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  • I'm no longer 'engaged'

    Salam,

    I know for several months I've mentioned on occassion in other threads that I was engaged but just thought I'd let you know fyi I'm not anymore. The brother concerned said he was still interested in me but after we first met in September 2006, he made no effort to meet me or my family for a whole year and I've finally run out of patience. Six months ago I told him that we're still in this 'limbo' situation whereby I'm neither free and single to find another rishta nor am I any closer to getting married to him because he keeps coming up with delays and excuses to avoid seeing me (but at the same time maintaining that he's still interested in me) and I don't want to find that in another six months I'm still in the same position- but that's exactly what happened. I phoned him a few weeks ago saying now a year has passed so tell me once and for all when I'd next see him; would it be within 6 months? or another year? He said he didn't know and I've reached a point now where I can't take any more of this from him so I've told him I'm moving on and no longer want any contact from him. I was very surprised to come across this sort of conduct from a practising convert Muslim who knows that Islam does not condone long engagements.

    Everyone's telling me now he wasn't worth it and I can do way better than that, but where the hell is 'better' and why wont anyone introduce me to him?
    The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

  • #2
    Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

    Marriages should not be delayed once agreed and the silence maybe was a blessing for you because had you married him and things went worse etc.. your in a safer position now

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    • #3
      Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

      Originally posted by neelu View Post
      Salam,


      Everyone's telling me now he wasn't worth it and I can do way better than that, but where the hell is 'better' and why wont anyone introduce me to him?
      Im sorry to hear this happened to you sis. Try to have patience, it will happen, inshallah.

      May Allah make it easy for you. Ameen.
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      • #4
        Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

        neelu: I reckon your prospective partner was just stringing you along and probably had someone else in limbo too. Sounds as though you are better off without him and can now meet someone else.
        "Lord I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed".

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        • #5
          Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

          Wohoooo
          "If you speak, then consider your words, articulate your speech and make clear what you intend; do not allow them to carry a number of meanings, and do not use words that may be misunderstood, or words that are ambiguous and will need further explanations and clarifications, for your opponent will not remember your explanation, and if his heart is diseased he will release your words and direct them where he pleases."

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          • #6
            Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

            Originally posted by dunya_or_akhira View Post
            Marriages should not be delayed once agreed and the silence maybe was a blessing for you because had you married him and things went worse etc.. your in a safer position now
            Yeah... it's too bad for him, Sis. MashaAllah you seem to have a lot of patience... inshaAllah someone better will come along. It's a tough wait, I know... but inshaAllah it will be worth it!

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            • #7
              Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

              Originally posted by Abandoned-Mind View Post
              Wohoooo
              :asta: :(

              May Allah give you patience sister. Ameen x 100000000000000000000000

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

                Originally posted by neelu View Post
                Salam,

                I know for several months I've mentioned on occassion in other threads that I was engaged but just thought I'd let you know fyi I'm not anymore. The brother concerned said he was still interested in me but after we first met in September 2006, he made no effort to meet me or my family for a whole year and I've finally run out of patience. Six months ago I told him that we're still in this 'limbo' situation whereby I'm neither free and single to find another rishta nor am I any closer to getting married to him because he keeps coming up with delays and excuses to avoid seeing me (but at the same time maintaining that he's still interested in me) and I don't want to find that in another six months I'm still in the same position- but that's exactly what happened. I phoned him a few weeks ago saying now a year has passed so tell me once and for all when I'd next see him; would it be within 6 months? or another year? He said he didn't know and I've reached a point now where I can't take any more of this from him so I've told him I'm moving on and no longer want any contact from him. I was very surprised to come across this sort of conduct from a practising convert Muslim who knows that Islam does not condone long engagements.

                Everyone's telling me now he wasn't worth it and I can do way better than that, but where the hell is 'better' and why wont anyone introduce me to him?
                Sis its already written who will be ur husband so wen the time is right Allah will bring him forward for u, so try not to worry like why is noone introducing to him, because Allah has got it under control

                As for that guy, it is pretty frustrating i could imagine but try to make excuses for him insha allah as to why he has done that.
                .: Rufaida :.
                .:Fa Firroo Ila-llaah:.
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                “People praise you for what they suppose is in you,
                but you must blame your soul for what you know is in you.”
                ~ Ibn Atallah

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                • #9
                  Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

                  Alhamdulillah you're out of that situation. It's not any fun being stuck in the middle where you're not exactly with someone but you can't move on either.

                  Insha'Allah you'll find that brother who is perfect for you.
                  May we reach daruSalaam by His, and only His Decree
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                  • #10
                    Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

                    Originally posted by neelu View Post
                    Salam,

                    I know for several months I've mentioned on occassion in other threads that I was engaged but just thought I'd let you know fyi I'm not anymore. The brother concerned said he was still interested in me but after we first met in September 2006, he made no effort to meet me or my family for a whole year and I've finally run out of patience. Six months ago I told him that we're still in this 'limbo' situation whereby I'm neither free and single to find another rishta nor am I any closer to getting married to him because he keeps coming up with delays and excuses to avoid seeing me (but at the same time maintaining that he's still interested in me) and I don't want to find that in another six months I'm still in the same position- but that's exactly what happened. I phoned him a few weeks ago saying now a year has passed so tell me once and for all when I'd next see him; would it be within 6 months? or another year? He said he didn't know and I've reached a point now where I can't take any more of this from him so I've told him I'm moving on and no longer want any contact from him. I was very surprised to come across this sort of conduct from a practising convert Muslim who knows that Islam does not condone long engagements.

                    Everyone's telling me now he wasn't worth it and I can do way better than that, but where the hell is 'better' and why wont anyone introduce me to him?
                    :wswrwb:

                    ukhti i think u did the right thing, if a man asks u in marriage then he should be prepared to marry there and then, or let u go, otherwise why bother asking in the first place if hes not sure about getting married that is just playing with your mind and emotions.

                    as u said we dont have long engagments in Islam. I wouldnt accept such a man after all what exactly is he waiting for death to over take him ? amazes me how muslims think they have years to burn before they marry. sahabba didnt mess around. if i got a proposal from a good brother, and i accepted i would expect after my walli had given him the ok and cheked him out to be married within a couple of months absolute maximum. alhamdulillah Allah will replace it with something better insha Allah for u sister, alhamdulillah now u are free to ask your walli to find u another suitable brother insha Allah
                    "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

                    The Prophet :saw: said:

                    "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

                    muslim

                    Narrated 'Abdullah:

                    The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


                    "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

                    By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

                    [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

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                    • #11
                      Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

                      relax its Ramadan we are approaching the last ten majestic nights...the angels will descend..including Gibrael (as) as commanded by Allah swt...

                      i used to get worried about who i will marry but now i do not care because its in the hands of Allah swt and my sights are not set on marriage, they are set on pleasing Allah swt and through achieving that if a wife comes then let her come or else i will keep doing what i have set out to do insha Allah
                      Last edited by dunya_or_akhira; 29-09-07, 02:42 AM.

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                      • #12
                        Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

                        Originally posted by dunya_or_akhira View Post
                        relax its Ramadan we are approaching the last ten majestic nights...the angels will descend..including Gibrael (as) as commanded by Allah swt...

                        i used to get worried about who i will marry but now i do care because its in the hands of Allah swt and my sights are not set on marriage, they are set on pleasing Allah swt and through achieving that if a wife comes then let her come or else i will keep doing what i have set out to do insha Allah
                        thats true but at the same time we have to tie our camel and then trust in Allah as the hadith states, we cant just sit there and wait for a husband/wife to fall out of the sky we have to take steps to seek them out too, like we know Allah ta ala provides us with our share of food etc. but we dont sit waiting for the food to jump up and enter our mouths so we can eat from it, we take the steps too insha Allah.
                        "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

                        The Prophet :saw: said:

                        "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

                        muslim

                        Narrated 'Abdullah:

                        The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


                        "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

                        By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

                        [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

                          i always tie the camel then i pray to Allah swt... and how the bird leaves its nest early morning and returns at sunset in search of food....

                          my camel is tied....i have been leaving home very early lately

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                          • #14
                            Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

                            Originally posted by Abandoned-Mind View Post
                            Wohoooo
                            Lol, jazakallah khayr that was the last thing i expected- you cracked me up:D

                            Originally posted by .: Anna :. View Post
                            so try not to worry like why is noone introducing to him, because Allah has got it under control
                            That's true, I'm sure I already knew this stuff before but it's easy to lose perspective at times like this and I think I needed the reminder.

                            Originally posted by .: Anna :. View Post
                            As for that guy, it is pretty frustrating i could imagine but try to make excuses for him insha allah as to why he has done that.
                            He can make excuses for himself- that's all he ever did anyway so I can't be bothered to assist him on that front.
                            The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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                            • #15
                              Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

                              Originally posted by dunya_or_akhira View Post
                              i always tie the camel then i pray to Allah swt... and how the bird leaves its nest early morning and returns at sunset in search of food....

                              my camel is tied....i have been leaving home very early lately
                              masha Allah its all good then alhamdulilah :up:
                              "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

                              The Prophet :saw: said:

                              "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

                              muslim

                              Narrated 'Abdullah:

                              The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


                              "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

                              By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

                              [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

                              Comment

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