially accepted career level.

            Secondly, parents should not inculcate feelings of racism in the minds of the next generation by propagating racist notions which are quite baseless (though powerful enough to influence Muslims today) - e.g. white women are adulterous, black skin is equivalent to ugliness, women from the subcontinent are sub-standard (or for some, they're the only ones whom one should marry), men who take a second wife are lusty baboons (Naoodhubillah), marriage should take place only after one is at least 25, without a bungalow and a car we can't marry our daughter, marriage to a Ahle-kitab will only end up with the children bowing to Virgin Mary etc. I think the prevalence of such widespread notions (and many others) in most Islamic families scare Muslims away from talking to their parents about their infatuations (which are easy to have in this age of co-education) and further, the disdain with which most parents treat their children's desire of marriage (often becoming angry that their son is searching for prospective brides rather than reading prospective career manuals) is driving these young Muslims to a rebellious sort of situation where the only relief they get is by living the make-believe world of 'Islamic dating' where, as I said, they can claim to meet only in public places, etc.

            In my opinion the freedom and ease of marriage in the Prophet :saw:'s times is the only solution to curtail the ease and freedom of adultery in our times. There will always be shaytaan whispering in our ears to engage in sinful acts, but when we associate too much cultural leanings and traditional notions with something as important as marriage, many Muslims who do not want to engage in sin get carried away with the idea of a 'sacred' dating which has high chances of leading any person to zina, as rightly pointed in the post above.
            Very very well Said akhee. :jkk:
            " The issue in palestine will not be solved by the United States or any western country. It's not going to be solved by Dan Six Pack or Sally Soccer mom! " Anwar Al-Awlaki

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Preventing the Girlfriend-Boyfriend Relationship

              Originally posted by Sulaiman Harun View Post
              :start:

              :salams

              :jkk: for posting sister.

              I had a question. I always tuck in my shirt, what exactly is the reason for its not being allowed as stated in the article?
              :wswrwb:

              I don't know if the sister meant that it is not allowed.

              But it is a Sunnah of our Beloved Prophet :saw: to wear a long kameez at least until the knees so that it covers the awrah.
              The Sahaba (radiAllahu anhum) used to cling to the Sunnah just because it was Sunnah
              Today we abandon the Sunnah, just because it's Sunnah.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Preventing the Girlfriend-Boyfriend Relationship

                Those suggestions have little impact on the closed minds of the Muslim elders.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Preventing the Girlfriend-Boyfriend Relationship

                  :jkk: for the reminder. This is such an important lesson to teach the young ones.
                  Allah is so Great and Merciful that although we continue to disobey Him, He still awaits for our repentance so that He may forgive us.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Preventing the Girlfriend-Boyfriend Relationship

                    :alhumdull islam is perfect

                    jazkkallah for sharing sista :love:
                    j u s t B ...y o u r s e l f.

                    Comment

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