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  • Do you have expectations?

    Do you have expectations of your marriage? By that I mean how you and your wife/husband will interact with one another - the chemistry you'll have, how close you'll be? Do you sometimes think about that and consider it a dream or a hope?

    Say you did get married, and it didn't turn out that way. Your marriage is fine, it's stable and you two still smile on occasion, but its not how you pictured it. They met your requirements physically and character wise, but you two didn't have the chemistry that you would have hoped her.

    How would this affect you do you wonder?
    If you read this closely enough you might spot the secret message hidden in it

    Mr President, You Are Wrong

  • #2
    Re: Do you have expectations?

    Originally posted by Kal-El View Post
    Do you have expectations of your marriage? By that I mean how you and your wife/husband will interact with one another - the chemistry you'll have, how close you'll be? Do you sometimes think about that and consider it a dream or a hope?

    Say you did get married, and it didn't turn out that way. Your marriage is fine, it's stable and you two still smile on occasion, but its not how you pictured it. They met your requirements physically and character wise, but you two didn't have the chemistry that you would have hoped her.


    Yes i certainly do have expectations.
    I usually picture us having things to talk about - intellectual, jokes and stuff maybe even books we read together. how i'd like to tease her and the likes.
    If it doesnt turn out that way, it will bother me a bit because i get bored easily and so if there is nothing to talk about, i wonder what we'll do with each other.

    How would this affect you do you wonder?
    I really dont know. i guess i'll spend a lot of time outside.:o

    But i really hope it turns out like i picture it.
    I'm trying to learn how to smile :D ;)

    which is best

    [B]tabbassumuka fii wajhi akhiika [I]sadaka[/I][/B]

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    • #3
      Re: Do you have expectations?

      I hope it doesn't affect me and rather I adapt to the person I get married to as opposed to wanting to live in the fantasies of my own expectations.
      That said, my expectations differ from week to week if that makes sense. I dont ever want to stick to one criteria of expectations, if again that makes sense because Allah knows best what I will get for another half.
      I hope that in reality, I can adapt though...hmmm..
      ''You can't separate peace from freedom because no one can be at peace without freedom''- MalcolmX:freedom:
      www.feesabilillah.com
      www.freefilistin.com
      www.freesheeshan.com

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      • #4
        Re: Do you have expectations?

        :salams

        you know you can't help to imagine how things will be like, say your going to have an exam or go for an interview or a big moment/important moment you can't help but imagine what it will be like...

        and most times it turns out better than we hope

        sure i have expectations but not down to the thought of imagining every detail

        i'd say i have 'hopes' more than expectations... hopes that we will be like this or like that... and hope/expect we will engage each other intellectually/Islamically talk about the future and make plans together, dicuss likes and interests etc

        i'd say yes i would be disappointed if our relationship was empty,

        i think the best thing is don't plan everything to the last detail.. and at the end of the day most marriages are what you make them so... give and inshAllah you will get back
        Bye bye :salams

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        • #5
          Re: Do you have expectations?

          Originally posted by Kal-El View Post
          Do you have expectations of your marriage? By that I mean how you and your wife/husband will interact with one another - the chemistry you'll have, how close you'll be? Do you sometimes think about that and consider it a dream or a hope?

          Say you did get married, and it didn't turn out that way. Your marriage is fine, it's stable and you two still smile on occasion, but its not how you pictured it. They met your requirements physically and character wise, but you two didn't have the chemistry that you would have hoped her.

          How would this affect you do you wonder?
          i really dont think about it, i dont have any picture of "how is should be" u cant do that really cos u dont know who u will marry so i dont understand how i can have expectations because it would be unrealistic i just take things as i find them.

          anyway as a muslim, he will want to live by what Allah and his messenger salAllahu alleyhi wa salam has stated,and that is not an expectation that is a given,because that is what makes us muslims. if he does that then its enough for me, and that in itself would mean i can easily put up with any personal faults, deformities, disabilities, or a lack of anything insha Allah because even if he didnt like u much he would be just and kind with you and u would never know that he didnt really love u in that way, and if he really loved u then he would still treat u just as well either way u would be freinds . As `umar ibn al khattab said marriage is kindness and mercy if it was built on love alone then no marriage would ever last.

          i just ask that he be kind and merciful and just with me anything else would be a bonus.life is too short to be worrying about finding the perfect "soul mate" because al jannah is what we seek at the end of this life insha Allah, and there is the only place where our lives and partners will be perfect alhamdulillah, so it can wait im not seeking any kind of perfection in this life .
          Last edited by *asiya*; 10-04-08, 09:09 PM.
          "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

          The Prophet :saw: said:

          "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

          muslim

          Narrated 'Abdullah:

          The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


          "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

          By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

          [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

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          • #6
            Re: Do you have expectations?

            I've never thought about this, I think about him having a house, good job, money, goodlooking etc but never about the person. Eeek
            My ♥ only lets الله‎ in
            ‘O Allah, forgive me, have mercy upon me, guide me, give me health and grant me sustenance.’
            “Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

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            • #7
              Re: Do you have expectations?

              Originally posted by `asiya View Post
              i really dont think about it, i dont have any picture of "how is should be" u cant do that really cos u dont know who u will marry so i dont understand how i can have expectations because it would be unrealistic i just take things as i find them.

              anyway as a muslim, he will want to live by what Allah and his messenger salAllahu alleyhi wa salam has stated,and that is not an expectation that is a given,because that is what makes us muslims. if he does that then its enough for me, and that in itself would mean i can easily put up with any personal faults, deformities, disabilities, or a lack of anything insha Allah because even if he didnt like u much he would be just and kind with you and u would never know that he didnt really love u in that way, and if he really loved u then he would still treat u just as well either way u would be freinds . As `umar ibn al khattab said marriage is kindness and mercy if it was built on love alone then no marriage would ever last.

              i just ask that he be kind and merciful and just with me anything else would be a bonus.life is too short to be worrying about finding the perfect "soul mate" because al jannah is what we seek at the end of this life insha Allah, and there is the only place where our lives and partners will be perfect alhamdulillah, so it can wait im not seeking any kind of perfection in this life .

              I agree with this mashAllah. I reserve my high expectations for Jannah only.
              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZVEydn3RKk

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Do you have expectations?

                Originally posted by `asiya View Post
                i really dont think about it, i dont have any picture of "how is should be" u cant do that really cos u dont know who u will marry so i dont understand how i can have expectations because it would be unrealistic i just take things as i find them.

                anyway as a muslim, he will want to live by what Allah and his messenger salAllahu alleyhi wa salam has stated,and that is not an expectation that is a given,because that is what makes us muslims. if he does that then its enough for me, and that in itself would mean i can easily put up with any personal faults, deformities, disabilities, or a lack of anything insha Allah because even if he didnt like u much he would be just and kind with you and u would never know that he didnt really love u in that way, and if he really loved u then he would still treat u just as well either way u would be freinds . As `umar ibn al khattab said marriage is kindness and mercy if it was built on love alone then no marriage would ever last.

                i just ask that he be kind and merciful and just with me anything else would be a bonus.life is too short to be worrying about finding the perfect "soul mate" because al jannah is what we seek at the end of this life insha Allah, and there is the only place where our lives and partners will be perfect alhamdulillah, so it can wait im not seeking any kind of perfection in this life .

                Masha Allah u have said it so beautiful i cant say it better my self. thats what i ask for as well, I hope that Allah swt gives me a person that will be good and just with me and loves me cause of the sake of Allah swt. The other things is just a extra bounty of Allah swt.

                May Allah swt gives us All that kind of person we wish for

                Ameen
                They want to extinguish Allah's Light with their mouths, but Allah will not allow except that His Light should be perfected even though the disbelievers hate (it).)- It is He Who has sent His Messenger with guidance and the religion of truth, to make it superior over all religions even though the idolators hate (it).) Surah Al-Tawbah 32-33

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                • #9
                  Re: Do you have expectations?

                  no expectations = no disappointment
                  Sayyiduna Umar (Allah be pleased with him) said, "I heard the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) say, “If you relied on Allah as He should be relied on, He would provide for you as He provides for birds.
                  They go out hungry in the early morning, and return full in the evening." [Tirmidhi]


                  sigpic

                  Do not try to run away from trials and tribulations, but endure them with patience. They cannot be avoided, and there is nothing for it but to endure them with patience. How can you expect the whole of this world, and all that has been created therein, to undergo change and transformation just to suit your convenience? The Prophets are the best of all creatures, yet they have always had to suffer afflictions and so it is for their followers, those who tread in their footsteps as they walk along their highway, emulating their example.


                  Shaikh Abdul Qadir al-Jilani

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                  • #10
                    Re: Do you have expectations?

                    Originally posted by Eemaan View Post
                    no expectations = no disappointment
                    simple! lol i agree with that. :up:

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Do you have expectations?

                      Beautiful Statement by Umar Ibn Khattab (ra).
                      Someone that when you look at, when you speak to...reminds you of the ahkira, be it when crying or laughing InshAllaah.
                      This is something i wish for Fisibili'Allaah.
                      Other than that, if they are following the Guidence of Mohammed (saw), InshAllah we should be satisfied as this is the only way to attain Jannah= this should be our real expectation.

                      Wsalaam

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Do you have expectations?

                        fiance has sky high expectations.

                        my expectations are wayyy below average.
                        Screaming, But Will Never Be Heard

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Do you have expectations?

                          Originally posted by `asiya View Post
                          i really dont think about it, i dont have any picture of "how is should be" u cant do that really cos u dont know who u will marry so i dont understand how i can have expectations because it would be unrealistic i just take things as i find them.

                          anyway as a muslim, he will want to live by what Allah and his messenger salAllahu alleyhi wa salam has stated,and that is not an expectation that is a given,because that is what makes us muslims. if he does that then its enough for me, and that in itself would mean i can easily put up with any personal faults, deformities, disabilities, or a lack of anything insha Allah because even if he didnt like u much he would be just and kind with you and u would never know that he didnt really love u in that way, and if he really loved u then he would still treat u just as well either way u would be freinds . As `umar ibn al khattab said marriage is kindness and mercy if it was built on love alone then no marriage would ever last.

                          i just ask that he be kind and merciful and just with me anything else would be a bonus.life is too short to be worrying about finding the perfect "soul mate" because al jannah is what we seek at the end of this life insha Allah, and there is the only place where our lives and partners will be perfect alhamdulillah, so it can wait im not seeking any kind of perfection in this life .
                          i totally agree with u sis asiya:up:
                          'Whenever I remember that day.......I think Allah will never forgive me---- and I faint' :lailah:
                          Sa'eed Ibn Amir (ra)

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                          • #14
                            Re: Do you have expectations?

                            I won't say expectations..(I hate that word).

                            I would call it a reality. For me, I would make it work. You can never have an effortless marriage. Marriage IS what you make it.
                            “The great Imam ash-Shafi’, he went to his teacher Waki`
                            Complaining about the weakness of his memory.
                            He told him, ‘abandon rebellion, for knowledge is a light
                            And the light of Allah is not bestowed upon a rebel.”

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Do you have expectations?

                              Originally posted by SalafUsSalih View Post
                              Beautiful Statement by Umar Ibn Khattab (ra).
                              Someone that when you look at, when you speak to...reminds you of the ahkira, be it when crying or laughing InshAllaah.
                              This is something i wish for Fisibili'Allaah.
                              Other than that, if they are following the Guidence of Mohammed (saw), InshAllah we should be satisfied as this is the only way to attain Jannah= this should be our real expectation.

                              Wsalaam
                              MashaAllah, agreed :up:

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