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  • #46
    Re: Unrestrained Glances

    :jkk:

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    • #47
      Re: Unrestrained Glances

      Ok, but it's ok if you catch the ye of a mehram, but not a non-mehram.
      Cousins are considered as non-mehrams.
      so what if you're talking to one, and you keep eye-contact (completely innocent) ?

      Comment


      • #48
        Re: Unrestrained Glances

        It is actually VERY easy to restrain glances.

        First, because I am already spoken for, it makes it 100% easier lol

        Nevertheless, it's good to keep totally Islamic about this, here are some METHODS, followed by a good philosophy regarding this topic:

        If a member of the opposite sex approaches you and comes to ask you a question, and you are in one space doing nothing, whilst they are asking you a question and whilst you are responding, just look away from them or look directly ahead of them, and keep a monotone voice (one tone, boring, robot tone). When you are talking, just answer their question and make it look as if you have a lot on your mind and they are kind of invading your time. Don't worry about them guessing afterwards that you don't have a lot on your mind...at least it got rid of them. If they come back to talk to you, just say "I dont mean to be rude at all, but I need to think" or "I can't talk right now" without answering why you can't talk. If they come back to talk to you another day, and greet you, just show that you are nice (as an Islamic duty) by giving a rather quick, but very boring "hi" and then look away from them straight away, even turn your whole body away from them. OR you can just give a really quick smile, straight away followed by a monotonous, boring face expression, and then turn away.

        If a member of the opposite sex comes and compliments you, just give a quick smile followed by a quick "thank you" in a monotonous manner and then turn your body away from them and look unaffected by their compliment..and carry on doing what you are doing. Respond to compliments just like how you respond to someone who has "passed a book" to you like in lectures, classes etc on a boring day when you feel as if you are not bothered doing your work, thus not bothered about receiving the book (in this context, a compliment). If they talk about something uneccesary, if they are trying a chat up line or even trying to make you laugh/intrigue you, just look completely blank and uninterested and either move away without saying anything, or just ignore them, or just use the old "Sorry but I am trying to think" trick, or just get on the phone and text someone without responding to them, or just phone someone, or just get your lecture notes/anything that you can read (read as if you have an exam).
        If they give you another compliment straight after already gave you their first compliment, then just pretend you didn't hear it, and pretend that you don't care to hear it.

        Understand that people who are your non-mahram are using YOUR RESPONSES, to respond back to. So keep them away at point blank and never let them break barriers to get to your emotional, free talking side.

        Really, just be conscious of the fact that people of the opposite sex will try to use your responses to anything they throw at you, whether it is your response to their body language or their response to their words - how funny it is to just blow them off right at the beginning...MAYBE we may do something good and destroy their false ego that the devil is using.

        If you are attracted to puppets lol, then don't read to this paragraph:
        The devil is actually talking to you. They are just nothing but puppets. Their eyes wandering towards you, their sexual body language, it is all just the whispers of the devil taking advantage of their vulnerability/mindlessness and even their neutral state of mind. Nice one, stare at a puppet whose actions are actually that of the devil. The devil understands the puppet very well, so will try to bring the best out of their attraction. So the devil tries to give that person/puppet a lot of perceived value, but really there is no value if you follow the devil.

        If you need to present/sell something/persuade someone for work related purposes, you can (last resort) make them believe that you are looking at their eyes, but actually you are looking at their tear ducts (which are gross and sometimes gunky anyway..eww), so you are believing that you are talking to a pair of tear ducts, rather than a whole face and a whole body.

        You may think someone is good looking, it is natural to glance straight away, it is human nature (I don't even glance because I walk out of my halls (at university) believing my fiance is all I care about and I make my mind raptured by him, not thinking about him, because that is pretty much a spiritual prolonging of a glance, and I am not married to him yet).
        To prolong the natural glance is just cruel, you are giving someone the right for your eyesight - only your wife/husband in the future deserves this right. You need to make sure you never ever look at that persons face after you have seen them. but, if that person comes into your direct view again, just slowly and boringly move your eye direction from their face to their shoulder, as if to show that they don't attract you, and then look away after about a second. Don't ever show via body language that you are attracted to them ("twitch/spring in foot")

        If you have a fiance, or are married, then just say "sorry I am spoken for" and then never respond to them...again...not even through body language. Even if they ask you a question, don't feel bad, they just need to know where you stand.

        Sooner or later, you will get used to this and it will be a natural response, not just that, but when you do get married, or when you do go home to your marital partner, it would be a much better experience because you preserved it, thus you will give great value to the sights which you have saved yourself for (your marital partner)..It is like a savings account. Put money in the bank, keep it preserved in the bank, your balance will gain value, so it will be a great treat when you get to take the money out and just be free with it.

        I know it is very calculated, but you should give maximum value to your eyesight and preserve it for your marital partner to be, only. As well as appreciating eyesight that Allah has given you.


        See the spiritual aspects of it, then it won't be a tough task! It will be a stupidly easy task when you get used to it.
        Last edited by tca_alam; 03-11-09, 03:29 PM.

        Comment


        • #49
          Re: Unrestrained Glances

          I'd just like to add something to the above:
          It doesn't matter if you appear to be unattractive to these people that are trying to talk to you/even have an interest in you which you can see through their body language.

          It doesn't make you more unattractive as a person if you are being robotic and deliberately being monotonous. You will just be 'less attractive' TO THEM. Mission accomplished. The only person that has rights over your actual expressions of attraction and your attraction-based thoughts is your marital partner. You have entered a marriage, your actual status is "married Muslim" and it is a blessing.

          Your husband is your king/your wife is your queen. If you give your noble rights to someone else by not restraining your glances, you are elevating that person who you are not married to, to a position closer to, and if not..even higher than your own King/Queen. Any other being outside of the marriage is an ENEMY to your king/queen in THIS CONTEXT.

          You are sharing your kingdom with your marital partner, so the value of your kingdom is shared. When you take the noble rights away from your own king/queen and give it to a random outsider..not only are you damaging your marital partners and God's rights, but you are also damaging your own value.

          This world is Just. If you prolong your glance for more than a second, don't you think that the devil might whisper in your marital partners ear and make them stare for just as long...and maybe even make your marital partner approach the random outsider depending on the severity of your thoughts. The more you look at things which you are forbidden from looking at, the less things you will get to see in a few years time when you will go to Jannah. Would Allah be Just if this wasn't the case?

          Yes, you can ask Allah for forgiveness every time, and he MAY forgive you...but really...If you haven't changed your approach to this issue, you know you have lost the opportunity to get the best in the REAL world after your earthly, faulty body dies.

          Forget about how good people look, it is just a "sleeve" that will inevitably be replaced. It is just something that the devil can try to play with. Just another person vulnerable to the devil in more ways than one. No matter how pious we are, we are all caught cold by the devil on some occasion, it doesn't matter what they look like and how pious you perceive that random outsider to be, they can be caught cold speak the words that Iblis tries to put into their mouths. Save yourself from the extra hassle already!

          You have deep love for your marital partner, they are the most beautiful. You have a choice: chase the beauty that the devil can't touch, or chase the beauty that the devil touches and finds it easy to control so that you can worship him in your actions rather than God. Yes, to prolong your glance is to worship the devil THROUGH your ACTION. "Actions speak louder than words". Devil 1 vs God 0 = Through your actions, you make God the Loser. (of your time, love and respect)..as this is given to the devil who wants you to be in love with false desires.

          Comment


          • #50
            Re: Unrestrained Glances

            unrestrained glances dan smile between married man dan married woman is even worst....

            Comment


            • #51
              Re: Unrestrained Glances

              Originally posted by mega View Post
              unrestrained glances dan smile between married man dan married woman is even worst....
              What? me no undirstan ur enghlish...

              Comment


              • #52
                Re: Unrestrained Glances

                Originally posted by tca_alam View Post
                It is actually VERY easy to restrain glances.

                First, because I am already spoken for, it makes it 100% easier lol

                Nevertheless, it's good to keep totally Islamic about this, here are some METHODS, followed by a good philosophy regarding this topic:

                If a member of the opposite sex approaches you and comes to ask you a question, and you are in one space doing nothing, whilst they are asking you a question and whilst you are responding, just look away from them or look directly ahead of them, and keep a monotone voice (one tone, boring, robot tone). When you are talking, just answer their question and make it look as if you have a lot on your mind and they are kind of invading your time. Don't worry about them guessing afterwards that you don't have a lot on your mind...at least it got rid of them. If they come back to talk to you, just say "I dont mean to be rude at all, but I need to think" or "I can't talk right now" without answering why you can't talk. If they come back to talk to you another day, and greet you, just show that you are nice (as an Islamic duty) by giving a rather quick, but very boring "hi" and then look away from them straight away, even turn your whole body away from them. OR you can just give a really quick smile, straight away followed by a monotonous, boring face expression, and then turn away.

                If a member of the opposite sex comes and compliments you, just give a quick smile followed by a quick "thank you" in a monotonous manner and then turn your body away from them and look unaffected by their compliment..and carry on doing what you are doing. Respond to compliments just like how you respond to someone who has "passed a book" to you like in lectures, classes etc on a boring day when you feel as if you are not bothered doing your work, thus not bothered about receiving the book (in this context, a compliment). If they talk about something uneccesary, if they are trying a chat up line or even trying to make you laugh/intrigue you, just look completely blank and uninterested and either move away without saying anything, or just ignore them, or just use the old "Sorry but I am trying to think" trick, or just get on the phone and text someone without responding to them, or just phone someone, or just get your lecture notes/anything that you can read (read as if you have an exam).
                If they give you another compliment straight after already gave you their first compliment, then just pretend you didn't hear it, and pretend that you don't care to hear it.

                Understand that people who are your non-mahram are using YOUR RESPONSES, to respond back to. So keep them away at point blank and never let them break barriers to get to your emotional, free talking side.

                Really, just be conscious of the fact that people of the opposite sex will try to use your responses to anything they throw at you, whether it is your response to their body language or their response to their words - how funny it is to just blow them off right at the beginning...MAYBE we may do something good and destroy their false ego that the devil is using.

                If you are attracted to puppets lol, then don't read to this paragraph:
                The devil is actually talking to you. They are just nothing but puppets. Their eyes wandering towards you, their sexual body language, it is all just the whispers of the devil taking advantage of their vulnerability/mindlessness and even their neutral state of mind. Nice one, stare at a puppet whose actions are actually that of the devil. The devil understands the puppet very well, so will try to bring the best out of their attraction. So the devil tries to give that person/puppet a lot of perceived value, but really there is no value if you follow the devil.

                If you need to present/sell something/persuade someone for work related purposes, you can (last resort) make them believe that you are looking at their eyes, but actually you are looking at their tear ducts (which are gross and sometimes gunky anyway..eww), so you are believing that you are talking to a pair of tear ducts, rather than a whole face and a whole body.

                You may think someone is good looking, it is natural to glance straight away, it is human nature (I don't even glance because I walk out of my halls (at university) believing my fiance is all I care about and I make my mind raptured by him, not thinking about him, because that is pretty much a spiritual prolonging of a glance, and I am not married to him yet).
                To prolong the natural glance is just cruel, you are giving someone the right for your eyesight - only your wife/husband in the future deserves this right. You need to make sure you never ever look at that persons face after you have seen them. but, if that person comes into your direct view again, just slowly and boringly move your eye direction from their face to their shoulder, as if to show that they don't attract you, and then look away after about a second. Don't ever show via body language that you are attracted to them ("twitch/spring in foot")

                If you have a fiance, or are married, then just say "sorry I am spoken for" and then never respond to them...again...not even through body language. Even if they ask you a question, don't feel bad, they just need to know where you stand.

                Sooner or later, you will get used to this and it will be a natural response, not just that, but when you do get married, or when you do go home to your marital partner, it would be a much better experience because you preserved it, thus you will give great value to the sights which you have saved yourself for (your marital partner)..It is like a savings account. Put money in the bank, keep it preserved in the bank, your balance will gain value, so it will be a great treat when you get to take the money out and just be free with it.

                I know it is very calculated, but you should give maximum value to your eyesight and preserve it for your marital partner to be, only. As well as appreciating eyesight that Allah has given you.


                See the spiritual aspects of it, then it won't be a tough task! It will be a stupidly easy task when you get used to it.
                Yeah...Let's change the bit where it says "smile"...to DO NOT SMILE.

                I suppose even a quick smile can actually send off the wrong signal...yes...so Don't Smile.

                If you are in the workplace, don't ask any questions about their personal/general life i.e "How did your son's birthday go?" "What food is there?" etc etc. Just go into work for the sake of working, work like a total einstein, and if some work colleague wants to talk to you after work, then say "Sorry, I WON'T BE having a conversation with my work colleagues after work/I will only be having these types of discussions with my husband/wife. See you tommorow/have a good evening" without looking at them. And DON'T RESPOND TO A SINGLE WORD THEY SAY AFTERWARDS i.e if they ask you something again etc. At least now they know that when you go to work, you go to work, you really mean Business. This will actually help you maximise productivity and allow you to keep a healthy balance/structure in life, working hard, and when you get home, relaxing/playing hard whilst being within the boundaries of Isla- a very fulfilling and blessed life. Never talk to anyone who is your non-mahram out of boredom either! Believe me, I can avoid talking to anyone and I am studying MATHS at a prestigious uni..it certainly is a boring combination (but what the heck, I like puzzling myself).

                Salam x

                Comment


                • #53
                  Re: Unrestrained Glances

                  I have always had wondering eyes.
                  Somthings are there to take your eyes away. When it comes to unrestrained glances i have very weak will power. The brain says one thing the heart is thinking another and usually the mouth has ceazed.

                  Comment


                  • #54
                    Re: Unrestrained Glances

                    Originally posted by riverdon View Post
                    I have always had wondering eyes.
                    Somthings are there to take your eyes away. When it comes to unrestrained glances i have very weak will power. The brain says one thing the heart is thinking another and usually the mouth has ceazed.
                    Inshallah, if you change your response in a way which is parallel to the methods I have given, then you will be fine. The more you practice it, it eventually becomes a natural response. When you are saying things like "I have very weak will power", I think you are taking the wrong approach to this altogether. Take a step back and take a new approach. God said these words "Lower your gaze" so my heart goes warm whenever I say it let alone listen to the instruction because they were words uttered by the Most High.

                    Comment


                    • #55
                      Re: Unrestrained Glances

                      did speed reading, cool tips:up:

                      Comment


                      • #56
                        Re: Unrestrained Glances

                        Originally posted by tca_alam View Post
                        Inshallah, if you change your response in a way which is parallel to the methods I have given, then you will be fine. The more you practice it, it eventually becomes a natural response. When you are saying things like "I have very weak will power", I think you are taking the wrong approach to this altogether. Take a step back and take a new approach. God said these words "Lower your gaze" so my heart goes warm whenever I say it let alone listen to the instruction because they were words uttered by the Most High.

                        Comment


                        • #57
                          Re: Unrestrained Glances

                          look down for the last comment I am going to make:
                          Last edited by tca_alam; 02-12-09, 11:02 PM.

                          Comment


                          • #58
                            Re: Unrestrained Glances

                            OMG! I need to stop writing more, this is it! No more after, this final suggestion :P lol :
                            Or when they approach you, you can simply look away from them as if you're not bothered one bit, and say "Sorry but I am going to apply to religious customs and not share my voice/converse with anyone other than my marital partner and family and (same sex) friends, unless it is 100% necessary and vital, answering questions and conversing is not either of those." and then ignore them.

                            Don't complain saying restraining glances is hard. lol
                            :hidban:

                            Comment


                            • #59
                              Re: Unrestrained Glances

                              Originally posted by lady_aya View Post
                              I rather think that it is:

                              "If the heart is corrupted, then the eyes follow." The corruption within affects your perception of the outside.
                              Could not of put it better myself

                              I have got the above heart you have described no helping it.
                              Brain says one thing heart says another and by the time both decide what to do eyes have already wondered.

                              Comment


                              • #60
                                Re: Unrestrained Glances

                                Originally posted by riverdon View Post
                                Could not of put it better myself

                                I have got the above heart you have described no helping it.
                                Brain says one thing heart says another and by the time both decide what to do eyes have already wondered.
                                "If the heart is corrupted, then the eyes follow." The corruption within affects your perception of the outside.

                                This is true. But Islam is a practical religion, and has rules and laws and sub-rules for us to stick to when we feel our hearts are a little corrupted, surely.

                                So listen: "If the heart is corrupted, then the eyes follow unless you stick to the techniques, which is an incentive to purify your heart because no matter how corrupted your heart has gone and how much you have damaged your relationship with Allah, that bit of white, Islamic pride for practicing is still there within you".

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