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  • Marriage is off...........

    I was hoping i would never have to make such a thread but i'm really feeling depressed right now but i am in need of good advice.

    I made a thread earlier on about my mother in law and her wacky istikharah dreams, well guess what thats not the real reason she wanted the marriage to break up.

    I talked to my fiance about it and she's saying her mother is talking ill about me and my parents. One day she's expressing positive thoughts about me and my family and the other day negative. My fiance also told me she wants to live far away from her mother, possibly move to another country which i don't want to do at all.

    I told her i'm not going anywhere and she said than i don't think this can work out than , she hates her mother and wants to live far far away from her. I told her that once we have our own house we'll be busy with our life and you won't have to see your mother as much but she won't listen.

    Is this a valid reason to break up a marriage????

    Usually a girl might have a problem with her husbands parents but she has a problem with her own parents, i'm confused.

    I'm very depressed but i'm not gonna give up, please what should i do???????
    Everyone thinks their a scholar because they know how to copy and paste, you get your ummah face on and the second you log out, you know your reality. Anyone can attain knowledge, how many can implement it?

  • #2
    Re: Marriage is off...........

    Keep talking to her.

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    • #3
      Re: Marriage is off...........

      I'm very sorry to hear about this bro, I can't imagine how you must be feeling to have your future plans just erased. But it seems strange for your fiancé to just dismiss you because you don't want to move. The country/city is big enough for her mother and herself, so her request or reasoning from what you describe is weak. The fact that it means you two cannot be together is just damning.

      It's unfortunate that her mother is not fond of you but thats really irrelevant. I remember everybody last time round just putting all hope and emphasis on the fiancé, but it now seems like shes got her ambitions and your not included?

      It's too early to make any conclusions though. If you two wanted to marry, and there is no real problems between you and her then I'm sure her current behaviour is a consequence of her patchy relationship with her mother. Just go with the flow and see where things turn out. I'm sure her decisions so far will leaving a scar no matter what happens.
      If you read this closely enough you might spot the secret message hidden in it

      Mr President, You Are Wrong

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      • #4
        Re: Marriage is off...........

        Originally posted by Link View Post
        Keep talking to her.
        About what????? All i do is talk to her, it's no use trust me i'm trying my best. Nothing will go through her thick skull.
        Everyone thinks their a scholar because they know how to copy and paste, you get your ummah face on and the second you log out, you know your reality. Anyone can attain knowledge, how many can implement it?

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        • #5
          Re: Marriage is off...........

          Salaam

          I'm guessin you don't want to move away because you don't wanna be far away from your parents right?

          Its not really too cool that she 'hates' her mother... After all she will be the grandmother of your children...

          Why does her mother talk ill of you and your parents? You tried reasoning with her mother about any differences or aspects about you she may not like? Is it cos you're not 'rich enough'? Or from a different part of the country? Or a different school of thought/fiqh?

          Ask yourself whether its possible for you to move away, financially speaking of course... If you love her and want to marry her, then why not? (other than the reasons stated above if there are any other reasons...).

          Istikhara is something you should do here, ask Allah SWT whether the marriage would be successful and whether you'd keep a good relationship with whoever you move away from should you do it...

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          • #6
            Re: Marriage is off...........

            Originally posted by $HugoBoss$ View Post
            About what????? All i do is talk to her, it's no use trust me i'm trying my best. Nothing will go through her thick skull.
            Tell her your decision to stay and not move and say that is final and you don't want to discuss that, but just keep talking to her, even if she says it won't work, just keep talking and try to change subject as much as possible.

            There is no point of being hasty if you want to marry her, give it time.

            if you going to end it, just say you would marry her if she changes her mind.

            Don't make it all out end.

            I suggest keep talking to her and not be hasty in ending it.
            Last edited by Link; 22-12-07, 12:52 AM.

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            • #7
              Re: Marriage is off...........

              Also you should tell your viance about the emphasis on relationship with parents, she also should know it's her duty to do her best in maintaining closeness to blood relationship even if the relative is pushing her away, she should do the opposite, because there is severe punishment in those cutting away blood relationship, and the emphasis on good to parents is emphasized so much in the Quran.

              To cut off blood relationship has been condemned in the Quran and hadiths, so wanting to move for that reason is very bad and this all the work of Satan, so she should seek refuge from that and forbear her mom and not let Satan convince her otherwise.

              wa salam
              Last edited by Link; 22-12-07, 01:01 AM.

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              • #8
                Re: Marriage is off...........

                Originally posted by $HugoBoss$ View Post
                About what????? All i do is talk to her, it's no use trust me i'm trying my best. Nothing will go through her thick skull.
                maybe she's just looking for excuses to break it off with u
                Some claim that u are like any one of us, But who can claim, to have visited the Arsh? We say bashr, but respect is also due. For mankind are like rocks, but a pearl are u. U travelled the 7Heavens, and ur eyes did not lie. For Jibril could not pass, but u, O Madani, glided by.

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                • #9
                  Re: Marriage is off...........

                  well I'd be kinda scared to marry somebody who hates her own mother that badly

                  maybe you should let her go...as much as it may hurt now, you'll heal with time and maybe Allah will give you some1 better for you.
                  May we reach daruSalaam by His, and only His Decree
                  I would die for the cause if I knew only to what degree
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                  • #10
                    Re: Marriage is off...........

                    Talk to her.. ask her to be a little diplomatic with her mom... Its simple, you can still live together and keep your mother in law happy... It takes a matter of standing up for ones needs and feelings. What i mean is that she is a girl and she will winge.. its her nature... but U da man...

                    take control mate... Ask her to listen to her mom but not tell U if her mom says anything negative about U or ur family... I know it would be hard initially but its better than having to listen to her mom's nagging...

                    If so, this will work out... otherwise, then back to searching for a new bride mate...

                    All the best...salam aleikum

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                    • #11
                      Re: Marriage is off...........

                      hey :(

                      dont give up on her. i know she means a lot to you and u've waited so long .. remember the cruise? i bet shes just saying this because shes going through a rough phase with her mom cuz she doesnt like hearing her say horrible things about u and your parents u know? so she may be saying this out of anger. its totally understandable how u dont want to leave the place you live, i get that 110% and giving her that ultimatum, i can easily relate to that too :p you have to be patient with her and give her time because since u ended it right away she might be really sad now, bad phase with her mom and then u end stuff with her? u really like her so now she may feel that theres no one to turn to u know. just give it some time. theres no rush right :love:
                      Screaming, But Will Never Be Heard

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                      • #12
                        Re: Marriage is off...........

                        Give her the silent treatment.
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                        • #13
                          Re: Marriage is off...........

                          I'm just going to throw a thought out here, take or leave it...

                          An old Western rule of thumb is that if you want to know what sort of mature lady a young woman will eventually become, all you have to do is consider the young woman's mother.

                          Frankly, your fiancee's demand that you move to another country so that she can avoid her mother is more than just a little extreme.

                          A young couple shouldn't be basing major decisions on the wife's dislike for her mother.

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                          • #14
                            Re: Marriage is off...........

                            You must understand that she's obviously under a lot of pressure. She's quite fed up with her mother. Try to talk to her and comfort her. She needs a friend by her side at this moment....be that friend.
                            I am Bangladeshi and I recognize Palestine as the #194 country

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                            • #15
                              Re: Marriage is off...........

                              My two pennies say if she will agree with you or suggest that you have to put it off then she is not what you are looking for I am engaged but it depends on the person I don't want to be so shallow as to so it depends on what the person can get or their emotional age I think right now you need to move on then don't make her think well if she agrees or suggests it you need to be like 'oh but' I know that from love stories people do that and it feels like true love does that but it is wrong you need to find the best person who thinks just like you and their family accepts you and the other way around.

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