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  • #76
    Re: has he got G's

    I am a student. I asked my parents if I could get married because there was someone who I would like to ask via her brother asking her father and continuing discussions from there, with questions going both ways (i.e. she could speak to my sisters and my mum). I obviously don't know what the response would be from the sister's side either way, but I wanted to see what my parents thought of the timing.

    My Mum said that I should finish my education first. However, I spoke to her more about Qadr and that anything can come from anything, it is all from Allah swt in the end. She was still a bit doubtful, but she said that its possible. Basically, I made clear that I wasn't trying to be unrealistic. I would have to ask the sister if she was willing to live in my parents house, whether her parents would continue to support her education (as I would assume she would want to continue and so should do so but I know I couldn't afford that at the moment but would if I could) and possibly not live together immediately if she wasn't happy with that. Perhaps visits. That doesn't go down well with asians, but still a possibility. I also made clear that my major reason for wanting to marry this sister was purely for her religious commitment from what I had noticed in passing (i.e. I am not a stalker!). Thats why I confident that I was not doing wrong by deciding that I wanted to marry. And still I don't feel that that is wrong.

    She asked my dad, he said that he would advise me to stand on my own two feet first.Alhamdulillah. I think he means that I should have a proper income (like consistent and at least 10k like you all have been saying) but rather than the amount more that it is enough for basic shelter and food. Probably at minimum, be able to contribute to household costs if we are to live together. That means whilst its all well and good saying you don't need money because Allah swt will support you, one has to look at their own financial and circumstantial situation, that Allah swt has placed one in. My Dad could have been the type who would be happy to support his son (me) and son's wife, i.e. with shelter and food, but he isn't (with good reason), and nor is it his duty to do so. Quite clear, perhaps I will talk and at least start discussions with the sister and her family, but either the nikah or the 'living together' timing would have to be later. Allahu Alim. At least I am a Muslim and so I know that all situations are good for me.

    May Allah guide us all to make good decisions which are the best for us in this life and the next. I ask Allah to make us patient with His Decrees and continue to shower us with mercy and bounties as He has always done so. May Allah swt forgive my family, and all our parents, and continue to bless them with the wisdom to advise us. Ameen.
    Last edited by Tosh; 30-12-07, 09:21 PM.

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    • #77
      Re: has he got G's

      The best person to know and to ask what makes a man "financially" stable would be your fathers.

      They've been there, done that (and bought the shalwar!) so who better to get good advice from?

      For those who think they can survive on 10K per annum, which part of the UK do you live in?? You wouldn't be able to get a place of your own on that kind of income (probably barely cover rent) not to mention the bills, tax (unless you are both students) and food. If you have savings (not just a £10) of a few grand (which if you are in Uni and working then you should have scraped something together) then yes you could live on 10K (and your savings) until you get a job/graduate.

      No-one said its easy. So best not to look for the easy option.
      Last edited by Ebony; 30-12-07, 09:40 PM.
      You are not aware of the consequences that would result (if you were granted what you desire) because what you seek might be to your detriment. (O soul) be conscious that your Master is more aware about your well-being than you are.

      ~Ibn Al-Jawzee

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      • #78
        Re: has he got G's

        Originally posted by insomniac View Post
        :salams

        :jkk:

        do you mean accomodation of own or own a house of his own? (the latter would be asking a bit much to be honest)
        Wa Alaikum Salaam, Barak Allaahu Fee.

        I agree, a place to stay is sufficient. I didn't necessarily mean one had to own a house. However it would make life that much easier.
        IBNMUSLIM
        Bringing the Youth back to the Truth

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        • #79
          Re: has he got G's

          Originally posted by Hisham Abu View Post
          Wa Alaikum Salaam, Barak Allaahu Fee.

          I agree, a place to stay is sufficient. I didn't necessarily mean one had to own a house. However it would make life that much easier.
          Exactly. If it could be agreed by all involved people that you would live in one of your parents' houses without charge, or with some charge, thats fine. But if that is not possible, and you can't afford a house, then actually not so practical. Its about circumstance, relationship with one's parents, marriage partner preferences, but actually these things aren't complicated if you think and ask, most people will actually know when its reasonable...
          Last edited by Tosh; 30-12-07, 09:54 PM.

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          • #80
            Re: has he got G's

            Originally posted by Abu Muslim View Post
            wa iyyak.

            Nah subhan'Allah I completely get where parents our from, if Im ever blessed with a daughter insha'Allah, I too would want the best for her and for the guy to be able to provide, however I feel some parents take this concept to extremes and they demand a car..and a house with a 50inch T.V and 5 bedrooms and the list goes on..

            And I wouldnt turn down a man due to the fact he doesnt have a good car or isnt able to buy my daughter a new dress every week as long as he is pious, has the deen and my daughter is happy with him insha'Allah [shoot, im too young for this stuff, why am I going on about this]

            Also, if the brother is studying in university, the most a brother can do at the time is part time job while he studies and I feel parents should be more open to this idea. But if one feels they can wait and waiting is worth being able to buy her the luxuries than thats cool too but bear in mind how long do you wait and in this time you did wait, you miss out on the blessings of being married young.

            Ameen to parents dua.

            And yep, heres the opinion of the ulema that I was on about before and not just making it up.

            http://islamqa.com/index.php?ref=10680&ln=eng

            Rights of wife:

            Spending. The scholars of Islam are agreed that it is obligatory for husbands to spend on their wives, on the condition that the wife make herself available to her husband. If she refuses him or rebels, then she is not entitled to that spending.

            What is meant by spending is providing what the wife needs of food and accommodation.
            *smiles* *thumsb up*

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            • #81
              Re: has he got G's

              G for Grandad
              Watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nvM7L5Wm7q0

              ‎"If she's not on the deen, she's not fit to be your queen. If he hasn't got imaan, he's not fit to be your man."



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              • #82
                Re: has he got G's

                Originally posted by insomniac View Post
                are men really ready to start up families?

                what exactly qualifies as a man being able to maintain a family?

                how much money would someone really need in the UK to start up a family?



                (curiosity killed the cat I know - but at least the cat died knowing)

                please keep to thread topic :insha:
                as long as he has enough to pay the rent the bills, and put food on the table :up: as the hadith says what means ( paraphrasing here) the food of one is enough for two and the food for two is enough for three. Allah ta ala provides for us if we rely and trust in Him ta ala, and children dont cost much to feed and raise if we dont get sucked into the comercialisim of it all alhamdulillah.
                "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

                The Prophet :saw: said:

                "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

                muslim

                Narrated 'Abdullah:

                The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


                "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

                By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

                [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

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                • #83
                  Re: has he got G's

                  Originally posted by Ibn Khattab View Post
                  G for Grandad
                  G for gangsta G for gays :asta: G for GF's



                  "The `Aalim knows who is a Jaahil, because he used to be a Jaahil before. But the Jaahil does not know who is an `Aalim, because he was never an `Aalim before."


                  Imaam Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullaah in Majmoo`ul Fataawaa.


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                  • #84
                    Re: has he got G's

                    I coulda sworn she meant money and not gangsta gays :asta: or GF's

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                    • #85
                      Re: has he got G's

                      I read this hadith just yesterday (or was it the day before :scratch:)

                      Narrated by Ubaydullah ibn Mihsan radhiallahu anhu

                      Allah's Messenger (peace_be_upon_him) said, "If anyone among you is secure in mind in the morning, healthy in body, possessed of food for the day, it is as though the whole world has been brought into his possession."

                      Mishkat al Masabih



                      "The `Aalim knows who is a Jaahil, because he used to be a Jaahil before. But the Jaahil does not know who is an `Aalim, because he was never an `Aalim before."


                      Imaam Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullaah in Majmoo`ul Fataawaa.


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                      • #86
                        Re: has he got G's

                        Originally posted by Ibn Sina View Post
                        I coulda sworn she meant money and not gangsta gays :asta: or GF's
                        And here i always thought she meant Guts :scratch:



                        "The `Aalim knows who is a Jaahil, because he used to be a Jaahil before. But the Jaahil does not know who is an `Aalim, because he was never an `Aalim before."


                        Imaam Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullaah in Majmoo`ul Fataawaa.


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                        • #87
                          Re: has he got G's

                          Abu Muslim
                          Also, if the brother is studying in university, the most a brother can do at the time is part time job while he studies and I feel parents should be more open to this idea. But if one feels they can wait and waiting is worth being able to buy her the luxuries than thats cool too but bear in mind how long do you wait and in this time you did wait, you miss out on the blessings of being married young.
                          This is another thing. You see, students won't stay poor forever, they often (mostly!) study to earn more later. Surely a relationship that develops into having more money as time goes on is still good. Then you could still buy the luxuries, but the desire could be there even when the money isn't.

                          Blessings of marrying young, is that to the youngest of people who is eligible for marriage (adolescent)? Have we messed things up with education being full time until so late?

                          Allahu Alim.
                          Allah is Ar-Razzaq - The Provider.

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                          • #88
                            Re: has he got G's

                            What does it mean to have G's?
                            Time beat you to it

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                            • #89
                              Re: has he got G's

                              G's = Grand


                              10g's 10 grand.

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                              • #90
                                Re: has he got G's

                                Originally posted by Abu Muslim View Post
                                It may be nice that you want to buy extras for your wives, doesnt everyone, but not everyone is destined to be "comfortable" financially. There are millions of poor people around the world [go to any arab country or asian one] and compared to us UK'ers, they are literally miskeen, however they are living happy married lives.
                                the thing wit that is in poorer countries the ppl's opportunity to earn a decent living is quite limited so its quite normal for ppl to be broke but over in tha uk thers alot of opportunities to make good money.


                                Your attitude could send you to heaven your attitude could send you to hell
                                Sometimes my mind goes blank i think insane and then post shaytan :FACT



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