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  • #61
    Re: has he got G's

    Originally posted by ADZ w3 View Post
    but u might never have it and never get it sorry this is gona sound harsh but
    people are living on cloud nine lol..the prophet saw told us 4 things to choose a prospect on, and yes the best is deen as u may be rich ondya and go bankrupt the other but the hadeeth i quoted earlier shows that u tke the situation on face value , yes you marry the brother becuase he will be able to provide for u a good life however u dont marry him because of that, he has deen as well and the looks n what not..a man with deen with money or striving for money is gona be a better prospect then the one on deen and no money coz the one wid the money obv worked for it, who understands about being independant from people and one who strives for his rizq and understands the link between knoledge and action.etc. (basically what umm Y said mashallah!!)

    which brings me nicely onto the following link *smiles*
    http://www.ummah.com/forum/showpost....61&postcount=1

    looool

    wow...3am better get some sleep lol
    Originally posted by umm_yusuf View Post
    Not necessarily ukhti,

    A life of hardship means a life of hardship. This is the harsh reality. All those people living in lala land talking about living in a cardboard box...well that's a joke

    You see sis, the reality is you are mixing two things together. Being poor and living in a state of brokeness. The former is due to your qadr, the latter is because of laziness.

    Imagine (and this is a real case by the way) a brother forcing his wife to start calling up masajid to ask them for money to do his son's aqeeqah cos they are too broke to afford it. If this brother was struggling but couldn't afford it, then fine but this brother doesn't HAVE a job and doesn't want one either.

    Next case (also real) brother doesn't have a job, wife on benefit, two kids and he is telling her he is thinking of getting another wife . He can't even give his new born baby food and he is thinking of another wife...JOKE!!!


    Next case (yes you guessed it...real) brother takes his wife to the imam, wanting to divorce her because she gave the kids the last juice in the fridge which he didn't provide for her by the way but she got from being on benefit and then when the imam goes but akhi why don't you have a job, he says Allah is the Provider. what a @#*&@*%

    Next case (real again sis) brother threatning his wife as to why she hasn't gone to the benefit office and getting angry with her cos she hasn't gone.

    So can you see the difference sis?

    Your father is absolutely right to look out for what this man can provide for you. Why should he still be looking after when you are a married woman?

    Like I said, if a man is genuinely struggling, then of course you lighten his load and help him out and you are patient but if he chooses the life of poverty and uselessness then i don't have to be part of a sinking ship. Alhamdulillah my mama ain't tired of feeding me.
    :salams

    u know when ur lil bubble goes *pop*.... :(

    but alhamdulillah inshaAllah i could pay if stuff ever got hard :D yeh?
    ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
    "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
    :love: [Al-Imran 3:159] :love:

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    • #62
      Re: has he got G's

      :salams

      And do not kill your children out of fear of poverty; We shall provide for them and for you. Truly, the killing of them is a great sin. (17:31)

      "...and
      do not slay your children for (fear of) poverty -- We provide for you and for them --- and do not draw nigh to indecencies, those of them which are apparent and those which are concealed, and do not kill the soul which Allah has forbidden except for the requirements of justice: this He has enjoined you with that you may understand." (6:151)

      "And so many a moving (living) creature carries not its own provision! Allaah provides for it and for you. And He is the All Hearer; the All Knower! [al-'Ankaboot 29:60]

      Verily, Allaah is the All Provider, Owner of Power, the Most Strong [al-Dhaariyaat 51:58]

      "so seek your provision from Allaah (Alone), and worship Him (Alone), and be grateful to Him" [al-'Ankaboot 29:17]

      hmmm i so liked that bubble aswell :(
      ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
      "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
      :love: [Al-Imran 3:159] :love:

      Comment


      • #63
        Re: has he got G's

        hmmm interesting thread *Roll Eyes*



        "The `Aalim knows who is a Jaahil, because he used to be a Jaahil before. But the Jaahil does not know who is an `Aalim, because he was never an `Aalim before."


        Imaam Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullaah in Majmoo`ul Fataawaa.


        Comment


        • #64
          Re: has he got G's

          Indeed, Abu Mu'sab, a very interesting thread.

          Although money certainly helps with the more mundane, day-to-day aspects of parenting, most of the serious problems you will face as parents cannot be helped by what is in your bank account.

          If your child decides not to pray, starts taking drugs or has no interest in formal education, it doesn't matter what money your husband/wife has, it does matter though about what character they have.

          If problems like this ever happen to your children, you need to know your husband/wife has the intelligence and maturity to deal with these situations in a suitable manner.

          Besides, if your husband is an arrogant fool who one day decides he's not paying to support his family any more, it's completely irrelevant how much money he has in the bank.

          "We ask Allaah for a lasting faith, true certainty, and beneficial knowledge"


          Comment


          • #65
            Re: has he got G's

            The ulema say providing for your wife is: giving her shelter, feeding her from the same food you eat and clothing her when you clothe yourself.

            That is the bear minimum. Now in the UK realistically you could do that with a minimum wage job on about 12k per year but its down to the sister whether she feels the potential husband is worth living a not so comfortable life.

            Yes you wont have the best house, you wont be having the best food and you wont be wearing armani [not that you would wanna wear a guy gays top anyway] but you will be married and you would have each other [ok getting too mushy so erm..] and it also depends on how much the spouses feel they need to get married. Liek if marriage has become a fard on her, then its wiser not to delay.

            I think it comes to how comfortable the sister wants to be and how much she feels this person is right for her. Or these days its more like how comfortable the parents want their daughters to be.

            If the sister feels she wants to marry this brother no matter how much he earns then she should do but if she feels she wants to be uncomfortable and its her right to be allowed this choice..then she shouldnt marry the brother.

            However, dont get me wrong, he shouldnt be a lazy bum, like ukhtee Umm Yusuf said, he should be doing sometihng about it..actively looking for a job, actively working towards one and th rest is down to how much Allah SWT destined for him before he was born.

            It may be nice that you want to buy extras for your wives, doesnt everyone, but not everyone is destined to be "comfortable" financially. There are millions of poor people around the world [go to any arab country or asian one] and compared to us UK'ers, they are literally miskeen, however they are living happy married lives.
            Last edited by Abu Muslim; 30-12-07, 06:26 PM.
            http:/www.alghurabaa.org
            Islaam began as something strange and will return as something strange, so glad tidings to the strangers..

            [dhikrullah.com]

            Comment


            • #66
              Re: has he got G's

              The greatest richness is contentment with what one has.

              My dad always says, always look at the people below you and not above you in terms of wealth for that will always make you want more.
              “Take Aqeedah from the Salaf, learn Adab from the Tableeghi Jamaat, and brotherhood from the Ikhwaan"

              Comment


              • #67
                Re: has he got G's

                Originally posted by Abu Mu'adh View Post
                The greatest richness is contentment with what one has.

                My dad always says, always look at the people below you and not above you in terms of wealth for that will always make you want more.

                Which just so happens both is exactly what our beloved Prophet SAW said 1400 years ago, Allahu hukbar.

                Our Prophet SAW said: "Richness is not in the quantity of possessions (that one has); rather, true richness is the richness of one's self (or contentment)."[Bukhari]
                Last edited by Abu Muslim; 30-12-07, 07:12 PM.
                http:/www.alghurabaa.org
                Islaam began as something strange and will return as something strange, so glad tidings to the strangers..

                [dhikrullah.com]

                Comment


                • #68
                  Re: has he got G's

                  *thumsb up* bro..well said..

                  "Or these days its more like how comfortable the parents want their daughters to be."
                  lool true but like i said you need to see where there coming from, i'd advise my dauther the same hence, i think id rather get to where as a father id be happy to give my daughter to and then take someones daughter as my wife ...

                  but it just shows the love of our parents for us mashallah, may allah swt reward them all with the highest level of jannah.ameen.

                  o yeh jzakalalh khair bro for the link.*thumsb up*
                  http://islamqa.com/index.php?ref=106...g%20for%20wife (regarding which ulema )

                  Comment


                  • #69
                    Re: has he got G's

                    Originally posted by ADZ w3 View Post
                    *thumsb up* bro..well said..

                    "Or these days its more like how comfortable the parents want their daughters to be."
                    lool true but like i said you need to see where there coming from, i'd advise my dauther the same hence, i think id rather get to where as a father id be happy to give my daughter to and then take someones daughter as my wife ...

                    but it just shows the love of our parents for us mashallah, may allah swt reward them all with the highest level of jannah.ameen.

                    o yeh jzakalalh khair bro for the link.*thumsb up*
                    http://islamqa.com/index.php?ref=106...g%20for%20wife (regarding which ulema )
                    wa iyyak.

                    Nah subhan'Allah I completely get where parents our from, if Im ever blessed with a daughter insha'Allah, I too would want the best for her and for the guy to be able to provide, however I feel some parents take this concept to extremes and they demand a car..and a house with a 50inch T.V and 5 bedrooms and the list goes on..

                    And I wouldnt turn down a man due to the fact he doesnt have a good car or isnt able to buy my daughter a new dress every week as long as he is pious, has the deen and my daughter is happy with him insha'Allah [shoot, im too young for this stuff, why am I going on about this]

                    Also, if the brother is studying in university, the most a brother can do at the time is part time job while he studies and I feel parents should be more open to this idea. But if one feels they can wait and waiting is worth being able to buy her the luxuries than thats cool too but bear in mind how long do you wait and in this time you did wait, you miss out on the blessings of being married young.

                    Ameen to parents dua.

                    And yep, heres the opinion of the ulema that I was on about before and not just making it up.

                    http://islamqa.com/index.php?ref=10680&ln=eng

                    Rights of wife:

                    Spending. The scholars of Islam are agreed that it is obligatory for husbands to spend on their wives, on the condition that the wife make herself available to her husband. If she refuses him or rebels, then she is not entitled to that spending.

                    What is meant by spending is providing what the wife needs of food and accommodation.
                    Last edited by Abu Muslim; 30-12-07, 07:21 PM.
                    http:/www.alghurabaa.org
                    Islaam began as something strange and will return as something strange, so glad tidings to the strangers..

                    [dhikrullah.com]

                    Comment


                    • #70
                      Re: has he got G's

                      I havn't read all of the posts on this thread but thought this was relevant...

                      On the authority of 'Uqbah ibn 'Aamir who said:

                      'I asked, "Oh messenger of Allah! What is salvation?" He replied: "To have control over your tongue, to be content with your house and to weep over your errors."

                      [Ibn al Mubaarak, Ahmed, Tirmidhi and others]

                      Comment


                      • #71
                        Re: has he got G's

                        this thing about 'how comfortable their fathers want them to be'

                        In the post that ukhti insomniac posted about the 'road to marriage' Sheikh Khalid yasin addresses it mashAllah

                        in most case su cant blame them cause they cant want their daugther not to go thru hardhsip

                        but obv their are the ones who take liberties and ask for 50 k mahar up front :wacko: so they can get their 'share' (even tho they aint entitled)

                        at the end of the day everyone is different and if ur looking for roses and sweet words in a amrriage everyday then think again, some days will be hard and you might even have to resort to downgrading you 2 bedroom to a 1 bedroom etc but inshAllah the necesities are obligatory and whatever u can do over that alhamdulilah less stress for each other, but obv not extreme

                        men should carry out their duty to provide n not get wives to beg

                        and then expect wives to carry out full rights n when she dont curse her and threaten with divorce n likeiwise her, to her dutuies

                        my family know this man, he has been married 10 years and has 8 kids:D 7 girls n 1 boy they live in morocco

                        and wallahi by Allah ive never seen a happier couple than them

                        they do struggle to get by, and sometimes food is simple i.e. no meat just grains etc

                        but mashAllah he is a proud man and doesnt accept charity and works hard for his family, as does she and still finds time to come home and help his wife with cooking n what not

                        it's more about making use of what you have, rather than moaning about what u dont
                        Bye bye :salams

                        Comment


                        • #72
                          Re: has he got G's

                          Sah sunny side up, very true. Jazzakallahu Khairan.
                          When I grow up, I want to be just like my aunty Nazias and Insomniac Insha Allah...A TREE HUGGER :love: :inlove: :love:
                          BOYCOTT CATTERKILLERS!!!


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                          • #73
                            Re: has he got G's

                            Originally posted by umm_yusuf View Post
                            Sah sunny side up, very true. Jazzakallahu Khairan.

                            lool wa iyaki
                            Bye bye :salams

                            Comment


                            • #74
                              Re: has he got G's

                              Originally posted by Abu Mu'adh View Post
                              The greatest richness is contentment with what one has.

                              My dad always says, always look at the people below you and not above you in terms of wealth for that will always make you want more.
                              that's a saying in my family too, "in terms of deen look to those who have more than you, and in terms of dunya look to those who have less than you"



                              "The `Aalim knows who is a Jaahil, because he used to be a Jaahil before. But the Jaahil does not know who is an `Aalim, because he was never an `Aalim before."


                              Imaam Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullaah in Majmoo`ul Fataawaa.


                              Comment


                              • #75
                                Re: has he got G's

                                salam every1

                                this is a really interesting thread with interesting replies and some shoking.... y do some parents expect the brother to give 50k for dowry???.....some parents think too much about dunya

                                in my family, as long as the brother is a good muslim who is able to provide for his wife (basically has a flat/house) with an educational background (this does not necessarily mean Phd, masters, BSc, BUT has a good head in his shoulders about life n so forth as we are obliged as muslims to seek knowledge) then the brother is a defo :up::up::up:


                                i tink some parents make it hard 4 their kids to get married off coz dunya plays a big part, so what i would advise them brothers n sisters is to speak to their parents kinddly n lower their wing of mercy upon them ... with this i dont see why any other loving parent (especially a father to his daughter) would refuse her to be happy. as long as u reassure ur parents that u are happy to marry this bro wiv his income n make duahh to allah (swt)...insha allah u will be ok.........:inlove:
                                Verily Allah(s.w.t) is with the Patient ones!

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