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Marriage is off...........

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  • #16
    Re: Marriage is off...........

    Make mashwara with your parents, InshaAllah. Consider their opinion as well.
    The Sahaba (radiAllahu anhum) used to cling to the Sunnah just because it was Sunnah
    Today we abandon the Sunnah, just because it's Sunnah.

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    • #17
      Re: Marriage is off...........

      how can one hate their own parents?

      I dont wish to be rude but she doesnt seem mature at all and isnt ready for marriage. You only have one mother and one father if she has grown to hate them how you even trust that she will be stable with you.

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      • #18
        Re: Marriage is off...........

        asalamu alaikum

        i think you should try talking to her mother again. make mad du'aa that everything works out. and make istikara again.

        my advice is if inshallah you do marry her make sure all the feuds and arguments are sorted out between the her and her parents. because no doubt these feuds will carry on into the marriage and will probably get worse. and you will be caught in the middle of it all the time.

        and i agree with cashew when he says it's not wise for her to want to get far away from her mother like that. it will not solve any of the problems between her and her mother and by her moving far away will strain their relationship even more.
        and in Islam we are encouraged to strengthen the family relationships as much as possible.

        and May Allah make things easy for you and your fiance. ameen!


        Originally posted by Omar View Post
        how can one hate their own parents?

        I dont wish to be rude but she doesnt seem mature at all and isnt ready for marriage. You only have one mother and one father if she has grown to hate them how you even trust that she will be stable with you.
        i do not think it's right to hate your parents either. but maybe the sister has reasons to not like her parents. not every parents is a good parents. some people are really crappy at being one.

        Say, O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.”
        (Surah Az Zumar, (Chapter 39: Verse 53)

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        • #19
          Re: Marriage is off...........

          http://video.google.co.uk/videoplay?...arch&plindex=2
          Tajweed lessons: RSS Feed

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          • #20
            Re: Marriage is off...........

            Originally posted by $HugoBoss$ View Post
            I told her i'm not going anywhere and she said than i don't think this can work out than , she hates her mother and wants to live far far away from her. I told her that once we have our own house we'll be busy with our life and you won't have to see your mother as much but she won't listen.
            http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fusea...ideoid=4227793
            Tajweed lessons: RSS Feed

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            • #21
              Re: Marriage is off...........

              Originally posted by $HugoBoss$ View Post
              I was hoping i would never have to make such a thread but i'm really feeling depressed right now but i am in need of good advice.

              I made a thread earlier on about my mother in law and her wacky istikharah dreams, well guess what thats not the real reason she wanted the marriage to break up.

              I talked to my fiance about it and she's saying her mother is talking ill about me and my parents. One day she's expressing positive thoughts about me and my family and the other day negative. My fiance also told me she wants to live far away from her mother, possibly move to another country which i don't want to do at all.

              I told her i'm not going anywhere and she said than i don't think this can work out than , she hates her mother and wants to live far far away from her. I told her that once we have our own house we'll be busy with our life and you won't have to see your mother as much but she won't listen.

              Is this a valid reason to break up a marriage????

              Usually a girl might have a problem with her husbands parents but she has a problem with her own parents, i'm confused.

              I'm very depressed but i'm not gonna give up, please what should i do???????
              u sure thats the only reason? I mean once she gets married its not as if you are going to live with your inlaws right???

              if you ask me i dont think thats a valid reason..try and find out the real reason....my opinion is that there must be something more to it then that no one will break up marriage simply cos she wants to live far from her mother it dont add up.........

              lambo - giving someone silent treatment is really chilidish if you ask me......people who use this method needs to grow up something that kiddies do another way of stamping their feet :)

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              • #22
                Re: Marriage is off...........

                Originally posted by Omar View Post
                how can one hate their own parents?

                I dont wish to be rude but she doesnt seem mature at all and isnt ready for marriage. You only have one mother and one father if she has grown to hate them how you even trust that she will be stable with you.
                akhi, not all parents are nice to their children, not all parents treat their children well, not all parents are kind to their children some of them torment them mind body and soul, and make their lives hell from a very young age, some children just cant wait to get out of the madness of their parents home... that maybe hard for some to understand especially if you have good parents, but for some their only dream since childhood has been to escape the madness as soon as possible. A womans mother has no bearing on how her daughters character is, alhamdulillah we do not inherit the sins and traits of our parents, every muslim is take on their own merit and their families have no bearing on that, and parents can be a test for us.

                I dunno hugo may Allah give u strength amin, it seems shes being honest with you, and wants to protect you from her parents, and she knows better about what goes on with them, but she should also know and trust that you are going to be there for her 100% in marriage, and it seems you have made that clear to her alhamdulillah.

                keep reassuring her that you will always be there to back her up insha Allah and protect her because maybe all she needs is to know u will be there no matter what, she is maybe afraid of what lengths her parents will go to, to have their way in continuing to control her life and even try to break up her marriage, because already the mother is trying to influence her life about the marriage with her dreams which Allah knows best could be from shaitan, because the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said that the bad dreams are from shaitan. maybe shes trying to protect u from her parents, and when someone has been tormented by people then they dont want those that they care for to go through the same thing, and she maybe willing to let u go because she is afraid for you, and doesnt want u to be hurt the same way she has.

                seems to me akhi your doing all u can, keep trying and reassuring her it will be alright insha Allah and tell her that she should trust you on that because you are going to be her amir and take charge of all the difficulties of life and she should marry a man that she trusts will always have her best interests and the best interests of your children insha Allah, at heart.
                Last edited by *asiya*; 22-12-07, 12:32 PM.
                "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

                The Prophet :saw: said:

                "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

                muslim

                Narrated 'Abdullah:

                The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


                "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

                By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

                [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

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                • #23
                  Re: Marriage is off...........

                  ~
                  What ever you decide,
                  clarify her reasons of wanting to marry.
                  Are they responsible mature reasons ?
                  and not just an excuse to 'escape' her own family situation ?
                  She must be loyal in marrying you for you.





                  Advice from your parents couldn't hurt,
                  as well.
                  :)


                  ~
                  "When authority is given to those who do not deserve it,
                  wait for the Day of Judgment."



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                  • #24
                    Re: Marriage is off...........

                    Jazakallah for all your responses may allah give you sawab for helping me out.

                    I just found out the real reason but i feel ashamed telling you all. Very very sad but i'm just gonna take it slow for the time being before i explode on someone which i don't want to do.

                    All my dreams shattered in a instant second but i'll get over it, just gonna take some time. I think i have someone better waiting for me.

                    Still very depressed though, she hurt me real bad.
                    Everyone thinks their a scholar because they know how to copy and paste, you get your ummah face on and the second you log out, you know your reality. Anyone can attain knowledge, how many can implement it?

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                    • #25
                      Re: Marriage is off...........

                      Allah does that which is best for you.

                      Still will hurt but you'll be fine.
                      You are not aware of the consequences that would result (if you were granted what you desire) because what you seek might be to your detriment. (O soul) be conscious that your Master is more aware about your well-being than you are.

                      ~Ibn Al-Jawzee

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                      • #26
                        Re: Marriage is off...........

                        la howla wala qawata illah billah, so sorry to hear that, u dont need to tell us the reason sometimes things are better left unsaid, may Allah give u strength and ease your pain amin, and sah something better is coming for you insha Allah ta ala, chin up bruv fi amaanAllah
                        "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

                        The Prophet :saw: said:

                        "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

                        muslim

                        Narrated 'Abdullah:

                        The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


                        "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

                        By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

                        [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Re: Marriage is off...........

                          Originally posted by `asiya View Post
                          la howla wala qawata illah billah, so sorry to hear that, u dont need to tell us the reason sometimes things are better left unsaid, may Allah give u strength and ease your pain amin, and sah something better is coming for you insha Allah ta ala, chin up bruv fi amaanAllah
                          :( ameen ameen

                          One day i might be able to forgive her but i don't think i can ever forget. I just need some time to think about what just happened. Sometimes it's so hard to believe but the truth is sour. My sister knew all a long but she never told me, i told her not to talk to me ever.
                          Everyone thinks their a scholar because they know how to copy and paste, you get your ummah face on and the second you log out, you know your reality. Anyone can attain knowledge, how many can implement it?

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Re: Marriage is off...........

                            Everything happens for a reason brother.

                            You could either forgive this sister for her mistake, or move on. It's up to you. :)
                            Give me a clear vision, that I may know where to stand and what to stand for - because unless I stand for something, I will fall for anything.

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                            • #29
                              Re: Marriage is off...........

                              This thread could have been in the brothers section


                              on a serious note I advice the brother to be optimistic, all that happens to you in life only makes you wiser.
                              God will not forsake those upholding his religion.

                              :lahawla:

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                              • #30
                                Re: Marriage is off...........

                                was there someone else?

                                im sorry to hear what happened unfortunatly it will be painful moving on but remeber when one door closes another opens :love:
                                Knowledge and intelligence leads one who possesses it to do good acts and prevents him from evil.

                                Ignorance on the other hand, calls the one who is ignorant to conform to his desires, even if it is harmful to him.

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