Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

When does compromise become compromising .

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • When does compromise become compromising .

    Salaamu Alaikum to All,

    I was just wondering if I am the only person that feels there is a very fine line. My husband and I have a beautiful marriage Mansha Allah. Alhamdulilaah I feel truly blesses that we are so compatible. Although we are compatible sometimes the lines get crossed and a statement is has an adverse impact other than what was intended and a disagreement begins and when it does it can be very ugly. I am very accommodating sometimes above and beyond my call of duty, but pleases me to see my husband happy. When I sometimes fall short of my over thoughtful gestures I then become selfish and thoughtless etc . Me once again wanting to quickly clear any bad air will compromise and say okay I'm sorry lets get past it and move on Allah knows best. I often make excuses for my husband he is a good Muslim, he fears Allah, he works hard etc as I should and all are very true. The fact still remains I am tired of all Always being the one and only to resolve the issues we disagree about, I feel it is making someone/something entirely opposite myself. We don't argue often, but when we do he can be impossible with no compassion, he completely transforms into another person. If you can relate, how do you deal with this, if you can't please offer a suggestion (constructive not destructive) or two so that I can see things from another perspective. By the way this thread was started because we are currently in a disagreement (day 2) and I refuse to be the fall gal...again, as hard as it may be.
    My Ummi-"You can't help who’s feelings get hurt by the TRUTH"
    ME @ 5 yrs old-Yeah, But You can sure try to put it in a way that will not make it hurt so bad...Right Nana? "
    My Ummi- Right Baby :inlove:.

  • #2
    Re: When does compromise become compromising .

    No relationship is perfect. People often judge marriages on how well the two get on, yet ignore the more important aspect being how well they make up after an argument. So if you're always the one to compromise then it's pretty damaging. Confront your husband about this and next time, don't be so compromising. Let him realise there's something different about you.

    Relationships are two-way things.
    If you read this closely enough you might spot the secret message hidden in it

    Mr President, You Are Wrong

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: When does compromise become compromising .

      have you tried letting him know how you feel when you both are perfectly happy with each other?

      assalamu alaikum
      You hope for salvation and you have not trodden its paths,
      But the ship does not progress on dry land.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: When does compromise become compromising .

        Originally posted by IbnAbdulHakim View Post
        have you tried letting him know how you feel when you both are perfectly happy with each other?

        assalamu alaikum
        No I have thought about it, but then another thought of leaving the past in the past creeps in and that thought wins the battle so I leave it go
        Last edited by Zaina in Jena; 20-11-07, 06:02 PM.
        My Ummi-"You can't help who’s feelings get hurt by the TRUTH"
        ME @ 5 yrs old-Yeah, But You can sure try to put it in a way that will not make it hurt so bad...Right Nana? "
        My Ummi- Right Baby :inlove:.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: When does compromise become compromising .

          ASSALAM ALAIKUM,
          sister tell ur huband about u...how do u feel regarding this.......and sister its normal every couples argue and have problem like this.............and shaitan whispers in the ears of human......so u should be careful from shaitan...he can destroy ur relationship..............
          i dont know much about it...but couples should ignore arguments coz it can lead to divorce.....

          may ALLAH help u and ur husband to got over it......and give u both happiness,
          ameen.
          WASSLAM.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: When does compromise become compromising .

            Originally posted by Zaina in Jena View Post
            No I have thought about it, but then another thought of leaving the past in the past creeps in and the thought wins the battle so I leave it go
            clearly its bothering you now, just say to him "how about you let me win sometimes" as a joke or something lol


            seriously, if its bothering you then talk about it, if its not a big deal then have sabr inshaAllaah.

            And Allaah hears all complaints


            Assalamu Alaikum
            You hope for salvation and you have not trodden its paths,
            But the ship does not progress on dry land.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: When does compromise become compromising .

              [QUOTE=abood;2260726]but couples should ignore arguments coz it can lead to divorce.....[/QUOTE/]
              JazaakAllah
              I know you're right to be honest that is one of the main reasons why I am always compromising.
              My Ummi-"You can't help who’s feelings get hurt by the TRUTH"
              ME @ 5 yrs old-Yeah, But You can sure try to put it in a way that will not make it hurt so bad...Right Nana? "
              My Ummi- Right Baby :inlove:.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: When does compromise become compromising .

                Originally posted by IbnAbdulHakim View Post
                clearly its bothering you now, just say to him "how about you let me win sometimes" as a joke or something lol


                seriously, if its bothering you then talk about it, if its not a big deal then have sabr inshaAllaah.

                And Allaah hears all complaints


                Assalamu Alaikum
                JazaakAllah
                LOL I like that... but will he? He can be very lighthearted and funny too when things are on the up and up, but when we are in a bad patch Ya Allah I want to go hide you can cut the tension with a knife and he doesn't even have to say a word... He knows that tears me apart more than anything.
                My Ummi-"You can't help who’s feelings get hurt by the TRUTH"
                ME @ 5 yrs old-Yeah, But You can sure try to put it in a way that will not make it hurt so bad...Right Nana? "
                My Ummi- Right Baby :inlove:.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: When does compromise become compromising .

                  Originally posted by abood View Post

                  may ALLAH help u and ur husband to got over it......and give u both happiness,
                  ameen.
                  WASSLAM.
                  Amin Ameen Amin.
                  My Ummi-"You can't help who’s feelings get hurt by the TRUTH"
                  ME @ 5 yrs old-Yeah, But You can sure try to put it in a way that will not make it hurt so bad...Right Nana? "
                  My Ummi- Right Baby :inlove:.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: When does compromise become compromising .

                    Originally posted by Zaina in Jena View Post
                    JazaakAllah
                    LOL I like that... but will he? He can be very lighthearted and funny too when things are on the up and up, but when we are in a bad patch Ya Allah I want to go hide you can cut the tension with a knife and he doesn't even have to say a word... He knows that tears me apart more than anything.
                    to be honest my mum lived with a husband exactly like that all ehr life, and she was pretty happy.

                    its up to you, if you want to have sabr through it then All the best inshaAllah

                    assalamu alaikum
                    You hope for salvation and you have not trodden its paths,
                    But the ship does not progress on dry land.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: When does compromise become compromising .

                      Originally posted by IbnAbdulHakim View Post
                      to be honest my mum lived with a husband exactly like that all ehr life, and she was pretty happy.

                      its up to you, if you want to have sabr through it then All the best inshaAllah

                      assalamu alaikum
                      Thank you Brother
                      I think your mother is a special woman, because it can be a pretty big pill to swallow. Insha Allah I am going to take a lot of the things/suggestions as they come into consideration, pray on it and then act accordingly and Allah knows best.
                      My Ummi-"You can't help who’s feelings get hurt by the TRUTH"
                      ME @ 5 yrs old-Yeah, But You can sure try to put it in a way that will not make it hurt so bad...Right Nana? "
                      My Ummi- Right Baby :inlove:.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: When does compromise become compromising .

                        i remind you of istikhaara inshAllah

                        assalamu alaikum
                        You hope for salvation and you have not trodden its paths,
                        But the ship does not progress on dry land.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: When does compromise become compromising .

                          Originally posted by Kal-El View Post
                          No relationship is perfect. People often judge marriages on how well the two get on, yet ignore the more important aspect being how well they make up after an argument. So if you're always the one to compromise then it's pretty damaging. Confront your husband about this and next time, don't be so compromising. Let him realise there's something different about you.

                          Relationships are two-way things.
                          JazaakAllah You are correct damaging to the core, thank you for you kind words and suggestions.
                          My Ummi-"You can't help who’s feelings get hurt by the TRUTH"
                          ME @ 5 yrs old-Yeah, But You can sure try to put it in a way that will not make it hurt so bad...Right Nana? "
                          My Ummi- Right Baby :inlove:.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: When does compromise become compromising .

                            Read "Relationship rescue" by Dr Phil McGraw, I think a lot of his advice is interesting and very unconventional. He says that most counsellors and shrinks spend hours with couples discussing conflict resolution, when in fact the majority of happy couples also have conflicts and disagreements which NEVER get resolved (I know, that line surprised me too) So why are such couples still content with each other? It's due to what he calls "the spirit of acceptance" which is the ability to accept both the bad and the good aspects of each other.

                            He also says that in the way you behave, you teach people about how they should treat you. This means that if you're always compromising and never standing up for yourself, then your spouse wont ever get a reason to even think to swallow his pride and compromise with you himself. If you feel that the "payoff"/reward of the compromise (ie keeping the peace and for a while having a calmer home atmosphere) is worthwhile and working for both of you, then that's fine and there's nothing wrong with living like that if that's what you're both okay with. If it's not worthwhile then something will have to change- starting with you and the way you behave towards him. I'm not suggesting that you become confrontational or look for an argument, rather I'm suggesting that you one day handle a disagreement differently from the way you normally do cos' it sounds like what you normally do isn't working for you (but don't let the tension of the disagreement provoke a row or outburst which you both might later regret). Hope that makes sense.
                            The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: When does compromise become compromising .

                              i learn something the other day... if 2 persons share exactly the same for everything like thoughts and behaviours... then one of them must be redundant.:)
                              "There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path." - Morpheus, The Matrix. :hidban:

                              "It would not be reasonable in me if I did not serve Him Who created me, and to Whom ye shall (all) be brought back." Surah 36:22. Ya Sin (Yusuf Ali Translation)

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X